You know, I think it’s time that Maira and I think about some major renovation for the guest room. I’ve been staring at the same spot on the floor for hours now and it’s pretty much boring. They were tiled with parquet that was painted white and so far, I can’t even find a freaking ant that I could observe. I could pull the curtains away, that would give me the perfect view of the ocean, but I can’t find myself getting out of bed and doing that. If memory serves me right, Brian did mention about me not able to live much longer if I don’t take the pills and so far, I haven’t and I guess I’m just scared if just a single movement I make will kill me.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve contemplated on the idea of just ending it all. I mean, death, dying, would be the best way, it will end all the pain. Maybe, just maybe, I might do it.
My left side is getting numb now, I have not moved for quite awhile. I just don’t want to face the door when the guys make their weak attempt at coming in and trying to cheer me up. I’m just not ready to talk to them again. They had stubbornly stayed around and Kevin got a lecture from Tony for letting me go to Timberlake’s. I know it wasn’t his fault but I’m in no mood to be defending anyone. I think everyone is here right now. The bodyguards are doing their rounds, I heard Josh and Drew talking while doing their rounds right outside my room. I’m like a prisoner in my own house.
Speaking of which, why had they brought me back here? I thought I was supposed to stay at AJ’s. Maybe he doesn’t want me there anymore. Maybe I’m such a burden. Not that I mind, I really don’t want to have anything to do with them right now. If I were in AJ’s, it would be kinda hard to ignore him since it’s not my place to be angry, I’m like living off him, but since this is my house, I can do anything.
I just don’t understand why they had to keep it from me. I thought we promised never to keep secrets from each other. We’re a group, we handle our problems together. In fact, this one is personal, if there’s anyone who should know about everything, it should be me.
I wonder how much longer I can stay like this before I die of the lack of blood and oxygen to my head. It’s hurting my eyes now, I wish I could just sleep and handle all these fucking problems tomorrow but I really can’t sleep.
The door creaked open, someone is coming in. I wonder who’s turn it is to try and figure me out. Howie had tried and failed and Kevin did too, I wonder if Brian has the courage to see me, I mean, I’ve hurt him pretty bad, I think he’s the one hit the most, I really didn’t mean it when I say I hate them. How could I ever hate my brothers? If this is AJ, he would have cracked a stupid line by now. Well, I don’t really care, I’m not planning on talking just yet. I still have things to do, like staring into nothingness.
I felt him (which I’m still not sure who, by the way) climbed up the bed, I felt his weight next to me, he seemed hesitant, then he moved in closer. Why would any of the guys wanna jump in bed with me when I’ve specifically barricade myself with explosives? (Come on, you know what I mean!). I closed my eyes, pretending that I’m asleep. I’m sure that will keep them off my back for a while.
"I love you."
I felt her arm circling my waist, lightly resting them over the bandage, the curve of her body, fit perfectly against mine, like a missing jigsaw puzzle that had been re-attached. Her red locks tickled the nape of my neck, brushing gently pass my earlobe. Her regular heartbeat a soft murmur to my ears, her warm breath sending chills to the back of my neck. I felt her moist lips softly kissing the side of my temple.
I wanted to open my eyes, I wanted to tell her how much I love her, but I didn’t. For one thing, I was afraid. The moment is good, I don’t want to spoil it. I know I have thousands of questions of her being here. She should be concentrating on her show. I just can’t handle finding out that she had abandoned it just for me. I would feel guilty then and I don’t want to feel guilty. Just the thought of the guy being dead because I wasn’t is enough for me to feel guilty for the rest of my pathetic life. I really don’t need one more. I don’t want to hear myself being stubborn and pushing her away again, I don’t want to ruin it with her. If we fight, then I will officially be alone in this world.
I felt the tears rushing and I tried so hard not to cry, I really do. But my entire world had just tumbled down, I can’t pretend that I’m okay. Emotions escaped, I felt my body trembling, I silently cursed myself for that. Now she’s gonna know that I’m awake. But I didn’t open my eyes. I can’t. Not now.
I felt her body tensed for a second, and then I felt her hand stroking mine, gently rubbing warmth to it. She didn’t say a word, and my tears died down and finally, I found myself embracing slumber again.
*****
I lay on the empty car park, my eyes opened and yet I could see the black cloud that was threatening to blind me. I couldn’t feel my body anymore, which is a good thing since I really don’t want to feel the pain. I could see my blood slowly staining the coarse ground, flowing like the red sea. I heard the distant cries of the siren approaching and prayed that it was crying for me and not for another victim somewhere else. A figure loomed above me. Red hair, green eyes, something shiny and gold dangling somewhere...I can’t really figure that out. From the heels of the shoes, I know it’s a woman. Long hair, green eyes, something gold and shining, I keep telling myself. Remember this Nick, remember this.
"I’m going to let you go Nickolas, but we’re everywhere, remember that. By the time we get to you, you will wish that we had killed you instead."
Harsh words...but it didn’t matter. She’s going away, she’s not killing me. Another figure called for her from a distant. "They’re coming...hurry up...let’s go...’ I didn’t gather all that were said but it was enough to figure things out. Remember this Nick, remember this.
Remember what?
I woke up and found a pair of green eyes staring back at me. I blinked once and tried to focus and saw her lovely face looking at me. But the eyes that were supposed to glitter with love now somewhat held questions, her face frowning, her moist lips that should have carved a smile for me, now pouting.
"You okay baby?" Why shouldn’t I? I stared back at her. I wasn’t dreaming then. She did come back for me. I should be happy, but why does she look so worried?
"Honey, you’re scaring me, take deep breath baby, deep breath." I think I was hyperventilating, what’s wrong with me? I took her advice, I tried to breath.
"No, its not working, come on, get up." She was pulling me to sit up on the bed. I’m not about to complain. I really am forgetting how to breathe. It felt much better once I had got up in that position. Soon, her worried face turned into a smile. I know I’m okay.
"Some wake up call you give me!" She giggled. Fancy her giggling when I just had a near death experience!
"Was it any good?" I asked. I can’t believe it. My first words to her. ‘Was it any good’? ‘Was it any good’? I sound like a guy who just lost his virginity for the first time or something!
"Excellent baby, more of those and I might have to book a burying ground for myself." She doesn’t sound mad. That’s good right? I mean, she didn’t call, I didn’t call and then she came back and we’re supposed to forget all those? Can that actually happen?
"Why did you come back Maira? Aren’t you supposed to have that big event next week?"
"I kinda got big headed and asked for the them to put it on hold until I cheer up my boyfriend."
"Maira, you know you can’t do that! They will never give you another chance!" I can’t believe her. How could she do something like that? Not even for me, she can’t do that.
"Relax Nicky, I was joking alright? They had it postponed to next month, so I came back." I don’t need a weak kidney to kill me. She could do that.
"I’m glad you’re here, I missed you."
"I know. Come on, let’s have breakfast, I hear AJ’s cooking today, I really wanna try it." I didn’t move. I’m not sure if I can face them right now. Part of me is still angry while part of me is ashamed. Ashamed that I’ve bluntly told them that I hate them.
"Come on baby, how much longer are you going to avoid them? Give them a chance alright? Hear them out? I’m really very worried about you."
"They lied to me, my brothers lied to me. I can’t see them now."
"Look, I don’t know what happen while I’m gone. They said that it’s best I hear it when you’re ready to talk about it with them. So please, talk to them, we will work this out together. Like old times?" Can I really say ‘no’ to this girl? I don’t think so. I nodded a "yes’.
*****
They were in the kitchen, I heard the usual commotion when four (it used to be five but since I’m not available right now) guys who had no clue whatsoever about cooking were attempting to do just that. The last time we did something like this, we nearly burnt down Kevin’s whole house.
Howie and AJ were wearing Maira’s aprons. I smelt something burning and I didn’t even wanna know what happen. Kevin however, was serving some dangerously looking pancakes that looked like squares more than it is round, on the plates. It looked delicious though, got to give them credit for that. Brian on the other hand, was reading the instructions to all the bottles of pills placed on the table. He scribbled something on a piece of paper and took out two blue colored pills and placed it on a cup, and then proceeded to the next bottle. I wish I don’t have to see that.
The guys are very dedicated to this. I am still angry with them but I can’t let them down.
"I hope you’re not planning on burning down my kitchen." They stopped. No one moved. Brian actually had his eyes fixed to the table. I wish I could tell him that I didn’t mean it, that I hate them, but I can’t. I will, but not now. I need to sit down first.
"Hey, look who finally decided to turn up!" Howie cheered. Yes, this is it, try to make this as light as possible.
"Bro, I burnt one of your trays, but it’s all good. The food is delicious!" AJ said, showing me the tray that now has a hole in the middle.
"And for once, it’s edible." Kevin added.
I couldn’t handle standing up any longer so I approached the chair that was facing Brian. He had stopped separating the medications and staring blankly at the note he had scribbled earlier. Maira had conveniently left me and went straight to Kevin, helping him out with the preparations.
"Are those for me?" I asked, looking straight ahead at him. He kept staring at the paper.
"Uh huh, but you don’t have to take them if you’re not ready." Still staring at the note. I think he’s trying to figure out what he had just written. From where I am sitting, it looked like a chanting spell written in a foreign language.
"I thought I would die if I don’t take them." He looked up at me, our first eye contact after my "little’ outburst. I understand why he’s so into all these medications stuffs. He used to have to take as many when he was a child, I think he’s worried more about it coz he knows how it felt like to have your life depending on pills.
"Will you take them?"
"If you wanna help me with it. I don’t think I can remember which one’s for what." I offered. Come on, we’re Frick and Frack, we should always be together, Brian shouldn’t have worried about what I had said. Everyone knows I didn’t mean it. Right?
"Of course I will. You wanna take it after breakfast?" Yes Rok, I will. Anything to see you smile again. I’ve done enough damage already. I have a lot apologizing to do after this.
"Why not."
*****
"Nick, we’re sorry we didn’t tell you the whole thing. But doctors said that we might want to wait until you’re physically fit again before we tell everything." Kevin said.
Yes people, it’s revelation time. Breakfast was good, delicious in fact. Never thought I’d see the day when the guys could actually cook something decent. Well, apart from Howie who actually knows how to cook. It would have been the perfect spaghetti sauce we had made back in Kevin’s house if it hadn’t been for AJ and er, myself. Let’s just say we learnt that water is not the best source to put out a grease fire. I think I still have some singed hair as evidence.
"We talked to psychiatrists and they said that you might, I mean, victims in such cases will most probably have a nervous breakdown. Or was it some kind of a depression? Like mentally, you know?" Kevin smacked the back of AJ’s head.
"Ow! What’s that for?"
"Are you trying to make him feel better or worst?" Kevin asked. Ah, but that’s just AJ, Kev. We all know how he’s like when he’s nervous. Or when he lied. He would stutter and blabber stuffs. I don’t think he’s lying though. I think he’s just nervous.
"I have a feeling this is gonna take forever." Maira whispered. I took her hand in mine and gave it a rub.
"Wanna take off while they’re still at it?"
"You know you can’t do that. They might not wanna repeat this again." Maira slapped my arm playfully.
"Are you even listening to us Kaos?" Kevin boomed. And I thought he’s gonna be just a little bit nicer to me after all these.
"I think he’s a got a distraction." Howie giggled.
"Hey, leave me out of this!" Maira sulked.
"I think we should begin from the start." Brian said. I nodded in agreement. "And this time, we will not let AJ talk." AJ couldn’t even get anything out of his mouth. He raised his hands up as if in desperation and just slumped deeper into the sofa.
"Okay, so, this is kinda hard for us. We don’t know where to begin actually." Howie said. Oh man, this feels like an interview session. Except that they were the one being interrogated. This could be fun. Them squirming I mean. I don’t think the truth I’m about to find would sound as fun though.
"Maybe you could ask us what you want to know. It’s easier that way." Brian suggested. That’s good. Okay, why not? I don’t plan to sit here all day listening to four grown men mumbling stuffs just coz they’re nervous.
"Okay then. I think I know most of what happen before I got stab. I just wanna know when was the boy attacked. Was it after or before the stabbing?"
"After the stabbing. It was the seventh day that you were in coma that we received the news. Marlon said that there were signs of struggles in the room. The bathroom window was open with bloodstains on the window pane. Where he had landed while struggling had his blood smeared all over. But paramedics found him in the bathtub, so they figured that whoever had killed him, had placed him back in there." I have a feeling that Kevin is cursing himself for being the eldest now. I wonder if the rest will help him with this.
"And he had the same kind of wounds I had?" I asked.
"Everything except for the scalds. The stitches were torn, both thighs stabbed. They said caused of death was too much blood loss." I nodded. I felt Maira’s gripped tightened. I hope she’s not picturing me in that mess. It’s a close resemblance of what I had been through but she doesn’t need to think about it.
"What happen to me then? How did I loss the kidney?"
"You didn’t loss the kidney just like that Nick. They managed to salvage it. The stab had pierced it but it survived. But you slipped into a coma and the kidney was infected and soon rejected your body totally. They have to remove it or you will die." Me, dead? Two months ago, it would sound very far fetched. A healthy 22 year old like me dying so young. Now, it’s a possibility and Brian knew that too when he explained it all to me. Which is really scary considering Brian knows this kind of stuffs.
"What is it then with my own kidney?"
"The kidney that was infected, well, it kinda pass on the infection to your kidney. There’s a thin film of mucus developing around your kidney and you need to take the pills to dissolve it." Howie said. Mucus? All the gross things in life are now mine.
"If I eat those pills, I will be okay right? And I want the honest truth."
"If the mucus disappear you will be dandy. If it doesn’t you’ll get peachy." Thanks AJ.
"Ow! I said it right, didn’t I?" Howie just smacked him on the head. He’s been getting a lot of those for being honest. I think he should just stick to telling lies.
"Did the killer really leave a message?" Everyone looked down on the floor.
Suddenly it became so interesting. I wonder why...
"Guys, I’ve tried that staring at the floor game, trust me, it’s boring." I said. Brian scratched his head.
"I take it it’s the truth then. They did leave a message. So this bastard is blaming me for his death? But he’s not even the guy who kidnapped me in the first place. That was another guy, who by the way, is in prison. That’s a cheap way to let me have all the blame. I ain’t buying it."
"Thank God! We thought you’d be depressed by it. It is not your fault Nick. You didn’t kill that boy. His the one with the knife. He killed him and he was probably the one who stabbed you that day."
But of course I believe him Kev. Doesn’t matter if he’s the one who hold the knife. Doesn’t matter if he’s the one who did the stabbing. I had basically done what he did to the boy coz I was still alive after they tried to kill me twice. I should have die and maybe, that kid would still be alive. And of course I’m not telling you guys all these, I will be strong for my brothers. But that doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. That will always stay with me. This is my cry for help, it just wasn’t heard yet.
*****
It wasn’t planned. In fact, I hadn’t given it much thought for a while. Not that I want to, I just forced myself to block out the thoughts, the feelings. I figured that it is the only way out for me to start all over again. Not that I can ever be the same Nick Carter. I will never see the world I lived in the same way again.
My world was where I have people protecting me, putting me in an invisible shield against the danger and evil ways of how the world sometimes work. My world now is exposed to them, more than ever. This naive 22 year old young man had finally opened up his eyes and admitting to himself that there’re more to life than just singing and being in the biggest band in the whole world. That no matter how famous and big you become, doesn’t mean you’re immune to the bad things in life.
I was in the hospital again, Dr. Irwin wanted to check the wound. I was told that I have to come for regular check up once in two weeks. Anyway, like I’ve said, it wasn’t plan at all. I was waiting for Tony to collect the medications at the Dispensary, he had left me with Brian at the waiting area. That was when I saw him coming out of one of the examination room. His face resembled mine, pale and colorless, his body frail and I spot him with the same limp as I do. Only that he wasn’t having any problems with his legs, I believe the wound was making it difficult for him to walk any faster. I saw the dreadlocked guy, his bandmate, approaching him. I wonder why Brian and I had failed to see him just now. Besides, I don’t think he saw us too.
Brian knew what I was about to do. He didn’t stop me. In fact, he followed.
"Ashley, right?" He looked up and was shocked to see us. His friend, I think his name is Jacob, he’s cool by the way. Reminds me of AJ, don’t ask me why. I think it has got something to do with the painted nails. They both have weird sense. He was staring at us with that same expression too.
"Oh my God, you’re the backstreet boys!" He almost cried it out loud.
"Okay, cool it down boy, don’t wanna attract people’s attention now do we?" Brian smiled.
"I can’t believe we’re sharing the same air space with the Backstreet boys!" Jacob said, shaking his head. I wonder why they’re acting like the teenage girls we called fans. This is weird.
"Listen, I know what happen to you." Putting in bluntly is the best way to go right? I mean, I really have no time to beat around the bush. Besides, Tony might be coming back soon and I’m not sure if he liked the idea of seeing us together after what happen with Curly boy. Hmmm, back to name calling, wonder why...
He was puzzled. No, he was terrified. I think that’s the best way to describe him right now. "How did you know that?"
"You have no idea, don’t you?" I asked again. He shook his head. "Did your management tell you guys the whole story?"
"We know that there’re people going around stealing kidneys from "famous’ people but that’s about it." Jacob answered after realizing that Ashley wasn’t about to answer any time soon.
"Look, I don’t want to get you into trouble. I’m sure there’s a good reason for your management to keep it from you, but I might have some of the answers you’re looking for. And you could have some of the answers I’m looking for. Here’s my card, once everything settled at your side of the camp, give me a call." He took it and I think he still find it rather confusing. I wish I could tell him right there on his face but I don’t want him to freak out like I did.
"Thanks, I think."
"Look, I know what happen to you happen almost a few weeks ago, you should be fine by now. But looking at you right now, you don’t seem that way. Wassup?" He shrugged. I’ve seen that phase. It’s the "I refuse to know shit’ phase. Some sort of the denial state.
"He had a mild fever last night, doctor said the wound was infected. But he’s gonna be alright." Jacob answered.
"Take care of yourself Ashley. You might want to change the bandage more often, always have to get them clean and free from dirt." Brian said to Jacob.
"Thanks man. We’re still kinda new to this." Jacob blushed. Well, having a friend like Brian who had gone through some major surgery himself is an advantage right now.
"I understand. Take care of yourselves alright?"
Tony appeared with their bodyguard in tow. Seemed like we were not the only ones indulged in some deep conversations. But I’ve decided not to go on with the conversation. I think Ashley need some time alone to think about what I’ve just proposed to him. I have a feeling that he’s gonna call me soon.
*****
She was about to cut me open. The shiny surgery knife gleaming right before my eyes. But something shiny and gold caught my attention too. It was hanging around her neck. I couldn’t make it out, they seemed to form a word. They had drugged me quite heavily, I can’t really see.
Red is for the hair, green is for the eyes, shiny is for the blade and gold is for the word. What word? I can’t read it. It’s the only answer. I know I know it. But what is it?
*****
I jolted up on my bed, the sudden movement striking down immense pressure and pain to the wound. I tried to take deep breaths but the pain was congesting my windpipe I guess. I found myself gasping for air. The pain now dividing itself to every part of my body. My back was hit the worst. I found myself unable to sit up any longer. I slumped back down, still trying to get that precious gulp of air inside of me. I clutched at the bedspread, anything that I can cling on to, and I felt her hand.
How could I have forgotten about her? I grabbed her hand, unable to scream my way out into telling her to help me. But I guess that was enough to wake her up. I wish I don’t have to look at her with panic in my eyes but do I have a choice?
"Oh my God! What do I do?" Great, I have a freaked out girlfriend. Let’s see, getting the pills will be a good way to start Maira.
"Can you get up?" Tried that one babe. No good. I need the pills.
"You can’t? Okay, now what? Shit!" Cursing does not help. Pills baby, pills!
"Uh...uh...Brian! Yes! I’ll get Brian, he’ll know what to do!" That’s the next best thing, you do that.
What’s taking her so long? I’m short of bedspread to pull now. Oh man, is this how dying is suppose to feel like? Not very nice.
I saw figures barging into the room. Great, not only do I have Brian and Maira, I have the whole Backstreet’s squad plus their bodyguards to see me in this not so glamorous state.
Brian pulled out the drawer, took two orange-y looking pills and made me swallow it. Kevin had jumped into bed next to me and was pulling me up while Howie had swiftly poured a glass of water for me to drink. Maira and AJ looked on in a daze.
Hey, I can breath again.
"Lesson number 1, always remember to breath." Brian joked.
"I keep forgetting that one..." I shook my head.
"Told ya not to sleep in class!" Kevin sighed.
"How could you be making fun of this?" Maira cried. "He almost died! My boyfriend almost died and I didn’t know what to do and you guys can laugh about this? What happen if I didn’t get you in time, or you were sleeping like a dead-no, can’t use that word- what if you were sleeping like a pig and didn’t wake up or worst, what if you weren’t even here in the first place, Nick could have died!"
"I do not sleep like a pig!" Brian protested.
"Baby, I think you’re hyperventilating. You wanna pop one of these? It helps." I showed her the bottle of pills.
"This is not funny Nickolas!" Oh-oh, first name basis, she’s serious. "I nearly watched you died! It’s not funny!" She cried. I feel guilty. I didn’t mean to hurt. It’s just that it’s like three in the damn morning and I really don’t feel like tensing the air. She ran out of the room crying. I couldn’t chase after her. I could actually, but that would mean bursting my stitches open again. And I’m tired of the same old routine already.
"Guys, this is difficult for her. And you could have died Nick." AJ is troubled. That’s a change. He was actually upset by the whole thing. He ran out to get her.
I could have died.
"It’s just a little attack. AJ’s talking shit, you know that." Howie said.
"I know. She’s gonna be fine, don’t sweat about it." I said.
"With AJ running after her? Thank your lucky star he’s engaged Frack or you should start worrying about a tight competition in your love life!" That is so true Kevin.
"Get some sleep bro, we’ll talk about this tomorrow." I nodded.
"And don’t worry. I’ll make sure AJ bring her back to you in no time." I smiled. They left the room and I’m alone again.
Making sure that they had all left, I picked up the receiver and started dialing the number that by now had stuck in my memory like glue. I never thought I would ever remembered it. Things are getting weird.
"I’m not in the mood to be yelled at." Nice greeting by the way.
"Insomnia still with ya...which phase are you in again?"
"Considering you’re calling me at this time, you’re about the same phase as I am."
"I don’t think so. I’m still in the nightmare stage."
"They don’t go away you imbecile! They just accumulates. Depression, nightmare, insomnia, what’s next?"
"Answers maybe."
"What’s the question?"
I know this. I remembered it.
"Red’s the hair, green’s the eyes, shiny’s the knife, what’s the gold?"
*****
A week had past and true enough, insomnia had kicked in and yet the nightmare lingers on. The frustrating part? I get nothing out of the nightmare. The same old thing and I still couldn’t get what the gold stands for. Curly boy hadn’t had any luck either.
Maira had gone into protective mode on me now. Every little thing that I do, she wants to know about it. I let it be. I think she’s paranoid but it’s not like it’s her fault or anything like that. What makes the nightmare more bearable now is knowing that I won’t wake up alone anymore. She would be there, when I wake up and forget to breathe. She’s my air now. I can’t imagine how it would be like when she had to fly back to France next week. I don’t even want to think about it.
Today is a big day for me. I’m going back to the Anonymous meeting. I figured that I have to move on. I need to move on. So what if I have just one kidney? So what if it might collapse on me one day and I die? What matters most is that I live my life. Not waste it away.
The wound had finally dried up. I’ll be having the stitches removed in two days. I had not heard of any more threats and the bad guys had not strike any new victims. I’m not sure what the investigators are doing and frankly, I don’t want to know. I just want to go on with my life.
My family came for a visit two days ago. It was fun. I had a really fun time and things almost seemed perfect then. Almost. Perfection would be when they catch the bastards and put them behind bars for good. And damn all the fans who were crazy enough to pay crazy sums just to have our kidneys. If I could tell them right in the face right now, I would. You are not wanted as a fan. You are wanted in an asylum. Get help.
But one thing still remain the same though. The guilt. I’ve secretly learnt that the name of the guy who was killed is Darren Wight. He was only eighteen and he was definitely a babe-magnet. If his group had made it to the industry, he would easily be labeled the next Justin. Or the next Ashley. Or the next Nick. He is that good looking. Hey, I’m a man. I don’t go around telling people that I think another guy look cute. So if I said it, better believe it.
I learnt that they even had a single out way back called "In Loving Memory’. Way appropriate don’t you think?
"Nick, you ready man?" Tony seemed more anxious than I am about the whole thing. I picked up my bag and rushed out of the room. Yes, the limp is gone, for good.
"I’m ready. Let’s go!"
"Wait up! We’re coming with ya!" I turned and found Howie and AJ beaming at me. What the hell?
"You know you can’t go with us." I whined. Maira had just appeared from the kitchen, the phone in her hand.
"We’re not going in there with you. You’re going to the hospital for another check up right? We kinda wanna follow you there." Howie said sheepishly. I know where this is going. The last time they followed us, a nurse seemed to have their full attention.
"You know she’s gonna tell Sarah about this." I said, pointing at Maira.
"I’m just there to support my brother." AJ said, referring to Howie.
"Whatever man, let’s just go. I promised Curly boy I’ll be there early."
"Hold up! There’s call for you, urgent!" Maira stopped me. Urgent?
"Who is it?" She shrugged. I took the receiver from her and gave her a quick kiss. In case I forgot later on.
"Talk, I’m in a rush."
"I have to know the truth. You said you can help me." He sounds lost. I think that’s how I sounded like when I first called Justin. I understand him now.
"You think you can meet me in half an hour’s time?"
"Where are we going?"
"Anonymous meeting. I’ll introduce you to another victim. We will learn."
"I’m not sure."
"Look, I know this is kinda sudden. You don’t have to come. I can meet you up somewhere another day. It’s down at Ruskin, you won’t missed it. The only one down there. I’ll wait, it’s up to you. No pressure."
"Okay."
*****
He came. Everyone was shocked because he was there with Jacob and Trevor, without their bodyguard. I don’t think they realize the danger they’re putting themselves in. Tony was furious. He had two extra kids to take care of. Jacob and AJ are already rekindling "old friendship’. AJ had begun to believe that they were friends in their past lives. Howie and Trevor had amazingly have something familiar to discuss about. Their hair. Don’t let me get started on that.
They were invited to the cafeteria while we went to our meeting. Fortunately for them, none of the anonymous mind having them there.
Ashley still look pale. He was still having some trouble with the wound. Justin looked sick, I think its the insomnia. I look healthy pink. But if they could see the guilt, they won’t complain as much.
I talked about the same old thing. They were glad to see me alive by the way. I really feel like I belong here. And I hope that Ashley felt that way too. I talked a bit about the stabbing incident, about having just a kidney and stuffs and Justin was talking about the insomnia and the nightmare. We gathered that Ashley had been having the nightmare too and he remembered basically the same things as we did. I was hoping he would have more. I didn’t mention about victim number eight, so did Justin. I think he felt it too. Ashley will never be able to handle that.
The session lasted for two hours and by then, Ashley had been filled in with almost everything that Justin and I knew. I hope that in time, when he’s got rid of the infection and is physically well enough, we would tell him about Darren Wight.
"This really helps." He said as we proceeded to the cafeteria. I could hear the four monkeys even from a mile away.
"Glad it did." I said.
"I can’t believe both of you are in this too. All these while I thought I was the only one."
"How did your management let you go?" Justin asked.
"They didn’t. But my parents let me. That’s all that matters. My bodyguard didn’t know about this. I know I’m gonna get hell from them but the guys support me."
"Good for you Ash. Don’t let anyone control your life." Justin said. Finally, someone’s not the baby anymore.
"The coffee’s good!" AJ shrieked as we entered the cafeteria.
"You guys sure he shouldn’t be in the meeting?" Janice laughed. Already making acquaintance with them.
"I see you’ve met Mr. Perve?" I joked.
"Hey. I’m doing this for Howie." AJ defended himself.
"Keep telling yourself that Kid." Tony laughed.
"Where’s Johnny?" Justin asked.
"He’s gone to buy some stuffs just a block away. He’ll be back." Tony relied. Justin nodded.
"Dude, try the coffee!" AJ said, handing a cup to Justin.
"I have insomnia AJ!" Justin sighed.
"Here, I’ll take that." Jacob said.
"I swear my hair could grow twice as big if I stay here any longer with these two!" Trevor cried.
"Hey, that could be the next in thing..." I turned away from the guys and shook my head. I can’t believe an anonymous meeting could turn into something like a reunion. I noticed Ashley had been very quiet. He was practically staring into space.
"Ash? You alright man?" He didn’t seem to hear me. I went over and tap him on his shoulder. "You alright man?"
"I’m...I’m getting this pain...should it be there?" What the hell?
"Pain? Where?"
"The wound...something’s wrong..." Good bye healthy pink, hello AGAIN oh pale one!
"Tony...something’s wrong with Ashley." Tony rushed by his side immediately. I don’t feel like standing anymore but I can’t sit. I have to be strong.
"Can you walk Ashley?" Tony asked. Ashley shook his head. The guy was afraid to even move. I know the feeling.
"Damn it, how am I suppose to do this alone?" Tony sighed.
"What do you need man?" Howie asked. Yeah, his the oldest, he’ll know what to do.
"Take the van and park it up front. DO NOT go alone." He passed the key to him.
"I’ll go with ya." AJ said.
I can’t stay here. I’ll faint.
"Me too!"
"You’re not going anywhere Carter!"
"I can’t stay here, I’m gonna puke!" I didn’t wait for him to shout his disapproval. I ran after Howie and AJ.
Which is no good for a guy with one kidney.
"Wait up!" I gasped at the back. Who am I kidding? AJ is a sprinter and Howie...he’s Howie. He runs fast.
I slowed down and watched as a black van veered into the parking lot. Without slowing down or stopping, the back door slid open and a mask man came out. I froze. This is NOT happening AGAIN!
But I started to run towards them again when I realized he wasn’t coming for me. He was after my brother. But which one?