August 1st
--Hey Day--
"Not to be confused with the ever-popular alfalfa-and-oats day!"

August 2nd
--Save Ferris Day--
"You heartless bitch!"

August 3rd
--Jean-Jacques Rousseau Day--
"Not only did he have a way with the ladies... he was a super paranoid, masochistic philosopher too!"

August 4th
--I Know a Mouse and He Hasn't Got a House I Don't Know Why I Call Him Gerald--
"He's getting rather old, but he's a good mouse"

This week is Feelings Week!

August 5th
--Happy Day--
"No Worries-Be Happy!"

August 6th
--Sad Day--
"...because my supply of crack ran out during Happy Day"

August 7th
--Love Day--
"...According to many cynics, today doesn't exist and is only a figment of Western society's imagination!"

August 8th
--Hate Day--
"...because it's much easier than caring!"

August 9th
--Angry Day--
"I'm so angry, I could eat a whole cow!"

August 10th
--Confused Day--

August 11th
--Frustrated Day--
"Actually, most days are frustrated. They need to organize a good labor union, so they can get health benefits and holidays."

End Feelings Week!

We Hope You Had a Feelingful Week!

August 12th
--The Day that was Wasted--
"...Not to be confused with the other 364 wasted days of the year!"

August 13th
--Crazy Day--
"It's so craz-ay!"

August 14th
--The Day that Time Forgot--

August 15th
--Laundry Day--
"Remember-- don't mix the colors with the whites... and I'm not talking about segregation!"

August 16th
--The Day in which High School Students Start Thinking about their Summer Assignments--
"Fools! It's too late! You're doomed! DOOMED!"

August 17th
--Elbow Macaroni Appreciation Day--
"Oh, Elbow Macaroni, how we love thee!"

August 18th
--Dance Day--
"Dance dance dance dance dance!"

August 19th
--Think Day--
"Think think think think think!"

August 20th
--Prance Day--
"Okay... this has got to stop"

August 21st
--Evolution Day--
"I am a firm believer in evolution. Why, just yesterday I had a pair of vestigal wings and now they are gone ("

August 22nd
--Christmas Shopping Day--
"Panic now... Avoid the Rush!"

August 23rd
--Ichthyology Appreciation Day--
"Today has been set aside for the often-overlooked and largely-unappreciated field of studying fish. It is also a day in which we have fun trying to pronounce the word 'ichthyology.'"

August 24th
--Molehill Day--
"But remember... don't make mountains out of molehills, because then we'd have a problem."

August 25th
--Caffiene Appreciation Day--
"Caffeine-- the other methamphetamine."

August 26th
--Snort Tang Day--
"Or you could go for hardcore stuff like Orangina..."

August 27th
--A Very Special Day Indeed--
"It's the only month in August with both a 2 *and* a 7!"

August 28th
--The Last Day of August--
"...hehe... just kidding!"

August 29th
--We Sure Fooled You Yesterday, Huh?--
"Hee hee... that was a good one!"

August 30th
--Snerk Day--
"Experts* agree... 'snerk' is a fun word!"
*and by "experts" we mean "MCD"

August 31st
--Blunt Objects Day--
"32% safer to throw around than sharp objects!"

Back to the Brink!