"Lambast them! Lambast them all!"
--Green Bananas Appreciation Day
"...But in full time, even the ugly green banana will bloom into a ripe, delicious, yellow fruit! Truly a miracle!"
--The Day on Which Someone Contemplated the Deeper Meanings of Pi at 2'o Clock in the Morning--
"...And due to the constance of the ratio of pi, it can be compared to the abstract ideals and indelible truths of Platonic Ideal Forms and God"
--Senior Skip Day--
"I'm not a senior, but that never stopped me from skipping!"
--Join the Masses Day--
"Assimilate or be assimilated... We're giving you until around teatime Tuesday."
--Today is the Greatest Day I've Ever Known--
"Can't live for tomorrow; tomorrow's much too old"
--Feel Good about You Day--
"Yeah, but I'll bet that'll be pretty hard for you, 'cause YOU SUCK!"
--Meet the Press Day--
"Or at least say hello. Nobody says hello to us anymore, you know?"
--Boycott Apricots Day--
"Why? Because boycotting apricots just sounds so dang funny."
--Knid Appreciation Day--
"What is a knid? It is not in a rose, but in the ssssceeeeennnnt of a rose. It is not in a fly, but in the gllleeeeaaaam of the fly... (God, I love that guy)."
--Remember the Alamo Day--
"The who? Are they some sort of rock group or something?"
"You know you want to..."
--Crash and Burn Day--
"No more! No! No more! Never!"
"(we can't think of anything witty to say, so deal with it. Happy father's day, y'all)"
--Last Day of School--
"No further explanation necessary. Joy! Joy joy joy!"
--Hunter Safety Orange Appreciation Day--
"...Sometimes, something is just so damn ugly that you have to appreciate it"
"Gracious; what would we ever do without them? We all would have frozen to death last winter..."
--The Day in Which, a Full Three Days After the End of School, Kia has to Return to Play in the Band for Graduation--
"Damn them. Damn them all."
--Get a Job Day--
"Or at least reposition your lazy ass on the sofa"
--Pointless Taunting Day--
"Neener neener neener! Pppppppbt!"
--Elephant in a Peanut Day--
"It's an elephant! In a peanut! Whoa.... I am, like, soooo wasted right now...."
--Matt Has to Write His Thesis Paper, but we Still have 8 More Days and Kia is Running Out of Ideas--
"Curses! Foiled again!"
--Urine Crystals Appreciation Day--
"You, too, can start your own beautiful collection of urine crystals!"
--The Day that Nothing Special is Happening--
"Nothing, I repeat, nothing has happened"
--Eat Shit Day--
"Go on... I'm watching"
"It's a play on words. Get it?"
**We apologize for the incredibly poor humor of yesterday's day. Kia is getting tired and she still has to write her Press & Congressional Reaction Report on AIDS in Africa. Also, we don't like you.**
--Random Acts of Profanity Day--
"fuck! Fuck! FUCK!!!!"
"Free at last! Free at last!"