PARIS: Rory, sorry to interrupt. Hi Henry. But see, we're all standing over there trying to map out a game plan and a rehearsal schedule, and I'm sure whatever the two of you are talking about over here is so much more fascinating and important and, well gosh, let's just say it, fun. But I'd really like to get an 'A' on this assignment, and in order to do that I'm afraid you're gonna have to discuss your sock hops and your clambakes some other time, okay? Thanks.

LOUISE: Good. So now Brad can be Friar Tuck and I can be Juliet.
PARIS: Wrong.
LOUISE: Hey.
PARIS: Juliet's supposed to be chaste.
LOUISE: Oh.
MADELINE: Then . . .
PARIS: And she has more than three lines.
MADELINE: Oh.
RORY: Oh no.
PARIS: Too late.
RORY: It can't be too late, we haven't done anything yet.
PARIS: You're Juliet. You're the best public speaker here, you've definitely got that waif thing down, and you'll look great dead.

SOOKIE: You didn't name the toaster.
LORELAI: Poppy.
SOOKIE: You just made that up.
LORELAI: I did not. All right, but admit it, Poppy is a damn good name for a toaster.

RORY: She's letting you go? That's amazing. What changed her mind?
LANE: I let her watch the Romeo and Juliet movie with Leo and Claire Danes.
RORY: Really? I would've thought she'd hated it.
LANE: Oh, she did. But trust my mom to turn one of the world's great love stories into a cautionary tale of what happens when children disobey their parents.

PARIS: Excuse me. We reserved this place for 8 sharp and right now my watch says 8:04.
MISS PATTY: Well, then tell it to go outside and have a smoke. You can't rush a cool down sweetheart.
PARIS: Look, I understand the whole Mystic Pizza, small town, 'we don't let a clock run our lives' thing, but I come from the big city where money talks and I'm paying good money for this place and I have a schedule to keep.
MISS PATTY: Be careful darling, or your face is gonna freeze like that.

TRISTAN: Now I noticed you didn't cry when you kissed him. I'm starting to feel a little insecure.
RORY: What is wrong with you?
TRISTAN: Whoa, I think I liked you better comatose.

LORELAI: Hey Luke, you should come with us to Chilton and watch Rory perform.
LUKE: Can't.
LORELAI: Come on. How often do you get to see teenagers speak iambic pentameter and kill themselves?

BOY: Ooh, ooh. He jests at scars that never felt a wound. But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
SOOKIE: Are you sure this is Shakespeare?
DEAN: What's with all the grunting?
LORELAI: I wish Luke was here, he could translate for us.

PARIS: Do you think Harvard accepts people who fail Shakespeare? They don't. I don't have the numbers on it or anything, but I feel pretty secure in saying, you fail Shakespeare, you don't get into Harvard.

SOOKIE: Wasn't that great? I mean, just watching it made me feel smarter. Don't you feel smarter?
LORELAI: Well, just the opposite actually.
SOOKIE: We should do something else good for us. Go to a museum or play chess.
LORELAI: I promised Rory we'd go to Luke's afterwards.
SOOKIE: Oh, even better.

RICHARD: Preparing for college can be a daunting task. I remember when I was preparing for Yale.
RORY: Bad?
RICHARD: I don’t believe I slept the entire year. I didn’t even cut my hair for two months.
RORY: Grandpa!
RICHARD: Oh, yes, it was quite a scandal.

LUKE: You’re not gonna do anything to her because when you’re at her place, there’s Lorelai, and when you’re here, there’s me, and when you’re out there, there’s Taylor.
JESS: Romeo and Juliet had warring families and they still managed to do a little damage, you know?

LORELAI: Rory, let me explain something to you. The way you survive a road trip with my mother is to make sure you have all your bases covered, leave nothing to chance. Never give her the opportunity to give you a thirty-minute lecture on how, if you’d brought the second bathing suit like she told you to, it wouldn’t have mattered that the first one’s strap broke in a freak poolslide incident that no one, including the Amazing Kreskin, could’ve predicted, you would’ve been covered.
RORY: I have to bring a bathing suit? It’s thirty degrees outside.
LORELAI: This was an example based on a true story. Now, get a skirt to go with this.

RORY: Okay. Now, let’s say he’s in the house and there’s a fire, and you can either save him or your shoes – which is it?
LORELAI: That depends – did he start the fire?

EMILY: Richard Gilmore, you are going to give these girls the wrong impression.
RORY: What impression is that, Grandma?
LORELAI: That you were the Helena Bonham Carter of the society set?
EMILY: I did not steal your grandfather, I simply gave him a choice.
RICHARD: When you showed up at my fraternity party in that blue dress, I had no choice.
LORELAI: You stole my father with fashion.
EMILY: I can’t believe you remember the dress.
LORELAI: I can’t believe you were the other woman.

EMILY: What can we do in a bathroom?
LORELAI: Meet George Michael.

RICHARD: This is the main administration building. Professors’ offices, the dean’s office. Some of the best scotch in the country can be found behind those doors.

HARRIS: It was a pleasure to meet you. I’ll read that book you recommended.
RORY: And don’t be fooled by the Oprah seal on the cover, it’s actually very good.
RORY: And I can’t believe the only name that popped into my head when he asked for my role model was Gloria Estefan.
LORELAI: Well, you don’t work great under pressure.

LORELAI: Oh yeah. ‘I have to get a part for my car’, ‘I’m going to go study’ – that’s kid code for ‘Meet me at the previously agreed upon location far away from my clueless uncle.’
LUKE: You’re kidding me, right? You don’t really think that. . .damn, they are! They’re together. They used the kid code and now they’re together!

DEAN: Well, too bad, Rory. Somebody doesn’t like you for once.

LORELAI: I can’t sleep. I wonder what I did wrong. Should I not have left you that first day in kindergarten when you begged me not to? Are you holding it against me?
RORY: I was fine staying at kindergarten. You were the one that had trouble leaving.

RORY: He’s always been a cat person, he’s just never had a cat.

LORELAI: Yes, disappointed. We disappointed Luke.
RORY: I didn’t think it was possible.
LORELAI: Our powers are greater than we know.

RORY: Okay, now, practical question. . . how are we going to eat four Thanksgiving dinners?
LORELAI: How? Rory, what are we if not world champion eaters?
RORY: It’s too much food.
LORELAI: It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny. This is our finest hour.
RORY: Or final hour.
LORELAI: No, no. Get inspired and tomorrow I guarantee you, we will be standing on the Olympic platform receiving our gold medals for eating. We are not Michelle Kwan-ing this.

JESS: What was that?
RORY: That was a kiss.
JESS: What’s with the relocation before the kiss?
RORY: It's too early.
JESS: Too early? Too early for what?
RORY: For kissing like that.
JESS: What's the rule, no kissing before noon?

LORELAI: She? I thought Kirk was a boy.
KIRK: That was just a guess. He actually hasn’t exposed his underside to me yet. Or hers.
LORELAI: Well, here’s hoping your cat exposes itself to you soon.

LORELAI: Mm. Who’s that playing guitar? He looks familiar.
RORY: Oh my God, that’s Lane’s Dave.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, it is. He’s all neat and tidy.
RORY: He’s gone corporate.
LORELAI: He’s gone Korean.

LUKE: Shouldn’t we give thanks first?
JESS: Thanks for what?
LUKE: Well, that we’re not Native Americans who got their land stolen in exchange for smallpox infested blankets.
LORELAI: Amen.

LORELAI: I got stuff on my mind.
RORY: Max stuff?
LORELAI: No, stuff stuff.
RORY: You're lying.
LORELAI: I'm being mysterious. That's what women do.

RICHARD: His head is shaped like a football.
EMILY: It is not.
RICHARD: If he fell asleep in the park, someone would try to punt him

SOOKIE: Oh, Michel thinks he's gonna live forever.
LORELAI: Like on Fame?
SOOKIE: That's what I said!

RORY: Mean boyfriends.
LORELAI: Identical noses.
RORY: You'll laugh, you'll cry.
LORELAI: Because you're laughing so hard.
RORY: It'll be an evening to remember.

LORELAI: Uh, well, I'll have a white wine and Dean'll have a beer.
DEAN: What?!
LORELAI: Corona right?
DEAN: No, I don't want a beer! I don't drink beer. I'll have water or soda or anything. Or nothing. Not beer. Never beer. Beer is. . beer's bad.
EMILY: Relax Dean, that's just Lorelai's little sense of humor. You're very cruel.
LORELAI: Well, yes, keeps me young.
DEAN: I'm just gonna sit here and stare at my hands.
EMILY: Soda Dean?
DEAN: Please.
EMILY: Rory?
RORY: Oh, I'll have a beer. [Emily and Lorelai laugh] I'm sorry Dean, we're not laughing at you.

RORY: But I'm not going to get pregnant.
LORELAI: I know that.
RORY: He should know it.
LORELAI: Yes, he should, but you do have my eyes.

“You know how on All in the Family when Edith would be yapping about something and Archie would pretend to make a noose and hang himself or shoot himself in the head?”
“Yea?” Rory said.
“I don’t know. Something about this moment just made me think of that.”

“You don’t,” Paris insisted. “It’s not you.”
“I have multiple personalities,” Rory replied. “It might be one of me.”

RORY: How do you know? How do you know that I don't spend hours every week hammering and drilling? And dirt, I love dirt. I collect it.

“I will be getting college credit and this is the end of this particular conversation.”
“You’re right. It’s a good thing,” Mom said. “It’s nice, keeps your halo shiny.

“When are you going to tell them?” Rory asked.
“Soon.”
“When’s soon?”
“When the big hand hit’s the ‘s’ and the little hand hits the ‘oon.’”

LORELAI: I have officially changed my order. I'll have the 'Luke's giving Lorelai a Migraine' meal.

LORELAI: I mean it Timmy, no falling down the well.

RORY: Okay, our house is burning down, and you can save the cake or me. What do you choose?
LORELAI: Well that's not fair. The cake doesn't have legs.

LORELAI: What is right anyway, you know? Who defines right? And if eating cake is wrong, I don't want to be right.

LORELAI: So, ethics?
RORY: Highly subjective and completely overrated.
LORELAI: That's my girl.

MAX: Sorry. You know they're still outside.
LORELAI: Who?
MAX: Rory and Dean.
LORELAI: Oh.
MAX: How long you think they'll be out there?
LORELAI: I don't know.
MAX: So there's no time limit or anything?
LORELAI: Yes. As soon as they both get tired of saying 'No, you're prettier' to each other, then the night's over.

RORY: Stop complaining about the tunes!
LORELAI: Stop complaining about our whereabouts.
RORY: Well, my complaint is legitimate, yours is infantile.

Rory: “It has feathers on it.”
Lorelai: “Yes.”
Rory: “Why?”
Lorelai:“So the rhinestones and the bows won’t feel lonely."

“I mean it. The only way you could be more important to me is if you had a Kit Kat bar growing out of your head.”

LUKE: So what do we do now?
LORELAI: I guess we eat.
LUKE: This?
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: First I have to buy it, then I have to eat it?
LORELAI: Hey, the basket of botulism does come with my company.
LUKE: Huh. You don't eat with your mouth open do you?
LORELAI: Women don't eat at all. We just look at food and jump on the treadmill.

LORELAI: We're supposed to be eating on the ground.
LUKE: Says who?
LORELAI: Every picture you've ever seen of a picnic shows people eating on the ground. LUKE: Yes, and every time I have seen a picture of people eating on the ground I've thought, what the hell are you people doing sitting on the ground? Spring for some beach chairs, you cheapskates.

LORELAI: Hey, where are you going?
LUKE: I am going to the diner, I am going to get us some edible food and I’m gonna bring it back here for us to eat.
LORELAI: That is so not the point of today. I made this. I am insulted. I will now proceed to pout.
LUKE: I'll bring back some brownies.
LORELAI: Ooh, the pouting has left the building.

LANE: So we’ll rendezvous where I told you. Just drive by, honk twice, go around the block, and the second time you pass I’ll jump in the car.
HENRY: Gee, do you even want me to slow down?
LANE: Well yeah, of course. I mean, not to a total stop…

LANE: Well yeah, but that’s what today was supposed to be, a date.
HENRY: A date where we need a secret plan and a two-honk driveby and a decoy cousin?
LANE: Well, yeah.
HENRY: Lane, I like you but I want to be able to actually pick you up, stop the car, and take you out. And I wanna be able to call you, at your house.

JESS: I’m sorry about that. You wanna push me in the lake? It’s cathartic, I hear.

JESS: Wow. Not one thing in here that I would remotely consider eating.
Rory: Well, I didn’t make it for you. I made it for Dean.
JESS: And Dean would’ve eaten this?
Rory: Yes, he would have.
JESS: Dean is an idiot.
Rory: Dean never would’ve fallen for that.
JESS: Ah, ha ha.
JACKSON: I think we should get married.
SOOKIE: But – uh, but. . .
JACKSON: Soon.
SOOKIE: Are you pregnant?

LORELAI: You are stubborn.
LUKE: I’m stubborn?
LORELAI: Yeah, you’re stubborn.
LUKE: You’re Miss Flexibility over here?
LORELAI: Hey, I can be flexible.
LUKE: Please.
LORELAI: I can. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

LUKE: Who did you want to get your basket?
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: I mean, before you knew Patty was gonna put you on the Dating Game, you did pack this disgusting lunch and bring it out here, so who did you want to get it?
LORELAI: Well, last year Roy Wilkins bought it and I got my sprinklers fixed for half price.
LUKE: Uh huh.
LORELAI: And this year my rain gutters are completely clogged, and I thought if I could get the Collins kid to bite, I’d get that taken care of.
LUKE: Very practical.
LORELAI: I thought so.
LUKE: So the participation in this thing was purely for home improvement reasons?

LORELAI: Just having someone who you love or have some kind of crazy crush on bid on your basket and then share a romantic lunch, it’s a nice concept.
LUKE: Well, I’m sure someday you’ll manage to find the right guy and drag him out to this thing and make him by your stupid basket and then you’ll be sitting out here with him.
LORELAI: Yeah, someday.

Rory: Mom?
LORELAI: Oh, hey. Where’ve you been? I thought Taylor auctioned you off to the highest bidder.

TAYLOR: You really have to work on your punctuality, Lorelai. I banged the meeting in a half an hour ago.
LORELAI: Uh, dirty!

NATALIE: You have your mother’s wit.
EMILY: Sometimes I wish she’d give it back.


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