EMILY: I have to buy her flowers. She doesn’t like mine, they’re too tall. It’s ostentatious to have flowers that tall.
LORELAI: Actually, I’ve been meaning to mention that to you myself.
EMILY: I’m sorry. I think I’m just a little sensitive right now. It’s selfish, I know, but Richard’s traveling more than he ever did. He’s been gone three of the last four weeks, and now he’s finally home, and she’s there commanding all of his attention, all of his time. I sound like a spoiled high school girl.
LORELAI: Not quite. You still haven’t asked for the Gloria Vanderbilt jeans and the convertible Rabbit.

LORELAI: It’ll be fun. There’ll be cheerleaders and clowns, people doing the wave.
RORY: You have no idea what a hockey game is, do you?
KIRK: People of Stars Hollow, are you ready to rumble? Then let’s get it on.
[the referee drops the puck to start the game]
KIRK: And the puck is down as the first quarter begins. Period, sorry. First period begins, my bad.
RORY: So, this is sports.

LANE: [on cell phone] Believe me, I am not interested in Young Chui in that way. He’s cute and all, but I’ve got a guy. No, no, when I say he’s cute, I just mean he’s your boyfriend and you’ve got good taste, that’s all. Hey, Koreans do not have problems! [hands phone to Young Chui] You talk to her, I’m done.

RORY: Okay, so that was weird, right?
LANE: Oh, yeah, really weird.
RORY: But I didn’t do anything, did I?
LANE: You mean like ask her how she was? Yeah, you probably made an enemy for life.

DAVE: Oh, right. That’s cool, okay. Well, how’s the game?
LANE: The other team’s winning.
RORY: But our fans have the best insults. At least, Babette does.
DAVE: Well, that’s really what counts in the end.

RORY: If I had known sports were so much about eating, I would’ve come to a lot more of these.
LANE: I know. There’s something deeply satisfying about watching other people exercise while eating junk food.
KIRK: Ten minutes ‘til the next period, ladies and gentlemen. That’s what we call them in hockey – periods, not halves. Let’s try to keep that straight. Also, the puck is never referred to as a ball, not according to the book. Again, my bad.

KIRK: Number twelve has it now. He’s skating, he’s skating. My bet is he’s going to try to whack it into that net thingy, but that’s conjecture at this point. Now it’s going the other way and they’re hitting it between them. Number seven has it. Now number three. Now seven. Three again. Seven. Ten’s got it now.
[Dean skates over to Kirk]
DEAN: Kirk, just to let you know, some of the guys – not me, you know – but some of the guys say they’re gonna rip your head off if you don’t shut up, okay?
KIRK: We’ll be pausing for a short break.

RORY: Like once, in fourth grade, we went on a field trip to Mark Twain’s house, and I really wanted this refrigerator magnet in the shape of Mark Twain’s head, but I didn’t have any money, so she bought it for me, and she wouldn’t even let me pay her back. Pretty classy for a fourth grader.

RORY: It’s me. I just wanted to let you know that this is the last weekend I spend sitting around like an idiot hoping you’ll call, okay? I’m not going to be that girl. From now on, I want a plan. I mean, a real plan with a time and a place, and I’m tired of hearing ‘Let’s hook up later.’ What does that mean anyway? What’s later? How do I set my watch to later? Later doesn’t cut it anymore, got it? And, yeah, you know, maybe I am spoiled. But guess what? I like being spoiled. I plan to go on being spoiled. And if that doesn't sound! like something that you can or want to do, then fine. I'm sure you'll find another girl who doesn't mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night hoping you’ll call, but it’s not going to be me. Oh, yeah, this is a message for Jess.

JESS: Hey. Figured I’d find you here. I mean, you say the word hockey, you say the word Rory, right?

LORELAI: They’re going to have tea?
RICHARD: That’s a first.
LORELAI: Maybe they’re going to be pals now.
RICHARD: I don’t know how I feel about my mother and my wife being in cahoots.
LORELAI: I don’t know how I feel about you saying the word cahoots.

LANE: Did you take off the Monte Cristo sandwich?
LUKE: Well, I –
RORY: No!
LORELAI: You did, you took off the Monte Cristo sandwich.
LUKE: I omitted a few obsolete dishes.
LORELAI: I can’t believe Nicole made you take off the Monte Cristo. She’s got you menu-whipped.
LUKE: She does not have me menu-whipped. I took off a disgusting ridiculous sandwich that no one has ever ordered, including the three of you.
RORY: But just having it there made us feel like we always could.
LORELAI: It was comforting.
RORY: Like soup.
LORELAI: Exactly. It was comforting like deep-fried ham and cheese soup.
RORY: And even though I never ordered it, I talked about ordering it, haven’t I?
LANE: On several occasions.
LORELAI: So you’ve not only eliminated a sandwich, you’ve eliminated a conversation piece.
RORY: Now what will we talk about?

TEACHER: Well, I must say I’m glad to see that simply because the SATs are over, most of you are still taking your classwork seriously. Most of you.
LOUISE: Michael Mason. Worth every wrong answer.
TEACHER: All right, before we continue, I would like to remind you that the Chilton Bicentennial celebration takes place next week.
LOUISE: Number four. [shows off her hickey]
MADELINE: Well done.

MADELINE: How do you leave the house every morning and not have a piano fall on your head?
BRAD: Well, I make a left on Federal and then –

RORY: It’s nothing, it’s just Paris. There’s this speech contest for the bicentennial, and I wasn’t even going to enter it, but I don’t know – with the whole ‘it’s my last chance to crush you before graduation’ comment, I want to enter, I want to win, and I wanna dance around her saying ‘I win, I win, I win!’
LORELAI: Wow, you’re getting more and more like me everyday.

LORELAI: I don’t understand, what happened?
SOOKIE: Well, I came home and I got some flowers and I chilled some glasses and I put some music on and I opened a bottle of champagne, and the cork broke the window so I had to clean up the glass, and then I taped some cardboard over the hole, and then I knocked over the bottle of champagne, so I had to get out the mop.
LORELAI: My finger’s hitting the fast forward button, hon.

KIRK: Everybody is always telling me what to do. Everybody else is always right. Well, I’m sorry, but I am the mail carrier in this town and I will carry the mail the way that I carry the mail, and if you don’t like that, then you can carry the mail. But you’ll have to apply for the job first and get hired. And there’s a test, and it is a hard test, my friend. Ow, paper cut.

LANE: Well, Min Cha put up with seven years of Wan Nam telling her she was stupid and ordering her to cook all his meals. Then one day, he was in the kitchen looking for his lunch and she just snapped. Took a carrot peeler and turned on him.
RORY: A carrot peeler?
LANE: You can get those things pretty sharp. Anyway, she just came at him and started peeling. The neighbors called the police. They showed up and Wan Nam was just standing there all peeled.
RORY: What happened?
LANE: He didn’t press charges, but now he makes all his own meals, sleeps in a locked separate room, and keeps the cutting board by his bed for protection. Still married, though.

RORY: You caught a fish.
LORELAI: Yes.
RORY: And you brought it home.
LORELAI: Yes.

EMILY: Yes, but you’re not a kid, you’re a grown woman. What are people going to think when they see a grown woman bunking down with a bunch of twenty-year-olds?
LORELAI: Well, if the twenty-year-olds are cute, they’ll probably think, "Lucky!"

RORY: [reads from invitation] Friday, February seventh, six o’clock p.m. Join the girls for a toast, a hug, a wave to the mommy as they wheel her off, dinner at Sushi Sushi, and then back to the hospital for a formal viewing of brand-new baby Georgia. RSVP at your earliest convenience. P.S. -- gifts are not necessary, but always appreciated.
LORELAI: I don’t even know where to start.
RORY: I knew you would like it.
LORELAI: You have to RSVP to a C-section.
RORY: And bring a gift.
LORELAI: I wonder if Laura Mercier makes Demerol.

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