LUKE: Oh, well. . .Tom called. The banister on the stairs has to be replaced. It'll be $4,000. Tamsin Cordally called. He needs a deposit on the quartersawn oak. It'll be $4,000. Julio the landscaper called. I have no idea what he said, but it's going to be $4,000. Vicki from Vicki's Horse Supply called. She thinks Pepper and Gunsmoke would suit your needs, but Gunsmoke snores, so the stables can't be too close to the guests' bedrooms. Rory's looking for her black Converse, and, oh, one last thing - I'm not taking messages for you anymore!

EMILY: Oh, stop it and sit down. I want to talk to you about something. I just found out that Sookie is pregnant.
LORELAI: Uh huh. Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with it.

LUKE: What's that?
LORELAI: Okay, um. . .A, um, no talking during the movie, and B, don't tell me you've never seen the FBI warning before.
LUKE: It's new to me.
LORELAI: Oh, my God. You're beyond monk. You're uber-monk.
LUKE: Just start it up. I won't talk again.
LORELAI: Okay, just one more warning - when they showed the first motion picture over a hundred years ago, it featured a train rushing toward the camera, and, um, people were so sure the train was going to burst off the screen and crush them that they ran away in terror. Now, Luke, the train is not going to leave the screen.

EMILY: Shame on you for swearing there's a flier. That's the worst possible thing you could do.
LORELAI: Liv Tyler grew up her entire life thinking Todd Rundgren was her real father. You think that might knock this out of first place?

EMILY: You should take my plate. Otherwise, you'll have no place to put the potpie.
LORELAI: Oh, I can think of a place.

SOOKIE: We did it, we got the job! What a score! We landed a whale.
LORELAI: Yeah, we always had the job, Sookie. The whale was just toying with us. She was swatting us with her tail and hosing us down with her blowhole because that is the whale's M.O. - humiliate and rip apart every other fish in the sea until there's nothing left but a bloody pile of chum.
SOOKIE: Boy, you really hate whales, don't you?

LUKE: His date. He's doing a test run - talking, eating, making conversation. Then he's gonna go home and review the tape and adjust from there.
LORELAI: Boy! You ever think about how many different ways Kirk could get kicked out of the Army?

LORELAI: And look on the positive side - if Kirk's date goes well, he'll be occupied, and you'll be seeing a lot less of him at the diner.
KIRK: Cut! Okay, that sucked! Let's just go again right away. Focus! Focus.
LUKE: I'll have his monogrammed booth installed tomorrow.

KIRK: Exactly. Everything seemed fine.
LUKE: So?
KIRK: Doesn't that seem weird to you?

KIRK: You think she likes me?
LUKE: I think she likes you.
KIRK: You think she likes me.
LUKE: God help us one and all.

LORELAI: Okay, small talk over. I want you to know something - you can't just waltz into people's lives and take over.
JASON: I don't waltz at all. It's embarrassing and a little gay.

LORELAI: Well, of course they never told you about the party because they're inconsiderate and self-centered, and they have been that way for many years, so they have dibs. But the minute you found out about the party, you should have canceled your plans.
JASON: It was too late for that. And I never called your mother obsolete, I just called cocktail parties obsolete.
LORELAI: Same thing.

LORELAI: No, you didn't, because you didn't think. You never thought. Back in summer camp, you never thought. "Hey, if I stand up in this canoe, maybe it'll tip over." That was the extent of your thought process.
JASON: You're still mad about that.
LORELAI: I was fully dressed.
JASON: I remember - green T-shirt, no bra.
LORELAI: What?
JASON: Trust me, I was the hero of cabin five for the rest of the summer.

JASON: You're being awfully protective of her.
LORELAI: Well, every family has a Fredo.
JASON: Yeah, and Fredo's family put two in the back of his head.
LORELAI: My relationship with my mother is none of your business.
JASON: Then have dinner with me.
LORELAI: No!
JASON: Why not?
LORELAI: Because.
JASON: Because your mother would hate it.
LORELAI: Yes, my mother would hate it. A lot. You suck.

LORELAI: Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I'm looking for heroes.

LORELAI: Hey, how is it that your dirty laundry has increased exponentially since you started Yale?
RORY: 'Cause I'm a dirty, filthy Yale girl now.

RORY: Hey, you hear that?
LORELAI: What?
RORY: No music.
LORELAI: And the band stopped playing, too.

LORELAI: Hey, it's your friendly neighborhood Lorelai.

JACKSON: Got a honey of a sheet. It's the top of the line. The little thing will come out and carom right down into the catcher's arms.
LORELAI: While we all yell, "hey, batter, batter, batter"?

SOOKIE: And hospitals are so cold, you know, so full of infections.
JACKSON: And dead people.
SOOKIE: And sometimes the dead people have infections.
JACKSON: And if they're not dead yet, they die.

KIRK: Excuse me. Can my girlfriend and I sit here? This is my girlfriend.
LULU: Hi.
MAN: Hi.
KIRK: My girlfriend and I appreciate it.
LULU: Yes, thank you.
KIRK: I got a pretty polite girlfriend.
BABETTE: Should we be nervous about this?
ANDREW: I don't know. Did Taylor tell anyone why he called an emergency meeting?
KIRK: He said nothing to me or my girlfriend.
MISS PATTY: I can't remember the last town emergency meeting he called.
KIRK: Me and my girlfriend can't either.

RORY: That woman's staring at me.
LORELAI: Oh, Mrs. Van-uppity? Well, maybe you're just her type.

RORY: Well, if they want an Anthea for "Portrait of a Young Girl Named Anthea," then they're going to have to have you for the Renoir girl.
LORELAI: Well, look at you folding your laundry all haughty and powerful.
RORY: Bada-bing all over his nice ivy-league suit.
LORELAI: Rory, you couldn't do that. Come on. It would be embarrassing, it would be manipulative, and can you do it tonight?
RORY: I think I'll wait until the Anthea costume is perfectly fitted to my specifications. Then we won't have no surprises.
LORELAI: I am in awe.

SOOKIE: I looked up an elephant's gestation period - 22 months!
LORELAI: You're not an elephant.
SOOKIE: But Baby doesn't know that.
LORELAI: Why would Baby think you're an elephant?
SOOKIE: Because he's tiny and stupid and floating around in a sack of fluid. He doesn't know his butt from a hole in the ground.
LORELAI: What happened?
SOOKIE: You know, an elephant squirted me once at the zoo. Maybe it shot something on me - some kind of elephant-gestation juice.

RORY: Oh, my God, you guys look so cute. You know, it was just seven short years ago that I was a little Chinese acrobat just like you.
KID: You smell!
RORY: And we respected our elders when I was a little Chinese acrobat.

MISS PATTY: Oh, relax, Taylor. We're right on schedule. Have a cigarette.
TAYLOR: I don't smoke.
MISS PATTY: Could you start?

RORY: Was she the one shaking me in the middle of the night yelling, "what motivated you to come out of your mother" over and over?

RORY: More broccoli, Grandpa?
RICHARD: Absolutely. Staves off the cancer.
LORELAI: Staves off my appetite.
EMILY: You really should eat more green things, Lorelai.
LORELAI: I plan to eat a five-dollar bill later tonight.
RORY: Oh, have you seen the new twenties? They have a little peach color in 'em.
LORELAI: Peach, perfect. I'll eat a new twenty, I'll have my fruits and vegetables.

RICHARD: Well, your coverage of that lacrosse match was very exciting.
LORELAI: Yeah. For two seconds, I almost gave a flying you-know-what about lacrosse.

LORELAI: There he is. Oh. Oh, widdle Davey, widdle Davey, peekaboo, peekaboo. Oh, you have a widdle nose. Oh, oh, no, Aunt Lorelai's got your nose. Do you want it back? Do you? Do you?
SOOKIE: He's not indicating that he wants it back.
LORELAI: So, Davey, beautiful day, huh? What would you like to discuss? Middle East peace, the space program? I'm sorry, what's that? Oh, my God. He said, "the answer to the problems in the mideast is, 'I have to poop.'"
SOOKIE: He got distracted.

LANE: Get this - earlier today, my mom asked me to wrap something that she wants to send to Dave.
RORY: Is it his birthday?
LANE: No, this was something else altogether. You holding onto your hat?
RORY: I'm not wearing one, but I can pretend to be.

LANE: Remember when I was a kid, my mother showed me the special jug that's been passed down in my family for years and years in a long-standing Kim tradition that she is personally going to present to the boy I'm going to wed?
RORY: Oh, my God. The marriage jug?
LANE: The marriage jug.
RORY: She's sending Dave the marriage jug? What does that mean?
LANE: I'm guessing it means she's reserving a hall and ordering that "Stations of the Cross" ice sculpture.

LORELAI: Eating's a hassle. I'll just starve.
LUKE: Fine.
LORELAI: And I'll starve right here because it would be too big a hassle to get up and leave.
LUKE: I'll work around you.
LORELAI: And hey, if it's too big a hassle to get rid of my body after I die of starvation, just leave it here to decompose all nice and quiet - no hassle.
LUKE: Good.
LORELAI: See ya.
LUKE: Wow, she's moving.
LORELAI: Well, I was kind of kidding about the decomposing here.


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