Door 5: It's Homestead.com's home page. You shoot it full of bullets and rip through it. Door 4: A large mural with the MAT3K characters on it. It rolls out of the way. Door 3: It's a boulder. You shout, "Open Sesame!" and it moves aside magically. Door 2: A drawbridge with the words, "Welcome!" in neon on the underside. The door falls and the words are crushed in a really cool show of sparks. You walk through. Door 1: It's a standard theater entrance. Welcome to the Satellite of Avatars Theater. Under better circumstances this state of the art theater would be showing only the highest quality movies; however, with the Mads in charge, the viewer will instead be subjected to some of the worst examples of fanfiction, barring lemons. We carry a large selection of MiSTed fics; choose an episode from the list below. Season 1: Episode 101: Nuku Nuku and the Werecabbit
Season 2: Episode 201: Blonde Exchange
Season 3: Episode 301: Kaworu (coming soon)
Specials: Episode 101s: EARN $100,000 PER YEAR BY SENDING E-MAIL!!
Episode 101: Nuku Nuku and the Werecabbit by Xahji the Myrmidon Plot Synopsis: Camping is a hazardous occupation. Mosquitoes, tents, weird drugs that turn you into werecabbits... which is precisely what happens to Ryuunosuke when a little trip to the woods with Nuku Nuku and Kyusaku goes a tad awry. So, with the Tenchi crew, who for once AREN'T endlessly bickering, a cure is sought, with a background tune of Arisa and Kyouko blowing up stuff good. Plus, leeches. Lots of leeches. NEVER swim in a fanfic. MiSTing Continuity: Our introduction to Kirin, Alexis, Hibichi and Bodger, in which our Avatars are betting on who'll get published first. Kirin makes an insightful comment, which Bodger is apparently incapable of handling skillfully. Revel in the out-of-characterness! Episode 102: Tsuki Ni Kawatte... SPOON, Bub! by Jason Tucker Plot Synopsis: A fic which I still contend to be the best one I ever MiSTed, for one reason: the Tick. The international Superheroes convention has gathered in Tokyo, with Professor Xavier and everybody's favorite big blue hero being keynote speakers. (Although why anybody would think the Tick would have anything of relevance to say is beyond me.) During Wolverine's speech (which you just KNOW had to consist of mostly "bubs"), Omega Red attacks, kidnapping Wolverine. Who's there to come to the rescue? The "cool Sailor Senshi" Haruka and Michiru, several X-men, the Tick and Arthur, and the Sewer Urchin. I feel safer already. MiSTing Continuity: The only episode with any indications of Kirin's all-too-devout fondness for the bottle, which is ironically revealed in the overall lack of them. Bodger, in a fit of puritanical obsession, has pilfered every one. Needless to say, he is not pleased. Please note: Kirin is NOT Omega Red. To suggest so is to invite great bodily harm. Episode 103: Pokémon: Legend of the Triforce by Three Dragons Plot Synopsis: An experiment in minimalism. Which means no description, no explanation, no fight sequences, and no point. Anyhoo, we get Ash, who at fifteen has apparently become such a stud that even Kintaro "Freon" Amano can't compete. It also seems that his only identifying feature is his t-shirt, which makes sense, because it sure ain't his PERSONALITY. Agent Ketchum's quest: to stop Giovanni from taking the Triforce in a crossover whose only real logic for existence seems to be that both games are from Nintendo. Comes bundled with its own Pokémon translator and INTENSE... VOCAL... ACTION! MiSTing Continuity: Hibichi, after reading one too many Pokémon hentai fics, has collapsed into a nervous wreck. While he seeks EXPENSIVE psychiatric therapy, the emergency MiSTer, Crow 2, is introduced. Except that it turns out that, like the Doctor from Voyager, he's not gonna be allowed to rest so easily when he's finished... Episode 104: Baka-Con II: The Search for Chicks by Kintaro "Freon" Amano Plot Synopsis: So where's the ideal place to pick up women? Bars? The theater? Venus? Well, if our hero Kintaro "Freon" Amano is to be believed, the best grounds for meeting women is... an anime convention. Yep. And he proceeds to do so, over and over again. He even manages to pick up a man, although not willingly at all. Worse yet, about two-thirds into the fic Freon suddenly realizes that he's forgotten a plot and turns the whole fic into a half-arsed serial killer/spy story. Feel the looooove. MiSTing Continuity: The first MiSTing with actual host segments, listed as thus: Intro: Crow 2 invents his own Cambot. To say it needs work is a mild understatement. Meanwhile, Bodger takes evil lessons from somebody who looks potentially OVERqualified for the job...
Episode 105: The Escape by Kiki the Weird Plot Synopsis: If you thought Pokémon: Legend of the Triforce's crossover was mind-bending, you ain't seen nothing yet. This fic combines, of all things, Gargoyles and ANIMANIACS. Which is something akin to mixing together duck a l'orange and chocolate chip ice cream -- both are good by themselves, but together? Blarrgh. Anyway, we have Elisa and Dr. Scratch-n-Sniff getting kidnapped by Demona for no obvious reason save to gloat over yet another one of her "kill dem humans" schemes. This, naturally, goes to pot the second the Animaniacs appear, who them proceed to act in ways which may have been funny if we weren't reading them in text. Ah well. MiSTing Continuity: Bodger's moving in, and being damn messy about it too. Honestly, SIs are such pigs. Meanwhile, we get acquainted with our new Mads, who gloat and cackle madly. Ho hum. Episode 106: Anime Northwest Love Boat by Kintaro "Freon" Amano Plot Synopsis: Remember our old friend Freon, he of the aura of smooth and Mountain Dew obsession? Well he's back, and has taken the whole SI thing one step further by becoming the owner of the entire capitalist world. That, by itself, would be enough for somebody to switch to Communism were it not for the fact that, as per usual, there are plenty of anime chicks (and some real chicks from the now-defunct Anime Northwest club) to swoon over him. Meanwhile Jadeite, or "Skippy" as he is so affectionately called in this fic, attempts to take over the ship. Watch as Freon saves all the work of saving the ship for his magical girls! Yeah, baby! Warning: Canadian video game characters are imminent. MiSTing Continuity: Originally one large fic, the newer Fanfiction.net version will be provided instead, broken into parts: Intro and Part 1: Break time on the Satellite of Love, which to the adults means a good book and a comfy chair -- and to Hibichi and Crow 2 a Pokéball and a couple of croquet mallets. Wackiness ensues. Meanwhile, the Mads sit down to a nice game of cards, and the predictable occurs. After the first part, Hibichi ponders the ethics of making fun of self-inserts when they themselves are avatars. The matter is put to rest very quickly.
Episode 107: MiSTie Wars by Jenny Erdahl Plot Synopsis: If Dr. Thinker were to write a MST3K fanfic, I believe it'd look a little something like... this. Seriously, what we have here is not so much a fanfic as a press release, as we have summarized for us the plot of the MiSTie Wars trilogy, starring Joel as Luke, Dr. Forrester as the thankfully unrelated Darth Vader, Crow and Tom as CP-30 and R2D2, Gypsy as Leia, and Mike as, er, Hans Solo. Uh, yeah. Numerous other MiSTie icons fill various other roles. Now if only we could understand it... MiSTing Continuity: The beginning of the Joel saga, in which the famous janitor contacts the SoA accidentally via a ham radio, casually defying the laws of electromagnetic physics in typically plot convenient manner. Unfortunately, our heroes aren't the ONLY ones picking up the signals -- so have the Dark Mads, and a new idea for fame and fortune pop into their minds... Episode 108: Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers: Purple Wrath by Kintaro "Freon" Amano Plot Synopsis: First of all, this fic HAS been MiSTed prior to this one, and I highly recommend trotting over to SVAM and checking out that version as well. That said, this particular series of fics has a rather unique idea: take the concept of magical girls and transfer it to boys. Wearing girls outfits. Did I mention one of them is Freon -- excuse me, Golden Boy? *sigh* Anyway, the basic concept is that Barney is taking over Baka-Con (or rather Sakura Con these days), and only our heroes (and some Canadian in-gag I'm sure would be still rather unfunny north of the border) can stop him! Will they survive? Will Ecchi ever NOT live up to his name? Will this fic ever improve? The answer is yes, but unfortunately not for the right question. MiSTing Continuity: The closest we'll ever get to a Valentine's Day episode, in which Joel gives Bodger a few pointers and a formula for generating her own aura of smooth. The unwilling guinea pig? Alexis, and both she and Kirin are suddenly rendered incapable of MiSTing. So Bodger gets to fill in! Huzzah! Meanwhile, much planning is being made for the eventual capture of Joel, and hopefully Dark Hibichi won't be completely asphyxiated before then... Episode 109: Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers: Blonde Minstrels of Doom by Kintaro "Freon" Amano Plot Synopsis: Second verse, same as the first. This time, the villains in question are the infamous villains Hanson, who are so devious that they managed to date the fic. They scheme to take away all the pretty girls that should rightfully be reserved for Freon, so naturally our cross-dressing heroes step in to save the day. The ending involves the Spice Girls and a rather surreal moment involving sex changes, so don't miss it! MiSTing Continuity: It's Poetic Appreciation Day on the Satellite of Love, whether you like it or not. Even Dark Kirin gets in on the game! What fun! Episode 201: Blonde Exchange by Boyce Plot Synopsis: If this fic doesn't take the award for "Fluffiest Fic I've MiSTed," nothing will. Basically, Celes Chere from Final Fantasy III and Mina from Sailor Moon wear and swap. No, nothing dirty, although ANYTHING is dirty in the mind of the hentai Sailor Moon riffer, it seems. Anyway, uh, yeah. Stuff happens. That's about the most you can say, really. Of course, to be fair, a lot of really neat monsters get all blown up and diced 'n stuff! *bounces* MiSTing Continuity: Again, divided into parts: Intro and Part 1: All aboard the Joel Train! Crow 2 learns more about the fandom following our favorite over-romanticized ficcy than anybody ever really OUGHT to. Meanwhile, Dark Kirin seems to have disappeared and left the clean-up job from Crossover Sign to his Episode 202: UNITY IN DIVERSITY by anon Plot Synopsis: Well, the first part isn't so bad, for a clearly "Up With Jesus" style spam post. Of course, the fact that the promotional stuff afterwards almost takes up more room than the actual vital text undermines the good intentions of the post a little, but hey! The second part, however, is a particularly charming review of the Apocalypse and the Rapture which manages to insult reporters, non-Christians, and "heathen Egyptians" very effectively. In fact, even if you ARE Christian, this condescending example of religious fundamentalism should at least mildy irk you. (Please note: the MiSTer is agnostic and slightly intolerant of fundamentalism, so if this offends, forgive me.) MiSTing Continuity: A teleporter disaster paves the way for a very standard crossover, as Kirin suddenly finds himself in the far off location of... the Satellite of Love. (The groans of a thousand MiSTies fills the air.) Meanwhile, Pearl attempts to manipulate the masses with her words on high, which naturally turns out to be futile. Hey, it's MST3K, what do you expect? Episode 203: Nightmare at Gold Saucer by Dave (w/ short All Right Everyone, I've Gathered You Here for a Very Important Meeting by Dragonness) Plot Synopsis: We start with an odd little short which appears to be an editorial regarding Fanfiction.net disguised in the form of one hell of a crossover. That's the easy part. THEN we reach Nightmare at Gold Saucer, one of the infamous "Dave and Dyne" script fics which has been causing heads to explode for a few years now. And with good reason: this fic takes one of the most important scenes from Final Fantasy VII and throws out little things like good taste and actual humor. Instead, it replaces them with several celebrity guest stars, extreme OOC-ness, and a good dose of wannabe South Park mentality. Oh, and Cait's Friend. Can't forget him. MiSTing Continuity: Split again... *sigh* Intro and Part 1: Technical difficulties mix things up a little on the Satellite. Gotta hate corrupt files. Dark Alexis, a tad irked over Dark Kirin's continued dominance of the SoA project, decides to tractor him in for a little one-on-one talk. After the short, Crow 2 gets a very quick taste of being in command, but finds it doesn't quite live up to the hype.
Episode 204: If It Ain't Broke... by Pika-Screw Plot Synopsis: A fic which tries to tell a deep and romantic story about Serena and Darien's relationship, but just comes off as being kinda silly and depressing. Basically, it takes breaking up with your boyfriend, turning into a prostitute, and then being hired by said boyfriend to make you TRULY appreciate your relationship. Arrr, there's your relationship advice for you. Featuring Chibi-Usa as a angsty goth and the author as the Kenny of self-inserts! MiSTing Continuity: Host segments so dated, they were old the moment they were typed out! Huzzah. Bodger finally sees Soultaker, and the results make us thankful the satellite has auto-repair capabilities. Meanwhile, Dark Alexis goes to the Republican Convention and leaves Dark Hibichi in charge. So you can blame D. Alexis for putting Bush in the White House. Afterwards, a touching eulogy for the departed Damien, except that he ISN'T actually departed... oh well. Episode 205: Glimmer by Kikanna Plot Synopsis: A multi-chapter magnum opus where almost NOTHING happens. From what I've read thus far, we have Kara, an avatar with all the personality of a piece of lint. Marvel as she battles dinosaurs, fights random characters without much reason given, gets annoyed with half the Dragon Ball GT cast, and, er, washes the dishes. Come to think of it, from what I've heard, this is EXACTLY like a standard episode of Dragonball Z. Uh, well done Kikanna. [Notes about Glimmer: DON'T expect this one to be done anytime soon. It was a really stupid idea for me to tackle this one by myself, as it gets very boring very fast. Furthermore, I only have up to chapter 14 or so saved, and now the fic has disappeared off the net. I'll eventually ask the author about it, but she may not even remember the deal, and for all I know may end up rescinding permission. In fact, I may just halt the damn thing at chapter 14, as I've grown very weary of this item. Stay tuned. -- Bodger] MiSTing Continuity: The first non-FF.net split-up, and the only one thus far to feature Standard cast MiSTings as well as the MAT3K crew. Intro: It's a staring contest between Crow and Crow 2. Yes, it IS as futile as it sounds. Meanwhile, Dark Alexis and Pearl Forrester find themselves at odds over a fic, so they make a deal: split the fic between the two Satellites. Naturally, the Avatars go first.
Episode 206: Nice Guy by D Plot Synopsis: I'd argue that this is what Nav would write if he read one too many self-insert fics, but then again Nav would probably be a TARGET in one of these fics. This is a sort of MiST reader's wet dream, as systematically a good percentage of the most infamous self insert characters in the fanfiction world are massacred in ways which would make John Tarantino blush. Except it's not a self-insert doing most of the killings, but rather a large group of various anime, comic book and movie characters, who are attempting to save everybody's favorite temp worker and robots from suffering a cruel fate at the hands of... well, I ain't gonna spoil it for ya. All I can say is that I wouldn't recommend reading this one on a full stomach. Can't we all just... get along? *sniff* Plot Synopsis: Holy schmoly! Crow 2, broken? Joel, found by Dark Kirin? Things suddenly take a nosedive, as the climactic episode of Episode Two takes place! Will Joel make it out alive? Can Bodger repair our favorite bitter bot? Will the ridiculous STUPIDITY of the plot ever dissapate? ...Wait, ignore that last one, the answer's obvious. Episode 101s: EARN $100,000 PER YEAR BY SENDING E-MAIL!! Plot Synopsis: It's Spam. In fact, it's very familiar spam. So familiar, in fact, that in the year or so since I MiSTed this wannabe money maker, I've received approximately eight or nine duplicates of it. So clearly, SOMEBODY must be getting duped by the damn thing, because like the Energizer Bunny it keeps going and going and going... MiSTing Continuity: It's Mystery Trooper Theater 5000! Join everybody favorite Super Troopers as they battle it out against their foes Barney and Hanson in a test of wits and endurance! Well, maybe not, but despite my current disdain for the author of this series, this is still a pretty high quality MiST. Definitely a one-off, though. Episode 102s: AVALANCHE vs. Sailor Moon by Dyne Plot Synopsis: Oh... my... God. If you thought Nightmare at Gold Saucer was headache inducing, this one will make it explode outright. It's yet another Dave and Dyne fic, and it's NaGS multiplied by ten. That's right, more OOC crossovers, more lame humor, and more overall pointlessness. Add to that a multitude of self-inserted characters, an anti-fic which suddenly decides NOT to be an anti-fic, and a "MiSTing" in the middle, and you've got the best description you can possibly get of this massacre of everything and anything you held dear about video games and anime in general. The plot, presumably, is that the Sailor Scouts are attempting to take over the world under the guidance of a mysterious figure, and only Dyne and the AVALANCHE crew can stop them. Of course, this is largely ignored in the wake of the sheer pointlessness of it all, and the fact that the VILLAINS are somehow more likable than the heroes. Which says a lot. Tequila, man. MiSTing Continuity: Falling somewhere between the MiSTing of Nightmare at Gold Saucer and If it Ain't Broke, this fic was a collaberation between two other highly talented MiSTers: Darth Kirby and R.Jak. The parts are as follows: Part 1: With the following host segments: Introduction: The breathtaking story of the rise of Nwabaduke Morgan -- otherwise known as your generic Mad, although this generic Mad is also filthy rich. Alexis and Kirin, along with Ying the sock puppet and Jim Carrey from MST4K and Adol and Garland from TRK, get to be the unfortunate victims. Many introductions are made. (written by R.Jak, Darth Kirby & Bodger)
Part 2: With the following host segments: Segment 1: Meanwhile, back at the ranch... (written by R. Jak, Darth Kirby & Bodger)
Thanks for reading! The usher will show you out. And by "show," I mean "push." |
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