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News from the Asylum

Ah...looking for updates, are you?

Before the updates, we are pleased to inform you that there are only days until the Apocalypse, when the Giant Bvarian Hamster-Lemurs will come and seriously fuck your shit up. Afterwards, we are expecting to rule the world for a Thousand Years of Darkness. Please adjust your plans accordingly.

Before the updates, any donations of straightjackets would be appreciated....we're getting cold. Thank you.



Updated the week.



Well, we finished redoing the Brink, in case you haven't noticed you poor excuse for bovine excrement. There was much fanning of computers and copying and pasting of html codes involved.



Where do I report that I have updated the Updates page? Truly a perplexing question... On an unrelated note, Carbonaria and I are working on a complete overhaul on the Brink, which may (or may not) ever actually be completed. The new design can be viewed in its incipient stages here. has been updated.Also edited were the TM, the gallery, and also I added a song I wrote to the Poetry page, explanation and all. Also. Also also. Also, also, also, also, also! I've been totally jacked up on at least three different kinds of stimulants I can think of off the top of my head and I haven't slept in a couple of days. Please forgive the incoherence. Also also also.

--Also Kia


Not an update: just a random comment...
Is it just me, or in the past few months has ratio of porn-related material to non-porn-related material on The Brink shifted significantly? Yes, we are adolescents...



So. I drew some more shit and put it up in my Perverse Gallery. The only thing worth noting about these is that I drew them by hand rather than on a computer. It should make Janet, Carbonaria and MCD feel better about their artistic skills anyway... (insert smiley here)



A week in weirdness update, the first in awhile. Still need to put up Carbonaria's banner. Got Porn? is coming along. Oh, and Kia didn't mention it in the last entry, but sometime in April we embedded sound clip on the main page. Annoying yet intriguing, inn't it? Thanks to CJ for providing the voice, and also not freaking out when MCD, Kia, Carbonaria and I were hitting on each other. (It didn't seem that weird at the time. Really.)



Man, it's been a while...
Well, I was really tired and when I'm really tired, I tend to think of really weird things that I'd never come up with otherwise. Like Got Porn?. It needs some editing, I want to find the right font, and I'm gonna make a short film clip for the first page, but that's the basic idea. I'm surprised no one's done it yet (so far as I can tell)...
Also (maybe) coming soon: Just Screw It.



I updated The Week for the first time in a month. Pretty soon we'll post a new banner that Carbonaria made for us, but I sort of have to find the file first. Also, I may update the conversations page over spring break, but don't expect anything too wonderful - I can only pump out so many brilliant comments a day. (Okay - it's damned embarrassing that I keep quoting myself. Must stop frivolous self-indulgence.. tomorrow.)



Updated The Technicolor MisanthropeTM. Added a quote from the book I wrote... Sonata in Three Movements. Am hoping to get it published some day. Keep an eye out for it...

Rainbow Update: Nope, haven't outgrown them yet...


I added more artwork and features to my preciousTM. Hopefully this is just a phase, but... I swear, it's starting to become like the child I never intend to have. Nothing's too good for my precious TM page. And it can never have too many fucking rainbows.

P.S. Never!


Nothing "important" by conventional usage of the word, but I added a pretty picture to TM, and am demanding that you look at my artwork.



I was feeling ambitious (but not ambitious enough to edit the Colander) so I added a new sponsor and some stuff to TM instead. The Literate Potatoes Foundation homepage is coming either very soon or when pigs fly. We'll just have to wait and see.



Well I finally got up off of my fat lazy ass and added a contribution to the Brink... Advice from the Technicolor MisanthropeTM. More pearls of wisdom will probably be posted eventually... just like September-December, the unfinished parts of Sockweb, the rest of the Superhero Deathmatch things, the Revolution poems, a.k.a. Probably Never.

(Oh, by the way, I did get over my monochrome phase. Now it's rainbows :)


I've uploaded computer porn. It's actually pretty lame, considering how cool we originally thought it'd be. But at least it's new, so enjoy.



A couple new conversations, and an update to the Week.



Happy Turkey Holocaust (to quote a friend of my cousin). I tweaked the main page a bit, and added a slightly annoying poll. Also, the week in weirdness has been updated again.



Well, I finally redid the poetry page. All of MCD's poems remain unchanged... I added three new ones and took off two of mine. Man, that one on unrestricted warfare was a real bitch to get rid of... I was beginning to think that maybe the Powers that Be were protecting it from erasure (the Chosen HTML?).
Oh, and I know that some of my font on my ramblings page and my poems are too dark to read. I'm just going through a monochrome phase. Hopefully I'll grow out of it.



In a brilliant move that stuns the nation, Kia adds a new feature to the Brink! Amazing! Oh, and I have some new poetry, but the poetry page is acting really screwy for some reason and it won't let me add more. I'll get back to you on that one.


Nothing much, really. A new conversation was added, mostly because it entertained me greatly. Also, I have a new computer! *With* Net access, no less!
(Alright, maybe it's just *me* who cares about this.)


I updated the conversations page with several weeks worth of backlogish stuff. That's about it.


In case you didn't notice, I made a new image for the main page. Ms. Reno was getting on my nerves. Oh, and my parents have decided to look for other sofa options (yes!). But one of our cars is breaking down, so now I have to pray that the next car we buy won't look horrible..



I updated the free amateur onion pornography page with a new gallery and a warning page. Oh, and my parents are buying a really, really ugly couch to replace an old couch that is equally ugly.



I humbly introduce our new free amateur onion pornography page.



There have been a few additions to the conversations page. I also updated The Week in Weirdness today. MCD, Kia, Rolfe and I also have two new features in the works that should arrive within a couple weeks.



A few months ago, we held a hazing ritual for my new quickcam. The fruits of this hazing have been bountiful... including (but not limited to) sockweb, peep peep peep, and the heretoforth unfinished romeo and juliet storyline. And today, I added this on top of the entire month of August that I did yesterday. You all don't appreciate me enough. Also, this and this.



*Two* new updates: a new picture and August is finally up!


In Which Kia Desperately Tries to Boost the Number of Hits for The Brink by Adding Questionable Material. Also, she added a couple of quotes to the update page, but you already noticed that... right?



Fucked with a lot of the titlebars. God, I'm sore.



July is here. We deny all charges that it is now August.



Still no July. However, there are three new Ask Kia questions and answers, and some new conversations. That is all, I think...except that actual new material may be expected at some point.



I finally posted the superhero death match profiles, after Kia reminded me. (sorry it took so long! sorry also for the large sizes! let's see how many exclamation points I can use!)



A conversation was added to the conversations page. And Angelfire is unbelievably slow.



Hi. I updated The Week in Weirdness. Also, I added a rather brief exchange to the bottom of the conversations page, but I didn't move the order around on the main page because it wasn't all that important. So everything is groovy, and everything is fine.



July is not yet up, however, there is a new Ask Kia question and answer up, as well as an Official Survey! I think that's it.



Alright. So June is finally up. We weren't that late, were we?
Also, I noticed that Janet updated the Week in Weirdness. That is all.



I finally got my act together, so the conversation page is now up and running. Please excuse the poor graphic design; something better may or may not come later. June also may or may not come later.


Oh, and I just gotta get this out of my system. So... I was helping Anne with her photo project by burning things... one of the pictures came out very nicely, and she got to enter it into a contest! Check it out!

5/03/01 (I think...)

May is here! Check out our new and improved colander! Also, I added a picture to the gallery. *yawn*.


Sometime soon, Janet and I (and hopefully Kia!) will get together and work on the page layout/color/etc.
Also, I fixed April. *grin*



Hello all. I just rearranged the main page. It's a bit easier on the eyes now, I think. However, it doesn't look anything like the rest of the site... except, of course, for my page. Funny how that worked out.

Anyway, it's only temporary for now (since the new design is kind of confusing). We'll come up with something better when we have time - that'll be the summer, probably. In the meantime, enjoy the pretty colors, and the changing Janet Reno quotes.



I can't believe it! I FORGOT ALL ABOUT 4-20 DAY!!! I'm such an idiot! Alas, it is too late, I shall have to wait for next year, unless I make every day 4-20 Day. Well, at least I updated April



I like carrots.


(Also, I updated This Week in Weirdness.)


Your thumb INDEED! And I see that you're beginning to utilize them as well (NOTE! The topic is no longer thumbs!); we all KNOW that no one ever reads the title bars--it's transparently obvious that you're trying to use reverse psychology to make our readers paranoid! But that's OK. We all forgive you. DON'T WE, CHILDREN?



Subliminal messages, my thumb! Read the disclaimer at the top of the horrorscope page and I'll be perfectly happy. Also, I realized today that "Illegal Substance Appreciation Week" coincided with what some consider "Holy Week". Delighted by this discovery, I made some changes to the days on the Colander and Illegal Substances Appreciation Week is getting pushed back until May. Not like you'd notice/care. Oh, and I'm sure MCD knew this but just didn't have enough time to do it... because she updated sockweb most frequently, she should have moved its link on the main page up right below the links page, according to our new format. I took the liberty of doing it for her. You're welcome, MCD!

P.S. I don't like the color scheme either, but at least now I can read it, and that's what it's all about (excluding the Hokey Pokey).


The Horrorscope is back! Yay Kia! (I knew you'd see reason, even if it took my secret psychic messages to get you to do so)...in celebration, I will...I will...post a new Ask Kia letter, and also some pot jokes courtesy of a friend of ours (to be credited to our friend Tobias! Hehe, what kidders those socks are! As for spelling errors, um, I plead the fifth. ^_^


Oh, and I don't really like the color scheme for this page now; it was all Kia's doing! Blame her!
...that is all.


Lots of new features... Kia on Science, 26 Habits of Highly Ineffective People(the first four, anyway), and, most notably, Sockweb and Peep peep peep! . Both are adorable,and I insist that you take the time to see them. Also, I have 20 out of 32 superhero profiles done for the superhero deathmatch, and then we can post them and let the games begin!
Furthermore, I have just re-arranged the links on the main page. From now on, they will be arranged with updates, sponsors, and links first, and ensuing the rest of the features will be listed in order from those "most recently updated" to those that have "never been updated since the Brink was created". This is for your convenience as viewers.
Other than that, nothing really. A few minor tweaks with editing Ree's spelling errors and a couple of color scheme changes. Nothing major. Oh, and in a marvelous instance of foresight, I just *know* that in exactly two days, I will post up the new (and improved) Kia's Horrorscope. I'm a genius, no?
-Kia the Great, signing out.


April has finally been posted! We are not two days late... never ever ever!

--MCD & Kia


There's a new Ask Kia; it took MCD too long to post it. What can she say; she's getting very, very lazy. :)


Sometime in March/01

Well,I took the liberty of taking off one of my more stupid poems on the poetry page and adding a less-stupid one, complete with analysis for lazy fools who want their brains in mint condition (i.e. never used). It's political!
We also have been workind "diligently" on April for the Colander, and I have now posted 4 superhero deathmatch profiles! Go Kia. Also working on 26 Habits of Highly Ineffective People. Should be marginally amusing.

-Kia the Great, signing out.


My friends are doing so much nice stuff for me lately. Janet made an ANIMATED banner, which we put on our wubbulous links page, not to mention the regular banner Turtleperson made for our page, which can be found on our Never Go Banana Fishing page (but that one's been there for a while and you already know about it because you check each link on our main page daily, eagerly awaiting any tidbits we throw to you like the hungry dogs you are, right?). Yay! My friends are so nice. Oh yes, and I believe I added a picture to the Kia's Pervese Gallery, but I can't remember. Whew! That's the third link I've managed to incorporate into this update, so I think I'm done. Oh yeah... I was working on the Superhero Deathmatch thing during Health, and we now have quite a few profiles for 18 superheroes, which must be re-inked. So this could take a while. But I do have all 32 superheroes listed in brackets! So I'm not a failure/lazy! OK. Buh-bye now.
-Kia the Great, signing out.


My wonderful friend Ellie showed me a picture of a smiley face made of grass clippings. It was so nifty that I just had to do something. So... (drumroll please)... there is a new sponsor on our sponsor page (as opposed to our duct tape man page)! Yay!
-Kia the Great, signing out.


Well, after much pain and arguing, MCD and I finally managed to post up my newest masterpiece: an Egalitarian Anarchists sponsor page. Um... there haven't been any updates on Duct Tape Man recently, so I was thinking about making some sort of death match contest between superheroes. What do you think about that?
I think it's a great idea, Kia! And I just rhymed! Uh-huh... yeah. Well, I have seminar questions so I'm done for now.
-Kia the Great, signing out.

Teatime/March 3rd/1984

You're not the only one...it's a hard burden, but someone has to sacrifice themself for humanitiy's sake. (The sound on my comp is rarely on; I'm usually listening to MP3s, just by way of partial excuse.) Anyway, not many updates...we may or may not have a new web design soon; we may or may not have a new design, depending on several things (including my ability to relearn frames, so don't count on it). At any rate, the conversations page still has to be formatted, so I really must fly.




I do believe that the last update was yesterday (the 27th). At any rate, the embedded sound file (thanks, Caroline...) has been moved to the English page, and a control bar has been added. Thank me later, like once I've finally redesigned the site.


Greetings, lower beings! For the record, it is whatever diddly-dang day I want it to be, thank you very much. Also, I can count. There are three (3) new features for the site, one of which is our geometry projects on definitions for Mrs. Gan. Also, don't tell Ree, but I added a lovely sound clip to the main page with the help of Caroline. Haunting, is it not? Whoopee! -Kia the Great, signing out


(don't tell Kia, but her update was on the 26th.) Hm, she seems to have covered it all; two new features...ah, but I've updated the Links page. Also minor changes and improvements througout, such as making sure all the pages have this lovely crosshair cursor (notice! notice! You don't appreciate me! =) Oh; I did make the English page 'prettier'; any feedback on the colors would be welcome. (once I get a decent computer editing program, there will be major revamping. That means we have to wait for a few years, but I think a redesign may be coming up sometime soon; maybe July.)

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!! Greetings, this is Kia the Great, creating her very first update (she finally learned how to copy and paste codes)! Huzzah. I have made a few minor corrections to the site (i.e. it's the year 2001 now, thank you very much.) Also, February and March on the Colandar. Please note my wonderful snowman! I'm a budding artist! Speaking of which, I added two features to the site while Ree wasn't looking... and a couple of random pictures here and there...

Kia's Perverse Gallery of Artwork!


Kia Mangles the English Language!
(this one I did all by myself-- it shows, but heck. Maybe Ree will make it prettier later). I feel so proud...

Chao Chao for now!

-Kia the Great, signing off.

More Kia Quotes! (see the top of the page). Hopefully, February will be finished sometime soon, and a new feature is on the way! (but don't hold your breath.)

Nothing, I repeat, nothing has happened.

Angelfire finally cooperated enough that MCD could upload the scanned certificate; here it is...not much, really; odds are that nothing interesting will happen for a while, now that this is over...

After much soul-searching and debating (hah!), MCD has decided to repost the Herr Rolfe Chronicles on the main page, partly because Kia was, as predicted, the victor [he apologized!], and partly because (as she's commented to several people) it pains her to lose new content, since she has so little as it is...

--**NEWSFLASH** This is Kia, and I'd like to comment... I never said that. Gee, I wonder what other false information MCD might be posting... maybe I should actually start reading these updates...

--If you actually start reading the updates, I may have to start actually reading the material, which would result in a disastrous situation for any remaining humor--

odds are this will be the last meaningful (yes, this is meaningful) update until the Colander for February is posted, probably in May. Happy holidays and a nice new year, for all those who actually read this section (which is, due to a stroke of genuis, cunningly camoflaged beneath several pages of quotes).....

A new feature! (Joy of all joys!) Today, the startling theft of Kia's S.O.D. and W.O.D. shocked the online Collective; is no one safe from Herr Rolfe? Read the ongoing drama, as shown via the email of Kia and Herr Rolfe, in The Herr Rolfe Chronicles!

Yay! We finished as much Kia's Colander as we can handle doing at this point....hopefully certain people -cough- will be creative enough that we can get up a page for Febuary by May or so. We may or may not have another Ask Kia letter up (MCD lost track...=)

Again, not much (once someone starts typing things up, there might be a larger update...) another Ask Kia letter, and we finished with January for the Colander. ...only 11 months to go...

Not much...some new quotes (on the quote page for those of you who are slightly dense) and a new letter to Kia...(need I repeat myself)

Uh, yeah. Hopefully coming fairly soon--
Kia's Colander!
(if all else fails, starting the first of January)

10/17/00 (I think...)
MCD got bored again and, in a valiant attempt to avoid doing homework, decided to redo the page. Hopefully everyone can see the image map; if not, go here for a more easily accessible version of the site...

We finally finished the movie! Of course, it's now 12 and I'm very tired, and I keep thinking the same things over and over, so...

In the name of Capitalism, Kia decided to open a Candy Shop! Beware, for Kia's Little Candy Shop of Horrors is no common store. Enter at your own risk.

Well, school's finally out...now for an incredibly boring summer...unless we actually shoot (Elizabeth...)...Plenty of school work to do over the 'break,' though. WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE SIGN THE GUESTBOOK!!!!!!! MCD added a Quotes page (run your mouse below Ask Kia and all shall be revealed.) She's still waiting for someone to give her something....come on, people!

Not much happening...school's about to be over, so MCD added a few Page Toys from The Brunching Shuttlecocks...and she's a little link happy..........
Well, MCD was incredibly bored, so she redid the page (in case you hadn't already noticed...) nothing new added, really...horrorscope removed because it's against Kia's religion, but mail me for a copy of your horrorscope according to Kia....that's about it.

This Page made by MCD

Are you
still there? Good.

Ladies and gentlemen... some of OUR various Quotes...(but mostly Kia's)...

back to the brink of insanity