WASHINGTON D.C.- (from wire reports) Within just days of Education Secretary, Rod Paige's announcement that the National Education Association, America's largest teacher's union, was a terrorist organization, eyewitnesses around the country have begun reporting explosions as unmanned Predator drones target school teachers with Hellfire missiles.

"We believe educators that teach, you know, S-E-X Education are directing the day to day operations of the cells -- or public schools -- and need to be neutralized. In many cases, though, History and English teachers will also be treated as enemy combatants," explained Paige, responding to criticism of the extrajudicial killings.

In Detroit, students at Amos Pickering Middle School witnessed the arrest of 63 year-old Sylvia Reinhardt, Michigan's Teacher Of The Year, by a specially-trained CIA counter-terrorism group. The local Superintendent of Schools was informed she would be detained at Guantanamo Bay Naval Base for interrogation.

With the NEA positioned firmly on the list of terrorist organizations, the Bush administration will now move to freeze assets of the group. This will necessitate the elimination of all education spending, effective immediately. Substantial tax cuts have been forecast.

From Juneau to Hilo, school will probably be closed tomorrow. Officials are advising students to go somewhere else or something. -bcp