I had the nightmare again and it's got something to do with this hospital and the surgical department. I think I heard a voice said it. I'm not really sure. Besides, it's not the main thing I'm worried about. The first thing that came to mind when I woke up was Brian. I know he's in trouble but what it was, I don't know.
I was alone in the room and that got me puzzled. I thought I heard them said something about tightening up security. I decided that I should pay Howie and AJ a visit. I don't want to be alone right now.
Whatever that the doctor had given me was making me feel disorientated but having the IV pole as a support was enough to get me started towards the door. Maybe if Tony see me up and walking, he might get off my case a little bit. I hate it when they look at me as if I could just drop dead at any moment.
There was a police officer stationed outside my ward. He was having his coffee when I came out. I don't think he liked it that I was out of bed. "Son, you're not allowed to go out of your room without your guard."
"Where is he then?"
"They had an emergency meeting with the FBI in the doctor's conference room at the third floor. Why don't you wait for him in your room?" Emergency meeting? This sounds serious, especially when I can't see any our guards here.
"Can I just visit my friends next room?" I turned towards the next ward and saw another police officer stationed outside too. "It will be safe right?"
He looked over at the other officer and nodded. "Okay son, come on, I'll tell Johnson." Thank God it wasn't a long walk. I feel like throwing up.
"Are the guys in there?" The officer asked the guy whom I assumed is Johnson.
"Yeah, all three of 'em." Three? Shouldn't there be four?
"Okay son, you may go in. We'll be outside if you need anything." I mumbled my thank yous and went it.
Howie was still asleep. I wondered if he had woke up after what happened. AJ was in the bed next to him and Kevin was sitting next to his bed, his back facing me. They didn't know that I was in the room. I must have been sleek. Cool.
"You have to calm down AJ, I can't do this alone. Howie and Nick have their own problems and I really need you to be strong for this." I heard Kevin said to AJ. I can't see AJ's face, Kevin was blocking him. But I saw his legs moving, as if kicking in desperation.
"I was there Kevin, it was horrible. I kept thinking of Nick and how it had been like for him when they took him there. I was really scared. The only reason why I got away was the asshole who was supposed to open me up was held back in the hospital. I heard that bastard talking on the phone. It's…terrible. I understand Nick now and I know that Brian…Brian…" What about Brian? AJ was crying, that's not good.
"Shh…we cannot think like that J. He's a strong guy, hey, he survived the heart surgery right?"
"What's wrong with Brian?" Kevin turned and saw me. I saw AJ trying to get up but somehow, he couldn't. I think his shoulder is still sore.
"Nick? You shouldn't be walking, you're still weak." Kevin and his all-around strict mode. He helped me to a seat next to him. AJ looked horrible. Dark rings underneath his eyes, his face was pale and tear stricken. He had this sad look on his face all the time he looked at me. I don't know if he was sad at the state I was in or sad with something else.
"Hanging in there well?" I asked.
"I'm least of your worry." He replied. I nodded.
"Howie?"
"He's gonna be okay. He woke up last night." Kevin replied. I nodded.
"How about you?" I asked Kevin. He looked at me. He looked terrible. I don't blame him. It seems like all his brothers were in trouble and he had to put a brave front.
"I'm okay Nick, I should be the one asking you that." Kevin smirked.
"I'm better than yesterday." I replied.
The room stayed silent. Not the silence that I have always known as comfortable when it comes to these guys. We could all beg in a room and not talk and the comfort would still be there, this silence was killing me.
"Look, no more secrets okay, I'm tired of it. Look at me, I'm AJ two years ago. You keep telling him that he's an adult and that he should be one when he messed things up. I grew up years ago guys, more than you ever know and it's all because I have four brothers to look up to. It's time that you really see that side of me. I've been nothing but that for quite some time now and no one seems to see that. Tell me, what's wrong with Brian?"
Kevin had tears in his eyes. Damn me and my 'political' speech. Oh no, his shaking all over, that's not good. Kevin don't cry! I mean, okay, he cries, but not like this! I don't know if he had cried like this to other guys and judging by the look on AJ's face, I doubt so, but never had he cried like that in front of me. Hell, I never cried like that in front of him. Okay, except that one time on TRL when AJ went to rehab, but that doesn't count.
"Kev…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" He shook his head. What? He's not forgiving me? But, I really didn't mean to hurt him. Damn it Nick, why must you always ruin everything.
"Nick…I'm sorry. I should have treated you better. I'm really sorry. You're a great brother, please don't think that we only look at you as one messed up kid. You've never been that.
None of you guys are." Oh, relief! Relief I tell ya!
"Not even when I messed up my life?" AJ asked all of a sudden.
"What's wrong with your life J? You're finally happy with Sarah, your life has never been messed up, just tested upon. None of us messed up."
"Thanks Kev." AJ smiled. "And you Nick. I saw you grow up years even before I grew up. You matured even much faster than I did but just because I didn't tell you doesn't mean I didn't know. You're the best lil' bro I've ever had and to admit that you're all grown up would be like loosing that little kid I know. I know it's selfish of me, I'm sorry." Sorry? That was the best compliment ever J!
"Thanks guys, I'm glad. But I really need to know, what's wrong with Brian?" Kevin and AJ's face dropped again.
"He and Josh didn't make it home last night. Someone attacked them halfway and hurt Josh and took Brian away. We don't know where he is right now."
Please, tell me this isn't happening. Brian's been kidnapped? But…don't they know he's condition. They can't take his kidney, he…he will die! Like Darren Wight, he'll die. And it's all my fault!
"Oh God…please tell me this isn't happening."
"I'm sorry Nick, but it's true." AJ said.
"How's Leigh?"
"The other girls are with her right now, at my place. I have Mark and two officers to guard the house." I assumed other girls referring to Maira, Sarah and Kristin. Oh Lord, my world is crumbling down. Our world. Such a heavy test you put on our shoulders. You really think that we can pull this through?
*****
Howie was recovering very well. He could move around on his own but not for a long time. AJ and I were released today, two days after Brian was kidnapped and we were planning to stay over at Kevin's for the time being. The girls will be there and we have each other for support. Especially Leighanne.
What worries me most was the fact there was still no calls. Paramedics didn't pick up any anonymous calls about someone who needs medical attention fast in a motel somewhere. And it had been two days. Did they had complications while taking the kidney out? Did he die and they just dumped him in some dark alley? Weeks from now we'll get a call from the FBI saying that they found his body, rotten and missing a kidney. Oh Lord, why am I thinking like this? Brian can't die. Not now. What did they do to him?
"You ready Frack?" Frack? There's no Frack without Frick. No one should call me Frack when Frick is gone. I'm not Frack. I'm not Kaos coz situations right now made me anything but that. And I'm not Messy Marvin coz I have no mood to be throwing stuffs across the floor when there's nothing to throw. I'm just plain Nick Carter. And I'm beginning to wonder who he is actually too.
"I'm ready. Let me see D for a sec?"
"Sure. Tell Tony just wait at the pick up area okay? I'll have Ken drive the van up there." I nodded and left for Howie's room. He was with Pollyanna, having his breakfast.
"Hey guys, just dropping by to say goodbye."
"Where you going?" Howie's funny. Where I'm going? He knew I'm going home today with AJ.
"Home?" I mocked him.
"Oh yeah. I thought you were flying off somewhere or something."
*Just wanna say goodbye.*
*Goodbye? Where the hell are you going?*
*Home?*
*Oh. I thought you were flying off somewhere.*
*I hope not.*
*Take it easy Frack, I'll see you whenever.*
*And remember to breathe.*
"Nick, are you okay?" Oh my God, please Nick, stop doing this to yourself!
"I'm…I'm fine. Listen, I have to go now, they're waiting for me. I'll see you whenev- er, later okay?"
*I'll see you whenever.*
Whenever.
When is whenever?
*****
I woke up to the feeling of someone shaking my shoulder lightly. I had been very exhausted when we finally arrived at Kevin's. The worry of knowing that Brian is still yet to be found drained all of us. Leighanne was definitely hit the worst. She didn't come out of her room, which she shared with Maira when we arrived. I wanted to see her but Maira told me that she wasn't ready to see us. Especially me. Coz Frack will remind her of Frick. I understand.
The whole damn house was filled with silent tension. All the guards except for Josh were there. I heard that Josh was hit quite bad and was given time off to recuperate. They had two police officers guarding the entrance. Marlon and Cameron had came shortly after we arrived and started asking questions about Brian's last whereabout but I asked to be excused. I really don't know much anyway. I was in the hospital. So they let me go and I took refuge in the guest room that Kristin had put up for me. I'm glad that Maira is sleeping together with Leigh, I really need time alone.
And I heard the FBI saying something about the press getting a wind of the whole story. That they can't keep it under wrap for long. I know that day will come. I just hope that I have the courage to tell the fans before they found it out from the press. You know how press are, they add stuffs to the truth and the whole thing would be blown out of proportion and we would be blame for keeping the truth from the fans. If I was given a choice, I don't even want to go through any of this. I don't want to be the one who speak on behalf of all the victims, I just want to be with my family and friends and our fans wouldn't have to worry. Let me figure this out for myself. Let me just go on with my life. Is that so much to ask for?
I thought I would never get to sleep but I guess I did.
I looked up to find Maira looking down at me with a smile on her tired face. It must have been difficult for her to be bunking off with Leigh. A distraught lady is always difficult to assure. I don't know how she did it.
It must have been important that she has to wake me up. She will never wake me up if it wasn't. I hope she's gonna tell me that they had found Brian, alive.
"Did I sleep the whole day through?"She wanted to help me up when she saw me making an attempt to do so. I waved my hand to tell her that I can do it on my own. I hope she don't take it personally, I didn't mean to hurt her. I have to start learning to do things by myself. Seeing me do so, she slumped on the bed next to me.
"Someone's on the phone, looking for you."Maira said, shoving my cell phone over to me. Damn, I really slept. I didn't even hear my cellar ringing.
"Who is it?"
"I dunno. He didn't wanna tell. But he said it's important."Maira shrugged. I shifted my legs and sat next to her, my legs touching the cold tiled floor.
"Hello?"
"Nick Carter?"
"Yes. Who's this?"
"How does it feel to lost a friend?"Fuck.
"None of my friend died, I didn't lost anybody."
"Well, you're about to."If I could only scream right now ...
"Who are you?"I got up from the bed and moved over to the window. I pulled the curtains away and the scene that greeted me was a stretch of green, Kevin's golf course.
"I know why Darren died. It's all your fault."Yes, I know that.
"What do you want?"
"I will show you how it feels like to loose someone Nick. You're a coward. You didn't stand up for his death. His death has been useless. You do nothing to avenge his death. Well, maybe if I kill Brian, you'll do something to stop all these."He has Brian! Oh God, he's alive!
"Look, if you ever touch him, if you ever take his kidney, I will personally hunt you down!"
"You think I care about his kidney Nick? I'm not the fucking sick morons who kidnapped all of you! I told you I'm here because you do shit for Darren!"What is this?
"You're not involved in the syndicate?"
"No! Damn it Nick, get it in your thick skull!"
"You took Brian because I didn't do anything for Darren., is that it?"
"Yes!"
"Then why didn't you take me instead? Why Brian?"
"Because you idiot, I want you to feel how it feels like to loose someone you love. Will you avenge his death if I kill him?"
"Till I personally see your grave."
"Good. Coz it's time you do something Nick. Clear Darren's name and I'll give you back Brian."
"Who are you? Why are you doing this?"
"I'm just someone who wants justice to be done."
"By kidnapping my friend? You call that justice? You're as sick as them! Don't you think that I've been trying to find who did this too?"
"You're not doing enough! Now look, I'll give you a week, remember that, A WEEK, for you to find the bastards responsible for all these or I'll give you Brian dead."Who the hell is this guy? Why is he doing this? How could he expect ME to find the killers when the FBI themselves couldn't find shit?
"I need to talk to Brian, I need to know that he's alive!"The phone went silent for awhile but I could hear footsteps. Some struggling and then someone called out my name. It was Brian. He sounded so tired and scared.
"Brian? You okay? Talk to me!"I felt a hand touching my shoulder. I turned and saw the worried line on her forehead. She mouthed out 'I will call the guys'. I nodded vigorously and she left.
"Nick? I'm okay...I'm just...tired...please tell Leigh I love her..."
"Are you hurt?"
"It's...I'm...I...can't..."The phone was snatched away from him. I felt the pain on the wound intensified. Something's wrong with Brian. Is it his heart? But he's been fine for a long time now.
"He's alive but you have one week or he's dead. Remember, one week!"
"Wait! He's got a heart condition, you have to-"The phone went dead. Oh my God, what's going on? What have I done to deserve this? I wish I could smash this whole place up but I know I'm just a guest here, I can't do that. Well, there's only one thing that I can do.
The cell phone smashed on the wall and fell on the floor. Pieces broken and laid scattered. It made me feel better but only for a second. I felt the nausea kicking in. My legs threatening to cave in anytime. I looked around the room, there was no bathroom in this one. I have to get out. I covered my mouth and made a run for the door but running seemed to be a chore for me lately. I couldn't breath as the bile began to rise up to my throat. I fell on my hands and knees and threw everything up on the tiled floor. Kristin's gonna be mad.
Kevin and AJ rushed in just in time to admire my decorations. Thankfully, Kristin was nowhere in sight.
"Nick, what's wrong?"Kevin asked as he helped me to get up. But I waved my hand as a sign not to do so coz seconds later, another bile came up and threw up one more time. I felt Maira squatting down next to me and massaging the back of my neck, that just encourage me to throw up more.
"Let it out baby, don't worry about it."That's just disgusting. How could I let them see me like this? I shook my head and sat on the floor next to her. Kevin and AJ helped to get me up to the bed. "I'll take you a glass of water."She left the room.
"Maira said someone called."AJ said.
"Brian...someone took Brian..."I cried.
"We know that Nick, but-"
Kevin don't understand. I shook my head to cut him off. "No Kev, it's not the same people."
"What do you mean?"AJ asked, frowning. I think he thought that I wasn't thinking straight.
How do I tell them that Brian's been kidnapped and it's all my fault?
Maira rushed back in the room, without the drink. She had this utter shock look on her face. Oh no, what now?
"Baby, you're in the news, everyone knows."