ZACH: "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is memorable and classy.
BRIAN: I run out of breath every time I say it.
ZACH: You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.
DAVE: Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illnesses.
BRIAN: Even without an inhaler, "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is too long.
ZACH: Yeah, but when we get famous, our fans will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.

JESS: Ah, yes, I almost forgot about the prom.
RORY: No, you were trying to forget about the prom.
JESS: I agreed to go and I am a man of my word.
RORY: How's that arm I twisted?
JESS: I got the feeling back in it.

LORELAI: So, what's going on with Luke here?
SOOKIE: I don't know. I've been keeping my distance because of what happened.
LORELAI: What happened?
SOOKIE: Well, he was lying on the floor pretty much like that, tinkering with stuff back there, and I got down and leaned in to see what he was doing, and after a while, I realized that the whole time, my hand was on his butt.
LORELAI: Sookie!
SOOKIE: It was an accident.
LORELAI: It's getting very Cinemax at night in here.
SOOKIE: It was embarrassing.
LORELAI: Uh huh. So, how was it?
SOOKIE: His butt?
LORELAI: Yeah.
SOOKIE: It's got a nice shape to it.
LUKE: Will you two stop talking about my butt?
LORELAI: It's all positive.

[they walk into the kitchen; some boys are standing around the keg]
JESS: Hey. What's up with you guys?
KYLE: Stupid keg.
MARSHALL: It's not working.
JESS: Where's the tap?
KYLE: The what?
JESS: It's a keg, it's sealed. You need to hook up a tap to pump the beer out.
KYLE: I told you the thing in the bag did something.
RICK: [pulls the tap out of a bag] No instructions.
JESS: Jeez. [he attaches the tap to the keg] There, start pumping.
MARSHALL: All right. To Jess!
KYLE: To Jess.
RICK: To Jess.
JESS: Yeah.
KYLE: Yeah.
RORY: You and Springsteen, the working man's hero.

DEAN: She's not a music freak like you.
RORY: Well, we all can't be freaks.

JIMMY: I don't know. You're nodding your head. Why are you nodding your head? You're shrugging your shoulders. You're nodding your head and shrugging your shoulders. Why are you nodding your head and shrugging your shoulders? Will you stop nodding your head and shrugging your shoulders? Sasha, come on.
SASHA: I'm gonna pick up the pizza.
JIMMY: Just have it delivered.
SASHA: The delivery guys are too stoned after six to find the house, it'll take forever.

LORELAI: Oh my God, she was like a thousand when I was ten, I can't believe it.

LORELAI: Mom, it's seven o'clock.
EMILY: So?
LORELAI: That's your dinnertime.
EMILY: I don't have a dinnertime, Lorelai.
LORELAI: You don't have a dinnertime?
EMILY: No, I don't.
LORELAI: So all the years I grew up in this house, we did not sit down to dinner at exactly seven o'clock every single night?
EMILY: No.
LORELAI: I just imagined that?
EMILY: Lorelai, I don't know what your obsession with dinnertime is.
LORELAI: My obsession with dinnertime is that it was always at seven o'clock, now all of a sudden, it's not. Is it because I'm here?
EMILY: That's ridiculous.
LORELAI: It is. I'm here, and if you served dinner, Miss Manners would insist that you invite me to stay and you don't want to, so you're going to pretend that dinner is suddenly whenever you feel like it.
EMILY: Lorelai, do not get dramatic. Dinner is not ready, and even if it was, I would still not be able to invite you to stay because your father and I have plans tonight. We are eating quickly and then leaving.
LORELAI: To go where?
EMILY: The Thompsons.
LORELAI: For what?
EMILY: Book club.
LORELAI: What book?
EMILY: Lovely Bones.
LORELAI: Did you like it?
EMILY: It's not my taste but I respect the attempt.
LORELAI: Now I know where I get it from.
EMILY: We'll have dinner another time, all right?
LORELAI: Uh, so, are you kicking us out?
EMILY: I told you, we have plans.
LORELAI: Or do you just wanna get that dinner of yours that's been ready for ten minutes now on the table?
EMILY: Lorelai, please.
LORELAI: Tell me this - if I couldn't stay but Rory could, would you want her to?
EMILY: Of course I would, but as I told you, your father and I have plans.
LORELAI: So she can't stay even if I'm gone?
EMILY: No, she can't.
[Richard comes to the doorway]
RICHARD: Emily, for heaven's sake, it's 7:10. Why aren't we eating?
LORELAI: Oh, hi, Dad. Listen, um, Rory was gonna stay for dinner if you guys don't have plans.
RICHARD: Of course we don't have any plans. Oh, I'm thrilled, Rory is staying. You just livened up a very boring night in the Gilmore house.
LORELAI: Enjoy your dinner. And Mom, get yourself an agent 'cause you're wasting that talent of yours in dinner theater

LORELAI: Now no one's around, but the second I run that light, a police car, four helicopters, the Canadian mounties and the crew of Cops jump out of a dumpster and I'm toast.
RORY: Paranoid.
LORELAI: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, my friend.

JIMMY: You know, when you left home, were the cops after you?
JESS: No.
JIMMY: No 'cause they shouldn't be or no 'cause they haven't found the head yet?

JESS: You have nothing? I have nothing! I have no place to go. I can't stay at Luke's, I can't stay in Stars Hollow. My mother is a wackjob. I mean, you're saying you're this loser and what, you don't wanna take me off this terrific path I'm headed down right now? I'm not graduating high school. I don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of my life, but something's telling me I better find out soon or I'm gonna be that guy out there on the boardwalk selling the hemp hats.
JIMMY: I have one of those. It's a good hat.

JIMMY: I have to talk it over with Sasha.
JESS: Just tell her I'm a dog.
JIMMY: Great idea. Maybe you can sit there and lick yourself while she decides, you know, help sell it.

LUKE: Well, the first night on the boat we, uh, went to see an act that everyone was raving about. We go in, sit down, they close the door. Turned out to be a guy playing musical drinking glasses. You know, with the half-filled cups that give off different tones. He played Mozart, and I swear I could hear Mozart banging on his coffin. Out of politeness, we stayed, and there went an hour of our lives. Next night, the sign in front of the theater said the entertainment for the night was a guy singing the songs of Sinatra. We verified with the guy at the door, the songs of Frank Sinatra, right? Not Tina, not Frank Jr., not Bill Sinatra, but Ol' Blue Eyes. "Yes," he says. "It's like Frank come to life." We go in, sit down, they close the door. Then they announce that the guy singing Sinatra is sick and the glass-playing guy is filling in. Out he comes, there's goes another hour. Next night, we meet a nice couple while walking the Lido Deck. Had some nice conversation, so we have dinner with them. Everything's going great. Then they invite us to go somewhere afterwards - guess where they took us? That's right, to see the glass guy. Three nights in a row, three hours total. Well, that's what I want - I want those three hours back.

RORY: It's shopping week.
LORELAI: Isn't it always?
RORY: The first week of school is called shopping week. You get to try out as many classes as you want before you pick the ones you want to stick with for the semester. I picked over fifty classes I'm gonna try out, plus another ten I'm gonna squeeze in if I have the time. They all sound completely amazing. I stayed up all night reading the class subscriptions over and over.
LORELAI: You do know that if you weren't so pretty, you would've gotten the crap kicked out of you every day of your life.

LORELAI: When you started elementary school, you told me the teacher wanted to meet all the parents at 6:30, and when we got there, the school wasn't open yet.
RORY: I did that once.
LORELAI: No, you got away with it once. You tried it every year.

LORELAI: My mother - she was here. I can feel it.
RORY: Grandma hasn't been here.
LORELAI: Smell that?
RORY: Smell what?
LORELAI: The room - it smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5

RORY: Last night. Her name's Janet.
LORELAI: What's she like?
RORY: She jogs.
LORELAI: Enough said.

RORY: Okay, see you Friday. [hangs up] My grandmother broke into our room and furnished it.
TANNA: Did she put that fireplace in, too?
RORY: No, Tanna, the fireplace was always. . . hey, why don't we take a little tour of the place, okay?


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