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black cow press

black cow press
Voted "Best agricultural and political coverage in North America 2013" ~by the editor of B.C.P.


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THE ARCHIVES:


Volume 12:
"Everything Is Going To Be O.K."



Volume 11:
"TRAGEDY!"



Volume 10:
"MORE ON W."



Volume 9:
"WORM WARS!"



Volume 8:
"PIGCORN"



Volume 7:
"The Chicken Tract"


Volume 13 - "PROPHETS"


Americans outraged over soaring cost of prostitutes
Economists and politicians are growing concerned that hookers are being priced out of reach for most elected officials and working Americans...


Black Cow Press to remove caricatures of Prophet
The prestigious bimonthly journal Black Cow Press offered a heartfelt apology today for its publishing of caricatures of the Prophet Mohammed...


Alan Greenspan: The Infancy Gospel
As part of our year-long "Remembering Al" series, we are pleased to bring you the following account of Alan Greenspan's childhood teachings and economic miracles...


Extraordinary Rendition: A Chilling Effect on Journalism
Stymied in its attempts to interrogate suspects the good, old-fashioned way, the CIA may have turned to unusual methods for obtaining information from high-value detainees. After almost a year of silence, our esteemed Editor, Norm D. Plume resurfaces in Albania with a shocking tale of abduction and torture...


Xtreme Engineering with Butch Halvorsen: Build your own NUCLEAR REACTOR
Hey Kids. Got Fission? Butch here to tell you a little about nuclear energy and show you how easy it is to build a home reactor...


Bush White House Approved Domestic Spying Operation
As this issue goes to print, Black Cow Press is still attempting to unearth some of the details around the surveillance program allegedly authorized by President Bush...


Volume 12 - "EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE O.K."


Details Of Cheney's Secret Energy Task Force Revealed
Once again, an FOIA request filed by Black Cow Press has yielded delicious insights into what all's going on behind the scenes in D.C. This month we feature a segment from previously unpublished minutes of a 2001 closed door meeting of Vice President Dick Cheney's secretive Energy Task Force...


Ask Ashcroft... Again
Black Cow Press is proud to welcome back Mr. Ashcroft, Attorney General of these United States. John's a semi-regular columnist who's not afraid to take on the tough questions about sexuality and intimacy in the troubled post-9/11 world...


Election Briefs: Zombies and the Gay Vote
President Bush and Democratic challenger Senator John Kerry were caught off balance on Tuesday during a town hall style debate in Baton Rouge...


Climatologists Implore Americans To Vote For Bush
Researchers with the National Climatic Data Center (NCDC) are warning citizens to exercise caution and restraint during this year's elections...


Dr. Dewey: "How Healthy Is Your Democracy?"
Today we're going to teach readers how to perform a simple Routine Democratic Self-Exam. Relax. It won't hurt a bit...


Revised Corporate Art Policy At Cubecom


Volume 11 - "TRAGEDY!"


End Of The Line For Mr. Moo Doo
MONTREAL - Moo Doo, Louisiana's folksy third party candidate, has pulled out of the race for President. Dogged by scandal since he announced his bid for the White House just two months ago, the precocious bag of composted cow manure told supporters on Thursday he would keep his options open for 2008, but was no longer in the running for this November's prize...


Yokens To Close. A Nation Mourns
On New Hampshire's narrow stretch of seacoast, the sun is setting on more than a half century of home cookin'. Owners of Yoken's Restaurant and Gift Shop, a Portsmouth landmark for decades, have announced plans to close the historic eatery on September 26th...


BCP Editor Resigns. Feud Erupts Between Rival Successors.
When $6,000 worth of White Out correction fluid went missing from Black Cow Press, it wasn't long before suspicion came to rest on managing editor and former mayor of North Las Vegas, Norman Plume...


Black Cow Verse: "The Tragedie of Lepropais"
This verse fragment from the epic Melatauros Cycle, was discovered in Delphi in 1255, and has since been dated to the late 3rd century BC. It follows the episodic adventures of a Greek prince journeying from Sparta to Byzantium. This section of parchment contains the oldest extant reference to goat song or "tragoidia," the origin of our English "tragedy."


Xtreme Engineering with Butch Halvorsen, and special guest, Bob Le Builder
"Remember Bob? He helped us out with those missile defense systems last year. The guy's clever as hell, and just so no one accuses ol' Butch of being a unilateralist, we've decided to bring him back for this one...


Extra: Sidney's Little Art Page


Volume 10 - "MORE ON W."


3rd Party Candidate Announces Late Bid for '04. GOP in Tizzy
BATON ROUGE - The presidential race took a sharp turn yesterday when a virtual unknown from Louisiana made clear his desire to be this nation's next leader...


GOD may have lied about weapons programs in IRAQ
As soon as it was learned that the president of the United States gets policy advice from none other than the Big Guy himself, (see "Plan of Attack" by Bob Woodward) Black Cow Press filed a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request to obtain copies of the corresponding Oval Office recordings. The White House has since produced audio transcripts covering more than 100 hours of high-level intelligence briefings between George Bush and God...


Unemployed, Uninsured Man To Organize GOP Fund-raiser
PHOENIX, AZ - Roger Freeman sits on an upholstered stool at the counter of the Rimrock Diner and pokes at a loose molar in his mouth. He wiggles it and frowns...


Conspiracy Theorists (Vol. X) The Secret Code of Skull & Bones
It starts out simple enough. Bush and Kerry attend Yale where they join an elite secret society known as Skull and Bones...


Readers' Poll: "Wassup wit' Dubs?"
Crazy? Stupit? Nasty?


Cutting Edge Fashion: More Injuries at BCP
LAS VEGAS - A summer intern at Black Cow Press was injured Friday when the tails of his Armani tuxedo (de rigueur at the company's corporate headquarters in North Las Vegas, Nevada) became entangled in machinery used for printing...


Xtreme Engineering, with Butch Halvorsen
Hi Kids. Let's get right to it. You'll see in a second why there's no time to delay starting on this project...


Volume 9 - "WORM WARS!"


Breaking News: VERMONT WON'T ACCOUNT FOR NUKES.
D.C. PREPARES FOR INVASION

The standoff continues over Vermont's attempts to conceal its nuclear weapons program from the White House and the world...


Worm Wrestling
Headlights from the circle of parked cars cast long shadows of two strangely clad figures grappling on the cold pavement amid a knot of spectators...


Monsanto Sues BCP ...Just To Be On The Safe Side
Monsanto Company named Black Cow Press and its publisher, Fin De Si�cle Publications, as defendants this week in a pre-defamation lawsuit that may end up setting legal precedent...


Ask Ashcroft
Black Cow Press is happy to announce that John Ashcroft, attorney general of these United States, will be writing a semi-regular column answering our readers' questions about sexuality and intimacy in the troubled post-9/11 world...


Our "Embed" Returns
Debriefing "Veteran" Music Journalist Martin Miller


Volume 8 - "PIGCORN!"


Breaking News: HOT FOR TEACHER!
Within just days of Education Secretary, Rod Paige's announcement that the National Education Association, America's largest teacher's union, was a terrorist organization, eyewitnesses around the country have begun reporting explosions as unmanned Predator drones target school teachers with Hellfire missiles...


The Man Who'll Find The White House Leak
Dewey Morrison, latest in a string of special prosecutors charged with finding the source of the white house leak, appears to be making good progress in Washington...


Homeland Security and Jiffy Pop
It's only recently come to light that the US government intends to purchase unprecedented quantities of popping corn for survival kits. Once again, Black Cow Press brings you the story first...


Xtreme Engineering: "Bascule Bridge"
Children get into trouble because they got too much time just sittin' around. Idle hands, devil's playground, you know...


Lewis Green on Corn, Farming and the Iowa Caucus
This interview took place Thursday, January 16, 2004. I met Lewis through a guy I know here in Iowa City, name of Billy Fish. I don't dislike Billy, but it is worth noting that he is arrogant and untalented...


Black Cow's Interview With the ROLLING STONES
On the 40th anniversary of the release of their first album, Black Cow gets up close and personal with Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Ronnie Wood, and the scary drummer guy...


Black Cow Verse: Food Service Industry Poetry Slam
The Slam has always held a special place in our hearts here at BCP. The event is the perfect antidote for this precious fluff passing for poetry nowadays. This year we decided to saddle up the black cow tour bus and head out to Ames, Iowa to bring you the highlights from what is rapidly becoming the showcase for the angry new voice in American poetry...


Volume 7 - "THE CHICKEN TRACT"


The Black Cow Personals
HOT REDHEAD CHICK: Attractive Rhode Island Red seeking fun, outgoing rooster. I like movies, the ocean, dancing like my head's cut off. #5628...


Ashcroft Releases Streamlined Bill of Rights
U.S. Attorney General, John Ashcroft announced ground-breaking improvements to the U.S. Bill of Rights at a small ceremony held this morning at an undisclosed location...


Whistleblower Shines Light on GMO at Cadbury
This week in Bournville, England, a long time employee of Cadbury blew the whistle on decades of genetic modification at Britain�s largest confectioner. B.C.P. was there with an animal translator to get his side of it. Our interview follows...


Black Cow Verse: "The Death of Liberace"
Still stunned almost two years after the tragic murder of central Vermont's prize leghorn, Liberace, men and women from around the world pay tribute to the rooster loved by many, understood by so few. In this issue, Black Cow asks five poets to look beyond their grief and answer the question: "What did the rooster mean to you?"...


Air Force Lands NEA Grant
The United States Air Force has received a generous grant from the National Endowment For the Arts (NEA) to commission new artwork on many of its fighter aircraft and heavy bombers...


Editorial Page: "Chickens ...Are We Truly Safe?"
In this, our seventh issue, Black Cow Press takes a hard look at these birds that have infiltrated our society at every level...


CURSES! Naomi Bleys Interviews Curse Of The Birthmark
If you've seen Curse of the Birthmark, you'll understand why I was thrilled and a bit nerve-racked at the opportunity to interview the trio after what was to be their last show with keyboardist Eric Hunt at the Bottom of the Hill...


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