Kia's Colander of Special Events Presents:


(picture courtesy of Kia's Artistic Skills)

July 1st
--Bagel Appreciation Day--
"Treason is nice... but not as nice as bagels!"

July 2nd
--Canada Day--
"Canada Day? What the fuck?
(it's funny, see? Because it has random profanity... God, I need more crack)"

July 3rd
--Adopt a Gloobat Day--
"But first you have to figure out what a gloobat is!"

July 4th
--Independance Day--
"Am I the only one who's a little miffed that the Canadians get their day a full two days before us?"

July 5th
--Smurf Day--
"Heehee... Smurfs!"

July 6th
--Hedonistic Orgies Day--
"Heehee... Hedonistic orgies!"

July 7th
--Normal Day--
"This day is special because it's like every other miserable day of your wasted life!"

July 8th
--Suicide Blues Day--
"...To follow up yesterday"

July 9th
--A Perfect Day for Banana Fish--
"...Because one day wasn't enough!"

July 10th
--Today's Theme is Orange--
"I see orange cars..."

July 11th
--Fifi's Day--
"Every dog has its day!"

July 12th
--Fuck Shit Day--
"There aren't enough days devoted to profanity in this calendar, but *every* day of *my* life is profane!"

July 13th
--Duplication Day--
"...We like to think of it as the smaller, less-successful D-Day."

July 14th
--Feed a College Student Day--
"Thousands of this starving race can probably found right in your own state!"

July 15th
--How Russia Became a Totalitarian Dictatorship after the Bolshevik Revolution Day--
“…the existence in Russia of civil war and foreign intervention, together with the obvious fact that the Communists represented only a tiny minority of the Russian people—made the establishment of dictatorial power a necessity”

July 16th
--Snippet Day--
"Snippet is just such a cool word."

July 17th
--Don't Go to Work Day--
"Heehee... more like Get Fired Day..."

July 18th
--Sing a Song of Sixpence Day--
"...But none of that nonsense about baking birds into pies... that's BULLshit, man."


July 19th
--Bestiality Day--
"Could you, would you, with a goat?"

July 20th
--High School Day--
"Would you? Could you? In a car?"

July 21st
--Abstinence Day--
"I could not, would not, with a fox."

July 22nd
--Location Day --
"A train! A train! A train! A train! Could you, would you, on a train?"

July 23rd
--Getting Desperate Day--
"Say! In the dark? Here in the dark! Would you, could you, in the dark?"

July 24th
--The Day He Gave In--
"Sam! If you will let me be, I will try them. You will see."

July 25th
--The Next Morning--
"I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-Am!"


July 26th
--Microsoft Appreciation Day--
"With Microsoft, anything is possible! (that felt so dirty)"

July 27th
--Feel no Pain and Sadness Day--
"That's for the other 364 Days of the Year"

July 28th
--Get High Huffing Day--
"Put the 'pain' in 'paint', baby!"

July 29th
--Take-a-Break-and-Pat-Yourself-on-the-Back Day--
"...But not *you*! Get back to work, you lazy moron!"

July 30th
--Self-Abuse Day --
"You can start here!

July 31st
--The Last Day of July--
"...because there are 31 days in July!"

Escape Back to the Brink!