Tony was screaming for me to wake up, the big guy was actually crying. I wish the guys were here to witness this. I'm gonna be on his case 24/7 once I get out of this mess! I can't wait. I think there's something about the weather...I mean, Justin and Tony crying on the same day and Nick Carter witnessing it? That's just wonderful! I already have evil plans stored in my brain. I could even use it like a blackmail ya know? Tony will never say 'No' to me again. I can actually go anywhere I want and not have someone says 'You have rehearsals tomorrow, you can't go clubbing tonight' and bla...bla...bla...
But knowing Tony, I have a feeling my plan might just not work.
Johnny was still trying to stop the bleeding but from the way I look at it, there's no way he could achieve that. I have a puddle of blood staining the concrete floor and my jeans and shirt were soaked in it. It had only been a single stab to the abdomen but that was all that it took to drain my body off my own blood. The doctors are gonna have one hell of a time trying to patch me up again. That spot had been invaded twice and I guess three times is not so a lucky charm. If I were in England right now, they would have said I've scored a hat-trick. (England people might find me funny right now) I don't think Johnny had any idea what he's supposed to do, in my opinion (or what was left of it) he's just making it worst. But who am I to argue right? I can't even open my mouth to utter a simple 'Ow'. Which if I could, I have said repeatedly for millions of time cause that's just how painful the situation is right now. It's 'ow' all over.
Justin...well, what can I say about him? Freaked out isn't even the word anymore. He was pacing up and down, refusing to acknowledge my sprawled body. Damn, he even barfed next to a car at the sight of my blood. That's quite understandable considering the guy fainted when he saw them cut him open. I think he's scared about himself. I mean, whoever it was who did this to me is sure a strong link to 'our' case, and if I was attacked, he might be too. I'm just sorry for the owner of that car. I hope he/she is a fan, cause then, even his barf would have smelt like one hell of an expensive perfume...er, cologne.
I'm still wondering why the asshole wanna hurt me. I mean, they already got my kidney and the man I identify don't even know shit about the whole set up. I am as clueless as every other victims before me. I have nothing to offer. Why can't they just leave me alone? Why can't they leave me to build up what is left of my perfect life before all these and move on? He had ruined what seemed like a perfect day for me today.
A small crowd had started to gather. I saw Jack and David amongst them. The lady who had the abusive husband had went up to Justin and was calming him down. I heard voices saying 'That's Nick Carter!', 'That's the Backstreet Guy Dude' , 'He was in our group today' and 'He doesn't look like he's gonna live.' I opted to ignore that last comment.
And then, after what seemed like forever, I heard the siren slowly closing in. Like a beautiful song, lingering in the air, whispering new rays of hope. And yet, at the same time, demanding everyone to shut up and pay attention. I decided that Kevin is like a siren. Heh.
The blinking of red and white flashes gave different shades of color to my otherwise pale face. This is getting to look like a scene from Third Watch. I dig that show man. Always wondered how it would feel like to be a paramedic. Stethoscope hung across my shoulder blades, wearing that blue uniform, always on the go, driving that red and white truck...I bet I look good. Paramedics department are gonna have more ladies then. Maybe I should suggest to the guys to have some sort of 'role playing' for our next concert. Wait...that doesn't sound right...let's not go there for now.
Not long after, another set of sirens rung through the still air. I recognized it as the cops. Two cars actually. Suddenly, four uniformed officers were busy pushing the crowd away from where I was. Two paramedics hopped out of the vehicle carrying a bag which I assumed contained medical supplies. One of them cut my shirt open (I loved that shirt!) and placed thick cotton like material (how should I know what they are?) on the wound and wrap it up with gauze to stop the bleeding. The other guy was checking my pulse.
Seconds later, I saw another car pulled up. It wasn't a police car so I don't know what it's doing here. Then out came Jesse and James, you know them better as Marlon and Cameron though.
The paramedic had told Tony and Johnny that they would take it from here. So Johnny and Tony got up and left me. I wish they hadn't but I know they have to. Johnny was told to clean his hands and within seconds, they, along with Justin, were talking to Marlon and Cameron.
"There's pulse but he's not breathing!" Say what?
I saw this paramedic guy place something over my mouth, something like the oxygen mask but this one had something like a pump attached to it. He squeezed the pump a little and then released it and then repeat his action over and over again. I think that thing help to get air into my lungs again. I don't really know.
"Okay, he's breathing but critical, get him out of here now!" They put me on a stretcher and wheeled me into the van. Tony followed and they led him into the van with the guy who helped to 'revive' me while the other one slammed the door shut and proceeded to the driver's seat and drove away. The sound of the siren now urgent and fierce.
Johnny and Justin were driven in the detective's car. I think they're heading to the headquarters for more interrogations. Too bad, they can't really help. No one really saw the bastard. He was a wearing a damn mask, even I can't identify him in a line up. The remaining police officers studied the area and scanned the whole carpark but they couldn't find the culprit. (Like duh?) They too began to leave the crime scene and as darkness started to loom from above, rain began to pour, crying from the gates of heaven, washing away my blood, trailing them to the little drain and gone for good, leaving no mark of what had happened earlier. Lives move on, I was just another unfortunate victim to a hideous crime.
The crowd started to disperse in all directions, seeking refuge from the sudden bombardment of bullets of rain. But I stay put in the carpark, watching it all happen, wondering where I should go from here.
******
Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake
And everybody's empty and everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you I cannot live at all
my whole world surround you I stumble and I crawl
Drenched and cold, I let my feet take me wherever it felt like going. Subconsciously, it took me through hidden corners of streets and buildings I don't even know exist. Passersby walked past and none took notice of the boy who was soaked in rain and blood. None offered their assistance or a shelter. I'm still surprised by the fact that I can walk this far. Teenage girls who would normally jumped on me at the first given opportunity now scrambled by as if I don't exist anymore.
I wonder if I'm going in the right direction in the first place. In my mind, I want to make it home and see the familiar faces of my brothers but I can't remember where home is. Everything seemed to change and everywhere I turned, it felt unreal. I give up.
"What's wrong Nicky?"
Howie?
I looked up. Howie was sitting next to me, trying to calm me down.
"It's unfair D, what they did." I cried. I looked so lost.
"You wanna get back at them, don't you?" Howie smiled knowingly.
"What's the point? It's them against me. I can never get back at them!"
"I'm not Frick but I can be Sweet D, we'll think of something."
"You mean that D?"
"Yes."
"We could be SweetChaos!" I cried.
"That sounds like trouble to me. So, what should we do to AJ and Brian?"
I saw the evil smirked appeared on my young face. Oh man, I know that look. Sweet revenge written all over it.
"How about calling the help of fake snakes and spiders?" I suggested. Howie grinned, he liked the idea.
"We'll go shopping right away!"
I looked on as Howie led me to the front door of our house and sped away in our van. I remembered this one. I was only fourteen at that time. This is the house we lived in together before all that fame and fortune came strolling in. How did I get here anyway?
I don't care. I'm home and I really want to see my brothers. I shouted out for Kevin but the house remained silent. I remembered every detail of this house, it was the first home away from home for me. I remembered sharing a room with Brian and we were called the 'Resident Bitches' by AJ cause we make the most noise at night.
I ran up the baby stairs to our room and called out his name.
"Come on Nick, we have to get some sleep." Brian said. Yes, I need sleep. I'm too tired.
"But I'm not sleepy Bri, let's sneak down and play more nintendo!" I protested.
"We will wake the entire neighbourhood Nick. You know we can't restrain ourselves from making noise." Brian argued.
"I can't shut my eyes, it's gonna be painful if I force them." I pouted. Always work.
"Okay, we don't go down and we don't sleep. Just lay in our bed and talk, how's that?" I nodded in agreement.
"Brush you teeth Nicky? I don't want to lie to your mom again when she calls." Brian reminded me.
"Yeah. Take your pills Bri? I don't wanna wake up next to a corpse." Brian laughed and nodded his head.
"Goodnight Frick."
"Night Frack."
I closed the door in front of me. I can't talk to Brian now, he's trying to sleep. Maybe I should go find AJ. Where could he be? Oh yeah! The backyard. I bet on my last dollar he's shooting some balls.
On my way to the backyard, I saw Kevin in the kitchen. Okay, I should stop over and say hi first.
"Morning Nicky."
"Don't call me that."
"Okay, morning Nick, how's that?"
"Great. What's for breakfast?"
"I don't know...let's see what we have in this magic box shall we?" Kevin opened the fridge and shook his head. I know what that means.
"We forgot to top up food again right?" I asked. Kevin's head popped out of the fridge.
"You wanna call for pizza or something?" Kevin asked.
"You guys are feeding me bad food." I joked.
"But you like it." He replied.
"Yes. Pizza will do then."
I left Kevin in the kitchen. I could still hear myself talking on the phone, ordering pizzas of different toppings all with extra cheese. I'm sure the guys will like it.
I could hear the sound of a ball bouncing against the wall even before I saw him. He was playing one-on-one with Brian. He looked almost weird without all those tattoos on his arms. I kinda got used to seeing them after so long.
"Who's winning?" I asked.
"They call me B-Rok for a reason you know." Brian beamed. "And it's not about losing."
"I take it you're leading then." I asked Brian. He nodded.
"He cheated." AJ pouted.
"I did not!" Brian gasped.
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"You two won't even be winning if I play." I said.
"Can you believe this kid?" AJ asked Brian, shaking his head.
"Little Nicky thinks he can win us? How about a game then Kaos?" Brian challenged me.
"Loser gets to do laundry for a week." I said.
"I don't gamble." Brian protested.
"He's just afraid to lose." AJ mocked him.
"I'm not! Okay Nick, loser gets to do the dirty job, I'm on!"
I didn't stop to watch who wins. I already know. For one whole week, I ended up with shrivelled fingers.
You could be my someone
You can be my scene
You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing imagined where you are
There's oceans in between us but that's not very far
I walked out of the backyard and into the kitchen, only that it wasn't our kitchen anymore. It's my kitchen. I am finally home at my beach house! This is the real home. The guys are waiting for me to come back from that Anonymous meeting. They should be here.
I think I have not been observing my house in details. Seemed like right now, the whole place is glowing. The multi-colored painted walls seemed to compliment each other even more now. The yellows reflecting on the greens, the orange like the color of sunset in the evening. From the kitchen, I could see the ocean, the perfect waves of blue adjoining the sunset that is my wall. Everything seems to blend into one. It's funny how small things like this were taken for granted. I yearn the beauty of the world, I find it in all the places I went to on tours, and yet I failed to see the magic of the place I've called home.
"That's it, I'm not playing anymore games with you!"
I crept into the living room and found Maira. She was furious at me over some thing.
"Why not?" I asked.
"You keep on winning. I hate to lose." She whined.
"Spoilsport." I teased her.
"Mean boyfriend."
"I played fair." I defended myself.
"Bully."
"I'm honest." I explained.
"Show off."
"I love you." I said leaning forward.
"I love you more."
I looked on as we kissed. For the first time in my life, I could see myself fallen hard for a girl. I wasn't sure before this. But now, I know I love her. It's written on my face, it's radiating on my body. I watched as she stood up and reached for my hand. I watched as she led us to our bedroom. I watched as we disappeared behind closed door.
Can you take it all away?
Can you take it all away?
Well you shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me
I walked back to the kitchen cause the whistling of the kettle annoyed me. I should have know better than to leave a cooking gas on unattended. I switched the gas off, stealing what little warmth I could get from the steam that escaped from the kettle. I should make myself a cup of coffee, that should warm me up good.
But not before my nightmare haunts me again.
I turned around. I know how the story goes. I should run the other way this time. He won't be able to get me that way. I should run the other way, the other way...
He grabbed me by the waist like he did the first time and I stomped on his feet and ran away. I remembered the yellow wall. I remembered the red that will stain it in matter of seconds. I remembered the searing pain I will be feeling any moment now. I closed my eyes and waited for it to come.
My head connected with the wall, I saw the red stain like a big splotch of stencil artwork, I felt the burn warming, burning my body, I felt myself dropped to the ground, felt him pulled my hair back, heard him whispered those same dirty words in my ears, felt myself fell into the unsettled realm of darkness.
Everyone's changing there's no one left that's real
To make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you I stumble and I crawl
I thought he was going to rape me. I had prepared myself for that when he had pushed me to the bed. I was determined not to feel anything and just concentrate on the burns. I will get through this. What I wasn't prepared was to see three other people in the same room as us. Two men and a woman. They thought I was still asleep but I saw them. She could have been my ideal woman. Brunette, green eyes. Always turns me on. She has this gentle way of speaking that somehow managed to soothe my nerves even though I know that she could very well be the enemy.
They started wearing the doctor's mask and cap, complete with gloves. She turned towards my direction and I closed my eyes. I felt being lifted and placed on a metal table of some sort cause the cold metal was like a burning reaction to my scalded skin. I gasped at the sudden rush of pain and met eye to eye with a pair of beautiful greens. This is what Justin saw too. Are they gonna cut me open when I'm still awake? I don't remember this part.
"Stay still Nickolas, this won't hurt at all." She whispered in my ears. I felt a sharp pain on my left arm and saw someone poking a needle inside me.
"What are you doing?" I asked them. This is not raping. I know how that one goes about.
I felt dizzy almost instantly. I saw one of the men passing one of those surgery knife to her and she purposely held it to my face, let me see the glint of the shiny blade. She brought it down ever so slowly, I felt myself squirming, struggling to free myself. I felt the knife cutting into me. Not deep but enough to let me in on the pain. In my disorientated mind, I found something out. Realization hit me home fast and furious. I know something. Justin tried to remember it too but he forgot. But I know it. I know everything. I felt my body giving in to the drug. I am slipping away and I would be at the mercy of these cold blooded murderers.
I am slipping away, I could feel it. I hope my memory won't fail on me. I have something huge to tell.
*lyrics by: Puddle of Mud-blurry