The first thing I heard when I came to was my ragged breathing. It means I'm getting worst, that much, I know. In a space of a few seconds, the ragged breathing was drowned out by another voice, angry it sounded like, but it didn't belong to AJ. I began to wonder if I should be thrilled about it or worried. Was that the voice of help or evil himself?
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" He sounded too distraught to be help. I noticed that now. But that wasn't the reason why I found myself tensed up again.
"What's wrong? You didn't like my singing? But I sang it to you before, remember? Go to sleep Ashley, Be good to Dr. Mandy, I'll give you candy, if you give me your kidney…"
First up, why is Ashley here? Second, I just can't believe Manduh found us. Third, which reminds me, why the hell is AJ so silent? And fourth, WHERE THE HELL AM I?
"You're a stupid Bitch. If you let him scream more, people will soon find us! Thanks!"
Okay, fifth, WAS THAT JUSTIN?
All these questions, could be easily answered, if I had the decency to open my eyes and actually look around. But you see, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to face all these shit anymore. Besides, I'm gonna die, so why should I even care?
This is why I care. I care coz I know AJ is somewhere in here with us. Doesn't matter where 'here' is right now. And he's too silent for his own good, which means, something is not right with him. And then, if my ears served me right, then Ashley and Justin are here with me with the psychobitch, which means, I can't just not do anything. But basically, it's because I'm a human being born with a heart and mind who had been programmed to care.
"Hey…looks like Mr. Carter is finally ready to join us!" Shit! Did I even move? How did she know? Damn it!
So the way I see it, I have no choice. I opened my eyes slowly and was greeted with the glare of the light hanging above me. I winced and turned my head to the left and found Justin cradling AJ's head on his lap. Okay, wassup with that? That is just…wrong.
But I have to tell you that I have no time to be thinking about that, no matter how much I feel like smacking his head for being the way he is around AJ. It's just that, I noticed my brother wasn't moving. That got my full attention.
"What's…wrong…with…AJ…" I struggled to speak. I struggled to do everything and anything these days.
"Can't you tell? The crazy woman hit him." Justin replied, not even looking at Manduh. I didn't either. Maybe if I ignore her, she would go away. "AJ will be fine. Just knocked out for a while." He whispered.
"Call me what you want Justin, you're going to die any way." Why is he gonna die? He's not the one with practically no kidney at all. And speaking of which, I just saw Ashley. He was next to Justin, almost trying to hide behind him. That's not gonna work considering Justin is bulimic these days.
"How…you guys…" Ah damn it all to hell. I give up. I don't even wanna know. I can't even finish a sentence!
"They were having their monthly check ups Nick, isn't that ironic that it's on the same day that you feel like coming in for a check up yourself? Did any of you backside boys ever tell Howie how bad a liar he is? He can't lie to save his ass, let alone yours. I know he was hiding something so I told him I have to do my rounds but what I actually did was find you and AJ."
I know. I've told Howie countless of times, if you lie, don't start winking. But did he listen?
(A/N: Heh…sorry, I HAVE to add this one coz I find Howie's winks sexy, damn he never do that anymore!)
"But that was not before I called Justin and Ashley for a urine test. Stupid boys, they actually believed me when I'm not even assigned to be their doctor! Oh, and a good thing being a doctor here Nick, I have access to everything, yes, even keys to mysteriously locked restrooms."
All talk and no action, I'm getting bored here people!
"Didn't…you…even…know…" that it's her, in the first place? What are you, blind? Didn't you even realize we had the wrong person all along when you took one look at her? Damn, you guys are slow.
"I wasn't too sure…" Justin shook his head in regret. Yeah well, there's nothing that we can do now, right?
"Okay, why don't you shut up and just listen? I have some interesting stuffs to tell you. I don't appreciate you sneaking around, you have no idea how huge this syndicate is. The people who supported this…we have high ranking professional backing us up. What can I say, it's a twisted world we're living in today."
"Like your head?" Justin asked almost too innocently. I wish I could join him but I can't do much but lay still.
"Do you know how much your kidney was worth Justin?"
"There wasn't suppose to be a price tag stupid!"
"Why didn't you just kill us off?" Ashley asked suddenly. I was surprised he asked that question. He was the luckiest among the three of us. I know emotionally, he's distraught, but physically, he's doing great, why ask for death?
"Because Ashley, the person who took your kidney is a fan, now would they want you killed? No! They just want your kidney, the superstar's kidney. Like a memorabilia, you know?" This is just sick!
"You mean…there's someone out there walking around with my kidney in them?" Ashley asked, enraged.
"Yes. And they're all doing much better than the three of you put together."
"Then why did you kill Ryan?" Justin asked. Ashley stared at us in disbelief. He didn't know.
"They…they killed someone?"
"Oh yeah, Ryan. See, he did a big mistake, just like Nick does. He tried to escape. He saw us. Recognize us. So we have to kill him. Now the plan was, we want to kill Nick too, coz he woke up too soon and saw one of us…but he's just too stubborn, his heart just wouldn't stop…so I did the only thing I could…"
What did she do? I'm still alive. She didn't kill me.
"Remember when you were discharged Nick? You didn't get any better did you?" Yeah, so?
"Well, I can't put this in words, I need a volunteer…" Her eyes darted around the room. (Or toilet…don't get picky with words now.) and she went up to Ashley.
"You're the healthy one, so lets just use you." Ashley was on his feet by seconds. He was too afraid to fight back. If my calculations are right, Ashley is much taller than her. He could have stop her, but he didn't.
"See Nick, I gave you this." I didn't know where it came from but there it was, for everyone to see. The syringe went through right above his hipbone, or somewhere there, I don't know. Do I look like someone who's vision is clear? No. I'm one fucked up human being in the head.
Ashley was both shocked and terrified, but I don't have to tell you that right? It's the obvious. What I really want to know is what she had given him, obviously, it was something that she had given me too. And whatever is it was the thing that's making me all sick. Which means, Ashley might get sick too. Which means, he could die.
"What did you just gave him!" Justin shouted. If it hadn't been for AJ, I think he might just got up and hit her.
Ashley was in a daze. I saw him blinking a few times and then he just drop to the floor, his hand to his chest. He was still conscious but he was somewhere else. She did THAT to me? When?
"Time to learn boys. What I just gave him is the concentrated version of Digoxin. It can come in a form of a tablet too, which, I gave you by the way Nick. See, it's a medication for heart patient. Ask Brian, I'm sure he knows. That would explain your double visions and disorientation. But that's not the fun part. If mixed with all the other pills you took for your body, it will give a reaction and it does not make it heal fast, it just makes it worst. That's what killing you, your own medication."
So, all these while, I'm killing myself? I ate all those poisons just so I can kill myself? I know I shouldn't have taken those pills!
I heard a groan and it's coming from AJ. He's waking up! "Don't get up, you're hit pretty bad." Justin said, pulling him back down.
"What the hell hit me? And why are you…"
"How's the head AJ?" Psychobitch trying to be nice?
"Holy fuck! How did she get in here?" Ah, now it's beginning to sound like AJ. He shot right up at the sight of the bitch. Isn't she a looker?
"Your head's bleeding, but you'll live." She said matter of factly.
"You're holding them all prisoner in a damn toilet?" AJ mused.
"And you too, don't forget." Bitch retorted.
"They will find us sooner or later you know." AJ pointed out.
"That's what I've been telling the stupid bitch!" Justin cried as he went over to Ashley who seemed to be having trouble breathing.
"Ash, you okay man?" Stupid question, don't you think so? I heard nothing from him but gurgling. He needs help fast, I don't think he can hang in there any longer. Speaking of which, yours truly need that too.
"I don't care about anything anymore, because of you Nick, they will get me. I know that. But I'm not letting you off easy! We will be here, until you die."
~~~~~~~
What can I say, I'm stubborn. I just want to live. I'm sure the cops are here by now. I'm sure they're thinking of ways to find us. I mean, this damn hospital is like…four stories high. It's not gonna take forever to realize that one of the toilets in the second floor is mysteriously locked. Don't the nurses or doctors in this level ever stop to take a leak?
"Nick, you okay buddy?" What do you think AJ?
"I'm…okay…" Like that will ever convince him.
"You're cold," AJ said as he rubbed my arms for warmth. "This helps?"
"You're just…making me move much…hurts…" Yeah see, this is my theory, less movement, less pain. You're breaking my mantra here.
"Oh, sorry." He smirked and stopped.
"How's…head?"
"I'm seeing stars, but I'm okay. Ashley's doing okay too, I think she didn't inject much to harm him. Justin's not doing well. It's medication time and he didn't have it with him."
"You have to do something…"
"Me? What can I possibly do? She's a psycho. All she did was walk up and down this damn place waving that gun at us!" AJ whispered loudly. Oh yeah, the gun. She showed it off to us a while ago. I say she came prepared. The thing is, she should have use a bullet on me, end it all quick so she can get on with her life, you know?
"I have to die…she will let you free…"
"What are you saying? I have to kill you?"
"You always…wanna…" I smirked.
"Fuck you Nickolas. I'm not talking to you anymore, shut the fuck up!" Don't you just love AJ? He turned and asked Justin something. I can't be bothered to listen.
Then, out of nowhere, someone was banging at the door. Hope! I see hope! I see the screwed up face of the bitch, alarmed by the sudden intrusion.
"AJ? Nick? You guys in there? come on open up, it's me!"
Fucked! That's not Hope! That's…that's HOWIE! Argh! Our only hope is just about to walk into the death trap!
Dr. Kidney Snatcher pointed her gun towards AJ, ordering him to get up. "Open the door, and one false move from you, I'll send bullets to your head."
So AJ did. He unlocked the door, prying at little space as possible, maybe even hoping that he could make eye contact with him to show that something was wrong but knowing Howie, he is clueless.
"Thank God you're here! Listen, we have to move fast, I've got a great news for Nick-" Howie stopped mid sentence.
"How come Justin and Ashley's here?" He asked, confusion taking over, but not for long.
"Hey Howie, nice to see you again, missed me?" Howie's eyes betrayed him. He showed shock and fear as clear as daylight. Manduh had the gun pointed to his head.
"I messed up, didn't I?" Howie sighed, when he saw the rest us slumped in a corner. Nobody spoke. There was no need to. So Howie has joined the gang of hostages. Who's gonna save us now?
"Of course you did Howie! You messed up the last time too, remember? You keep on running when your two friends here were shouting for you to come back. And you remember what happened right? Yes, AJ got kidnapped…it's your fault."
Clever bitch! She wanted to make Howie to take the guilty trip, make him feel useless. And knowing Howie, he might just take the bait. But you see, it's not his fault. It's entirely mine. All these are entirely my fault. If he had killed me back in the motel, none of this would have happen. Is it worth it now? To live and see others took the consequences. One life is already taken, there are four more trapped in here because of me. And Brian…he nearly got killed. And the pain that I let Leighanne went through when she should be having the time of her life…everyone…it's my damn fucking fault.
"Anyway Howie…what was the good news that you had for Nick? Care to share?"
"What if I told you that I am willing to do anything that you ask of me, and I mean ANYTHING, if you let Nick go, all of them go?" What is Howie doing? What the hell is he thinking? Does he really has a plan?
"There is NOTHING that you can offer that is worth anything! Nick WILL die!" It felt strange, almost alien, to hear your name mentioned in the same sentence as 'WILL die'. Especially when you're only 22. I mean, you die when you're a hundred right?
"Even if I can guarantee you freedom to last a lifetime?" Howie asked. He could do that? Seriously? He got my attention now. Do tell!
"You can't do that, don't bullshit me Howie!"
"One phone call and you will have a private jet to fly you to your preferred destination. Passport, clear air ways, money to last forever and a Villa waiting for your arrival wherever it is you've chosen to go, complete confidentiality even I wouldn't know about it. All of these, if you let them go." Whoa! He can do that? He could just buy me a new kidney with that much money! And while we're on that subject…isn't what he's going to do, wrong? I mean, it's a sin right? You're not suppose to help this bitch out.
"What the hell are you doing D? You're NOT going to help her!" AJ shouted, almost loud enough for people outside to hear. So why aren't there anyone coming in?
"If we don't, Nick will die!" Howie shouted.
"Nick will not die! The police will be here any second and they will find us!" AJ yelled.
"Listen to me AJ! Nick will die if we don't get him out in thirty minutes, you hear me! Thirty minutes is all we've got!" Howie shouted.
What the hell? Why will I die in thirty minutes? How come he knows? Is he really an Angel sent by God all this while? That could be a possibility considering how good natured and peaceful Howie always has been. The mystery has been solved at last. I thought a normal human being could actually be nice, that not all are lost in this world, but now I guess they are all lies. Howie isn't human. He's an Angel, and rightly so.
"Are you even listening to what you're saying D? You're NOT God! Don't try to be one!" AJ screamed.
"Yeah Howie, do tell, all of us would love to know how you know all these." The psycho asked, giggling.
"The police are here, they're looking for you. But I just can't wait for them so I slipped past and try to find you myself. I know I shouldn't have let you go. I know something's not right." Howie said calmly to the psycho. "And Dr. Irwin told me that you need a kidney transplant in order to live. He told you this like weeks ago and you didn't tell us." Howie looked at me. I was expecting him to be angry at me, after all, I did lied. But he spoke so softly, like as if I did nothing wrong. That I was forgiven.
"What? Nick, is this true? You're dying all this time and you didn't tell us? How could you?"
"AJ, I know it's not my place, but this isn't the time to be pointing fingers. Nick will die if we don't do anything now. And so would Ashley and I." Justin interrupted. He does look kinda sick now…and Ashley is definitely reacting to the Digo…what's the name again?…yeah whatever..it's reacting terribly in him. It's gonna spoil his kidneys if he didn't get help now.
"That's why I'm offering you all these. I give you freedom, if you give them theirs." Howie said.
Okay, so Howie is a human being after all, but he is my Angel.
"Wait. Nick is going to die, you said so he's going to in 30 minutes, so why do you even care? He will die no matter what." Oh come on bitch! Do you need a reason? He's offering you the life of a queen!
"They found a donor. They have a kidney waiting in the O.R. right now. But in 30 minutes, the kidney will not be suitable for a transplant anymore. Nick will die then."
They found me a donor? I am getting a kidney? It's waiting downstairs!
"Oh really? Well then…"
"So, do we have a deal or not? You loose nothing Amanda. Take it." Did he just call her Amanda? Smooth talker!
"It is tempting Howie. I mean, it would be living the dream. But don't think I'm a fool. You will track me down coz you're splashing out the money for me. You will know where you have to cash in the bill and you will find me. You think I don't know? You think I'm that stupid? Nick will die and that's the end of it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How long does it take to find a missing person in a damn hospital? It's been ten long minutes! I think. God it felt like forever! I don't think I can wait this long. It's so easy to just slipped away. Lying here, I've been doing a lot of thinking. If AJ knew this, he would be saying stuffs like 'catching up with 23 years of thinking will definitely kill you' jokes.
I love my family. How could I bear to be apart from them and do the thing I love to do with the Backstreet Boys is something I could never comprehend. All those years apart…the price I had to pay to be here. No regrets, I said that a lot. But I wish I could just be there more and really grow with my siblings. Be a normal guy.
Then I remembered why I was here in the first place. The passion for singing, being with the boys…the brotherhood I find in them. Not many 22 year old could stand where I am and said I've been doing this for ten long years. It's like half of your life, dedicated for this. Five normal guys, with extraordinary dream, parting ways from the comfortable cocoon of our family, and stuck together through thick and thin.
I remembered of times when we felt so lost. While when the future look so bright, blessed with success, one of us would break down and said that he missed his family. Each of us had been there…tired…but what was it that keep us going? I would say fans, love for the music…but if I really look deep within…I could never come up with the perfect answer. It's not just the music, coz I can still live with music without being famous. I could sing in the shower and still be satisfied. I could go without fans and still sing, for I entertain myself and those who would love to listen. What is it then?
Maybe it's the guys themselves. Like right now. What AJ had done and went through because of me…did he even blame me? No. He almost got robbed too but he never point fingers. What had made him so strong and escape that night?
Brian. Those words he said on TRL…he was worried about me when we should be the one worried about him. He should be angry at me for doing this to him. For almost getting him killed and almost robbing him of being a father.
Howie. The sacrifice he is willing to take. What they did to him. I almost lost him too. Oh God, the helplessness that I had felt when I thought he was dead. The heavy weight plummet down on my chest. I felt so lost.
Kevin had stood strong. I prayed that nothing will happen to him. He is our pillar of strength, my pillar of strength. If he falls, we fall. Like a house of cards. One false move and all came tumbling down.
Yeah. I know now. This bond, is the thing that had kept me going. And I am about to break that bond. I am about to leave. What have I done?
"Hey…what are you crying for huh? You want something?" How could AJ sound so…tender? I shook my head.
"What is it then? Does it hurt again?"
when the lights go down on the city, and the sun shines on the bay, oh I wanna be there in my city…
Hey, I sang that song when I was a kid! Heh…funny…
"Nick, you hear me?" Huh? Oh yeah…I slipped didn't I?
"I'm here bro…?"
"Nick, listen to me. I will not, and I mean, never ever, ask of you anything else if you would do this favour and stay alive for me. For us. Will you do that?" What do you know…AJ is in tears.
"Okay." I replied. Truth is, my life is not mine to control right now. But I can't see him cry. If there is no hope for me, doesn't mean I have to let them be hopeless too right?
"What was that?" Ashley whispered all of a sudden.
"What?" Justin asked.
"I heard something." Ashley replied. "Like a buzzing sound."
"They're sending planes here?" AJ asked. I almost laugh. Almost.
"Damn! It's my cell phone." Howie whispered.
"I've got an idea!" Justin said. Whatever you say, just don't get yourself killed. A funeral each from the Backstreet Boys and Nsync is NOT good for the fans. I could almost imagine them… "Nick died first, and Justin just HAVE to copy him!"
"What?" AJ asked.
"Tell her you need to do your crap."
"What?" Ashley asked.
"You get to go inside the stall. You can read it there." Justin explained.
"Cool, but…think she buy it?" Howie asked.
"You gotta try." True.
"Okay, I'll do it." Howie stood up and I thought I saw him cringed. I knew it! He's ribs aren't really that cured yet. All those walking and stuffs will only make it worst!
"I need to use the toilet."
"You can do it at the bowl, I won't peek." She smiled. Euw!
"I need to do my crap, I can't do it there."
"No. You're not pulling any stunts on me!" Shit!
"Look, I've already offered you my deal and you didn't take it. The way I look at it, it's all in your hand, I'm not even gonna fight. I just need to do my crap, ok?"
She pondered on this for a while, and then she nodded. "Just try to make it pleasant for the rest of us okay?" Howie just smirked and disappeared in the stall.
It seemed like forever just waiting for him. Forever is a long time.
"He's slipping, do something J."
"Nick, come on, don't sleep. We're getting so close. You have to stay with me."
"Why is he shaking like this?" Beats me, I don't even know what's going on in my own body.
"You have to let him go!"
"Relax AJ, that's just another step to dying. Let nature takes it course alright?"
"You BITCH! Let him go NOW!"
"He's free to walk. Can he do that?"
"Nick…come on..please…they will help us…trust me!"
I told you I can't stand this long, did anybody listen? NO.
Mom. Dad. Sisters. Brothers. Maira. Friends. Life.
I give you my part of the deal,
If you promise yours too,
I will let you take me in
If you let the rest slip through
Your deathly grip
hold me now
and let go of
the rest
"Hey Nick, look! Howie's here! He's here okay? He's gonna give us good news, you love good news right?"
"Will you shut up? One more and I will have to kill one of you off!"
"Take a chill pill woman!" Who said that? That was cool!
"So, what is it?"
"The police are still following procedures…it's taking them too slow."
"Damn it! You're telling me they're still surrounding this building and not sending anyone to find us?"
"Yeah. They're still on the first floor."
"We're dead!"
"Nick will never get there in time!"
"What are they thinking? They know that Nick needs that transplant right?"
"We have to do something!"
People! Stop talking! You're hurting my fucked up head! Who said what? I can't even differentiate your voice any more. Shut up!
"That's not what I'm worried about." That you Howie?
"What then?"
"Kevin and Brian are just outside this restroom. Don't ask me how they got here. They just are."
Chapter 21
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