I think dialysis helps me in more ways than one. Other than being my guarantor to continue on living, it gave me time to be by my own and think. Contrary to popular beliefs, I do think. All the time in fact, but most of it are channeled to the wrong thoughts. Well, at least, I'm thinking.
However, my thoughts right now are far from happy. But they're thoughts nonetheless. It's been three days since Marlon had conveniently walked in my ward and told the guys the girl who 'bought' my kidney was battling with her life in the same hospital I am in right now. How ironic.
I've contemplated on the idea of visiting her. Hey, she may have been the reason why I'm in this condition right now, but I'm not rid of emotions and compassion towards others. There were only so much that I wanted to ask her. 'Why' would be the beginner to every sentence I might utter and that was also the reason why I had told the guys that I wasn't prepared to see her, yet.
But the guys had gone to meet her and they said she's a beautiful young woman, all of 18. AJ had nicely put it in a way that if they erase away the many bruises and lacerations on her face, she would look like someone he would have considered dating. I found out that she was an only child, brought up in a rich family (hence the ability to 'buy' my kidney) and lived in Beverly Hills. I say this child was brought up very comfortably enough.
Together with a group of friends, she had decided to take a vacation here in sunny Florida and got herself involved in a hit and run car accident. She was badly injured and doctors had questioned the scar on her abdomen when they brought her in. Afraid that she had medical histories, they did a thorough check up and found that she had a kidney transplant recently. Her friends were asked about this but none had any idea that she had went through such a serious operation. To make the story short, she had confessed of 'buying' my kidney. Everything else just falls in place, almost filling in the missing puzzles to this 'mystery'.
Brian had told me last night how she was crying and begging for me to see her. She wanted to apologize. I don't know what to make of it. I mean, is that all that you can offer me? Your apology? After all that I've been through?
See, this is why I'm afraid to see her. I don't want my frustrations to take over me and I started to lash out everything on her. Not when she's battling with her life. Besides, she wasn't the only one to blame. She was just a part of it. I don't know who to blame anymore. The god damn mother fucker who masterminded all these? Or to that psychobitch who opened me up? Or whoever the asshole in that motel who stabbed me in the legs? Or should I go blaming myself? If I had installed a better home safety system would that discourage my kidnapper to enter my pad? Or if I had been manly enough to tackle him down instead of giving in so easily. Or I should have been more observant enough and noticed that something was indeed amiss when I entered my house that night? I'm so messed up. Welcome to my thoughts.
"…you a drink?" huh?
"What?" Since when was Tony standing in front of me?
"You spaced out again didn't you? I told you to bring along a magazine or something." Like spacing out was something new to me. He should get used to this by now.
"I was thinking."
"Must be some heavy stuff then." You could say that.
"Wassup?" Changing the subject is always good when you're trying to avoid questions.
"You're about done in fifteen minutes, I was wondering if you want anything to drink, I'm going to get myself something."
"Yeah…Evian would do good." Anything to get him to stop looking at me like that.
"I'll be at the back, yell if you need me." I nodded and he left.
Back to thinking again.
Where is Maira? She hadn't called. I did though, last night. I couldn't take it anymore, I missed her voice so I called. And she didn't answer her phone. In fact, it wasn't even on. Was she mad at me? I couldn't tell. I thought everything was fine between us. I called up that guy friend of hers in France only to find out that he had gone to LA for a different show.
When will this dialysis ends? It was not only boredom I'm trying to kick off, it was pain. My right arm looked like something an alien would look like. Too much visible scars from previous dialysis. So far, I had three. It's ugly and it made my veins strained and seemed like protruding against my skin. Green, some small visible purple lines. Gross to say the least. The place where the blood was being sucked in right now, a faint throb keep reminding me of its presence. I really hate it.
I was interrupted in my thoughts again by the ringing of my cell phone. There was no number on the screen, private call, I assumed. I hoped it was one of the guys, I'd really love to hang for awhile.
"Hello."
"Nick!"
It's Maira. I would have screamed at her and tell her off for not calling me all these while and then tell her how much I missed her if it wasn't for the fact that she sounded so scared. Like someone was after her and I was her only hope left.
"Maira? Where are you?"
"I don't have time, listen! Someone is on the way up to kill that girl right now! The girl who has your kidney! You have to help her!"
"Maira, where are you!" How did she know?
"I'm at-" Dead. End of conversation.
My heart started it's alarm drill , again. Part of me wanted so much to find her. I know she was in trouble. But another part of me was reminded of the girl and her latest predicament. I have to stop whoever it was who was going to kill her. I cried out for Tony but he never appeared.
Desperation was settling in comfortably in me. I have to do something. Maira said I have to help her. The dialysis room was empty. No one to seek help to. I looked down at the two tubes stuck in my hand. How do I stop this damn machine?
I tried every button there were and nothing changed. I have a feeling that there is no way to stop a dialysis in the middle of it all. But I couldn't wait another fifteen minutes, she would have died by then. Do not tempt a desperate man as shakespear had said it. How true. I pulled out the tubes, felt the sting but ignored it. I have to save her.
Bad move. My vascular (an access on my hand where the blood would be transferred from my hand to the machine and then back again) was still opened and as I rushed (or stumbled) across the room, blood flowed out of my arm freely. But I was numbed to all pain. I have only one purpose now.
I cried out for Tony once again and he didn't came back for me. I seriously think that he's got some hearing issues to settle. Brian had told me of the girl's room number and where it was located. I had no trouble searching for it since it was late afternoon, not many nurses or doctors around at this area of the hospital.
I've never ran that much in my life before. Maybe I did but right now, I was too drowsy from the dialysis and the fact that I was bleeding profusely doesn't help much either. I remembered my cell phone and with bloodied hand, dialed for Kevin.
Pick up! Pick up!
Where was he anyway? I don't know. He had not came by this morning either. I remembered Brian then. He was in my room, waiting for me to finish dialysis. He had wanted to be there with me but I wouldn't let him leave Leighanne in my ward alone. I dialed for him.
"Brian."
"Someone's gonna kill that girl right now! You have to help me!" I hope he understood what I just said. I tend to slur when I'm drowsy and upset.
"Nick? Calm down! Where are you?" Brian doesn't sound anywhere near calm. Did I scare him?
"I'm on my way to her room! They're going to kill her! I need your help!" I couldn't hold the phone any longer. My hand was throbbing. I dropped it somewhere along the passage and dragged myself further down. Where are the doctors when you need them?
"Somebody help!" I hope I'm loud enough. At the sight I was in, I'm sure I will get their attention.
Just another corner to her room and I saw orderlies and doctors running. I bet it was to her room. Was I late? Is she dead? I wish I know what happened but I don't. This was taking too much energy all of a sudden. I need to stop and take a breather. I have to remind myself that I have only a kidney left. I'm not like I used to be. I felt the cramp creeping up in me again. My ribs hurt as I drew air in my lungs.
I couldn't hear much from where I was standing but it sure sounded like a wrestling match up front. I couldn't go on, I realize that now. I can't save the girl, I have to end it here. The sight of blood covering my entire right hand nauseate me. All the side effects of dialysis were showing it's ugly head. Nice timing to say the least.
"Nick?" I turned around and saw Brian rushing up towards me. I hope he ran fast coz I'm collapsing right about now.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cramps. The first word that came in my mind when I woke up again. I wasn't surprise to find myself in my room instead of on the floor somewhere in this building. I heard footsteps coming in and out of my room, voices whispering somewhere. Some were recognizable, like the guys, and some were just voices in my head. I contemplated on making my wake from slumber known to them. I know they were worried but in doing so, I'd be acknowledging everything else. And everything included pain. Which I hate, of course.
Oh, not to mention, I bet the doctors were mad at my 'stunt'. And the janitor would be cursing at the bloodstains I left trailing behind on his polished floor. And then my mind remembered Maira, and her call. She was in trouble.
"Where's Marlon!"
"What? No love for your brothers?" Someone needs to shut AJ up before I kick his damn butt. Oooh, like AJ is ever gonna get scared with a threat coming out from this helpless being.
"What is it Nick?" Thank God for Brian.
"Maira's in trouble!" And I shouldn't have gotten up that fast. Now it really hurts everywhere and like many other times, I was woozy. Brian suddenly split into two along with the other guys. As if one of each of them is not enough to bear with.
-
It was a huge meeting. We were at one of the conference room in the hospital, which had been like a second home to me lately. There were four doctors, one of whom was Dr. Irwin, the two inspectors, O-Town and their management, Nysnc and their management and of course, Backstreet Boys and their management. If I weren't so weak, this could be very amusing.
Did I tell you I feel special? Yeah, I do. The only reason why this meeting was held here was due to the fact someone wasn't strong enough to make it to the police headquarters without ending up looking like a walking corpse. I have lost my touch.
I was informed that someone did try to kill the girl but she was quick enough to press the emergency button before he could do anything to her. The guy was taken away for questioning and turned out, they received a lot from him. However, all these doesn't interest me. I want to know where Maira was. It was the only thing that was killing me inside.
"Can I ask a question, please?" one of the O-Towners (hehe…made that up myself, yeap, Nicky still has the touch) asked. I think his name is Eric. I know Jacob and Trevor during the rehab incident, and of course there's Ashley. And the other tall guy didn't turn his head when they call for 'Eric'. So…yeah, I think that was his name.
"Yes Mr. Estrada, what is it?" Marlon asked. I have to say both Marlon and Cameron looked better today. I think they had finally shaved their stubs and took a long bath. Maybe there were good news after all.
"We were just wondering, if Ashley, Justin and Nick are here, what happen to Nick Lachey?"
Is that all?
"By 'we' he meant, him and his slightly deformed head." Dan explained with a straight face. I saw the others nodding in agreement as Eric showed his displeasure.
"Nick Lachey is in New York right now. He had been briefed by the officers there. The only reason why we called all of you together is that your cases had been assigned under the Florida's police division." Cameron replied.
The meeting was a detailed one. The Inspectors told us of how for the past six months they had been working hand in hand (or so to speak) with the police force all over the states. They agreed that this was indeed a very huge syndicate that was growing into a trend in the black market. The reason why the Inspectors had to keep most of the information from us was for the fact that more reports were made in New York, making them suspect that the 'mastermind' was operating from there.
We were just a small part of what was to be a whole empire to Darth Vader. And yet to us, we had been through hell and back.
Chris had questioned further if the syndicate involved important people in the medical industry and Dr. Irwin had said that suspicions were raised and was dealt with.
"Remember when Kevin was shot in the hospital?" Marlon asked. We nodded. Like we could ever forget anything. "We caught the two guys along with Doctor Amanda red handed that day and after much interrogations, they told us what they knew."
"We received a list of names of local doctors in Florida said to be in the syndicate too. And the man who kidnapped Nick? He gave us two more names that we later identified as Justin's and Ashley's kidnappers. Just like everything else, even the doctors involved answers to someone else. A name given linked us to a Dr. John Anderson in California." Cameron added.
"Dr. Anderson is, or rather, was, the Chairman to one of the biggest hospitals there." Dr. Irwin explained.
"Hence, proving true that they did had support from some influential figures. That was the reason why this had been a very well guarded syndicate. It was hard to trace out clues since they left practically nothing on the crime scene. Professionals, to say the least. But what gave it away was the obvious fact that all operations were done expertly. No butcher could have done the surgery in some remote hotel and have the victims survived. They need all necessary equipment which could only be found in hospitals. Leaving us to suspect there were inside job as well." Marlon added.
The talk went on about how their next clue was found on the crime scene of Darren Wight. The guy who died. They found a disposed syringe with it's wrapper that conveniently had a stamp to the most famous hospital in New York.
"We had officers working from the inside, seeking information. This was during the time when Nick was stabbed outside of the rehab center. In fact, one of our insiders even claimed hearing two doctors discussing about having to put an end to the threat. Unfortunately, we failed to see that the 'threat' was you, Nick."
"You mean, you could have prevented that incident from happening?" Kevin stormed. And I wasn't exaggerating.
"AJ almost ended up with a kidney himself if it hadn't been so lucky and escaped!" KC followed suit.
"God, Howie almost died!" Brian cried.
"You kept all these information from us all these time?" JC added.
"It could have happen to any of us!" Trevor continued.
Management started to exchange colorful words with the Inspectors, the guys were questioning the system of the police force. Should I even elaborate what the O-Town and Nysnc camps were hollering about? I don't think it's necessary. The entire meeting had gone out of hand. And all I ever want to know was what happen to my girlfriend?
I don't give a damn who the mastermind is. I've already made up my mind that he or she is one fucked up human being. I don't care if they think of me as a threat, as far as I was concerned, it had been for the past. I was stabbed, I survived, the wound had healed, all I was left with were the permanent scar and the painful memory of that day. Can't they see it? I lost more than just a kidney when I was kidnapped.
I don't know if I could ever go on being one fifth of the Backstreet Boys anymore. I don't know if I could sing and dance like I used to be. It had been on my mind for the longest time. I don't want to be the cause of the group's break up. To be the one to disappoint our fans. I had already caused the guys enough troubles. I almost had Brian killed when all he should ever think about was to be a father soon. I almost killed Howie, the sweetest man I've ever known, the man who treasures life more than any of us combined. I almost had AJ gone through the same painful experience I did. I almost had Kevin killed.
Almost.
But there's only so much to a person's luck. Next time, it won't be 'almost'. And I don't want to have to see that day turn to reality.
I don't know if I could still continue the lifestyle that I used to live before all these. I don't know a lot of things. I lost my faith and my confidence. Not only for myself, but for others around me. I don't even know if my body could take in anymore dialysis after all that had happened. I had stretched myself thin and it's killing me slowly. The one thing that had kept me together was knowing that after all is said and done, after all that I had been through, I won't be coming home to an empty house. I have someone waiting for me with open arms. Someone, who's love is undivided. That someone is Maira.
And I'm about to lost her forever just because everyone else were so damn busy arguing about the incompetence of the police force.
"Nick, is something wrong?"
When did the room get so quiet? I could hear my own breathing now. Was I dreaming the whole thing? Or did I just did the famous Nick Carter's spaced out moment? Okay, I think I better answer him now before they thought I really was going nuts.
"Why? Should it be?" I asked Howie nervously.
"No…you were so quiet, we got so worried." Hence the sudden silence. I'm touched guys. No, seriously, I was, am, yeah, whatever.
"Nothing's wrong Howie, I'm okay." I replied.
"Then what's this?" Howie's movements shocked me. He held his hand to my face and swiped away the single tear that had managed to drop. I swear to God I didn't even know I was crying. Oh embarrassments!
"I'm sorry about what you had to go through Nick. You've been strong, don't falter back now." Marlon said. What does he know about what I've been through? It was unnecessary for him to say that. It sounds so fake.
"You've been enlightening us with all these facts Mr. Marlon, which I'm sure everyone appreciates. I admire your dedication as well as Mr. Cameron's. But I need to know only one. What happen to my girlfriend?"
Please don't tell me she's dead! Please! Anything but that!
"Ms. Maira is safe and sound Nick. She's in custody with us right now." Marlon replied.
"She's safe, you say?" I asked.
"Yes."
"Then why didn't you bring her along?"
"She's under arrest for a hit and run accident."