Cutting-Edge Fashion: More Injuries at BCP

LAS VEGAS - A summer intern at Black Cow Press was injured Friday when the tails of his Armani tuxedo (de rigueur at the company's corporate headquarters in North Las Vegas, Nevada) became entangled in machinery used for printing. The victim had apparently worked a double without breaks when the tux snagged around the drum of a high-speed printing press during production.

"I got a horse bite the size of a Frisbee from that thing. It was humiliating!" Explained an emotional Jerome Rodriguez, who stood surrounded by family and friends at the Desert Palms Medical Center. "It all happened so fast."

While Rodriguez is expected to make a full recovery, this is not the first incident in which an employee of the paper has been hurt on the job. In addition to the usual assortment of paper cuts and stapler misfires, Senior Music Editor, Naomi Bleys was injured in April of this year when her calf skin leather scarf by Prada was pulled into the business end of an industrial paper shredder. Though Bleys suffered only minor injuries, the scarf, a $7,000 affair encrusted with precious stones, was a total loss. The shredder still works, but not nearly as good as it used to.

In addition to an extremely thorough -- some would say, obsessive -- inspection by OSHA, a Crime Scene Investigation unit was dispatched to the Black Cow Press compound on both occasions. Speculation was put to rest when that team concluded the incidents were not suspicious. No charges have been filed.

While unwilling to give their names for fear of reprisals, employees at the paper described a nightmarish combination of impossible deadlines, an unbearable dress code, veterinary-grade coffee, and a sadistic editor, all contributing to a "culture of sleaziness" where accidents were inevitable.

It is rumored that one of the three major networks has begun casting for a two-part mini series, "television event," based on the incident. -bcp