JAGGER: "I first heard about your paper on the BBC. It's been slow to catch on in the states, though. Why do you think that is?"

BCP: I guess it's similar to the way Hendrix had to get started in England. Sometimes the US is slow to warm to something so amazing, so ahead of its time."

JAGGER: "How's the paper doing... financially?"

BCP: "Oh my god, don't ask. Hemorrhaging. We're hemorrhaging money. I remember going to the Boston Museum of Science as a kid and seeing this digital display which showed the current budget deficit, or global population, or something. It was increasing so rapidly the numbers were a blur. That's how things are here with the black cow. It's a bonfire of money."

JAGGER: "What about bringing in someone with a background in economics, or at the least someone with business experience? I studied business."

BCP: "Yeah, I suppose we will have to at some point. Sales are tough. Last week I was completely skunked in the greater Akron, Ohio area, couldn't even give the thing away. I was in such a twist that I ended up buying the new Janes Addiction album and getting in the truck with that boomed way up. I screamed and growled like an animal all the way to Cleveland, firing off my 357.- Blew a speaker."

WOOD: "How do you finance the paper?"

BCP: "Well, at my house, we skipped the kids' Christmas this year. Naomi gives blood twice a week, for, I think, 35 bucks a pop. And Jebediah does all kinds of horrible things -- truly unspeakable, degrading things -- to subsidize his share of this fiasco. The only way I can justify it at all is to think how much it would cost me if I was a smoker. How much does a pack cost these days? Four bucks? Five? And so that would be like forty bucks a day, and there's over 300 grand a year right there. So I'm not smoking, and I have that extra half a million dollars I can use to pay for some other bad habit."

RICHARDS: (nods vigorously in agreement)

JAGGER: "You think of the paper as a bad habit?"

BCP: "Absolutely."

WATTS: "Did you really scream all the way to Cleveland?"

BCP: "..."

WATTS: "I'm sorry. Did you hear the last question?"

BCP: "..."

JAGGER: "Is that a sensitive area for..."

BCP: "Look, I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable talking with Charlie. I can't bear to even look him in the eye."

JAGGER: "What? Why on earth?"

BCP: He frightens me terribly. He's always really upset me. I'm shaking right now. Aren't I shaking? This isn't made-up shaking."

WOOD: "Why does he scare you?"

BCP: "It's his, I don't know, the way he looks. I've had a deep-seated fear of him since I saw the album cover for December's Children, so it's not just the way he looks now that he's old, it's his eyes or something, and the way he turns his head to the side when he's drumming. It's...it's just really unnerving."

WOOD: "Demonic."

JAGGER: "Keith's scary lookin'."

BCP: "But Keith's looks can be explained through diet and lifestyle. There's a scientific basis for the way he looks."

RICHARDS: "tshanggkyew."

BCP: "I mean, if Keith did half of what they say he did, then I for one think he looks surprisingly fresh."

JAGGER: "Is there anything you wanted to ask us? You know, about the new album, the tour, the way we wrote a certain song, the rumor about myself and Mr. Bowie?"

BCP: "Not really. I mean I think you guys are great, but I'm not obsessed with the trivial stuff. You're solid songwriters. You should be proud of yourselves."

STONES (In Unison): "Thank you."

BCP: "Can you please tell Charlie to stop talking to me, or looking at me?"

WATTS: "Sorry"

BCP: "See!?"

JAGGER: "Charlie, can you check on that coffee?"

BCP: "Thank you...You asked earlier if I had any questions for the band, and I just though of one: What the heck went down between you guys and Bill Wyman?"

JAGGER: "Who?

BCP: "Oh, that's cold."

WOOD: "Bill was...ahem...gathering moss."

BCP: "Is that to say he wasn't rolling any..."

JAGGER: "Let's not talk about such things."

BCP: "Excuse me. You just interrupted me."

JAGGER: "I ... I did, didn't I?"

BCP: "Yes, and it's very rude. I'd assumed you would all be far better mannered. I dare say, for a knight, you're a bit cheeky and uncouth."

RICHARDS: "Ahhemmagonnawattaseeee."

BCP: "That doesn't matter now, I'm insulted. (pouts)

JAGGER: "I'm sorry."

BCP: "You're sorry for what?"

JAGGER: "I'm sorry...I'm sorry I interrupted you."

BCP: "Well I'm sorry, too. Because this interview is over. And it's not how I would have wanted to leave things."