you know you're old when . . .

I was in chicago this past weekend and I called my mom to tell her I had made it there in one piece. Somehow the conversation drifted to how my mom is getting old and then I thought, if she's getting old then I must--WHOA!--I couldn't believe it! I forgot it was my birthday.

This is the first time I've ever forgotten my birthday. Of course, my mom and husband didn't remember either until they heard me gasp about it on the phone. I wasn't mad at them, but just stunned that I could forget my own birthday and not really even care. I mean, I must really be old now. I remember when I used to count the days before my birthday and now it's just like any other.

getting back

so while I'm not really mad that my husband forgot my birthday, I'm of course, going to take advantage of it and allow myself to shop for shoes w/o guilt. HA!

open spaces
I absolutely loved the fact that there was so many things to do in chicago including museums, shopping, and food. I loved the easy access to good cultural food--something I couldn't get here at home. What I don't care for, h/w, is the traffic, the need to parallel park, and the price of rent in the city. We were glad to come home to "wide open spaces."

spread thin

when I was on call the other night, one of my patient's sons bought me a bag full of powdered donuts, chex mix, candy, and energy drinks so that I'd have some type of energy surge to last me througout the night. I think it's cool that for the most part, people's families are happy with the care I give their relative. No pt has out right told me they want to switch doctors yet w/c would break down my spirit, but there are times, h/w where i'd rather not have a certain patient.

the other day, I had a patient who basically had a pity party and I was just about to go home after having been at the hospital >13 hours. I talked to her for ~45 minutes, listening to her cry and basically say the same things over and over and over. Some of it was really irrational, the way most of us women are when we start bawling like that. I truly wanted to feel empathetic, but inside I just wanted to go home and see my husband who I hadn't seen for a long while.

After working ~100 hours or more a week, my free time has become so precious to me. Granted, most of the time is spent sleeping, but I have to be just a little selfish to survive this. While I like to "listen" to my patients, at the same time, i wish they'd have just as much regard for my time. They should come to the clinic knowing exactly why they are there and stop rambling about so many other things. they should also come with all their medications or at least know what they're taking so if they ask for refills, I know what to give them.

Occasionally, patients will have their breakdowns, like the woman above. I'll let them cry, but please, don't pull me in for more than 30 minutes talking about the same irrational thing over and over. At one time, another woman cried to me and I gave her ample time to explain herself and just vent. It was cool. After about 30 minutes, she gave me an exit "oh you have a lot of other patients to see" and I got to close the session. She even gave me a hug and thanked me for letting her cry. She was cool, the other patient wasn't and I just couldn't "feel" for the latter.

a day off!

but not really. I almost got labor day off, but i still had to go in this morning. I got off by 1, took a much needed nap, and then was paged--twice. the cool thing is I can log into the system from home and see what's going on with my patients labwise and notewise. everything is computerized w/c is awesome. I like my job right now, but the hours are killing me. I'm averaging >100hours/week.

something besides hospital food
we brought my parents out to cheesecake factory tonight. they're so funny. they prefer eating their own cooking. If they go out, it's always the same old chinese buffet. they don't like to explore very much so when we were kids, it was always a big deal when we went out. I remember if I went out to dinner with my friend's family I felt so awkward at restaurants as a kid b/c I didn't know how to act. It was so foreign to me. then we I started earning money as a teenager, I finally knew what it was like to eat out.
Now I eat out way too much.


appreciation
I really appreciate my husband and I've told him practically everyday. I'm so lucky. I don't think I could have handled it if he were the one always working and me staying at home. I'm too emotionally needy. most women are. he cooks, cleans, doesn't complain. he's great.