OC quotes .:seth cohen's humor:.

The Heights

Seth: I like to think I can convey everything with a look.
Kirsten: Well, you look adorable!
Seth: No.
Kirsten: Cute?
Seth: No.
Kirsten: Dope?
Seth: No.
Kirsten: Rad?
Seth: Please, please, this is so painful for me!
Kirsten: Hey Sandy, dosen't Seth look rad?
Sandy: Oh, you do look rad! Mad props son!

Seth: Thank God, man. Are you ready to go?
Sandy: First day. You excited?
[Ryan throws him a look.]
Sandy: 'Nuff said.
Seth: How do you do that, by the way? How do you convey everything with just a look? [Ryan gives him an annoyed look.] And again!

Seth: The master race has been perfected, Ryan, and they all go to this school.

Sandy: You're brave to face the preppy little savages. And I mean the teachers.

Ryan: Why would I be nervous?
Seth:Because we're going to school with like 300 Lukes minus the redeeming social qualities.

Summer: Don't be nervous.
Marissa: I'm not nervous. I'm just not going.
Summer: Coop, you have to go. You own the school. And what about Kickoff Carnival? You're still the social chair.
Marissa: Hm, let's see. Be humiliated in front of the entire school or hire someone to do balloon animals?
Summer: [gasps] You have to hire that guy who makes the balloon octopus.

Kirsten: You know, maybe this year will be different, you know? Better?
Seth: Yeah, that's the mantra every year. And every year some big water polo player ends up, uh, peeing in one of my shoes, despite that. Nah, I'm just kidding, they pee in both.

Seth: Ryan has Mr. Schmidt for pre-Calc.
Ryan: What's wrong with Mr. Schmidt?
Seth: Nothing. Say hi to his mole for me.

Seth: Hey fellas. [bumps into a waterpolo player] All right, don't get your speedos in a bunch.

Anna Stern: Oh, so insulting him counts as speaking?
Summer: If it didn't we've never spoken.

Seth: So, Summer... If you would care to join me for lunch today, I can arrange to have an empty chair available at my table.
Summer: There's nothing but empty chairs at your table.
Seth: *gasps in shock*

Seth: Summer, you remember Anna, right? She just moved here from Pittsburgh.
Summer: How could I forget?

Seth: Right, and I know, Anna, that it seems like not a lot of progress has been made, but I have to tell you, yeah, not that much progress has been made. Despite all my best judgments, I cannot not like her.
Anna: You're such a boy.

Seth: Well, whatever. I don't see what her problem is, I'm nothing but available to that girl.
Anna: All right, right there. That's your problem. Girls like to be chased by guys that aren't into them.
Seth: And that sounds a little bit like a game to me, Anna. And I don't really like to play games, okay? Unless you're talking about a li-little Saturday night Jenga. A little, a little Magic the Gathering. Love Magic the Gathering.

Anna: Maybe you just don't know how to play.
Seth: Well, you're a girl. Right?
Anna: Yeah.
Seth: Uh huh. And we're friends. Right?
Anna: Sure.
Seth: Okay, awesome. So, then why don't you train me in the ways of women, huh? Give me a little advice.
Anna: I don't understand the minds of chicks like Summer.
Seth: I'll teach you how to play Jenga.
Anna: (sighs) You really like her?
Seth: Since I was ten.
Anna: Fine.

Anna: But I make no promises.
Seth: Trust me. I cannot do any worse than I've been doing.
Anna: That I trust.
Seth: You're my girl.

Summer: Hey Whores why dont you go work another corner?

Rachel: Hey.
Sandy: Hey.
Rachel: What were you doing this morning when I called? You sounded um... did I wake you?
Sandy: I was spending some time with my wife.
Rachel: Oh yeah? How'd that go?
Sandy: Well, I got to work on time, didn't I?
Rachel: Too bad. It might be a while before your wife is in the mood for love.
Sandy: Oh yeah? Is there something you know I don't?

RACHEL: Well, I know lots that you don't. But in this case, are you familiar with the Balboa wetlands?
SANDY: Yeah, it's the largest coastal wetlands in California. Home to the blue heron, and the brown pelican, and my personal favorite, something called the swamp rose.
RACHEL: Right. The wetlands are key to water quality in the county. And not to mention, they're kind of pretty.
SANDY: So naturally, they must be destroyed.

RACHEL: The Balboa Heights are 250 acres of land that sit above said wetlands.
SANDY: Yeah, every developer has been going after the heights for years.
RACHEL: Well, somebody got it. And they're looking to tear it up. Put in condos, a golf course—
SANDY: Oh, thank God. 'Cuz, you know, the lack of golf courses around here, it's, it's tragic.

SETH: Hey, what are you doing?
RYAN: You never told me about summer reading.
SETH: Who does summer reading?
RYAN: Apparently everyone in my class.

SANDY: Hey kid. How'd school go for you?
RYAN: Fine, just behind.
SANDY: After one day? Nice work. Oh, it's brutal. You're brave to face those preppy little savages, and I mean the teachers.

RYAN: I don't think it was a good idea. Me in private school.
SANDY: You're one of the smartest kids they got.
RYAN: It's not the work. It's just... everybody's got something, except me.
SANDY: Well, you got Seth.
RYAN: Seth's got his women.
SANDY: Seth Cohen?

SANDY: Harbor's got a great archery program. Fencing.
SETH: What century are you in? Open your mind for a second here, Dad. This isn't me we're talking about. With Ryan, we have an opportunity to have a real athlete in the family.

SETH: Somebody to achieve all that your Jewishness has prevented me from accomplishing.
SANDY: Sorry.
SETH: Hey, I always wanted to play soccer.
RYAN: I used to play soccer.
SETH: Done.
SANDY: Glad I could help.

MARISSA: Oh, very exciting. So, maybe if I can have my meeting early — I think we're voting on cotton candy versus funnel cakes…
RYAN: Cotton candy, no question.
MARISSA: My thoughts exactly.

SETH: (to Summer) Uh, Anna just sailed to Tahiti.
SUMMER: Uhh, sailing is like so not the fastest way to get anywhere. (long pause) I mean, if you would have flown, you would have gotten there a lot sooner.
ANNA: You should be on the debate team.

RYAN: What are you doing?
SETH: Morning ritual, Ryan. Coffee; bagel; Arts & Leisure.
RYAN: You have a morning ritual...

SETH: What was that?
RYAN: Nothing.
SETH: No, that wasn't nothing. See, I saw something. I saw thoughts forming and I saw words percolating.

SUMMER: Huh. (Seth looks up from a lab table behind her.) I mean, eww.
SETH: That's my girl.
SUMMER: Cohen! You're a good dissector, right?
SETH: Hands of a surgeon.

SETH: What are you doing? She wanted to be my lab partner. What? You're supposed to help me get her.
ANNA: Watch and learn, Cohen.

ANNA: Follow my lead. (loudly) Scalpel.
SETH: Where should we begin?
ANNA: The heart.

SETH: Hey, how was soccer? (Ryan barely acknowledges him.) So, Pops. How's the new job? (Sandy nods distractedly.) Oh, hey, Mom, um, I w-I wa— (Kirsten glares at him.) I'm just going to be quietly eating now.

RYAN: For Seth, maybe, but not for me.
SANDY: You're angry. I know that. I don't blame you. Everyday at that school you're gonna run into spoiled little rich kids whose ass you're gonna wanna kick. Well, you just gotta find a way to work it out right now. Because forget about suspension. We're always one mistake away from someone taking you from us. You know, Seth was never really, uh, big on organized sports. I'd love to see you play. Go to some of your games.

SETH: Huh. And women usually find stark brutality so romantic.

ANNA: Seth doesn't understand the whole hard-to-get strategy.
RYAN: That's because he's not.

RYAN: Why are you helping him with Summer?
ANNA: Why not? (Ryan gives her a look) Seth doesn't see me that way. When he looks at Summer, he sees lips and hair and boobs. When he looks at me, he sees a... lab partner. We're friends.

RYAN: (grabs Summer) Do you mind?
SUMMER: (looks at Marissa) Not getting involved.

MARISSA: I thought you were afraid of heights.
RYAN: Uhh-huh. But, uh, this is important. Oh, boy. Look, um... I said some things last night and I just want you— (the ferris wheel has stopped with their seat at the highest point) Whoa, uh... Wh-what's going on?
MARISSA: Uh, we're stopped.
RYAN: Yeah, well, w-w-wh-why are we stopped?
[At the bottom of the ferris wheel. Anna hands the attendant a ten dollar bill.]
ANNA: Keep them up there a few minutes. Let them work it out.
SETH: You are the master.

ANNA: Cohen, there's something I wanna tell you.
SETH: All right, more advice. I'm ready. Bring it.
(Anna kisses him. Summer sees them and has a confused, hurt look on her face)
SETH: Is this all part of the plan? Because it looks like it's working.
ANNA: Yeah. It was all part of the plan. So you can go?

SETH: Thank you. (starts to leave) Oh, hey. I got this for you. It's all I could get with my tickets.
ANNA: Thanks.

SETH: Hey, Summer. What's going on?
SUMMER: Coop's stuck on a ferris wheel and I was looking for someone to go on the Tilt-a-Whirl with me.
SETH: (eating some of Summer's cotton candy) I'll go on it with you.
SUMMER: Okay. I may vomit.
SETH: I like those odds.

MARISSA: Are you okay?
RYAN: Yeah. Ooh, had to get to the cheap ferris wheel didn't you? What kind of carnival is this Cooper? (leans forward to wobble the car again) Ooh. Okay. (closes his eyes) Look. I don't talk... a lot about... stuff. And, I really don't trust people. I trust you. And I want to make it—this—work... no matter what. And if we ever get down from here maybe we can talk about it.
MARISSA: Oh who knows when that'll be.
RYAN: Please don't say that.

MARISSA: Look, maybe you just need something to take your mind off of it.
RYAN: Oh, we're 50 feet in the air. How do you expect me to possibly… (Marissa kisses him. They kiss all the way to the bottom.)
RYAN: (to the ferris wheel attendant) One more time.