LORELAI: Face it, Luke, people like you.
LUKE: Shut up.
LORELAI: And with charm like that, how can they resist?

JESS: I am not part of this town.
Rory: See you for some tree planting over at the Arbor Day Festival, buddy.
JESS: Yeah, well maybe I can knock over a liquor store while everyone else is planting those stupid trees.
Rory: As long as it’s a liquor store in town, neighbor.

Rory: Aw, those were excellent rolls.
LORELAI: Weren’t they? Hot and buttery with that split top thing going on. I miss the rolls.
Rory: Well, she can make more next week.
LORELAI: That’s okay. I got four in my purse.
Rory: You do not.
LORELAI: Go ahead and check.
Rory: Have you no shame?

EMILY: Next thing you know, you’ll be suggesting I go to a psychiatrist.
LORELAI: Too many comebacks ­ I cannot pick.

LORELAI: Hey, did you notice when he gets mad he gets taller?
Rory: Mom.
LORELAI: I don’t know how he does it but he actually grows.
Rory: Stop.
LORELAI: The day I told him I was pregnant, twenty-four feet tall. It freaked the birds.

MICHEL: Yes, well, you know what happens when you assume.
LORELAI: What?
MICHEL: I don’t know. Something about a donkey ­ it’s a stupid American phrase.

LORELAI: Okay. First, I just wanna tell you I think you are a great guy. You’re so good to Rory. And even though I’d always hoped that she’d be the one girl in the world who wouldn’t look at a boy until she was thirty-eight, I’m really glad she found you.

MICHEL: Your mind is evil.
GISELLE: Your soul is empty.
MICHEL: You want some coffee, Zeelee?
GISELLE: Yes, darling, thank you.

Rory: What?
LORELAI: Nothing. Are you tilting?
Rory: No.
LORELAI: I think you’re tilting.
Rory: I’m not tilting.
LORELAI: Do you wanna hold onto my purse? It might even you out.
Rory: Stop anytime you like. What are you doing?
LORELAI: Well, I’m gonna get a pen and put it on top of your head and see if it rolls off.
Rory: Okay, see, this is not how you console the injured.

Rory: A thing?
LORELAI: A tiny thing.
Rory: A tiny thing?
LORELAI: A thinglet, if you will.

Rory: Well, okay, fine, just answer me this ­ we are on our way to Luke’s, right?
LORELAI: Right.
Rory: And when we get there, will we get in?
LORELAI: Of course we’ll get in.
Rory: Will we get served?
LORELAI: Yes.
Rory: Will we get coffee?
LORELAI: Maybe.
Rory: Refills?
LORELAI: Eventually.
Rory: Free refills?
LORELAI: In about a month.

LORELAI: Why are we standing here?
Rory: Because the sign says ‘wait to be seated’.
LORELAI: Yeah, but we’re not automatons, we are rule breakers, and there are like fifty open tables.
Rory: You’re exaggerating.
LORELAI: One, two, three, four, fifty ­ no I’m not.

Rory: Mom.
LORELAI: Mom? I’m not your mom. Do you need help little girl?

WAITRESS: Can I bring you some coffee to start?
LORELAI: To start and finish.

LORELAI: Okay, when she comes back, we’re gonna grab her and hold her down and you tell her really ugly things about the world.

LORELAI: Oh, excuse me, I’m sorry.
WAITRESS: Yes, Sweetie?
LORELAI: What are the tiny cups for?
WAITRESS: They’re coffee cups, they’re for coffee.
LORELAI: What, are you running out or something?
WAITRESS: I’m sorry?
LORELAI: Never mind. Listen, we are very sleepy this morning, so would you happen to have something in a larger size, say a mug, a tureen, a small bowl of some kind?
Rory: Just put a lot of stuff in there so you can’t taste it.
LORELAI: How am I gonna fit my three sugars into Barbie’s Malibu dream cup here? It’ll be all sugar and no coffee.

LORELAI: Luke’s is closed this morning.
MICHEL: By the health inspector, no doubt.

LORELAI: Who is she?
EMILY: You know very well who Margie is. She’s been your father’s secretary since you were a child.
LORELAI: Oh, Largie Margie. . .very clever when you’re six.

LORELAI: Whoa, whoa, whoa! There is a baby here desperately in need of some bath water.

RICHARD: Oh, I hate to see you waste your time.
LORELAI: Well, I’ll blindfold you then.

Rory: And then we just watched TV.
LORELAI: Oh, you mean you ‘watched TV.’ Use the air quotes, Sweetie.
Rory: His little sister was there.
LORELAI: Oh, so you watched TV. . .go on.

RICHARD: Uh, it’s brass. One of the firm’s parting gifts as they nudged me into retirement.
LORELAI: So, in addition to being heavy and ugly, it’s also insulting.
RICHARD: You know, it’s suddenly becoming clear to me that I’m an old man. I don’t recognize half the whats-its and dodads in here.
LORELAI: Well, Dad, here we have an assortment of magic sticks and when you press down on paper, writing comes out.
RICHARD: I know what pens are, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Good, you pick out your favorites and I’ll try to figure out how to explain Liquid Paper to you.

TAYLOR: Your car hit the bench because that Jess was driving.
Rory: Oh, well, yeah, but ­ .
TAYLOR: That boy is a walking natural disaster, they should name a tornado after him.

LORELAI: Honey, you gotta ease up on that love potion you’ve been giving him or he’s gonna start showing up at David Letterman’s house soon.

Rory: Mom.
LORELAI: Mom? I’m not your mom. Do you need help little girl?

LORELAI: You’re damn lucky to have that magnificent woman in your life, you know that, don’t you?
RORY: It’s whispered in my ear every night when I’m about to go to sleep.
LORELAI: Well, you won’t let me write it in your underwear anymore.

RICHARD: Well, what makes you think you can get a young person to spend good money on something that they could get for free, or at least at a lower cost?
PARIS: Because I know one thing about the modern teenager.
RICHARD: And what is that?
PARIS: That you can get them to buy anything as long as it comes in a leopard print.

LOUISE: I know. So, of course, fifteen minutes later, tardy and glossless, I left the house and I had to rely on Madeline for my source of lip color for the day. Not an ideal solution.
MADELINE: Major skin tone mismatch.
PARIS: I’m sorry, group leader, could you ask the Pigeon sisters if there is a point to this opus?

MICHEL: A lazy, silly woman.
GISELLE: A cruel and vicious boy, I’m so proud.

RORY: So is everything in the materials clear to everyone?
CHIP: Pretty much.
LOUISE: Oh, were we reading these now?
RORY: Yeah, that’s why we’ve all been kind of quiet for the past ten minutes.
LOUISE: I thought it was, like, prayer time or something.
PARIS: Good grief.

LORELAI: You have a new special.
LUKE: I sure do.
LORELAI: Nice. What is the special omelet?
LUKE: You won’t like it.
LORELAI: How do you know?
LUKE: Because you’ve been eating here for years and I know what you like, and you won’t like it.
LORELAI: Can I at least hear what it is?
LUKE: Fine. It’s three eggs with bits of bacon.
LORELAI: I like bacon.
LUKE: Cubed tomatoes.
LORELAI: Sounds good.
LUKE: Swiss cheese and a dash of oregano.
LORELAI: A dash, he says.
LUKE: I’ve got other customers here.
LORELAI: I’m gonna go with the special omelet.
LUKE: Okay.
LORELAI: With a side of bacon.
LUKE: There’s bacon in the omelet.
LORELAI: Oh, then skip the bacon.
LUKE: The side of bacon?
LORELAI: The bacon in the omelet.
LUKE: Hold the bacon.
LORELAI: Can I get Jack cheese?
LUKE: On the side?
LORELAI: Instead of Swiss, Swiss is so stringy.
LUKE: Fine, Jack cheese.
LORELAI: Also, I think I’m allergic to oregano so hold that, too, and some coffee.
LUKE: So, just the eggs, tomatoes, and Jack cheese.
LORELAI: Not too many tomatoes.
LUKE: Light on the tomatoes.
LORELAI: Very light, just a teeny-tiny amount, practically none.
LUKE: I’m skipping the tomatoes. It’s an omelet with Jack cheese.
LORELAI: Perfect.
LUKE: You did this on purpose.

LORELAI: I hate crossword puzzles. They make me feel stupid.
Rory: Then don’t do ‘em.
LORELAI: Well, but if you don’t do them, you’re not only stupid, you’re also a coward.

LUKE: Well, I accidentally dropped triple the amount of cocoa powder in the batter so I either had to dump the batch or find someone with some sort of superhuman chocolate tolerance ­ only one name came to mind.
LORELAI: God, I love being special.

KIRK: Ah, Lorelai, good. I need one minute of your time.
LORELAI: I’ll give you two because you scare me.

Rory: Mom, you don’t have to sleep in here tonight.
LORELAI: I know, I just think the chair looks nice here.
Rory: And what’s the blanket for?
LORELAI: In case the chair gets cold.
Rory: And the pillow?
LORELAI: To keep the blanket company.

Rory: Freak of sideshow proportions.
LORELAI: I love you, too.

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