Do I really have to wake up? I mean, I don't want to die but do I have to wake up now? I played around with these thoughts for awhile and refused to open up my eyes until my eyes were practically screaming for me to do so.
Its very, very white in this room. I remembered walking into something like this when we visited Brian after his surgery. That was like years ago. I went back home and started painting my all-white walls with a mixed of yellow, orange and some green walls. I never want to see white walls again, it reminds me so much of being sick and dying. Like they say, what goes around comes around. Now I'm back in this damn white walls and there's no way of running away from it.
The conversation I had with the guys yesterday still bugs me. Why must strange things happen to me? I mean, let's face it, if you get kidnapped, you'd expect ransom and then they either kill you or let you free right? Why do I have to get a kidnapper who wanna cut me open? And what exactly did he do?
I shouldn't have bail out on them like that. It's already difficult for them to explain to me everything and I had taken it badly, now they would think that they had done a bad job. Mom, dad and Maira would know and now everyone's gonna be treating me with caution. I don't want that. I am still the same old Nick. I want things to be the same. That's it, once the guys come for a visit today, I'll make things alright.
"Good morning Nick." My doctor. She had brought a nurse with her today.
"Good morning doc. And nurse." I greeted with a smile.
"Hmm, looks like someone is in a good mood today." She teased.
"Done getting mad already. It's a very strenuous job to be angry all the time." I joked. She laughed. I still have it. Good, humor intact.
She proceeded in taking my temperature and checking the monitor to my left. She smiled so that must be good right?
"Everything's good. At the rate you're progressing, I can release you this afternoon." Say what? Alright! I'm going home people!
"Seriously? I was beginning to like your company." I teased. Yes, when I'm good, there's no stopping me. Nope.
"No kidding? I was beginning to find you irritating. I even planned on a small party for your departure." Smart and funny, a very lethal combination I must say.
"The party sounds good, don't cancel that one." I replied. She nodded her head in resignation.
"Nick, I'm sure you know by now what happened to you right?" Oh oh, serious issue is back. Can't we just pretend like this never happen at all? I guess not.
I nodded.
"But as your doctor, there are some things that I had requested your friends to leave out, because I feel that it's my responsibility to explain it to you personally." What? There's more where yesterday came from? But I can't handle any more surprises, I might just get a heart attack!
"Yeah? Like what?" See how the brain say something and the mouth say another?
"First, I need to ask you, how much do you know?" I saw the nurse pulling out my progress card and left the room with it. I looked back at my doctor who was waiting patiently for me to answer. So, how much do I know huh? Let's see...oh yeah, I just found out I was cut open. I'm just thankful that the asshole actually took time out to give me a shot of something that spared me the pain of actually feeling being cut.
"Someone cut me open, that's about it." I replied, my eyes staring at my fingers, which were by now, fiddling with the blanket.
"Nick, I'm not going to tell you the reasons why he did what he did and how, that would be the police department and I am very sure they will explain it to you soon, but what I can tell you is what your body had gone through medically. You understand?" I nodded. She has this way of talking to people, she looks at you right in the eyes and say it like it is and still sounds comforting. Like mom. Okay, now I can't see her as gorgeous anymore. Not that my mom is not gorgeous, it's just that, you don't fantasize someone who reminds you of your own mother now would you? I'm not fond of incest.
"He traded your kidney with another." Huh? "He gave you a new kidney and it's healthy and so far, your body has accept this new kidney, which is good news."
"He took out my kidney and gave me another?" I heard myself saying. I sounded horrified. I must be. I don't know, I'm feeling kinda numb right now. Why would someone do that? That's about the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life! Doesn't he have any other hobbies? If he's really thinking straight, he should try be a doctor and actually save lives that needed saving. But he was practically trying to kill me that night! I've got stabs on my thighs for prove. And on that note, I just realize they have it bandaged too. Is there any part of my body that was spared?
"Yes. And I can't say anything more, about why he did it and what for, the police will explain it to you. What I can tell you however, is that your health is doing good and the scald on your back and hands are healing really well and the stab wounds on your thighs are healing fine..."
I'm not even listening properly to her anymore. My mind kinda drifted after the part about my kidneys. I can't believe what he did to me. How could he take something in my body and plant in something foreign? I don't care if this new kidney is healthy and what not, it's not mine! What the hell is wrong with that asshole?
"Nick? Are you listening to me?" Huh?
"What?" She looked at me with her apologetic face and shook her head.
"That's okay Nick, I'll tell your family. You get more rest now, I'll finalize your discharge and you should be able to get out of here by noon. Just remember to take it easy okay? Let the police handles this." Easy for you to say. You're not the one with something alien stuck in your body. Well, at least I get to go home today right?
I looked on as she got up and walked out of the room, leaving me alone again. This is beginning to look like a ritual. People coming in and out, telling me new stuffs everyday, shocking ones at that too. Then they leave, feeling relief that they've told everything and I was left to handle all horrified discoveries I was given. Interesting life I've got.
Brian appeared as soon as the doctor left and he paused at the door, gave me a smirk and came in. I returned the favor and he slumped on the chair to my right. He looked like he had not gotten any sleep last night. I think he's troubled by my `blow up'.
"I heard you're coming home today." He said, putting on a cheerful front. I could do that too.
"Yeah, I can't wait. Did you guys put up a surprise party for me or not? I'm in the mood to be surprised." I smiled. The smile on Brian's face gone. He looked somewhat guilty. I laughed. It was painful and I'm trying very hard not to show it but I have to let him know that I'm okay.
"Don't die on me Brian, I was only joking! You know I hate surprises." The color, which was drained from his face seconds ago, returned; along with that half smile.
"Don't shock me like that again Frack." Brian feigned his horrified look. I smirked and then realized something.
"Bri, you think you can get me something to drink, coz I haven't been drinking for quite sometime now."
"They have you on drips right? Okay, what you want?"
"Just plain water will do." He nodded and got on his feet, told me he would be back in seconds and left. My mind wandered off, anxiously waiting for noon. I'll be home then and I missed my bed. I'm not sure if Maira's gonna pick me up or if Brian's gonna drive me. I'm not even sure if Maira knew I'm gonna be released today.
Ow! Where did that come from? Oh wow, another one! Damn, something's not right. Where the hell did that pain comes fr- Ow! Ow! Ow! I geddit!! Stop the pain already! What the- oh, it's coming from the wound again. What do you want now? Haven't you tortured me enough?
I am talking to the damn stitches.
I really need my head checked.
"Nick, you okay bro?" I looked up, Brian was standing at the foot of the door with Evian clutched on his right hand. I let the contorted image vanish from my face and smiled, weakly.
"Nah, I'm okay." I waved off the remark.
"You don't look okay seconds ago." He frowned, approaching me. Trust Brian to drop the matter off.
"I tried to shift a bit and it kinda hurt. Nothing new." I replied with a hint of laugh. He nodded.
"Listen, I'll be driving you home today okay? I stopped by your place this morning and Maira wasn't up so I told her I'd go so she can have her rest. She said she'll be cooking up some great lunch for us." I widened my eyes at the mention of lunch. I'm kinda hungry right now. But it didn't last coz I realize my baby had been losing her sleep too, and it's because of me. Everyone is sleepless and I just woke up from a long, beautiful one. How could I?
Brian opened the bottle cap and shove the bottle at me. I took it and raised my arm to bring it to my lips. It hurts a lot but I didn't wince. I want by bestfriend to know that I'm okay. I refuse to let anyone go sleepless because of me.
"Whoa, take it slow bro, don't wanna you chock on that now." Brian chuckled as I gulp down nearly three quarter of the drink down my dry throat. It hurts to swallow, and my bloated stomach wasn't doing much for the stitches.
"You think they'd allow me to take Mountain Dew now?" I joked. That made him laugh. "So, how come you're so free today?"
"Leigh's away, there's pretty much nothing for me to do. So I thought, why not irritate our friend Nick who is by the way, bored in this hospital?" Great, now he's using my line when he was warded. I never thought he'd remember.
"Ha, ha, very funny Rok!" I rolled my eyes. He gave me his victory smile. "Listen, if it's not a problem with you, I was thinking that, ya know...maybe you could, er..."
"Nick, please don't stammer anymore, you're giving me headaches. Just say it okay?" Where's the patience?
"Okay, I was wondering if you would...ya know...stay over at our house for awhile." Surprised. He was actually surprised.
"You really want that? I mean, wouldn't Maira mind?"
"Brian, you two are like long lost brother and sister, she won't mind." I replied. "Besides, she might be called for assignments and I don't want her to refuse because she have to look after me. And, er, there's some things that I think I'd rather you guys help me with than have her do it. Ya know, guys's stuffs."
He nodded in understanding. "No problem. In fact, we have even discussed it and we decided that its best we take turns to help you. You're not going to go through `therapy' alone. AJ already planned some nasty things he wanted to do to you." I cringed at the last remark.
"This seems to be the perfect time for revenge on Nick." I smirked.
"You have no idea bro. You've done so much in the past, we thought we'd repay some of your deeds." That's it, I have got to have a pen and paper ready. I'm gonna make a list of all the things they did to me so that once I'm up and running again, I'm gonna let them pay. Heh, I've found a new hobby.
*****
12:00 noon
I am finally going home! My doctor had came in with the documents and Brian had signed them. He had left two hours before to bring back some clothes for me to change and so now all I need is to change into them and we're set. But first, comes the ultimate challenge- getting out of the bed.
I did just fine until the point where I actually I have to let go of my grip on the bed. The stabs on my thighs had left my legs feeling kinda numb right now. A nurse came with a wheeler just in time and informed me that I was not to walk for at least a week. I don't like to sit in them and being pushed around by someone else, it felt like my whole movement, is being controlled by someone else. I like being in control of myself.
But I didn't argue coz seriously, I can't walk, let alone stand. So I sit back at the edge of the bed while Brian proceeded to change my clothing for me. The nurse said that I could cut the bandages on my back and arms and take a shower but the bandage on my thighs must be renewed. But that's another thing to worry about, right now, I just want to get rid of this hospital gown.
Brian hit lots of my painful spots but I don't blame him. Seems to me there's not many places left that the asshole hadn't touch. I've never bit my lips as often as I did during this time. I don't want to tell him that every move I make is hurting me, so I kept quiet and scream on the inside. So far so good, I can handle this.
They had bandaged my waist and so the stitches were hidden from view and that really made me feel a little bit better. I don't think I can stand the sight of the stitches now. Maybe later, we'll handle all that later.
"There you go, good as new." Brian chuckled as he finally button up the last one on my shirt.
"Do I get a lollipop for not crying?" I asked innocently.
"Nope, coz you're a big, big, ugly baby." Brian replied and cringed his face. Aw, come on Rok, you know I look good!
"What'ev man. Come on, I wanna go home, start wheeling me!" I ordered. Brian gave me a salute, said `Sir, Yes Sir' and started to wheel me out of the damn room. No more white walls. No more.
*****
I don't believe this, AJ, Kevin and Howie were in my house, waiting for Brian and I to arrive. Big smiles plastered on their faces as I was wheeled in. Maira had ran out of the house when she saw Brian's SUV driving up the front porch.
I thought that it would be kinda weird coz I would be in a wheelchair and I'm not sure how she's gonna react to it, but she acted normal. Gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the lips and then helped Brian to get the wheeler out of his bunk and I was wheeled in, in no time.
"I can't believe you guys are actually here." I beamed. " You guys really love me! I thought you've been pretending all these while coz I was." I joked. That got the house to boom with laughter.
"What? No man. I don't know about the rest, but I am here for the food. So yeah, the feeling is mutual Kaos." AJ mocked. Okay, I deserve that.
"That is so true. Why would I wanna love you, man? That's what the fans are for." Howie added.
"Please guys, don't hate me coz I'm beautiful. It's in the genes ya know?" I retorted.
"Ah, is that where you get that dumb blonde thing going on too?" AJ spat back. Darn, how am I supposed to top that one?
"Hey, at least I'm secure with myself, I don't have to change my hair color every day." That will do it! Yes, I'm good!
"I can't believe it! Not even a day out and they're fighting again." Kevin sighed.
"I would like to thank my lucky stars for always keeping me busy with work, I don't have to keep my boyfriend who is 5 years old company and being in the same bus with you guys." Maira said, holding on the to the ketsup bottle like an award.
"I'm not five years old!" I pouted.
"Okay, break it love birds, I'm starving, let's just eat." Brian said, already heading towards the kitchen.
The kitchen.
That's where it all happened.
I could still hear the soft whining of the kettle lingering in the kitchen, calling out that the water is boiled. I could still see the hazy reflection on it's silver plated body, standing behind me, waiting to pounce. I remembered everything.
I felt my wheelchair being pushed and I jerk. I think whoever it was realized it coz he had stopped pushing.
"Nick, you okay bro?" Kevin.
I nodded. I don't want them to worry.
"You sure?" I nodded.
He started to push me again and I had my hands gripped on the handles. I held my breath, felt my chest tightened. The view of the kitchen slowly came into view, I waited for the worst.
But of course there's no bad guys lurking in the corners, waiting to take a plunge at me. I don't even see the kettle anywhere. What greeted me was the dining table decorated with aromatic food and my friends already settling down, waiting to take that first dive. I know everything would be okay now. He won't hurt me.
Will he?
Nah.
He might...
Okay, we'll talk about that after I've had my lunch alright?
Talk about loosing your appetite.
*****
Lunch wasn't as great as I thought it would be. For two things- one, I found out that all the good food is for the guys, I was forced to eat porridge and drink plain water. "Doctor's advice." They had told me. They said I can't eat a lot at one go or I might just burst open my stitches. Ha, ha, very funny.
Two, I got a phone call from my parents half way during lunch, which I don't mind coz I wasn't enjoying it anyway. They said that things are getting out of hand with my brothers and sisters and mom had to fly immediately. I told them that dad should go too coz I know the kids won't listen to mom, dad is more the authoritarian figure in the family. Mom spoilt us bad. That's why I'm momma's boy. Heh.
So anyway, that got me kinda depressed coz I really wanna see them again. But hey, at least this means that they're assured enough that I would be okay and in safe hands. That made me relaxed a bit.
After lunch, the house kinda got crowded all of a sudden. First, KC, our manager, arrived. He had just returned from a week of vacation and just found out about the whole thing. We all ended up at the living room, chilling out together. That was uncomfortable too, considering I have to stick in this wheelchair while they got the sofa.
Then, came in the bodyguards. All five of them. They had been on duty, guarding other artists while we took time off and were only let off after they managed to get replacements. Tony, my personal bodyguard, took it the worst. "I should be guarding you man, not someone else!" I told him it wasn't anybody's fault. We can never predict something like this to happen right?
So, anyway, here we are right now, talking. I'm glad that so far, none of them bring up the kidnapping. I don't think I like to discuss it right now. Maira was in the kitchen, preparing desserts after desserts. Right now, it's vanilla with strawberry fudge. I love it, love it, love it. I was afraid at first that they might not let me have it, but no one spoke so I got a bowl for myself. That girl is an alien. That's the only reason why she can manage all these kaos. Heh, sorry for the pun.
"Okay guys, I think I'm gonna have to make my move now. I'm still struggling from jet lag." KC announced.
"But...but we haven't even did anything! I haven't burn your hair yet!" AJ whined. I had to laugh to that one.
"And that's why I'm making my move, geddit?" KC rolled his eyes. We said our goodbyes and he told me to take care and then left.
You think that's the end of the surprise? Think again. I had three more visitors. And this time around, I wished they hadn't come.
*****
"This is Mr. Riven, our sketch artist." We shook hands and he gave me a sincere enough smile.
"Maybe you can do this in the kitchen, for more privacy." Mr. Marlon suggested. I realized he was a very private person.
"Better concentration, you understand?" Mr Cameron explained, as he glanced over to where the guys and the all the guards were. AJ was picking on Ken, his bodyguard and everyone else were cheering. Yes, I understand now.
"Okay, let's do this." I said, nodding my head. Maira wheeled me to the kitchen and placed me on any empty space next to the dining table. Mr. Riven took one of the empty seats and started to open his sketchbook. The two detectives wandered around the kitchen, inspecting every crook and corner of my house. I wondered if they had been here, you know, inspecting the crime scene.
"I'll be right over there if you need me." Maira whispered in my ear, pointing to an empty chair at the further end of the kitchen. I nodded my head. She planted a kiss on my cheek and left.
"Nick, are you ready to do this now?" Riven asked me one last time. I nodded. He returned with a nod and waited for me to describe the asshole.
I closed my eyes for awhile, hoping to get the calmness I need but as soon as I close them, his image appeared and lingered. I fluttered my eyes open again. I am so ready for this.
I described his almost square jaw line, how the texture of his face was rough on my skin, so he might be grubby looking. His black hair sported in a crew cut style, very neat for a kidnapper. His thin eyebrows and how they seemed to join in the middle, at the bridge of his nose. His dull, brown eyes, slanting, his thin, crooked nose and his very thin lips. There's nothing much to describe though since I saw him from a distance and considering I was pretty much dying then, I might not be accurate. But put him in a line up and I can pick him out any time.
Several times, I have to stop and recollect my thoughts coz every time I saw his image flashing in front of me, my mind would drift off to the scene in the bathroom. My escape. Other times, I would glance over at Maira for support and she was always ready with a smile. Surprisingly, the detective minded their own business and never interrupted us.
"Is this good enough?" Riven asked me. I studied the sketch.
"His eyes...it's much more...expressionless than that. Like...empty." I replied. He nodded, took the sketch back and did some changing.
"You guys need a drink or something?" I asked to the detectives.
"No, but thanks." Mr. Cameron smiled. I nodded and waited. What's taking him so long?
"You know, there are still things you people haven't tell me yet. And I believe I have the right to know." I said.
"We will Nickolas, after you've finished with this okay?" Mr. Marlon replied. Fine, fine, I'll wait.
Hmmm...hmmm...hmmm...
Hmmmmm.....hmmmmmm.......
"Nick?" What?
"Yes?"
"Here, take a look at the sketch. Is this him?" I took the sketchbook and studied the drawing. He's a very talented artist. I personally think that he's wasting it all away by being a sketcher with the police. It was like staring fear right in the eyes. This is him. The man who ruin everything.
"Yes." I replied weakly.
"Positive?" Mr. Marlon asked anxiously.
"Yes." I repeated myself.
"Good, this will help us a lot. I will make a call to the department right now." Mr. Marlon said as he took refuge to a distant corner of the kitchen for a private conversation on his cell phone.
I can't do this.
I can't take it anymore.
I need to get out of here.
This is where he attacked me.
And he is free.
He will come for me.
I know.
I can feel it.
The pain has started again. It began with a tease, like little needles poking slightly from the inside. Like thousands of ants biting at you. Then it intensified, catching you off guard. I closed my eyes to block away the pain but the image of the asshole, smiling down at me, flashed in front of me. Total darkness and his face. I opened my eyes again. And I saw the kitchen. I saw myself running. I saw the kettle hitting my back. I saw the boiling water scalding my back, my arms, my legs. I saw my head slamming against the wall. My yellow painted wall now with a stain of red on it. Then my body-
"Take me back." I said, interrupting my own thoughts.
I felt Maira coming towards me, saw her kneeling down in front of me. "What is it baby?" She whispered. I think she couldn't hear me the first time. I think I was whispering.
"I want to go to my room now. I'm tired." I said.
"Okay baby, let's go." I saw her standing up, stood behind me and started to push me away from there. I heard one of the detectives asking her where I was going and expressed his displeasure and I heard Maira raising her voice at him, telling him to lay off.
My right hand reached for origin of the pain involuntarily. I don't think I can hide this pain any longer. I really want to scream out loud. Please take this pain away.
But my vision laid upon my friends, crowded in the living room, having a private conversation of their own. Their heads bolted up when they saw us coming. Smiles on their faces.
"Are you okay Nick?" Howie asked. How could I tell them I'm in pain? They're so happy right now. I want them to be happy. I want to be happy.
"Just tired D, I wanna go to sleep." I replied.
"Take all the rest you want kiddo, we'll be here when you wake up." AJ said. Something assuring and gentle coming out from AJ; that is really beautiful. I can't tell them now. It will ruin everything.
Maira had made the spare room we had on the first floor as my room for the time being. I can't climb up stairs just yet. She had overdo herself with the decorations. The walls are painted mild green, my favorite. The bed as comfortable as the one we had in our room.
She reached out for my hands and I used it to balance myself. The pain shot right up my spine as I stood up for the first time. But I have no time to think about it. I don't know how she did it, everything was in blur, but I was in my bed, lying down comfortably. I realized I haven't spoken a word ever since.
"Baby, sleep as much as you want alright? You'll be okay here." She whispered, kissed my forehead and started to walk away.
I reached out for her hand and she spun around to face me. "Do you want a drink?"
"Don't leave me." Where did that come from? Yeah, from the bottom of my aching heart. I felt the tears rushing out fiercely now. I can't believe I'm crying in front of her. I promised not to make her cry. I promised not to worry her with this. What have I done? What kind of a boyfriend am I?
I saw her bending down, shaking her head wildly. "No baby, I'm not gonna leave you, I never will. You want me to stay?" I nodded. I can't speak, I was crying too much to speak, and the pain is killing me.
"Shh...there's nothing to be afraid now baby, you're safe, we're all here." She brushed my hair back, and wiped my tears with her bare hands. But that wouldn't stop me from crying.
"I'm...sorry...I didn't mean to upset you." She shook her head again and climb up the bed next to me. I held my arm out and let her rest on it, snuggling ever so carefully next to me. My arm screamed in protest but I ignored it. It's nothing compared to the pain that was growing on the wound.
"There's nothing to be sorry baby, please don't say that. I will right here next to you okay? I will be right here when you wake up. Go to sleep now, I love you."
Please Lord, I ask nothing more of you but to let this pain go away, so I can be happy for my girlfriend, the angel you sent from above and so I can be happy for my friends, the gift of friendship you've given me through them, so I can be happy for my family, the root to my existence and so I can be happy for myself.