OC quotes .:seth cohen's humor:.

The Best Chrismakkah

Seth: So, what’s it going to be, huh? You want your menorah or a candy cane, hmm? Christmas or Hanukkah?
Ryan: Um… I’m not-
Seth: Ah! Don’t worry about it buddy, because in this house, you don’t have to choose. Allow me to introduce to you a little something that I like to call… Chrismukkah.

Ryan: Chrismukkah?
Seth: That’s right. It’s the new holiday, Ryan, and it’s sweeping the nation.

Seth: I saved a spot for you right there. Put your muscle into it. Excellent. To the right a little. To the right, don’t hurt it. Those needles are brittle. That’s perfect. (Starts clapping) You guys… you guys… “A+”. “A+”. I love the holidays. I love them all.
Kirsten: We didn’t really know how to raise Seth.
Seth: Yeah, so I raised myself, and in doing so, I created the greatest super holiday known to mankind, drawing on the best that Christianity and Judaism have to offer.
Ryan: And you call it Chrismukkah.
Seth: [gasps] Just hearing you say it makes me feel all festive.

[Seth walks over to Sandy.]
Seth: You see, for my father here, a poor struggling Jew growing up in the Bronx, well, Christmas meant Chinese food and a movie. [He now walks over to Kirsten.]
Seth: And for my mom over here – WASPy McWASP – well, it meant a tree, it meant stockings and all the trimmings. Isn’t that right?
Sandy: We’re very proud.
Kirsten: I’m not a WASP.

Seth: Sure, you’re not. Other highlights include eight days of presents followed by one day of many presents. So, what do you think?

Seth: Hey, dip a toe in the Chrismukkah pool. There’s room for all of us.

Seth: I don't judge it, OK? I only mock.
Kirsten: That, you get from your father.

Kirsten: Isn’t there something in the Atwood family tradition that you would like to incorporate into Seth’s uber holiday?
Ryan: Atwood and holidays is not a good combination.
Sandy: What did you guys do?
Ryan: No, seriously, thanks, but uh…
Seth: Come on, man. There’s got to be something.
Ryan: My holiday memories pretty much consist of my mom drunk and me getting my ass kicked.

Ryan: I was in the shower for five minutes. How did this place turn into Santa’s workshop?

Seth: Stop it, right now, okay? Don’t give up on the miracle that is Chrismukkah. What is happening to you…? You’ll see. You’ll see, too. You’ll all see. You’ll all see. [takes sip of drink]
Ryan: You’re really starting to scare me.
Seth: I’m okay with that.

Kirsten: You should be so lucky. Look, I haven’t taken a vacation in a while, and I’m… easing into it.
Seth: Oh, yeah. I don’t judge, okay? I only mock.

Kirsten: That you get from your father.
Seth: Oh, my God. They’re coming in? [checks his eyebrows]
Seth: Oh, that’s… I got you.

Seth: What? What is it? Is Grandpa going crazy with the company credit card again? What is it this time? Hookers? A little blow, perhaps? Grandpa likes to dance with you, white lady.

Seth: Ryan, that sort of reminds me of the story of Hanukkah, dude. Check it out. The lamp. You know what? I think you get the gist. How was the mall?
Ryan: Weird.
Seth: Yes. You’ve really painted a picture for me. I feel like I was there.

Seth: I have no idea. I don’t know. No female’s ever really offered me a, uh, choice, per se, I’ve really only know how to handle rejection. And ridicule. I have a really good handle on ridicule.

Seth: Oh yeah. They both know that. Come on, man, relax. Look, it’s a big party, okay? You might be all doom and gloom, but me, check it out: I’m snowflakes. I’m latkes. Chrismukkah is coming.
Ryan: And when Chrismukkah ends?
Seth: [gasps] I hate when Chrismukkah ends.

Sandy: Well, Chrismukkah’s ruined.
Seth: Ah! Don’t even say it, man. Come on. Chrismukkah is unruinable. It’s got twice the resistance of any normal holiday.

Seth: All right. I’m going to go make magic happen. I feel like my hair is working for me tonight.

Seth: Anna. Hey.
Anna: Mistletoe.
[he holds up a piece of mistletoe and gives him a peck on the cheek]
Seth: Oh. Oh, that’s very festive of you. Uh, I thought we were meeting there. I’m going with my parents.
Anna: Well, I was thinking maybe we could go together.
Seth: I would love to do that. You know I would. But don’t you think that would violate our little Geneva Convention of dating we have going on? ‘Cause I told Summer that, you know, I’d meet both of you there.
Anna: Well, how is Summer ever going to know?
[The doorbell rings again, door opens]
Summer: Mistletoe. What is she doing here?
Anna: What are you doing here?
Summer: I thought we had a deal, Cohen.
Anna: Which you clearly violated.
Summer: As did you.
Seth: She’s got a point.
Anna: You’re on her side?
Seth: No. There are no sides, you guys. There’s only um… rides with my parents. We’ll all go together. Hmm?
Anna: Fine.
Summer: Fine.

Ryan: You better pray for a Chrismukkah miracle.
Seth: I’ve got Jesus and Moses on my side, man.