EMILY: Well, you’re crude and unprofessional.
LORELAI: Well, I’d like that on my tombstone, please.

BABETTE: For every good woman there’s a dirty little wolf just ready to lead her astray. You can’t help it, he’s got the eyes, the chin, the chest hair you could carpet your dining room with. . .I mean, what’s a woman to do? We’re not made of steel for God’s sake.

LORELAI: Finger food, aka snooty little balls of attitude.

LORELAI: Hey, that burger may be a disgusting burger but at least it considers me its equal.

LORELAI: Well, you can’t not have a pointman ‘cause then what’s the point?

Lorelai: For the tassel 'cause you know I have a thing for fringe.

Lorelai: Child what be your name?

Lorelai: I need to relax, get a cup of coffee, maybe nail a nail into my head.

Rory: What does a stroke feel like?
Lorelai: I dunno. Bad.

Lorelai: Take a breath.
Rory: I don't deserve a breath. No breaths.

SOOKIE: It was still sweet and I appreciated it. I mean, if it wasn’t for your mother, I never would’ve settled on the color pink.
LORELAI: Why is that?
SOOKIE: Well, I wanted yellow and she said no.
LORELAI: Oh, with logic like that.
MADELINE: And while people think you’re smart. . .
PARIS: And competent.
LOUISE: And competent, they also find you, well, a tad. . .
MADELINE: Scary.
LOUISE: Someone thought a Halloween mask of you would sell big.

PARIS: Well, what do I do?
MADELINE: Hope for a sex scandal?
PARIS: Louise?
LOUISE: Oh, I'm on it.

PARIS: Because people think you’re nice. You’re quiet, you say excuse me, you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. People don’t fear you.
Rory: Hey, I haven’t been dressed by a bird since I was two.

Rory: Do you happen to know where the almonds I made for table five went?
LORELAI: No.
Rory: ‘Cause they were here last night before Sookie’s dinner.
LORELAI: Really? How odd?
Rory: Yeah. And this morning, I found some tulle on the staircase leading up to your bedroom.
LORELAI: Hmm. Ghosts?

Rory: Where’d you get that?
LORELAI: What?
Rory: That. The Jordan almond that you pulled out of your pajama top and ate ­ where did you get it?
LORELAI: Hm, Santa Claus.

Rory: You’re totally gloating.
LORELAI: I’m not gloating.
Rory: Then why are you smiling?
LORELAI: I’m not smiling. I had a little stroke

LORELAI: Just think of it. As of tomorrow, you can start wearing cold cream to bed and stop shaving your legs.
SOOKIE: That’s right, ‘cause I already got me a man.
KIRK: I got it for Sookie's wedding. I read an article in the paper recently that said that weddings are an excellent place to meet women.
LUKE: Well, if it was in the paper, it must be true.
KIRK: I hope so, 'cause I'm so damn lonely not even Animal Planet does it for me anymore.

LUKE: How’d you get in here?
JESS: The door was open.
LUKE: No, I mean, I was in the diner. I would’ve seen you come up the stairs. . . you know what, forget it, I don’t wanna know.

LORELAI: You’re welcome. Dean, you clean up really nicely.
DEAN: Uh, thank you.
LORELAI: You know, we’re gonna have to hide him from Patty and Babette once they hit the hooch.

LORELAI: Pregnant.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah.
LORELAI: Wow. Well, uh, women all over the world will line up to see that tiny woman fat.

LORELAI: A classic song with lyrics about a woman who can't make her relationship work, whose life is filled with emptiness and regret and pain.
SOOKIE: Oh, who listens to the lyrics?
LORELAI: Anybody not hanging out with Annie Sullivan by the water pump.

LORELAI: Don't Cry Out Loud? Sookie, do you even like Jackson?

SOOKIE: Hey, my cousin Carl canceled so I have two empty seats. Anyone else you wanna invite?
Rory: I've got Lane, I've got Dean, I'm good.
SOOKIE: What about Emily and Richard?
LORELAI: Emily and Richard who?
SOOKIE: Your Emily and Richard.
LORELAI: Oh, Sookie, you are way too sweet.

LUKE: I also enjoyed the Garfield stationary. That's one funny cat.

MADELINE: Right, sorry. Okay, so we added the votes up.
PARIS: You added?
MADELINE: She added.
PARIS: Good, continue.

MISS PATTY: Ooh, ooh, a toast, everybody, a toast!
KIRK: Ladies, gentlemen, honored guests. Who owns the silver Volvo 'cause you're blocking me in?
MISS PATTY: Well, it's better than the toast he made at the Ubromowitz wedding.

SOOKIE: [follows him] Jackson, come on. Shorts are different, they cut you funny!
CHRISTOPHER: Okay, that's it, I need some air. Grab the bottle.
LORELAI: Bossy. I like it.

PARIS: In the auditorium. I wanted to be here for one last meet and greet, get them right before they walk in the booth.
Rory: Leave that place right now.
PARIS: But ...
Rory: People will think that you're insane and generally people are scared of the insane, so see where I'm going here?

SOOKIE: I don't know. Anything. Tell me something to make me stop thinking about this.
LORELAI: I just slept with Christopher.
SOOKIE: That'll work.

LORELAI: You know what's really great about being a grown up? This. [holds up drink]
Rory: Well, thanks for the life lesson.

CHRISTOPHER: And what do you think about all this?
Rory: I don't know. What exactly are your intentions?
CHRISTOPHER: Excuse me?
Rory: Your intentions -- are they honorable?

RORY: What are you doing here?
JESS: Hello to you, too.

Rory: I think I'm going to Washington.
LORELAI: Oh. Okay.

LORELAI: Okay, I’m lying in bed and I’m sleeping and I’m wearing this fabulous nightgown, and like thirty alarm clocks go off, and so I get out of bed and I walk downstairs, and there, standing is the kitchen, is Luke!
Rory: Was he naked?
LORELAI: No! He was making breakfast.
Rory: Naked?

JAMIE: So, where’s Paris?
Rory: Hm, not quite sure. Last time I saw her, she was beating the will to live out of our nation’s representatives.
JAMIE: She is a hammer, isn’t she?
Rory: Actually, she’s the entire toolbox.

PARIS: God, I love this. You don’t realize how unqualified most of America’s youth is until you gather them all up in a room and make them speak.

Rory: He just asked you out on a date.
PARIS: He did not.
Rory: Yes, he did. You’re having dinner with Jamie tonight.
PARIS: It’s a victory dinner, that’s it.
Rory: Paris, if he just wanted to celebrate winning a debate, you guys could’ve had coffee afterward, but he asked you out on a date.
PARIS: He did?
Rory: Yes.
PARIS: Did I accept?
Rory: Yes.
PARIS: I’m going on a date?
Rory: Yes, you are.
PARIS: Oh man, I can’t believe this! I finally get asked out on a date and I missed it? Was it a good ask-out?
Rory: It was a very good ask-out.
PARIS: God, I wish I’d been there.
Rory: Well, you’ll be there tonight.
PARIS: Tonight? Tonight I have a date. Tonight I have a date with Jamie – a Princeton man. I can overlook that. Oh my God, I can’t believe it. . .I have a date.

KIRK: One day it occurred to me, cows never wrinkle.

MICHEL: Kirk here is about to tell us the difference between cows and humans.
LORELAI: You mean, other than one’s a cow?

LORELAI: Oh, but I got here early and there was nothing to do except feed gummy bears to the bomb-sniffing dogs which, apparently, the United States government frowns upon. Rory: You got in trouble with the government while you were waiting for me?
LORELAI: Just a little.
Rory: How much is a little?
LORELAI: Learn Russian.

LORELAI: I mean, I’d like to have a good illness, something different, impressive. Just once I’d like to be able to say, "Yeah, I’m not feeling so good, my leg is haunted." Rory: See, there’s a reason why you only take one packet of TheraFlu at a time.

KIRK: By the way, I think you might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. . .outside of a really filthy magazine.

Rory: That’s okay, it doesn’t start ‘til 3:15.
LORELAI: But I so tried to . . . you lied to me.
Rory: Did I?
LORELAI: You said it was at three, and it’s at three-fifteen.
Rory: Well, I guess I did.
LORELAI: Ah! That’s it, I’m standing up in the middle of your speech and demanding a recount.
Rory: Shall we seat you?
LORELAI: Betrayed, lied to and humiliated.
Rory: Well, get used to it – I am in politics now.

LUKE: Okay, now, I know it’s new so you probably don’t wanna jinx it, so I won’t talk about it anymore. But I have to tell you, seeing that guy’s face when he was talking about you. . .he almost had an expression.
EMILY: Why are you throwing cutlery in a public place?
LORELAI: Uh, ‘cause I feel stupid doing it at home?
EMILY: I’m sorry I’m late, there was a little traffic on the way. Perhaps had I been on time, there would still be the possibility of soup.
LORELAI: I haven’t been here that long. See, I still have a knife.

Rory: If girls want the option of making their skirts a little shorter, then who cares, right?
PARIS: I care. I’m building a legacy here, Rory. You want the first stand I make against the faculty to involve a fashion choice? It would be my ‘gays in the military.’

LORELAI: My life stinks. Hey, let’s look into each other’s eyes and say "I wish I were you" at exactly the same time – maybe we’ll pull a Freaky Friday!

LORELAI: Hey, I don’t think your doorbell’s working.
EMILY: Believe me, it’s not the doorbell.
MAID: [walks up behind them] Oh, so it was the door.
EMILY: Yes, Sarah, once again, it was the door.
SARAH: Okay, so I just have to remember that the really big bell is the door and the small one is the oven.

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