my life as a filipino-american, newly graduated family med physician

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Easter

Even though we didn't have the usual Easter play by the youth group at our church, the service was still great today. AS usual, during Easter, the sanctuary was full. Newcomers and the "special occasion" people were all there. It was great to see all the familiar faces again.

I woke up this morning feeling really unmotivated to go to church. I was a bit groggy and my eyes were sooooooo dry which made me feel even more sleepy. But "it's a sacrifice of praise." I went and felt much better once we started praise and worship and reminded myself that my real purpose for being there was for God.

The Case for Faith

I'm reading an excellent book by Lee Strobel called THE CASE FOR FAITH. I'm only a third through it, but find it an amazing read. Mr Strobel is a former athiest who became a Christian in the 1980s. His book is a conglomeration of interviews he conducted with several Bible scholars who answered the questions that we all grapple with concerning our faith such as "Why is there suffering in the world? Where does evolution fit in? Why would a loving God send people to Hell?"

Mr Strobel is the formal legal editor of the Chicago Tribune and a Yale Law school graduate. Among the people he interviewed were chemist, physicians, scientist, etc. Why do I even care to mention these people's credentials? The thing is they're smart people defending the Christian faith, people who could put up a good defense against the best athiest debators. I wish I were that smart.

Some people need to hear facts before they believe. It isn't enough that God came down in human form, died a terrible death, just so that we could be free from sin.

posted by dinah 11:41 PM

hope

there is hope that I will see better than I do now. My optometrist said my eyes are still healing from the surgery and that my corneas are a little hazy. He also explained to me that my eyes are extremely dry and placed collagen plugs in my punctae (the medial parts of your eyes where the tears drain) to prevent my eyes from drying out too easily. Supposedly, this will help clear up my eyes. While I am happy that I can see a lot without corrrective lenses, I still miss seeing 20/20!

posted by dinah 1:44 AM

when things were simpler

When exactly do kids outgrow Chuck E, Cheese? For some reason, both my nieces on both sides of the family love to spend their birthdays and free time putting tokens in 30 second games only to receive hundreds of tickets that can only be redeemed for diddly squat. I don't think my niece has celebrated her birthday at any other place but Chuck E, Cheese and she's not bored with it either. It's amazing how games/toys can bore them in 10 minutes, but a mechanical mouse can give them a high year after year after year.

posted by dinah 1:37 AM

culture

I went to an Indian Pentecostal wedding this past weekend in my husband's hometown. The ceremony was not that different from our wedding except for the fact that there were approx 800 people there--meaning a lot of Indian food. I wonder how much they spent.

Anyway, as for the cultural differences in which I'm still becoming attuned, when you hug a person (only women hug other women) you hug not once, but twice. When I was hugging an "auntie" good-bye, after the hug on one side of her face, I just about pulled away when she pulled me closer. "oh yeah, I forgot," I thought to myself. Then I hugged her on the other side of her face. Interesting. I've seen Ethiopians do this about 4-5 times alternating between sides. Kind of makes you dizzy when you think about it.

Speaking of hugging, Latinos often kiss you on the cheek when they greet you (Men to girls). Americans aren't that touchy feely.

posted by dinah 12:55 PM

Matched

Yesterday,. I received the good news that I matched in my number one choice for a family practice residency. We'll be moving into our new home (pre-owned, but new to us) in a few weeks and will start the whole renovating process. We bought our livingroom, bedroom and diningroom furniture already, but will lay wood floors, attach crown molding, tile the kitchen counter and backsplash, and repaint the cabinets before we move in. I'm so excited. I'm finally becoming an adult. I have a job and now a house. And no, we're not thinking of having children for a while.

I can See!

LASIK is a miracle and has shed 19 years of blindness, well not completely, but I'm happy. I had my surgery yesterday and can see 20/50 in my left eye and 20/70 in my right (i was about 20/1000 or 2000 who knows but I was at -10 diopters). I was so ecstatic this morning when I woke up at 6am and could actually read the bright red numbers on my alarm clock--the day before they had been only a blur of red!

After seeing Cast Away, I had this idea that I should carry my glasses with me at all times just in case I got stranded somewhere. After all, it's not like I could wear the same contacts for years and years and eventually I would run out of saline solution ( unless I found a way to purify the ocean water.) Also, who's to know if I'd be able to hang onto my glasses while being tossed and turned by the ocean water while in a coma only to float to a desserted island! Well, no longer do I have to worry. I can see! I can see!

Well, actually I can't see enough to drive (20/40) , but I knew this before going under the knife, er . . .laser. With my extreme myopia, the chances were 50/50 or sometimes 75/25 that I wouldn't get perfect vision. But I can read books at a normal 2 feet distance from my eyes rather than one inch away from my face and I can see people's faces when they're talking to me. I can also go out in a cool outfit w/o having to look like a nerd in my glasses! I'm also ecstatic about the fact that I can get glasses that I won't have to be "slim-lined" down. They'll be naturally thin!

Okay, so most people after LASIK get 20/20 vision and I could get a free enhancement if I could, but I don't have enough cornea left. One lady came in for a "see and do," but her corneas were too thin. She whimpered a little and was reassured that one day there will be an option for her. Can I just say, I'M SO GLAD I AIN't HER!

The procedure

The procedure took 4 min per eye, longer than the 2 min the other people before me took. They anesthetized my eyes and made me look at an intensely bright light. I wanted to squint, but they kept on telling me to relax my eye. They then taped my upper and lower eyelashes up and down respectively and took a metal eye-lid holder to keep my eyes open. At first, I started blinking wildly b/c not only were the lights bright, but my eyes started to sting slightly with the anesthetic.

The surgeon was very good about guiding me through the procedure. "Look at the red light," he kept on saying. I tried to relax and count backwards, but at times, I had difficulty looking at that light because the surrounding light was so intense. It kind of reminded me of a solar eclipse where the red dot of light was right at the center of the moon, and the rays of sunlight were at its borders.

As far as pain, the procedure itself did not hurt. They cut a corneal flap and used the excimer laser to make small cuts in my cornea. This took 10 seconds. Later they had to replace the corneal flap and smooth it out with a small swab. That took about 2 minutes. After the procedure, I felt as if I were looking through a window smeared with petroleum jelly. It was blurry, but I could read the clock on the wall.

No one told me they had pain after their procedure, but I did. As soon as my husband guided me to the car, I started feeling like the nerves in my eyes were exposed--the anesthesia had worn off. I was extremely photophobic and felt like acid had been poured into my eyes. As soon as I got home, I took a Valuim, 2 extra-strength Tylenols, and one Ibuprofen (all given to me by the ophthalmologist). I literally wanted to be knocked out (and I'm sure my husband wanted that too cuz I was very fussy). All the rooms in our house had too much sunlight, so I ended up finally sleeping in fetal position on the bathroom floor. I don't know why, but sleeping in that position really helps the pain at times. Anyway, every hour, my husband came in to put steroid and artificial tear eye drops in my eyes. I felt like there were slips of paper in my eyes that I couldn't get out (I'm not allowed to rub my eyes for one month and had to wear an eye shield for 24 hours). But, by post-op hour 4, I was fine. The 30 minutes of pain before I fell asleep were all worth it.

NSYNC
Pre-LASIK, I saw NSYNC. They were awesome and I actually didn't feel weird being there. Tons of parents were there with their pre-teen daughters so I didn't feel old at all. Five of us girls went without our husbands/significant others (they wouldn't be caught dead there) so it was basically a "girl thing" for us. The only problem though, we were obviously not die-hard NSYNC fans. We didn't know any of their songs from their Celebrity album except the one's released, but the teeny boppers behind us knew every single word plus the ooooh and ahh parts.

So why spend $75 on a ticket? Well, they are awesome artists, I did buy their second CD the day it came out, and I know all five of their names. I'm not die-hard, but I don't live under a rock either. Plus, it's one last thing to do before I start my internship where I will be living under a rock. It was a girl bonding thing.

posted by dinah 4:26 PM

It costs $2500

It costs $2500 to kill an eagle's egg, but nothing to kill a human blastocyst (fertilized egg).


From the New Republic Online:

Consider these analogies. Federal law makes it a crime to kill or injure a bald eagle. It is also a crime to kill or injure a bald eagle's egg. We recognize that to kill one is the same as to kill the other. Similarly, I cannot remember the last time an apple farmer responded to an early frost by saying, "Never mind, we lost the fertilized blossom, but the apples will be fine." Of course, the apples won't be fine. Once the blossom is dead, the apples will never arrive. And once a blastocyst is killed, the human being coiled inexorably inside is no more. If that isn't killing, what is? And why are we more coherent when it comes to eagles than when it comes to humans?

posted by dinah 6:33 PM

Happy Me

I just logged onto the National Residency Matching Program Site and it said:

Match Results: Congratulations, you have matched!

Today is the day where 4th year medical students all over the nation find out if they matched into a residency program.
They don't find out Where, but only IF they matched. I am so relieved. Those who do not match must get into contact with their medical deans and spend the next few days "scrambling" into a program. They have to find out about which programs did not fill all their spots and then call and fax these programs to see if they'll get accepted.

The main thing is, no one wants to scramble.

posted by dinah 11:33 AM

Do not run like a girl

When I run in public, I think to myself, "Do not run like a girl." I just watched the superb Diary of Bridget Jones and had to comment to my friend that Renee Zellweger better stop running with her arms straight down her sides or she'll never catch up to the guy she's running after. This was the perfect "reserve to watch with the girlfriends" movie. I loved it!

Anyhow, there's a funny scene where Bridget Jones makes soup blue by mistake and all her friends make real nice about it. I commented again,"Sure, if I were to serve you guys (meaning the girl I was watching this girlie movie with and our usual group) blue soup I'd never hear the end of it--which brought me to my next point that I made to my friend..

Years ago, before Green Tea was not so trendy, I served it to my friends in my new apartment with my new Japanese Tea set. They all "eeked and ewwed." "I like tea, Dinah, but not when it's green." So now that they've heard of green tea through perhaps, InStyle magazine, just yesterday, I was served green tea by one of these very same friends. I smirked to myself, drank the tea, and made no comment about this earlier event (at the time anyway). Friends are cool that way.

Diary of Bridget Jones ****/****

posted by dinah 12:33 AM

Karaoke

You know it's Filipino Karaoke if it says, "ThankS God I found you." (rather than thank God).
Also, why are a lot of the words wrong in Filipino Karoake?

posted by dinah 12:16 AM

Gay parents

I just finished watching Diane Sawyer's interview with Rosie O'Donnell and found it extremely revealing concerning adoption by homosexual couples and Rosie's relationship with her children. For the most part, I thought the piece well done, except for the fact that they chose the stereotypical Christian-Nazi to refute gay adoption. I wish they chose someone like James Dobson (president of the Christian foundation Focus on the Family who Larry King interviewed last week) who always speaks with compassion, but never sugar coats the Gospel. But no, as always, the media has to be "P-C" and must always make Christians look uneducated and ignorant.

Nevertheless, Rosie was great. I still admire her for her love of children, her propensity to sing show tunes on air, and just her plain down-to-earth celebrity status. I'm so glad she chose to wait to "come-out" publicly. She allowed people to like her for who she is before they could dislike her for her sexual orientation.

As for the whole gay parenting issue, it's all over the Christian and secular media right now because of Rosie. As a Christian, it's easy to just skirt around the issue when no one talks about it, but then things like this come up and I'm forced to acknowledge the Christian stance. Obviously, I don't agree with homosexuality, but I'm not so narrowed minded to think that gay couples can't be loving, caring parents. I do think that this kind of parenting isn't the prime example of what God wanted as a family, but I think if I were an abondoned foster child, I'd be glad to have someone who wanted me. While the Primetime interview showed one foster kid who didn't want to live with lesbian parents, a lot of the children adopted by gay couples said they had no qualms about their living situations They admitted it "was harder," but life was finally stable.

Gay parenting does seem more difficult and I'm so glad Rosie didn't sugarcoat that either. She noted how her son had once said that he wished he had a daddy. Rosie explained that he couldn't have one because then he wouldn't have her who only liked other mommys. She also admitted that life would probably be easier if her son had a father and mother rather than gay parents.

Am I buying into the media and all its propaganda? I struggle to know how Jesus would handle this.

posted by dinah 11:22 PM

Rachael Lampa

Kudos to my current favorite singer Rachel Lampa. I just got her latest CD and am in love with the song "No Greater Love." This girl has got a an awesome voice on her comparable to Christina Aguilera. But what is even better about this 17 year old girl is that she's a Christian singer AND . . .Filipino! She's 50% Filipino, hence the nose, but hey, who cares.

posted by dinah 11:16 PM

It's wonderful that after photographing this 12 year old anonymous Afghan girl 17 years ago in a refugee camp, National Geographic found her again. I saw the cover of the magazine a few times over the past months at Barnes and always thought she had eyes that told a story.

This woman has survivor written all over her face. Married at 12 and still illiterate, she had four children, but lost one during its infancy. She continues to live under the veil and exudes no joy or pride about the fact that her picture has been seen all over the world.

How different she is than those of us in the United States wondering what we're going to wear to the NSYNC concert (I'm going on Tuesday).

posted by dinah 6:12 PM

Loans

I went to my exit interview today to see how much money I've accumulated in loans and how much I'll have to pay each month. SCARY, but I'm so glad for deferment under "economic hardship." Yes, residents qualify for economic hardship b/c their debt to income ratio is so high. I'll be a physician in 2 months and most high school graduates my age will be making more than me!

Speaking of money, I heard on NPR that pharmacist make up to 90K at entry-level postions. It's the new thing to go into right now b/c they also offer Pharm D (doctor of pharmacology/pharmacy) and it isn't nearly as greuling as med school.

If you're not so sure you want to go to med school, but still want to be called DOCTOR, try:

1. Podiatry
2. Optometry
3. Pharmacy (only with a Pharm D)
4. Veterinary medicine
5. any Ph D (not as much money as the above)


Puzzled

I was listening to NPR today about how the Pope recently issued a decree saying that no priests could be homosexual regardless if they were celibate. I can only deduce that the Catholic Church ordained homosexual priests even with the knowledge of their sexual orientation.

I'm bewildered. Why in the world would it be acceptable to a CHRISTIAN community to allow a priest, the spiritual shepard of a human flock, to be homosexual? I definitely know Jesus loves homosexuals as much as heterosexuals because they are both human, but I don't think he'd choose a homosexual to be a Christian role model.

I grew up Catholic and thought of priests as asexual or perhaps extremely disciplined. But with all the news about priests convicted of molestation and priests dying of AIDS related diseases (http://www.cnn.com/2000/HEALTH/AIDS/01/31/aids.priests/index.html), my naivete has been overshadowed by disgust. Yes, I feel terrible for the priests who have maintained their near-sainthood and are now getting a bad rap for what's going on, but I can't help but jump on the bandwagon against Catholicism.

I do not deny that there are as many problems in other religions or Christian denominations as there are in the Catholic religion. Religion has its problems. This is just another reason why religion, not Christianity, can be so messed up.

"Christianity is the best religion. I would have become a Christian myself but I have not found one true Christian."- Mohandas (Mahatma) Ghandi

"Oh, I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Mohandas (Mahatma) Ghandi

Lord, you are the potter, I am the clay.

posted by dinah 1:20 AM

Mother Nature

Not only was I not blessed with a large chest, but I recently found out my cornea are also less than par. To qualify for LASIK (laser in-situ keratomileusis), you have to be healthy, have stable eyesight, and thick cornea. The thing with me is that I have such extreme myopia (I'm so nearsighted I can't even see the big E), that there is more than a 25% chance that after my first LASIK operation, I'll need another to achieve 20/20 vision. I've done my research and I talked to both my ophthalmologist and optometrist and I'm still going to go for it.

At the moment, when I wake up, if I didn't know I placed my glasses on my nightstand, I wouldn't be able to find them. I'm so close to blind. With LASIK, I pray that I at least get 20/40 vision which is enough to drive w/o glasses. It's better than -10 diopters which is about 20/400 or so. But there is a chance I'll have worse vision than 20/40, but because my corneas are so thin, I wouldn't qualify for a reoperation. I'd still have to wear glasses or contacts, but much thinner than the ones I wear now.

I'm hoping for the best!

posted by dinah 8:03 PM