April





April 1
--Barbarossa Day--
"Because Herr Rolfe just conquered it with Russia"

Apr. 2nd
--3 Beats Paper Day--
"No! It doesn't! Liars!!! COMMUNISTS!!!"

Apr. 3rd
--Canadian Appreciation Day--
"Because us foreigners just don't know enough about that wonderful land known as 'Canadia'"

Apr. 4th
--Night of the Living Hamsters--
"OK, so maybe it's not a *day*, but if that really bothered you, you wouldn't be here in the first place."

CONSPIRACIES WEEK BEGINS!!!



Apr. 5th
--Crop Circles Appreciation Day--
"This Day brought to you by Zargoff's Quality Crop Circles!

Apr. 6th
--You Are Not Paranoid Day--
"You're right: it *is* as bad as you think it is and they *are* out to get you!"

Apr.7th
--Government Awareness Day--
"...And *this* room is where the government will brutally interrogate you and analyze your brain if you ever claim to have seen aliens! People who come to this room never get to see their families again, children! Moving right along..."

Apr. 8th
--Make a Friend: Start a Conspiracy Day--
"...because it takes two to make a conspiracy!"

April 9th
--Moon Landing Day--
"Oh come on! Don't tell me I'm the only one who sees all the wires!"

April 10th
--Communist BeWareness Day--
"Darn Commies... trying to steal the supersize in my fries..."

April 11th
--Universal Conspiracies Day--
"Just sort of summing it all up... any aliens or Enlightenment Theories... comets...government... are we missing anything?"

END CONSPIRACIES WEEK!



April 12th
--Holy Thursday--
"Holy! Holy holy holy! Holy!"

April 13th
--Better Friday--
"Tuesday was good--Friday is Better!"

April 14th
--Slightly-Worse-Than-Friday-But-Better-Than-Wednesday-or-Tuesday Saturday--
"...Also known to some as Easter Vigil!"

April 19th
--Happy Second Easter!--
"...And This time you're really saved! Whoopee!"

April 20th
--Happy 4-20 Day!--
(Also known as Easter Monday, YHS Bad Pep Rally Day, Hitler's Birthday)

April 21st
--End the War Day--
"What war? What is it good for?"

April 22nd
--The Day to End All Days Day--
"...Or is that next Tuesday?"

April 23rd
--Needlepoint Day--
"Take that, and that, and that!
...wait, what do you mean needlepoint is like embroidering?"

April 24th
--April 24st--
"OK, I don't know about you guys, but that is seriously messing with my mind."

April 25th
--National Board Certification Day--
"The only day Mr. Briscoe has ever been absent!
(sniff.. we miss you, man)"

April 26th
--Ctrl-Alt-Del Day!--
"Try it, folks! Everybody's doing it"

April 27th
--Learn to Share Day--
"We've been, like, learning this since kindergarten, right? So why won't Bill share needles with me, man? I just don't get it..."

April 28th
--Paper Cut Day--
"Dude, that ain't no funny shit, man."

April 29th
--"Adopt" a First-Grader Day--
"Take them home with you and they'll be (forcefully) devoted to you forever!"

April 30th
--WWBD Day--
"What would Bob do?"



Back to the Colander

Or, alternately, Return to the Brink