I've been working my way slowly through a collection of F. Scott Fitzgerald Short Stories. I decided after reading half-way through a biography of the author that I wasn't familiar enough with him although we had read "The Great Gatsby" in high school. I may have to reread that as well.

My mood has been real low the past few days. I've been feeling lonely and a little unfocused recently. Last night I spent some time updating my personals ad on Planet Out, which I'm pretty satisfied with. I think it reads less negative now. Still I am not that hopeful with the responses. It seems the only people seriously using personals are people who are so busy in their lives that they don't have any other venues.

It doesn't help that I now see just about every eligible young man who lives in Seattle on almost a daily basis. Not that they all shop at City People's on the same day, but everyone shops there at least once. Every middle class housewife comes in an says, "this is a great store". They forget it is a True Value hardware store. I am amused when I have to point this out because they probably never considered buying household items at a hardware store.

Anyway, the boys or the men. I used to think when I worked at Beyond the Closet bookstore that I would see all the eligible young gay men in Seattle, and I suppose I did. But I soon realized that the sort of man who was drawn there on a consistant basis was not a man that I really had much in common with, outside of our mutual attraction to this particular bookstore. The men who walk into City People's are doing it for a similar reason, I guess. Many times men have said to me, "I know I can get this item elsewhere, but I like an excuse to come in here."

I'm stuck though. I like providing excellent customer service. I like flirting with strangers, but I've never gotten beyond that first encounter. I'm not sure I want to, but on the other hand I sometimes wish there was a way I could ask these guys out for a drink. Or wish they'd ask me when I got off work. It wouldn't take much finesse.

There've been one or two men who, when they've come up to my cashier station, have put me into shock by their physical beauty and animal magnatism. Only one person has seemed to react like that on encountering me and they were not someone I found attractive.

My only question is, if I am feeling these feelings, what good is their use? I can't exactly come onto the customers, and often the extent of the interaction is at a minimum, "hello", "your purchase comes to $7.69", "would you like a bag to carry that in?", "Thank you and have a nice day." And every day I come home alone, lonely and always a little sad.

I've moved past the years when I visited the parks and the bath house. I rarely had good experiences there. My expectations were probably too high. I feel now like I don't have expectations besides taking care of myself and I've not been very good at doing that lately.

A while ago I downloaded the demo for Clive Barker's Undying, a very well designed game. It is based on one of the 3D engines, I forget which one right now, but it is very easy to get used to and the game play is very fast. I can really appreciate the speed of my video card with this game, which gives quick smooth movement most of the time. I don't know how far throught the demo I've gotten, but it seems to be a pretty well thoughtout game, only with occasionally difficult monsters to destroy.

My werewolf friend is taking a hiatus from email and the Internet, so I am finding myself doing other things and avoiding my computer somewhat. The good news is that my friend Jon who recently moved to LA is wanting to move forward on his web site for the project he's currently doing. He'd contacted me earlier this summer about it and he's pretty happy with what I've acomplished for him.

Which reminds me, I haven't talked about my other web projects recently. Unfortunately, there is only one site launched so far, so you really can't look at anything else I've produced. Still the Pistilbooks.com site is fairly extensive and I am very happy with the results. You can look at it here:

Pistilbooks.com

I've been working the past two days, and not keeping a regular sleep schedule so my energy for writing is down. I've been meaning to post to my vice bloggers about movies I've recently seen and a couple of adventures on the town, but every time I've sat down to do that I've not come up with anything more than a few unintelligible sentences.

Still, I am very proud of myself for keeping this diary going. I've also made a little progress on my novel recently and hope in the next couple of days I'll have the motivation to push on in that direction with my writing. Who knows. If I get enough accomplished on that I might start posting it here. Watch for updates.

Oh, and if you read this, try emailing me. I want to know if anyone is reading this...just because my ego needs to get strokes every now and then. NK

I woke early this morning and went into City People�s to fill in for another worker who wanted the day off. My shift was from 8:45 to 5:30 and it went very smoothly. I am tired now, but I didn�t really feel sleepy until toward the very end of my shift. I still like having my mornings for myself, though.

I visited my friend Addison at the Bed and Breakfast he helps out with. He says the owners are looking for buyers for the buildings and the business, so if you know anyone who is looking to invest 2 million into a thriving business have them contact me. My finder�s fee is ten percent.

Addison is perverse as always. That is why I like him, he�s a regular guy, but you manage to get him on the topic of men and he always manages to pull juicy stories out of his hat. I also got him to invite me over to his house on Queen Anne next Saturday afternoon. I wonder if I should take in Bumbershoot?

Tomorrow I work very early so I have to be good today and make sure I keep a tight schedule. Still thinking about Bumbershoots and Rufus next Sunday. I feel I need to be very careful right now.

Bought a box of cigarettes today. They are ultra lights so I doubt I will smoke them very quickly, not that I smoke much anyway, but there have been a few days when I crave some nicotine. I don't know what I will wear to the vogue tonight, although I am thinking that I should wear the pvc skirt while the weather is warm. I just don't like any of the tops I have to go with it. There is also the question of shoes, probably my ROTC patent leather pumps will have to do.

I think I'll color my hair this early evening. It needs it.

Another day off. I dreamt I visited Jon in San Francisco. He came to pick me up in an old VW bug with Kevin and a friend. Then he managed to drive off the freeway and into a bog. I wonder what that means.

It seems the neighbor upstairs, a Ms. Carter and long-time resident, has moved. They've been banging around upstairs for the past two days. I recognize the voices of the manager and his regular contractor. Right now someone is banging on the floor at regular intervals. I will have to get out soon.

Waking this morning I was thinking about my novel and how after too installments to a friend I've managed to loose my steam. I know I can pick it up, but I haven't been motivated that direction. Finances weigh heavily and distract me from my creative flow. Haven't even been able to distract myself with a new romantic interest...I am resisting couching my despair and sadness as simply boredom. Perhaps that might be more tactful at this point.

That's just the problem though. I've gotten to a point again where I don't feel like being tactful, good, sober or pleasant. I�ve been tempted to start smoking, wasting my money on drinking heavily and visiting a sex club around the corner. I think most of my friends would either applaud or keep their own council if I followed through with this desire, because I think we�ve all been there at one point or other. I�m just not wanting to cause myself more problems by burning myself out on vices I don�t currently claim for myself.

Instead I�m listening to Rufus Wainwright too much, painting my nails over and over in ever increasing layers, watching my hair color fade and grow out, wearing my contacts longer than I should, dressing in black, drinking too much caffeine (tweek noticed that the other day), reading F. Scott Fitzgerald and realizing when I got such silly ideas about life. On one hand I want someone to take pity on me and befriend me out of curiosity and compassion, on the other I realize most likely I will alienate everyone who doesn�t already know me and realizes that I am merely posing here. I don�t want to be, but I�ve been feeling very spiky and irritable, even my favorite customers at work are upsetting me. I�ve needed this break from work, but it has only shown me how much I need a break from my life again.

Busy day-off today. Took the number 8 bus to uptown and visited various places, Cafe Ladro, both up and down. Took the 13 to Belltown and walked to vain, where I picked up two more bottles of electric blue by special effects. Then I walked home. I wanted to see Ghost World, but it wasn't showing at any of the theaters I walked by...guess I'll have to break down and look up where it is showing.

Updated my front page graphic with my own version of my title, instead of using Tfu, Tfu, which is a freeware font, but I wanted something a little more personal. I've settled on the over-exposed face image for now which ties in with the font color of the quote below. The whole page is coming together nicely.

Worked a bit on the portrait I'm doing for Steven. Then I logged onto PNO to see if I could encounter Tweek there. Got bumped off the server though and since he didn't log back on, I just decided to write for a while before going to bed.

I�m taking a couple of days off from work. I was expecting to take these two weeks off to go to Burning Man, but financially there is just no way I can swing it. So I am just taking a few extra days off and spending sometime healing from emotional stress.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Dr. C****** emailed me. I spent a trying and disastrous thirteen-month relationship with him which ended last year. I am still sorting out the financial ramifications of it. How frustrating to see little change in his attitude towards me.

I�m not going to respond to him; that would only fuel his delusions about me. I am only posting here because I need to vent. I am surprised that he seems to think there is some chance for reconciliation with me, not to say that I am a hard person or do not care about him, but I have no interest in involving myself with him. My opinion is that he had thirteen months to improve himself, but what he did proved was that he is incapable of conducting himself in a relationship with me or anyone else.

Perhaps my biggest regret is how this relationship reflects on my self esteem. I know I�ve made big and obvious mistakes in the past, although this was one relationship where I think I did the right thing.

I was compassionate and supportive. I did not tolerate his destructive behavior, but I did not attempt to control him either. It would be easy to say that everything that went wrong was due to his behavior, but then I am always quick to point out that I walked into this relationship with my eyes open and I only blame myself for maintaining the relationship for as long as I had.

I do not grieve for the time spent in the relationship nor do I grieve its failure. I do grieve my loss of innocence. I grieve for the world of lost souls who inhabit this fickle world. I grieve for my art.

I did what I could to deal with my feelings after everything fell apart, but I have to admit I still feel cold towards him. I now need to work on forgiving myself so that I can continue forward in my life.

I started this list by entering the dates and the names from ticket stubs I�d saved over time. Most of these reviews are short snapshots really. I intend to post more complete reviews of things I�ve seen here in the future.

Saturday, October 3, 1998
Harvard Exit Theater
Touch of Evil
Classic Orson Wells

Saturday, November 21, 1998
Egyptian Theater
Gods & Monsters
Great Acting.

Saturday, December 12, 1998
Egyptian Theater
Young Girls of Rochefort
French fluff.

Saturday, December 26, 1998
Broadway Market Theater
Little Voice
Jane Horrocks is a tour de force in this story of a shy girl with a golden voice. The part must have been written for her because I don't know anyone who could do reliable impersonations of Judy Garland, Marilyn Munroe and Billie Holliday as well as make you believe that she was a young inexperienced girl.

Saturday January 16, 1999
Meridian 16 Cinemas
A Simple Plan
A friend suggested we see this paranoid mystery of two brothers who while trying to commit larceny find several murders on their hands.

Friday, January 29, 1999
Egyptian
Theater Women In Cinema Festival
Am I Beautiful?
My German friend Achim suggested that we see this and it turned out to be very involving good.

Saturday, January 30, 1999
Harvard Exit Theater
Hilary and Jackie
My date ended our "movie watching" relationship after seeing this one�I spent the next two weeks in bed with a cold. Thanks a lot.

Sunday, February 14, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Horror Festival
These were great, all the old classic films restored. Went to most of them with friend Chris Crounse. Gave him a valentine afterward simply to celebrate the day, don't think he took it too seriously.

Friday, February 26, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Lady From Shanghai
Another Classic Orson Wells�hey, did he ever not do a movie that is now hailed as a classic?

Sunday, April 18, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Chinese Ghost Story: The Animated Film
I have always been told how the trilogy of live action Kung Fu movies this is based on is worth seeking out. I am not sure about the truth of that statement but this combination of traditional flat animation combined with sumptuous three-dimensional computer graphics and rendering is blinding in its intensity and visual ingenuity. You cannot help but sit back and allow the action to simply wash over you like a tsunami. I had to see this more than once, first to read the subtitles and second to simply enjoy the visuals without searching for what was being said next (so much dialog is really just prattle). Much of the cultural anomalies were lost on me although I have to say the great turning clogs of the reincarnation gate (with a Buddha protecting every one) captured my imagination that I decided to try my own hand at drawing traditional Buddha mandalas.

Friday, April 30, 1999
Broadway Market Cinemas
Edge of Seventeen
This was a very poignant coming of age story. I definitely felt for the first time that a gay film was addressing issues that I felt were close to my own experience of coming out.

Tuesday, May 11, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Brazil
This movie is so much better on the silver screen. Years ago I first saw this on video and wished I could see it in a theatre. Now I�ve had my chance and I wish I hadn�t waited so long.

Thursday, May 13, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
I managed to invite a guy at work that I like a lot but who is straight to see this movie. Not exactly a date movie although it was a school night and I wanted to stay up past my bedtime chatting with him�I wonder what that was about?

Friday, May 14, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Seattle Film Festival 25
Bedrooms and Hallways
Is a very funny British comedy of a thirty-year-old gay man in a "mid-life" crisis.

Seattle Film Festival 25
Pacific Place Theater
The Red Violin
When I saw the trailer for this potboiler I knew I had to see it if only for the melodrama it promised. I wasn't disappointed. This fictional drama surrounding the history of a musical oddity is vibrant and romantic. Although Samuel Jackson's straight faced research investigator was an anti-climax to all the visual, musical and fictional divertissement of the previous stories.


Saturday, June 12, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
Psycho
I had never seen this film all the way through before. Now I understand why it is hailed as a classic. Fascinating.

Friday, June 18, 1999
Meridian 16 Cinemas
Tarzan
Disney attempting to tackle a more cinematic story line. Loved it!

Saturday, June 19, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
I saw a bunch of these movies...I wish I could remember the titles.

Tuesday, June 22, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
I'll have to check a schedule for this showing. I was going every other night almost, so that I could see as many of his films as possible.

Wednesday, June 23, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
I remember these movies, I watched The Man Who Knew Too Much, Iron Curtin, Marnie and Topaz

I started this list by entering the dates and the names from ticket stubs I�d saved over time. Most of these reviews are short snapshots really. I intend to post more complete reviews of things I�ve seen here in the future.

Saturday, October 3, 1998
Harvard Exit Theater
Touch of Evil
Classic Orson Wells

Saturday, November 21, 1998
Egyptian Theater
Gods & Monsters
Great Acting.

Saturday, December 12, 1998
Egyptian Theater
Young Girls of Rochefort
French fluff.

Saturday, December 26, 1998
Broadway Market Theater
Little Voice
Jane Horrocks is a tour de force in this story of a shy girl with a golden voice. The part must have been written for her because I don't know anyone who could do reliable impersonations of Judy Garland, Marilyn Munroe and Billie Holliday as well as make you believe that she was a young inexperienced girl.

Saturday January 16, 1999
Meridian 16 Cinemas
A Simple Plan
A friend suggested we see this paranoid mystery of two brothers who while trying to commit larceny find several murders on their hands.

Friday, January 29, 1999
Egyptian
Theater Women In Cinema Festival
Am I Beautiful?
My German friend Achim suggested that we see this and it turned out to be very involving good.

Saturday, January 30, 1999
Harvard Exit Theater
Hilary and Jackie
My date ended our "movie watching" relationship after seeing this one�I spent the next two weeks in bed with a cold. Thanks a lot.

Sunday, February 14, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Horror Festival
These were great, all the old classic films restored. Went to most of them with friend Chris Crounse. Gave him a valentine afterward simply to celebrate the day, don't think he took it too seriously.

Friday, February 26, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Lady From Shanghai
Another Classic Orson Wells�hey, did he ever not do a movie that is now hailed as a classic?

Sunday, April 18, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Chinese Ghost Story: The Animated Film
I have always been told how the trilogy of live action Kung Fu movies this is based on is worth seeking out. I am not sure about the truth of that statement but this combination of traditional flat animation combined with sumptuous three-dimensional computer graphics and rendering is blinding in its intensity and visual ingenuity. You cannot help but sit back and allow the action to simply wash over you like a tsunami. I had to see this more than once, first to read the subtitles and second to simply enjoy the visuals without searching for what was being said next (so much dialog is really just prattle). Much of the cultural anomalies were lost on me although I have to say the great turning clogs of the reincarnation gate (with a Buddha protecting every one) captured my imagination that I decided to try my own hand at drawing traditional Buddha mandalas.

Friday, April 30, 1999
Broadway Market Cinemas
Edge of Seventeen
This was a very poignant coming of age story. I definitely felt for the first time that a gay film was addressing issues that I felt were close to my own experience of coming out.

Tuesday, May 11, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Brazil
This movie is so much better on the silver screen. Years ago I first saw this on video and wished I could see it in a theatre. Now I�ve had my chance and I wish I hadn�t waited so long.

Thursday, May 13, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
I managed to invite a guy at work that I like a lot but who is straight to see this movie. Not exactly a date movie although it was a school night and I wanted to stay up past my bedtime chatting with him�I wonder what that was about?

Friday, May 14, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Seattle Film Festival 25
Bedrooms and Hallways
Is a very funny British comedy of a thirty-year-old gay man in a "mid-life" crisis.

Seattle Film Festival 25
Pacific Place Theater
The Red Violin
When I saw the trailer for this potboiler I knew I had to see it if only for the melodrama it promised. I wasn't disappointed. This fictional drama surrounding the history of a musical oddity is vibrant and romantic. Although Samuel Jackson's straight faced research investigator was an anti-climax to all the visual, musical and fictional divertissement of the previous stories.


Saturday, June 12, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
Psycho
I had never seen this film all the way through before. Now I understand why it is hailed as a classic. Fascinating.

Friday, June 18, 1999
Meridian 16 Cinemas
Tarzan
Disney attempting to tackle a more cinematic story line. Loved it!

Saturday, June 19, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
I saw a bunch of these movies...I wish I could remember the titles.

Tuesday, June 22, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
I'll have to check a schedule for this showing. I was going every other night almost, so that I could see as many of his films as possible.

Wednesday, June 23, 1999
Egyptian Theater
Universal Hitchcock Festival
I remember these movies, I watched The Man Who Knew Too Much, Iron Curtin, Marnie and Topaz

Since the Seattle Public Library has moved into their temporary Annex at the new Convention Center Expansion, I've been making regular visits to loan CDs. The selection is limited, but I've managed to come up with one or two gems: a recording of Carmina Burana, the debut of Girl with 100 Heads (personally knew Scott, the lead singer several years ago when he recorded the album), Mozart piano concertos.

I've also been hanging out on Aimster downloading new music that I want to own. Recently my attention was brought to Alison Goldfrapp, a young woman with an exquisite vocal range and style who recorded Human with collaborator Will Gregory. While online a short while ago, a person who was downloading some Elliott Smith started up a chat with me and raved about Rufus Wainwright. They listed off a handful of songs that they felt epitomized his talent, �Chocolate milk and Cigarettes�, being one of them. I was hooked the instant I heard these lyrics: ��Everything it seems I like�s a little bit stronger/ A little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me��

Rufus, Rufus, Rufus...I think I am in love. His lyrics speak to an identity that I've been attempting to create for myself and now, seeing him casually write songs to that end I am convinced that the only way I can claim that for myself is to go out and buy a guitar and become a pop singer. It helps that he is Canadian, queer and a "One Man Guy", which is to say that he's his own person. You have to love a man who can craft a lyric like "And you will believe in love / And all that it�s supposed to be / But just until the fish start to smell / And you�re struck down by a hammer..." Shades of my idol Joe Orton's death. I wonder if it is intentional. Rufus's lyrics make me want to believe..."clap your hands if you believe in fairies." *clap, clap*

Bumbershoot is coming up and Mr. Wainwright will be playing in the Opera House Sunday night...I am thinking of attending just so I can play out my sycophant fantasy. He also is opening for Tori Amos in September, I am told by a friend. It would be sensible to attend that and be assured a seat�hmmmm.

I am being very willful and disobedient. But I have my vice bloggers up and working! There are still some wrinkles that need ironing out but I am happy and tired...I'm going to be a wreck at work tomorrow {today}. I don't know why I do this other than I haven't given myself enough time to do these projects. C'est la Vie!

I'd like to visit Jon, but finances prevent. I need to pay some bills this month, I've been putting off too many of them. My goal is to pay back the loans I've made for rent, but I am finding it difficult to assemble the money. I keep telling myself, next week, next month. Meanwhile, everyone has said, don't worry, be happy.

I am happy. My life moves forward. My werewolf is trying to reassemble. My romantic is figuring out a philosophy. My artist demands his muse. I need to wash my dishes.

Perhaps the most pressing issue is birthdays this month. Mark, Chris, Cheryl, Judith, Judi and Sana all have birthdays that I need to address. Erf! I can do it.

The Blog is launched! I intend to keep this updated on at least a weekly basis. I am also setting up several �Vice� Blogs that will detail my intellectual pursuits.

Last night my friend Linda took me to Serafina, a restaurant on Eastlake that I�ve always wanted to visit but never have had the chance. We sat on the patio and dined from about Six thirty to nearly ten, but then we had a lot of catching up to do. Oddly we talked about everything we normally talk about, our families, our private or �love� lives, our work�the more things change the more they stay the same.

Today I work. I need to ask my manager if I can arrange to not work any more Saturdays. My feeling is that I won�t be able to do that immediately, but that because I was planning on taking the next two weeks off, those Saturdays won�t be a problem. Well, now I am running out of time here. I should sign off. Have a good day.

So much has been happening right now that I will probably leave some things out that I will have to address later. But first things first! I am almost ready to launch my Blog on my own site. So far I have kept it private and have just been exploring the ability to automatically update written information, ala a diary.

Part of my problem is that I have to consider my public persona. There are issues regarding a public diary, even when your audience is limited to your friends. Most writing is presented with a fair amount of editing and processing. Much of what you will find here is raw and unedited. Eventually, with some practice, I think this diary will be quite useful to many of my friends, as well as myself.

Just some high points from the past few days:

This past week has been one for catching up with Summer Blockbuster Movies. Thursday found me taking my friend Carolyn out to see Moulin Rouge, which I�ve already seen once. It is still schmaltzy, but I found I was able to cry at all the sad parts, so I believe it remains in my mind a flashy, imperfect fable. Carolyn and I both agree that Ewan McGregor carries the film with his charm.

Friday I joined Purple Mark at the Egyptian for Hedwig and the Angry Inch. I�d gone to the local production of this at the Re-bar with Carolyn, last winter and wondered, when I heard it had been made into a movie, if it would translate to the screen at all. My fears were unfounded, because it carries off its very odd story extremely well, utilizing animation, music and cinematic license to create a story of self-examination and discovery. Because Hedwig deals with ideas surrounding identity and gender it is not a story that everyone will understand, but I think the message it carries is very important to modern society and our youth centered culture.

Before the movie, Mark demonstrated a new camera of his, which, I hope will usher him into the digital age. It will allow him to experiment with color and form in an immediate way. I hope to post his results online soon.

After the movie, Mark and I, perhaps foolishly on my part, visited Rosebud for a late evening aperitif. They have a selection of specialty drinks that we sampled from. Mark decided on a lemon drop and I had a blue valium, for obvious reasons (my blue hair, for those of you who need an explanation). I carried on telling Mark my plans for a future art movement with him as the godhead. I am sure he thought I was very full of myself, but I do believe he is genius.

Saturday found me lacking sleep and I know I was not doing well at work. Even so, Carolyn and I took in another movie at the Meridian 16 Odeon Cineplex. This time it was The Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, an extravaganza of exquisite high-end computer animation. Afterward we had a delightful late dinner at Dragonfish, sampling their delicious Lychee Mango Cobbler with Banana Ice Cream: exquisite!

Sunday I joined Carolyn, Mark, Nancy and William at Charlie�s on Broadway for our weekly brunch. Nancy has a new love interest in her life, so I hung out afterward, hearing her version of the story (I�d heard a prequel from Carolyn Saturday night). I rode with her downtown so I could pick up some peroxide bleach for my hair. My friend Linda had sent me a note inquiring about my well being, so I called and made an appointment to meet for dinner today.

I spent the rest of the afternoon re-dying my hair, blue still. Then I went off to The Vogue where I�ve been hanging with Purple Mark since this spring every Sunday for Fetish night. We�ve started regularly sitting with Craig, who I�ve known by sight for many years, but only recently have met and talked to extensively. I am tempted to talk about him further, but I doubt that would be fair. If you want more details about him you will have to contact me for a private email.

I need to return some CDs to the Public Library, which has moved to a temporary location in the Convention Center and much closer to my apartment. I think I will be checking out more materials now. Also I need to set up this Blogger, which I plan to do next although it is already Two o�clock. Time flies.

I've been avoiding the internet as much as possible for several reasons, one of which is the current heat wave. I still haven't figured out how to Blog to my own web site, but I have been talking to all my web page clients about it in the hopes that I will find the necessary motivation to apply Blog�s usability for their needs. It could happen.

Work is a big drain, but I am intending to cut back my hours in September. I need to reacquaint myself to my ambitions, so that I can push on through this low period. Yes, I am emotionally depressed. William, today at brunch, described it as being �calmer�. I laughed and pointed out that even that was a calculated pose.

The other thing is that I am not going to Burning Man. This is not making me happy, but I am not exactly sad either. BM is a big project and I already have plenty of projects currently. Writing is coming along, and I know I won�t become derailed this time. I am writing to someone important, and the act of writing my novel suffuses the emotions in that relationship, so it is more tolerable.

Otherwise, I am just fine.