"Have you seen all the before and after
photos of men and women in their skivvies, for instance the folks
who have embarked upon a Body for Life 12-week challenge? Can you
believe they let someone take those pictures of them, with their
rolls upon rolls of globular gushiness and cellulite smeared on
top for good measure, and that they then publish the images in print
or on the web for God and everybody to see?"
"Well, I'm ready for some holiday music.
Since my gangsta-rap project (Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas) didn't
take off, I've decided to try another approach this year. You people
better go for this idea,'cause the next project is a cd of women
moaning Christmas carols (a la "When Harry Met Sally"),
destined to be called "The Jingle Sluts". (cover art pending...)"
"No, it won't be by jihad, or nuclear
war, or yet another "last" season of "Friends."
All of these are threats, of course, but today the real, imminent
end of the Earth was revealed.
In Japan, according to CNN, the world's fastest computer is now
simulating the Earth. That, folks, as innocuous as it appears, is
all she wrote. How?
I'm not saying the machine has evil intentions. But it's simulating
the entire Earth. And at some point it's going to take a close look
at its simulated version of Yokohama, and there it will find...
a simulated supercomputer, simulating the entire simulated Earth.
And that simulated supercomputer will be at that moment taking close
look at its simulated simulated version of Yokohama, and there it
will find..."
"Ok. 55k. I'm still hoping to reach
75k before the end of the month, so there will still be a book there
after I cut out the crappy parts (at worst, I will end up with a
nice haiku...), but I'm taking a break from this. I'll let it sit
until the weekend or next week, try to clear my head, waste my time
with this time waster that I found here, let the MSS cool off, then
read what I have so far and see what makes sense and what doesn't."
"So, to maximize my chances in this
area, while still looking for a more managerial (read better paid)
position, I am inverting my hair. That is the stuff on top comes
off and the stuff underneath gets to show what it can do.
You still clueless?
Or did the picture up there sort of give it away?
Congratulations – apply for University Challenge or Who Wants
to be a Millionaire? You win the fun size mars bar. Yes, I am shaving
my head and growing a goatee."
"BlogSnob™ is an experimental
service for members of the blogging community. It enables you to
tell everyone Out There about your blog, thru simple textbased ads.
It's FREE, it's fast, and it's downright simple. Besides, it's a
great way to get to know about new blogs!"
"I'm sick of stupid people that don't
even know what the hell bandwidth is and what it's used for, and
why you don't always need a lot of it when you're building your
first fucking website. Stupid bastards. You also don't need to find
a host that doesn't have adds. Why? Because you'll never find one.
Just look for one that has adds on the page and simply block them
out with a style sheet above it. It's as simple as that. Sure, you
may have some scrolling issues if you use iframes then, but iframes
are mostly shunned anyway. Sure, I've used them, but you really
should be able to create a nice site layout without them. You simply
have to be proficient at data organization. It doesn't take a genius."
"Many of you may have watched the Super
Bowl yesterday (and many of you Raider fans may be identifying with
the book of Lamentations this morning). I told my congregation yesterday
morning to watch the commercials as evidence of the what the advertising
world believes our values to be. The annual exam of Super Bowl commercials
was bleak indeed. One needs no x-ray or blood test to tell that
at least football fans are beer-swilling, weak-willed, sex-craving,
shallow, relationship-impaired, idolaters."
"So I've had all this energy, and I
find I'm returning to a state that's very natural and wonderful:
a State of Martha. I'm enjoying getting more organized, and doing
things for my home. I'm even cooking (tonight: chili-roasted cod
drizzled with lime-cumin sauce, and a side of orange sweet potatoes)."
"Anyway, last night, we were listening
to that lullaby CD as we were sort of hanging out. i think I was
cleaning up the kitchen and Coley was playing on the floor in the
kitchen. When that song came on, Coley stopped what he was doing
and looked at me. I sat down on the floor and he crawled into my
lap and held me...and SANG TO ME! It was so beautiful, I almost
cried. My little hoarse-throated guy. *sniff*"
"You've had everything go wrong, everyone
has shouted at you, you feel more and more angry. Perhaps you might
even feel violent, the stress building up so much that you can visualise
getting a gun and wiping them all out.
Calm my friend, calm.
Try painting by numbers, and remember, it doesn't matter if you
get the wrong colours or go over the lines. Its ok. We care."
