LUKE: I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.
LORELAI: Sure, yeah.
RORY: Ten minutes is great.
LUKE: And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.
LORELAI: And then hopefully got your hearing checked.

LUKE: And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with Tess. So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the Hummel.
LORELAI: The what?
LUKE: Exactly.

LORELAI: So not only did you go to a cop-raided party but you started the raid?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: This fence is broken because of you, this crap is on the ground because of you.
RORY: What's your point?
LORELAI: [singing] Did you ever know that you're my hero?
RORY: Oh my God!
LORELAI: [singing] You're everything I would like to be. And I could fly higher than an eagle, 'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

LORELAI: Uh, make a note - if the guests are gonna wear those robes downstairs, we need to buy ones with thicker material.
SOOKIE: Really.
LORELAI: Seeing the sunlight hit Dennis gave me a whole new respect for Peg.

TAYLOR: Uh, in a second Jess. Give him a taffy. I come to announce to one and all that the day we all thought would never get here has arrived.
KIRK: Arbor Day?
TAYLOR: No.
KIRK: The Day of Reckoning?
TAYLOR: No
KIRK: The day the music died?
TAYLOR: Kirk.
KIRK: Give me a taffy.
TAYLOR: What?
KIRK: I've got a million of 'em. Give me a taffy!

LUKE: Are you trying to kill me?
JESS: Nope, it'll just be a perk.

RORY: We have to go over the special graduation edition of the Franklin, and of course we're completely behind, partly because Paris can't let anything go to print unless she's proofed it a million times. Can you say crazy anal micromanager?
LORELAI: Not five times fast.

LOUISE: All right. How about blue dress, blonde guy, black limo? Works best for me.
MADELINE: Yes, however, green dress, red-haired guy, white limo works best for me.
LOUISE: White limo with blonde guy totally doesn't work. It's too washed up.
RORY: I'm assuming this conversation veered off of the cover page placement?
MADELINE: How about black-haired guy, green dress and tan limo?
LOUISE: Tan limo?
MADELINE: Good neutral backdrop.
LOUISE: Well, this opens up a whole new set of options. Bring the golf team back in.

LORELAI: It's my own fault. I poked a slumbering bear with a stick. I reached out and initiated contact with Emily Gilmore. I get what I deserve.
SOOKIE: You're a bad girl.
LORELAI: You know what really stinks? They're having Rory over tonight for a movie night.
SOOKIE: Movie night? That's your thing with her.
LORELAI: Exactly. What's next? "Stay home and dance around in your underwear to the Monkees' greatest hits" night?
SOOKIE: I wouldn't put it past them to steal that, too.

JIMMY: It's been seventeen years, Luke.
LUKE: Oh, you remember how long it's been. I am impressed.
JIMMY: Yeah, well, I always could count.
LUKE: And your list of attributes ends there.

LUKE: Okay, well, while you're figuring it out, let me plant this little thought in your head - you do or say anything to upset Jess and make it harder for me to keep him on the right path, I'm gonna put your head through a wall. Any wall, you can pick the wall, but it's gonna be a wall, okay?

MISS PATTY: You know, it's times like these that you realize what is truly important in your life. I'm so glad I had all that sex.

PRIEST: As we close, I'd like to honor a special request Fran had, and that is to take one final stroll around the Town Square before going to her final resting place. All those who would like to participate, please assemble outside.
MRS. KIM: [to Lane] Walking with dead people not my thing. Let's go.

LORELAI: We very respectfully hover in his vicinity until the walk is over.
SOOKIE: Then we will politely ask him to get in touch with us.
LORELAI: Yes. Coming?
RORY: No, you guys go ahead. I'll be in the back of the line so that when the earth opens up and swallows you whole, I'll be here to tell a story.

LORELAI: I was negotiating at a funeral.
RORY: I saw.
LORELAI: Which might've been the most inappropriate thing to happen today until that gnat flew into Kirk's mouth and he freaked and dropped the casket.

RORY: You got up this morning, went to Luke's and brought this back.
LORELAI: Well, I sure as hell am not gonna cook.
RORY: They're good, thank you.
LORELAI: Put 'em on a plate just the way you like 'em.

RORY: I still don't understand why they need to get married.
LORELAI: Maybe they have to get married before he grows so tall she won't be able to talk to him anymore.

RORY: Hey, here's a picture of Kirk pinned by the casket.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
RORY: Man, it's bad enough this had to happen, but his pants splitting on top of it?
LORELAI: Yeah. I hope he never takes too close a look at his life.
RORY: Amen. So this goes on the fridge, right?

[Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table with books spread open in front of them]
LORELAI: "Where's the ladies room?" "More coffee, please." "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"
RORY: We do not need to know how to say "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?"
LORELAI: Oh, yes, we do.
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: When we're in Spain, we need to know how to say, "Does Antonio Banderas live near here?" When in France, "Does Johnny Depp live near here?"
RORY: When in Rome, "Does Gore Vidal live near here?"
LORELAI: You know, you look like me, yet my ways are completely lost on you

LORELAI: Oh, fine. Hey, how important do you think it is to be able to say, "Help, I'm bleeding from the head"?

LANE: It's got two huge parks with gardens and lakes.
LORELAI: Two parks.
LANE: One for boys and one for girls.
RORY: Huh.
LANE: And you know, I had originally thought that this was gonna be a suffocating place with out of date rules and insane restrictions, but boy was I wrong. For example, curfew is up to 9:30. 9:45 if you're going for your Masters. Makeup will be permitted, as long as it identically matches your skin tone. And owning a Rolling Stones CD is no longer grounds for expulsion. You can work the demerits off in the campus clean-up crew.
LORELAI: There's a separate park for boys?
LANE: My life is over.

LORELAI: You have to sleep, it's what keeps you pretty.
RORY: Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?

RORY: Hm? Oh, I found that if I focus too much on one subject, I start to get a little punchy. This way, when I hit Bolshevik Revolution overload, I just shift over here and, oh, hello, Anne Boleyn is going down, and then when that gets too depressing, it's right over to calculus.
LORELAI: Saving the party subject for last, huh?

LORELAI: Since when are you scared of Rory? 'Cause seriously, Luke, I think you can take her.
LUKE: I just need to tell you something. Can she hear us?
LORELAI: Through the walls? No, I put some kryptonite in her waffles. We're good.

SASHA: Hey, did you ever see The Wizard of Oz?
JESS: Yes.
SASHA: Remember when they go to the Emerald City and they ring the bell and the guy with the beard stuck his head out and they said that they wanted to see the wizard, and he said no, and they said, 'She's got the ruby slippers', and he said 'Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.'
JESS: Yes.
SASHA: Well, I'm the guy with the beard and I'm saying the no unless you can come up with the ruby slippers.
JESS: I'm his son.
SASHA: His son?
JESS: Yes, his son.
SASHA: Well, that's a horse of a different color. Come on in.
JESS: Do they bite?
SASHA: Just those two. [walks away]
JESS: Which two? Hey, which two? Great. I swear I will bite you back.

JESS: Clowns, cats, dogs. I wonder where his tap shoes are.

LOUISE: Shut up.
MADELINE: I swear.
LOUISE: Jean jackets are out? How is that possible?
MADELINE: I just opened the magazine and there it was.
LOUISE: This is horrible. Who decides these things?
MADELINE: Marie Claire, apparently.
[Rory walks over]
LOUISE: I feel so helpless. Did you hear? Jean jackets are out.
RORY: Out of where?
MADELINE: Vogue.
LOUISE: No, Marie Claire.
MADELINE: Whatever. We still can't wear them.

EMILY: Well, what are your friends' families wearing?
RORY: I don't know.
EMILY: Can you find out?
RORY: Um, sure, hold on. [to Louise] Louise, what's your grandmother wearing to graduation?
LOUISE: Hopefully the pearls I get when she kicks.

JIMMY: It's fine. So, first time on the West Coast?
JESS: First time on the West Coast.
JIMMY: Okay. The sites. Ocean.
JESS: I wondered what that was.
JIMMY: Sand.
JESS: Keeps the ocean in its place.
JIMMY: Sky.
JESS: We've got one of those back east.

JESS: I take it you like the beach.
JIMMY: I would marry the beach if man and property were allowed to mate.

MISS CELINE: Never underestimate the power of a good shirt.

PARIS: Unbutton your top.
LORELAI: What?
PARIS: Teenage boys are controlled by one thing. Unbutton your top.
LORELAI: No.
PARIS: Well, me doing it isn't going to help any.
LORELAI: Paris, you need to relax. You need to stop worrying. You need to stop obsessing. You need to stop looking at my boobs.

LORELAI: [reads] "Hey, Aurory Borealis." Okay, can't talk to this one ever again. [reads] "You have been my inspiration, my rock, my light. I loved you in South Pacific." When did you do South Pacific?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Some dipstick named Shauna thinks you were in South Pacific.
RORY: Oh, Shauna tends to get people mixed up.

LORELAI: Hey, you know what's weird? A lot of the kids in here are calling you a valedictorian. Is that anything like a dirty skank, 'cause if it is I'll kick their plaid butts up and down the sidewalk.

LORELAI: Hey, listen, my little Holly Hunter in Broadcast News, I'm gonna let you freak out and study like a mad woman and stress yourself out until finals, but once they're over, we are gonna celebrate big time. . .'cause this is amazing.
RORY: Yeah, it is.
LORELAI: Okay, now go make Mommy nervous.

LORELAI: We are so not walking around Europe with those annoying things on our backs.
RORY: But we're backpacking through Europe. How're we gonna do this without backpacks?
LORELAI: But all the time we've talked about backpacking, I never actually pictured us with backpacks.
RORY: Well, what were you picturing?
LORELAI: Spry, accommodating European men with neat mustaches trailing after us, carrying our luggage, hailing taxi cabs, constantly reminding us how beautiful we are.

RORY: We're in pain, Luke.
LUKE: But it's great that you guys are bearing it so nobly. And can you move these?
RORY: Can? No.
LORELAI: Would if we could? Debatable.

LORELAI: A cruise is a good spot to get down on one knee.
LUKE: And do my ventriloquist act?

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