I know these lost souls. They are just like me. In the brink of two worlds. Uncertainty lingered around us. What was taking the Man up there to make up his mind? Are we going to die or back to where we were?
An old lady, she was among the crowd 'the Losted' as I had named them, bent down and reached my hand. Of course, we just went through each other, none of us solid. But the pain was, and I was screaming for help. Death would be a gift for me now.
"You're not going anywhere, stay."
I could never forget that face. She made me longed for my mum. I feel isolated, alone, one, lost.
~*~*~*~*~*~
"It's okay Nick, don't try to speak." Something was blocking my airway, my throat to be exact and in my panic I just feel the need to scream. The fatigue now dawned upon me once again, engulfing my body which only a second ago, felt numb. How could I not scream? I need air and I'm not getting any. I need relief and I'm getting pain.
"Nick, the more you struggle, the more you will feel the pain. Listen, I will take this thing off right now, you can breath on your own, you want that?" I just want for the pain to go. Is that too much to ask?
I felt my body grew limp once again, I'm giving in to their demands. One of them complimented me for that and I found no flattery. He told me to breath out as he pulled that thing out of my throat. He said it's not going to sting, I said he's a much bigger liar than AJ. I coughed and that means the wound, the stitches, they were tearing me apart.
"Calm down now. Take deep breathe, normally. Don't panic on me." I tried listening to him since I couldn't trust my eyesight yet. There were still blurry from the headache and the tears that were beginning to flow carelessly. How could I survived all these?
"There you go...welcome back Nick, you've been gone for too long." I didn't say anything. I don't know what to say. What could I say? He checked my I.V. and told the nurse something in medical language I assumed coz I certainly don't understand it. Finally realizing my contorted face, he asked if I was in pain. I thought this was a lame question. Something that a doctor should know without even having to ask the patient. Did he think I had my face like that for fun?
He promised to give me some medicine for it once my body could accept more. And for the time being, I was to bear with the pain. What else is new? I tried to ask for my family, the guys, Maira but nothing came out. I had lost my voice. I'm not surprised considering they had that pipe thingy down my throat for God knows how long. The doctor understood my predicament and told me that I was to be isolated for an unconditional period of time for fear of infections. I'm to stay in this room with the companion of pain to call my own. How nice.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Time was no longer against me. I had ample supply of it. Spent most of it just staring into space, gradually feeling the strength coming back to me. I have not heard of my family and friends for days now. It seemed like forever though. The doctors and nurses who attended to me would pass messages from them. Even a note with their scribbles would have mean something to me but even that was not allowed to enter my 'domain'. They had a TV set in here but news of me being in the condition that I am in right now never failed to be mention. It's like the only thing that they could ever talk about.
From the news, I found out that the whole 'celebrity kidney stolen'saga was released to the public. Names were kept confidential but being the nosy people that they are, Nick Carter, Justin Timberlake and Ashley Angel are just some of the names linked. And the facts that supported their claim were pretty much impressing. I especially like the report on 'Nick Carter and Justin Timberlake sent for counseling at the rehab centre for drinking is nothing but a cover up. If there is any truth in it, they were there for counseling for the mental trauma that they were suffering from...'I have to give credit where it is due; they are great at what they do, don't you think?
Nora, one of the many nurses assigned to 'attend'to my 'needs'entered with her trademark wide smile. It makes me sick that when I am sick, someone else is smiling.
"How is my favorite Backstreet Boy doing this morning?" Nora asked as she checked my I.V. and then scribbled something on my chart board. In her early forties, I learnt from the staffs that she was the Head Nurse in the hospital and had worked very closely with that psychobitch on a number of occasion. She was as distraught as the rest of the hospital staff after finding out that there were highly respectable doctors and orderlies involved in the syndicate.
"I'd be happier if you'd bring your pretty daughter along." I teased her. In times when I was getting really, really bored and down, she would visit during her break and told me stories of the kind of people she encountered in the hospital and then one day, she had shown me a picture of her daughter, who was two years my junior. I had pestered about meeting her daughter every time she came in now.
"Not going to happen young man." And then I would teased her more about how I could be a nice boyfriend if I want to and she would throw in some sarcasm about boybands being players and I would always try to outsmart her. But Nora being too friendly has its'downside too. It means she was about to do something that I don't like.
"It's time to clean the stitches." Nora said once the 'fun time'had ended. It's not the whole process of having even the softest cotton to touch the wound that bugged me to no end; the pain was like a norm for me now, it's the whole process of not being able to do anything else and forced to look at it that does.
"But we just did last night." I argued. Hoping that it was mistake on her part. But then again, she's the Head Nurse for a reason, and that is, she never makes mistake.
"Don't be such a baby now Nickolas, do as Nora says." She put on her stern voice, which failed miserably to scare me. I sighed and she proceeded to raise the bed up and untie the hospital gown, pulling it down to my waist, revealing the ugly scar. Oh, there's one tiny detail I forgot to tell you. As much as I can talk non stop, I can't move.
Nora was the only human right now I let to clean me up and I shall not let you in the gory details of relieving myself these past few days. Let's just say humility had no room in this place. It was a long scar down to my right side, a few inches away from the old scar that I had. My 'take a peek at my peck'days are over as far as I am concerned. I tried not to make faces while she tended to it but that only got me hot and flushed in the face and Nora said that I looked like a furnace. What did I tell you about others making fun of my misery?
She was covering the stitches with the bandage around my waist when the Doctor came in. He's doctor Mills by the way. Middle age, I think about three years older than me, told me that he's the youngest doctor here so I need to worry about his practice. I say the guy's dry sense of humor works very well with me.
He went over to Nora and started checking the stitches, talking between themselves, forgetting that I was there and it was my body they were discussing about.
"I have good news for you Nick." Ah, finally. I looked at him questioningly since I had lost my ability to speak at that time. If you have someone as agile as Dr. Mills here poking on your wound, you would be lost for words too.
"You're progressing very well, in fact, we're going to lift off the 'isolation' boundary and let you have visitors." Not to sound ungrateful, I gave him a half smile, the only thing I could managed so far.
"Is he always this crappy in the morning?" He asked Nora, mocking me in the process.
"Always. The ungrateful child, we clean his wound and give us the could shoulder." Nora frowned, shaking her head as she played along. I rolled my eyes and slumped my head back down to waiting pillow as she lowered the bed once again.
"I'll let you freshen up a bit and rest for at least two more hours before I let them in. You look like you need it." Dr. Mills said before he left. As much as I wanted to see them all, I had to agree with the doctor, I do need my rest.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Nora had made me changed into a new hospital gown and had taken the liberty to comb my messed up hair and applied some talc power on my face before letting them come in. She had told me frankly that although I was getting better, I was still on the pale side and she thought that a little 'cover up'will do everyone good.
My family came in first and mom immediately cried when she realized that I couldn't practically raised my arms for a hug. But it went well though, we talked but none of them brought up that number one subject. I'm cool with it though, coz I'm not sure if I was ready to talk about it.
The guys came in shortly after and although they looked so tired and drained, there were only smiles on their expression. It went really well, but I had to stop AJ from making too much crazy stuffs coz laughing will be the death of me. They too, didn't talk about the 'that'. I asked them about Justin and Ashley and it seemed that both of them were discharged two days after the incident while I struggled for my life for three days after the transplant. Plunging into cardiac arrest while on the operation table and then spending three days in coma and then a whole week of just slipping in and out of consciousness while in isolation. Truth? I don't remember all these. I woke up one day feeling very much awake. I did not slipped in and out of consciousness, and had been that way for like five days now. If you even bother to do the maths for me, how long was I in this room?
Maira only came that evening after everyone had left. She had an assignment to finish that day and didn't know about the isolation period being over. Intimacy aside, I hate to have her see me like this. It went well at first, Maira had always been the strong one in our relationship. If it hadn't been for her, I would have gone out of control years ago. So it really shook me up when she slipped her slim figure next to me on the bed, holding on to my shoulder and started crying.
"I lost you." The words that escaped from her mouth in between her cries. I wanted to ask her if what she meant to say was 'I love you'instead but she kept repeating it and it definitely said 'I lost you'. What did she means by that? Is she going to leave me? I held her close instead, hoping that it wasn't what she had meant. Before I know it, we had slept in each others'arms, and by the time I woke up, it was already late in the night and she had successfully left without waking me up.
Groggy and realizing a faint spell of headache was working its way to a full blown war, I tried to make sense of her sudden disappearance. Did she really mean it that way? She's going to leave me? Why? Because somehow having just a kidney made me disabled in a way? Does she really think that?
I had no time to think about it anymore, a nurse just entered my room. A male nurse to be exact. I think all the female nurses were getting bored of my whining. I managed to carve a smile and told him that I need something for the headache and I'm not going to take no for an answer. Yes, I am being an asshole about it, but do I care? No. My girlfriend just left me and I have a huge headache. I am peachy so deal.
The nurse, he gave me more than just a pill, he injected something into my I.V. and told me that it would help to make me sleep easily. I really appreciate that and I told him so, but all that came out were slurs that even I don't understand. He was telling me something but I couldn't really hear it. It was like all the cheery music you hear at the fair colliding with each other, making one hell of an awful noise. And it wasn't fun anymore, I felt a burning sensation to my chest, making it hard for me to breath. I told him of my predicament but he ignored me and left. Somehow, I don't think he works for this hospital.