Welcome!! This is the start of my gilmore quotes. oy! and there's a lot so be prepared to spend some time here. Especially cause i may have repeated a few (there isn't a lot...but when updating I kept changing the quote order...plus i went back and added more...there's no real order to the episodes or anything (sorry) I might suggest a cup of coffee or chinese or any sugary goodness you can get ur hands on.
I love this show! gawd it's cute, funny...and it matches me and steph up pretty *damn* close. I'm obviously more like Rory and she is my Lorelai. Awww.
Special thanks goes out to gilmore-girls.net for most of the quotes and the awesome pic above. If ur a fan of the show you certainly want to head over there... okay, on with the quotes.

Emily: You're having a baby--do you know that, Lorelai?
Lorelai: Well, that explains the stomachache.

[Lorelai's having Rory]
Lorelai: Okay, this is a big pain and I'd really like it to go away, please.
Nurse: Just breathe deep, honey.
Lorelai: Breathing doesn't help, can I hit you instead?
Nurse: What?
Lorelai: Or pinch you really hard, 'cause that might make me feel better.
Nurse: No, you cannot hit me.
Lorelai: Can I bite you or pull your hair or use the Epilady on you 'cause I really need to do something.

Paris: Maybe I shouldn't go. I mean, what if I fall for him and he doesn't like me?
Rory: Then you'll find someone else.
Paris: But what if there is no one else?
Rory: Then you'll buy some cats.

Emily: You were on the phone?
Richard: Long distance.
Lorelai: God?
Richard: London.
Lorelai: God lives in London?
Richard: My mother lives in London.
Lorelai: Your mother is God?
Richard: Lorelai...
Lorelai: So, God *is* a woman.
Richard: Lorelai!
Lorelai: *And* a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
Richard: Make her stop.
Rory: Oh, that I could.

Lorelai: [to Rory] I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on.

ke: Rory's not here yet.
Lorelai: Then you'll have to entertain me until she arrives. Okay Burger boy, dance.
Luke: Will you marry me?
[Lorelai is taken aback]
Luke: Just looking for something to shut you up.

Luke: The truth hurts
Lorelai: No, you know what hurts. Having a screwdriver jammed in the side of your head!

[They stop to look at Stars Hollow High, which has been toilet papered by a rival school]
LORELAI: You know, I almost like it better like this.
RORY: It is more festive.

LORELAI: It’ll be fun. There’ll be cheerleaders and clowns, people doing the wave.
RORY: You have no idea what a hockey game is, do you?

Rory: Not fair.
Lorelai: Yes fair. The fairest. The Snow White of fair.

[many alarm clocks go off]
Lorelai: You are Hilarious!
[Going down the stairs]
Lorelai: Okay, see, last night when I said to you: 'Tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I get up at seven', what I actually meant was: 'tomorrow, no matter what, make sure I have the option of getting up seven, in case, when seven comes, I actually wanna get up. Which, as it happen, I didn't. Therefore, you're currently responsible for the great alarm clock slaughter of 2002.
Luke: No survivor?
Lorelai: The one shaped like a bunny escaped with a mild decapitation.

Lorelai: Someone hit you with a pretty stick.

Lorelai: Hey, I have kind of a crazy idea.
Rory: Those are never comforting words coming from you.

Lorelai: Hey, you didn't wake me up.
Rory: I set the clock.
Lorelai: Yes, but see, the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall giving me ample time to fall back to sleep. You, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus insuring the wake up process.

Lorelai: Heh, you know what I just realized? "Oy" is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory: Hmm.
Lorelai: I mean think about it, you never hear the word "oy" and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily: Oh dear God.
Lorelai: "Poodle" is another funny word.
Emily: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai: In fact, if you put "oy" and "poodle" together, in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catchphrase, you know? Like, "Oy with the poodles already!"
Rory: Hehe.
Lorelai: So from now on, when the perfect circumstances arise, we will use our favorite new catchphrase:
Rory: Oy with the poodles already.
Lorelai: I'm telling you, it's knocking "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" right out of first place.

Jess: Someone Devil-egged my car?

Rory: Oh, look, babies!
Lorelai: I never wanna hear that come out of your mouth again.

Lorelai: This is amazing chicken, Mom. I mean it, really great.
Emily: Thank you, Lorelai.
Lorelai: It's like super chicken. I bet it could fly. Have you tried tossing it out the window?

Paris: For example, I can instantly deduce that when someone hears the name Paris in the same sentence with the word date, jaws will drop, confused looks will cover faces, words like 'how' and 'why' and 'Quick, Bob, get the children in the minivan because the world is obviously coming to an end!' will immediately fly out of people's mouths.


Rory: [To Lorelai] This from a woman with a Hello Kitty waffle iron.

Rory: I can go from zero to studying in less than sixty seconds.

Lorelai: You know how on All in the Family when Edith would be yapping about something and Archie would pretend to make a noose and hang himself or shoot himself in the head?
Rory: Yeah?
Lorelai: I don't know. Something about this moment just made me think of that.

Lorelai: Luke, um, that's not a bed, that's a raft, which is fine if you're gonna build a moat around the diner but...
Luke: It's fine.
Lorelai: Luke, the kid needs a bed. If you want to get him something inflatable, make it a blonde.

Lorelai: Can I ask you stupid questions?
Luke: There's no such thing.
Lorelai: How does ink come out of pens?
Luke: All right, there is such a thing.

Lorelai: Why are we standing here?
Rory: Because the sign says 'wait to be seated'.
Lorelai: Yeah, but we're not automatons, we are rule breakers, and there are like fifty open tables.
Rory: You're exaggerating.
Lorelai: One, two, three, four, fifty - no I'm not.

Lorelai: Aren't baby shower balloons supposed to reflect the sex of the baby? Blue for boys, pink for girls.
Rory: You would think.
Lorelai: What's green for, aliens?

Lane: Oh my God, you guys walk fast. I've been chasing you for the past two blocks.
Rory: Hey, we were being followed.
Lorelai: I told you I wasn't just being paranoid. Maybe next time you'll take me seriously when I tell you furniture moved itself.

[While playing a carnival game]
Clara: Jess can't throw.
Jess: I can, too.
Clara: You missed every time.
Jess: I can't concentrate with your annoying midget voice yammering on and on. It's like having Stuart Little shoved in my ear.

Lorelai: Do you know how to make coffee?
Christopher: Yes, I do.
Lorelai: My coffee?
Christopher: One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?
Lorelai: Perfect.

Rory: Why me?
Paris: Because people like you. You're quiet. You say "excuse me". You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.

LUKE: So, back from the ball huh?
LORELAI: Yes, I left behind a glass slipper and a business card in case the prince is really dumb.

LORELAI: I told her she should go out for the debating team.
RORY: It's not a sport.
LORELAI: It is the way the Gilmores play.

TRISTAN: You know what Mary, see I can’t figure out why we’re not friends. I think it’s because I make you nervous.
RORY: I think it’s because you can’t learn my name.

MR. MEDINA: You like coffee?
LORELAI: Only with my oxygen.

LORELAI: The other day I came across a hat that I made for Rory. It was like a doll hat.
BABETTE: Oh, they grow up so fast.
LORELAI: And then they take your clothes.

BABETTE: I never thought a man would ever even want me.
LORELAI: I know the feeling.
BABETTE: Oh, please, with that ass? Gimme a break.

LORELAI: You can't always control who you're attracted to, you know. I think the whole Angelina Jolie/Billy Bob Thronton thing really proves that.

RORY: So, is this party Grandma's having going to be a big deal?
LORELAI: Not really. The government will close that day. Flags will fly at half-mast. Barbra Streisand will give her final concert...again.
RORY: Uh-huh.
LORELAI: Now, the Pope has previous plans, but he's trying to get out of them. However, Elvis and Jim Morrison are coming and they're bringing chips.

LORELAI: No, Mom, I'm shopping for Rory. You're shopping for your imaginary granddaughter, Barbara Hutton.

LUKE: So I hear you're having a party Saturday. RORY: Yeah. Mom's famous for her blowouts.
LORELAI: The best one was her eighth birthday.
RORY: Oh, yeah, that was good.
LORELAI: The cops shut us down.
LUKE: The cops shut down an eight year old's birthday party?
RORY: And arrested the clown.
LUKE: I don't want to hear any more of this.

LORELAI: And it's so hard to believe that at exactly this time many moons ago, I was lying in exactly the same position --
RORY: Oh, boy. Here we go.
LORELAI: Only I had a huge, fat stomach and big fat ankles and I was swearing like a sailor --
RORY: On leave.
LORELAI: On leave -- right! And there I was --
RORY: In labor.
LORELAI: And while some have called it the most meaningful experience of your life, to me it was something more akin to doing the splits on a crate of dynamite.
RORY: I wonder if the Waltons ever did this.
LORELAI: And I was screaming and swearing and being surrounded as I was by a hundred prominent doctors, I just assumed there was an actual use for the cup of ice chips they gave me.
RORY: There wasn't.
LORELAI: But pelting the nurses sure was fun.

TRISTIN: Ok, I gotta tell you something. I'm madly in love with you.
RORY: Well, good luck with that.

LANE: Oh, that's a good aisle.
RORY: What defines a good aisle?
LANE: An aisle where you get kissed by the new kid is a good aisle.

LANE: I'm so jealous! That's it, I've got to get some dumb, ugly friends.

LORELAI: Oh look how he just handled those lemons.
LUKE: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: He threw them in the bag. Not tossed them or placed them but threw them like they were nothing to him.
LUKE: They're lemons.
LORELAI: They're symbolic.

LORELAI: No. That Lothario over there has wormed his way into my daughter's heart and mouth and for that he must die!

LORELAI: So chill out, Supermarket Slut.

LORELAI: Stop saying mother like that.
RORY: Like what?
LORELAI: Like there's supposed to be another word after it.

RORY: This whole guy thing. I mean I've watched you when you talk to a man. You have a comeback for everything, you make him laugh, you smile right --
LORELAI: I smile right?
RORY: And then you do the little hair flip.
LORELAI: Oh, twirl. It's a hair twirl.
RORY: And then you walk away and he just stands there, amazed, like he can't believe what just happened.
LORELAI: That's because I just stole his wallet.

LORELAI: She's not going on your motorcycle.
DEAN: I don't have a motorcycle.
LORELAI: She's not going on your motorcycle.
DEAN: Fine, she won't go on my motorcycle.

TAYLOR: There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs.

EMILY: A bad storm is heading your way. It's already hitting us here.
LORELAI: Well, don't panic. I'll get the ark. You get the animals.

LORELAI: Rory's dad proposed.
MAX: What happened?
LORELAI: The bell rang. I was late for chem lab.

EMILY: Lorelai, what are you doing?
LORELAI: Getting rid of the avacado.
EMILY: Since when do you not like avacado?
LORELAI: Since the day I said, "Gross. What is this?" and you said, "Avacado."

RORY: He's not my boyfriend.
LANE: Really?
RORY: No.
LANE: What is he then?
RORY: He's my...gentleman caller.
LANE: OK, Blanche.

CISSY: You wanna dance?
TRISTIN: Nope.
CISSY: You wanna eat?
TRISTIN: Nope.
CISSY: You wanna go make out?
TRISTIN: Yeah, alright, let's go.

DEAN: He has a thing for you.
RORY: No he doesn't. It's just a game to him or something.
DEAN: He has a thing for you.
RORY: He does nothing but insult me and make me miserable.
DEAN: He has a thing for you.

PARIS: There’s no sign on this street.
RORY: I know, that’s why I told you to turn right at the big rooster statue.
PARIS: I thought you were kidding.

RORY: This is Louise, Madeline and Paris.
LORELAI: Ah, very good girl-group names.

LORELAI: Well, I think you’re actually making some friends here.
RORY: Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. They’ve basically just moved off the plan to dump the pig’s blood on me at the prom, that’s all.

RORY: Mother-daughter window washing. We should try that.
LORELAI: Yeah, right after mother-daughter shock treatments.

LORELAI: We're picking out paint colors tonight so it's going to be hours of "yes," "no," "yes," "no," "yes," "no," until my world-famous perseverence wears him down and he winds up in a ball on the floor crying like a girl. Wanna come watch?

RORY: Donna Reed would have never forgotten the rolls. They're gonna make me turn in my pearls.

LANE: If you hadn’t set me up with Todd, then I would still be in love with him.
RORY: Not the guy for you huh?
LANE: Not the guy for anybody who can read, write, talk or function on a basic human level.

LUKE: No, I believe you. If you say there's no reason for the mood, then there's no reason for the mood. You're simply nuts.
LORELAI: Or bipolar. That's very big nowadays.

LORELAI: That doesn’t make sense. This is Dean we’re talking about. He’s crazy about you. He calls like 25 times a day. Have you seen the cover of his notebook? It’s one step away from stalker material.

RORY: Some people like getting up early.
LORELAI: You lie.

RORY: Not all girls wnat to be queen, Paris. Even Barbie ended up being a stewardess.

MADELINE: Scandal.
LOUISE: Maybe, though it is Paris.
MADELINE: Scandal lite.
LOUISE: All the taste but much fewer calories.

MADELINE: Looks like we're going to have to do a Pink Lady's makeover on you.
LOUISE: Turn you from a sweet Sandy into a slutty Sandy, dancing at the school fair in high heels, black spandex, and permed hair.

RORY: Tristin would be lucky to go out with someone like you. He's not going to have to read the menu to you or explain that the dancing trash bins in the movie theater previews aren't real.

LUKE: The safest answer in anything involving the two of you is no.

LORELAI: Luke, we sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.

LORELAI: And I like my bank.
MAX: Okay hold on.
LORELAI: It's small and the teller's name is Margie and she can't count. And I think there's something so poetic about banking at a place where the teller can't count.

RORY: This is just like that Christmas when I got a full set of illustrated encyclopedias.

LOUISE: I'm sure they'll move if you ask nice. You know, dangle a hotel key in front of their faces.
PARIS: This is a school. You don't do this in a school.
LOUISE: Not unless you've got a boyfriend like Tristan. Then you do it anywhere you can.

RORY: I don’t want to wallow, and you can’t make me.

LANE: Hi, I’m Lane.
LOUISE: As in ‘walk down a...’?

LORELAI: I still can't get over that I'm related to God. It's going to make getting Madonna tickets so much easier.
(((((read one of the above quotes to get the funniness))))

RORY: Henry still hasn't called?
LANE: Oh no, he called.
RORY: He did? Why didn't you tell me?
LANE: Well I didn't talk to him. He left a message. I listened to it eight-and-a-half times, but then my mom came home and I had to erase it. But I was so panicked that I broke it, which is better because now all evidence that a boy called me is in the trash.
RORY: Eight and a half times.
LANE: Well it was a good message the first couple times. Then I started parsing it for subtext.
RORY: What did he say?
LANE: He said, and I quote, "Hey Lane, it's Henry." Not a good start.
RORY: How do you figure?
LANE: It's so gender neutral. It's how you start a conversation with a bowling pal.
RORY: He asked you bowling?
LANE: Then he said "It was fun meeting you the other night."
RORY: What?
LANE: He didn't say which night. Like he didn't remember which night. Like he's mixing me up with another girl from another night. For all I know, he thought he was calling the hot blonde he met at a hopped up night at Balthazar's.
RORY: He's a 16 year old Korean boy.
LANE: Or so he led me to believe.
RORY: What's the bottom line here?
LANE: Okay, the bottom line is that he wants me to call him back. But if I do that then he's probably gonna ask me out on a date. And if we go out on a date then it could lead to another date, and then I'll have to introduce him to my parents. And once I do that, they're gonna like him. Because he's Korean and he's gonna be a doctor. And then once that happens, that's it. It'll be over. He'll be hideous to me. Now I'm a Lou Reed gloomy.

LORELAI: Hmm, what are you wearing?
MAX: Nothing.
LORELAI: You must be very popular.
MAX: And chilly.

MAX: Okay, I need you to be serious now.
LORELAI: Says the man with no pants.

LORELAI: Yeah. (walks over to another bag and pulls out a pair of pants) And then of course, beautiful pants. So soft, I don't know what this fabric is but I think I wanna have its baby.

RORY: Obviously he's met one of those Thursday afternoon girls.
LANE: What's a Thursday afternoon girl?
RORY: They're those slutty girls that get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things.

RORY: Taylor thinks I'm casing the place. Like I would ever shoplift there.
LANE: You have shoplifted there.

TAYLOR: All right, the nays have it. Let the record reflect it. Lorelai, I hope that's not food in those bags. Food is not allowed at town meetings.
LORELAI: No, Taylor its not. Its, um, diapers for the little ones.
TAYLOR: What?
LORELAI: Dorsal fins and cucamonga.
TAYLOR: What did she say?
LORELAI (whispers to Max): I confuse him till he loses his train of thought and then he moves on. Hot dog?

MICHEL: Am I or am I not the head man in charge of floral deliveries?
LORELAI: Yes, and one of the few men I know who would proudly declare that fact.

LUKE: Fresh coffee will be ready in a minute unless you wanna just roll up a dollar bill and go nuts.




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