PARIS: Relax, I'm okay with you making valedictorian over me.
RORY: Oh, good, thanks.
PARIS: Sure. I actually googled the personal histories of Ivy League valedictorians going back twenty-five years, and found some enlightening statistics. They don't necessarily do too well in later life, did you know that?
RORY: No.
PARIS: Oh, yeah. A lot of business failures, crumbled marriages, suicides, obesity.
RORY: Okay.
PARIS: A bunch died in car crashes, several did time, one suffocated when his cat fell asleep on his face.

TAYLOR: People, do I have to detail the problems that these deer cause?
LUKE: No, but you will.
TAYLOR: Lyme disease, auto accidents, plane accidents.
LUKE: We have flying deer?
MISS PATTY: Oh, that's scary.

SOOKIE: Maybe we should bring it in a bit more.
RORY: Oh sure, but first we'll have to use a medieval torture instrument to crush my ribs and flatten my spinal cord in order to accommodate your sadistic wish there.
LORELAI: Don't use subtlety on us. We're slow.

RORY: How was my speech?
LORELAI: It made everyone cry, including stone cold Luke.
RORY: Luke, you old softy.
LUKE: I will never live this down.

RORY: You know, it's weird, most of the time I really hated you.
PARIS: Yeah, I really hated you, too.

RORY: You got me a car?
RICHARD: We got you a car.
RORY: That's amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Which one is it?
LORELAI: Or did you get her one for every day of the week like the underwear?

RORY: Mom, wait.
LORELAI: Hurry, hurry.
RORY: This outfit produces a lot of wind resistance.

LORELAI: Geez, is there anything in this whole room that some famous dead person didn't have something to do with.
[they hear some people walking by]
LORELAI: Ooh, cool it, cool it. And this is some very interesting architectural do-dads and hoo-ha's.
RORY: And wingdings and tum-tum's.

LORELAI: Wait, wait. Look around for a second. Notice?
RORY: Notice what?
LORELAI: It's not so scary anymore.
RORY: No, it's not.

LORELAI: I forgot that pillows don't have to smell like feet. You know, I have to say, I think it's good I did this hostel thing in my thirties, and I'll tell you why.
RORY: [hugging the clothes in her closet] I missed you, I missed you all!
LORELAI: If I had done it in my twenties or teens, I would've been naïve enough to think that hostels were exotic and romantic. But once you're in your thirties, you've lived enough to know they're gross and should be avoided at all costs.

RORY: Very nice. Hey, who are the rosary beads for?
LORELAI: They're mine.
RORY: What do you need rosary beads for?
LORELAI: They're cute.
RORY: They're for prayer.
LORELAI: Well, pray they match my blue suit?
RORY: They have just upgraded you to a queen-size bed, Jacuzzi tub, junior suite in hell.

LORELAI: Huh. Wonder what that's all about. So. . . are you gonna name him Lorelai?
SOOKIE: Absolutely. That wouldn't be confusing at all.

LORELAI: Bonjour, Luke. Pouvez-vous attacher vos chausseurs?
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Uh, hi, Luke. Do you know how to tie your shoes?
LUKE: Very good.
LORELAI: Yup. It came in handy, let me tell you. Not one shoelace fatality on my watch. [he sets a mug in front of her] You remembered.
LUKE: Yup. A couple things about you stick. You have a good time?
LORELAI: Vos odeurs de chat.
LUKE: What's that?
LORELAI: Your cat smells.

KIRK: A nutcracker's a very useful thing to have around. I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting in my living room with a nut thinking, "if only I had a way to crack this."

LORELAI: Well, look on the bright side. I mean, now that you've been married, it'll silence all those questions.
LUKE: What questions?
LORELAI: You know, a single man of a certain age who lives alone.
LUKE: You're kidding.
LORELAI: Hey, I always defended you. I always said, "Hey, so what if he is?"
LUKE: Thank you for your support.

LORELAI: Or you could do the "going off to college" walk.
RORY: The what?
LORELAI: The walk, the this. [imitates the walk]
RORY: You look like Alfalfa coming to pick up Darla

LORELAI: This is a misogynistic truck!
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: It's anti-woman, it's gender-selective, it's "Oh, let's drink a beer and watch the game and hike our shorts up."

LUKE: A shift diagram for the truck, nice and simple. D is for drive, R is for -
LORELAI: The R in drive!
LUKE: R is for reverse.
LORELAI: Right, reverse.
LUKE: And one is -
LORELAI: The loneliest number that you'll ever know!

RUSSELL: Didn't you read the papers?
LUKE: Yeah, the Red Sox lost by three, Bush is at the ranch chatting up a Swiss dude.
RUSSELL: The divorce papers.

TANNA: I'm not so great at extemporaneous speaking, so I've memorized some quick conversational facts I can whip out at a moment's notice. Oh, when I get to know you better, I'll memorize some facts that are more specific to your person

LORELAI: Well, I can't take it back to Yale.
LUKE: I'm not storing your microbe mattress, forget it.
LORELAI: Well, then I'm stuck here.
LUKE: Fine, because I need my truck back.
LORELAI: Fine, but that leaves you with the mattress.
LUKE: I'm not taking the mattress.
LORELAI: Then let me take the truck.
LUKE: But that means you take the mattress.
LORELAI: I can't take the mattress.
LUKE: Then you can't have the truck.
LORELAI: But that sticks you with the mattress.
LUKE: If you take the truck, it comes with the mattress.
LORELAI: I can't take the mattress.
LUKE: Then you can't have the truck.
LORELAI: And that sticks you with the mattress.
LUKE: We've been here before.
LORELAI: I recognize that tree.

PARIS: Yeah, but I was pretty lost. Then my rabbi conferred with my therapist who said a hypnotist he knew thought a life coach would be right for me, and that led me to Terrence. He's here to assist me with whatever I need assistance in, from wardrobe to diet to finding me a kick-ass gynecologist.

RORY: Everything's so foreign. I have to share a bathroom. I've never shared a bathroom with anyone but you. So I'm gonna be running into people in the bathroom, we're gonna have to make small talk. I don't know any bathroom small talk.
LORELAI: Um. . .gee, your hair smells terrific?

RORY: You couldn't wait for me to get out of the house. What were you doing when I paged you - turning my room into a sewing room? I should hate you, not miss you. Do something to make me hate you.
LORELAI: Uh. . .go Hitler!

LORELAI: That'll get the girls talking. We'll be those dirty, filthy, almost-French Stars Hollow girls. [in French accent] Oh, we spit on you, you repressed puritanical ninnies.
RORY: [in French accent] We smirk in your general direction.
LORELAI: [in French accent] We cast sidelong glances that are vague but slightly threatening.
RORY: [in French accent] We eschew your quaint double entendre for the appealing lasciviousness of the entendre singular.
LORELAI: We. . .eh. . .I'm out.

[they hear a howling sound]
LORELAI: Is that some guy howling?
RORY: I don't know, sounded like it.
[they hear another howl]
LORELAI: Sounds like the guys' floor had some fun tonight, too.
RORY: I'd say so.
[there's another howl; Lorelai responds with a howl]
RORY: Mom!
LORELAI: Well, if no one answers him, he may never stop.
[several guys start howling]
LORELAI: Or it'll get a bunch of other guys howling, one or the other. [howls again]
RORY: Oh, boy.
LORELAI: It's fun.
[Rory howls]
RORY: It is fun.
[they both howl]

RORY: She gets more done before nine than other people do all day.
LORELAI: She's a craft person now, so it's not safe to leave anything around her anymore.


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