Ahhh, my first MiST.  Upon looking back on it, I realize I didn't really quite have a grasp upon either my own characters or upon MiSTing in general.  It's amazing, but somehow the MiSTings have actually allowed me to figure my own characters out much more effectively.

Well, except for Alexis.  Truth be told, Alexis's portrayal in the MiSTings was more of an excuse for me to get away with some less-than-appropriate riffs by including a total prude.  While a bit of this will be eventually applied to the Greyforce series, I seriously doubt she will be quite as tyrannical as she is portrayed here.  (Well, not tyrannical -- more like "bitchy."  Don't tell her I said that, though.)

When I wrote this, I was really just using a bunch of crossover fics I'd downloaded for offline perusal off an old site for crossovers.  (I'd provide the link; however, it seems to have become defunct.  Just after their first year anniversary, too -- bummer.)  They were mostly disappointing, although I did find one novel-length Chrono Trigger/ Ranma 1/2 crossover to be pretty interesting.  (Shows how much I knew back then.  >_<)  Soon after, I stumbled across MiSTings and, well...

There is, incidentally, a bit starred in this new HTML version.  This bit is proof that I began MiSTing before I even DREAMED of establishing a website.  You'll find all sorts of little dated refs like this in the early MiSTings.  (One even states I lurk on the Web Site #9 Dibs List, which I've since rectified.  ^_^)

Enjoy!  Theoretically, at least...

********************
Beginning transmission...
MiST #1
MiSTed Fic:  Nuku Nuku and the Werecabbit
MiSTing Status:  Total crap
********************

*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And your computer as well, so you won't have to read this tripe...)

Above the Earth, a satellite could be seen spinning.  It was a rather dull-looking satellite, not particularly fancy or peculiarly shaped.

The satellite had three occupants.  One was an elf, of all things, with long blond hair pulled back into a ponytail.  For elves, this was not particularly unusual.  What WAS unusual was the fact that this particular elf wore a tie, creased slacks and a trenchcoat.  He also had a gun, but this was kept in a shoulder holster he wore under his coat.

The second occupant was a red-headed woman, with a haircut that draped over one eye.  This served the purpose of disguising a black eyepatch that covered her right eye.  No one knew why she had chosen such an obvious eyepatch. Perhaps it had to do with her days as a superheroine. Whatever the reason, she wore it, and not very proudly.  She also had a long overcoat, a black sweater and khakis.

The third occupant was also the youngest.  He was a teenager, his black hair worn messy, his eyes cheerful.  Over a white tee-shirt and jeans he wore a long sleeveless jacket.  His main distinction was a wooden katana he had slung over his right shoulder.  Those who wonder why anyone would use a wooden sword so freely had obviously not had experiences with vampires.  This boy had.

Currently, the three occupants were sitting in a circle on the bridge of the satellite.  In the middle of the circle was money, in three different currencies.

The elf spoke first.  "So that's fifty credits from me, forty bucks from Alexis, and three thousand yen from Hibichi.  Does that do it for everybody?"

"Fine with me," responded Alexis.

"Same here," echoed Hibichi.

"Fine.  Then it's agreed: the money goes to whomever gets an actual, honest-to-gods story first.  And I don't mean a few parts of one -- it's got to be one that's actually shown to people."

"I bet I'll get it. She's already done two stories for me," Hibichi said smugly.

"Yeah, but they're really just short chapters, and she hasn't even ATTEMPTED to make a web site yet*," Alexis countered. "At least mine runs to several pages."

"She hasn't worked on it in eons, though!" argued Hibichi.

The two noticed the elf was being rather silent.  "What, no arguments from you, Kirin?" asked Alexis.

Kirin shrugged.  "She's taken so long getting mine started I figure that I'll probably be the last," he said non-chalantely.

Hibichi looked puzzled.  "So why'd ya bet, then?"

Kirin smirked.  "You gotta believe..." he said.

A light suddenly flashed.  "Looks like the Great Neurotic One is calling," said Kirin, pressing a button.
 

Castle Bodger

Bodger fidgeted.  'Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to stick them all up there,' she thought. 'I mean, I can't let them go insane before I actually USE them, can I?'

Gathering her courage, she called them, and quickly received a response.  "So how's everything up there?" she asked, hiding her nervousness.
 

Satellite of Avatars

Kirin shrugged.  "Oh, absolutely hunky-dory. We just LOVE being stranded in the middle of nowhere. You should try it sometime," he replied drily.
 

Castle Bodger

Bodger squirmed.  "Well, you're not STRANDED, per se. You're just kinda... in storage," she reasoned.
 

SoA

"Oh, yeah, that makes us feel SO much better.  When do you intend to use us -- the next century or something?" Alexis said bitterly.
 

Castle Bodger

"Argh, you're giving me guilt pains.  Don't worry, I'll write something soon... I hope..."  She strengthened her resolve.  "In the meantime, I've got a little something I'd like you to do for me."
 

SoA

Kirin closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose.  "You're going to make us MiSTers, aren't you?"
 

Castle Bodger

Bodger face-faulted.  "How the hell did you know that?!"
 

SoA

Kirin shrugged.  "Three people together on a satellite.  One person residing in a Castle with complete control over their lives.  It's pretty obvious."
 

Castle Bodger

Bodger fumed.  'The nerve of that little...' "Right -- just for that, your first fic will be an atrocious little item called 'Nuku
Nuku and the Werecabbit.'   It's a lovely little crossover in which Ryunosuke becomes a freak of nature.  Enjoy!"
 

SoA

Hibichi scowled at Kirin.  "Oh gee, way to piss off the author avatar, Kirin!" he shouted angrily.

Suddenly, lights began to flash and sirens blared.  "WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!!"
 

[Door Sequence: 6-5-4-3-2-1]

[seated from left to right: Kirin, Alexis, Hibichi.]

Alexis: Charming of you, Kirin.
Kirin: She was gonna do it anyway, you know.
Hibichi: Yeah, but it could have been a DECENT one!
 

>Nuku Nuku & The Werecabbit
>by Xahji the Myrmidon

Kirin: Ah, a Grecian! Long live Achilles!
Alexis: Uh?
 

>Nuku Nuku, Ryunosuke and Kyusaku were
>camping out in a forest during a family vacation.

Kirin: Suddenly, a bear came out and mauled them all to death, the end.
Hibichi: Getting dark a bit early, aren't we Kirin?

>Nuku Nuku & Ryunosuke
>were playing Tetris on Gameboys

Alexis: Blatant plug number #1.

> and Kyusaku was tinkering on several
>programs on his laptop. They were having so much fun.

Hibichi: But not as much fun as those games of "Doctor Mario" they played afterwards.
Alexis: Don't be dirty.

>"Aw man...I lost again."
>Ryunosuke, you got 123 lines. You beat your record again."

Kirin:(Ryunosuke) No! That's not enough! I need more! MORE!  Bwahahahaha!
Alexis: Confessions of a Tetris addict, ladies and gentleman.
Kirin: Bite me.

>"Oh yeah, you're right."
>"Don't worry, you get higher."

Hibichi:(Nuku Nuku) Just add a little more weed to the bong next time.

>"Okay. Want to play again?"
>"Yes."

Hibichi: Hee hee hee...
Alexis: Do you WANT me to hit you?

>Ryunosuke and Nuku Nuku continued to play Tetris on their Gameboys and
>Kyusaku wiped off his brow

Kirin: (Kyusaku) Oh, damn! Looks like I need that crazy glue again...

> as he finishes his work for the day.
 

>No one
>noticed that Arisa and Kyouko were a few feet away, behind several
>trees and listening in.
>"Well, you look at that?"

Hibichi: I didn't know Kyusaku had such a big --
Alexis: Finish that thought and I will shove that katana up where the sun don't shine.
Hibichi: (meekly) I'll be good.
Kirin: Who's speaking anyway?

>"Their out camping?"

Alexis: No, it's MY out-camping!
Kirin: Don't be piffly.

>"We'll never have a better chance on destroying Nuku Nuku."

Kirin: Can't beat those 99 to 1 odds!

>"Wait! We better tell Lady Akiko about this first?"
>"Why?"
>"Two reasons. One, we can tell her about this so she can give us
>instructions on this. Two, we get to keep out jobs."

Alexis: Yeah! If we keep them out, we won't have to worry about some damn fanfic writer using us again!

>"That last one did for me. Okay, we'll go tell Lady Akiko. Maybe she
>might have a plan. Then I'll destroy the high school android girl."

Hibichi: Gee, all you really need to do that is to tell everybody she slept with the high school geek...
Alexis: And you would have personal experience with this?
Hibichi: ...shut up.

>Later, Arisa and Kyouko reported what they encountered to Lady Akiko.
>"My Ryunosuke is out in the forest?"
>"Yes ma'am. He's on a camping trip with Kyusaku and Nuku Nuku."
>"Oh my son, he must be scared to death! He might be suffering from
>poison ivy, or been attacked by a wild animal."

Kirin: One can only hope.

>"...so what should we do?"
>"Take Poison Two with you and get Ryunosuke. Get Ryunosuke, destroy
>the android girl and make that, that, Kyusaku suffer."
>"Yes ma'am"

Alexis: (Kyouko & Arisa) No ma'am. Get a life, ma'am.

>When Arisa and Kyouko left the office, Akiko went ahead and looked at
>the videotape of Kyusaku leaving her and taking Ryunosuke. She did her
>usual tear welling and began to burst with anger and sadness.

Kirin: It took three days to clean the mess off the walls.

>Kyouko came back
>for Akiko and caught her watching the tape again for the 99th time.
>"I still say you ought stop watching that tape. You could go mental
>watching it repeatedly."

Alexis: (Akiko) Too late! Eeeheeheeheeheeheeheee!
Kirin: Naw, that's nothing. Try watching a tape of "Titanic" two-hundred times.
Hibichi: [shudders in horror]

>"That is nobody's business but mine. Fire up Poison Two!"
>"Yes ma'am."

Kirin: (Butthead) Fire, fire! Huh-huh-huh-huh...

>The three went napping in their tents, except Kyusaku of course. He
>was tinkering around his laptop again.

Hibichi: He tinkered to the left of it and to the right of it, but it just wasn't the same.

>Ryunosuke and Nuku Nuku were telling
>each other scary stories on an open flashlight.

Alexis: (Nuku Nuku) ... when suddenly, the flashlight jumped out in front of the campers!

>All of a sudden, they heard
>a strange sound.
>"What was that?"

Hibichi: (Nuku Nuku) Whoops! Sorry, a bit too much baked beans at dinner, I guess.

>"I didn't hear anything."
>"Oh well...huh?"
>'What is it Ryunosuke?"
>"I heard it again!"

Kirin: He's going mad! Better lock him away!
Alexis: (singing) ~ They're coming to take me away, ha ha, they're coming to take me away, ho ho, hee hee, ha ha... ~

>"We better go check. Nuku Nuku will protect you."
>
>The two came out of their tent and found a little animal rummaging
>through the food bag, looking for a carrot.

Alexis: (Bugs Bunny) Ehhh, what's up, doc?
Kirin: Naah, too lanky.

>"Oh well you look at that?"
>"Don't make so much noise. You might scare it off."

Kirin: (Ryunosuke) What do you think I'm trying to do? Hey! Get out of my food bag you varmit!

>Ryunosuke and Nuku Nuku got closer. Then Ryunosuke accidentally
>stepped on

Kirin: The animal, squishing it flat, the end.

>a twig. The little animal jumped.

Kirin: (British accent) When suddenly, the cabbit suffered a fatal heart attack! ... And the anime beast was no more.

>"...meow?"
>"Shhh...don't be scared. We won't hurt you."

Alexis: (sing-song) ~We just want to eat you...~
Kirin: See how many people get THAT reference.

>It realized it wasn't in any danger so it got closer to Ryunosuke and
>Nuku Nuku.
>"Awww... How cute."

Hibichi: (Azusa) Jean-Claude!

>"Yeah."
>"I wonder what is it."

Kirin: Well, you know what they say -- if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and walks like a duck, it's a duck.

>"Would you something to eat?"
>"Meow!"

Hibichi: Just as long as it's not "tuna wiggle" again.
Alexis: Oh great, an Animaniacs reference.

>Nuku Nuku stuck her hand in the food bag and got out a carrot. The
>animal sniffed it and quickly chewed on the carrot. A few seconds
>later, they heard a little girl calling.
>"Ryo-Ohki?? Ryo-Ohki??? Where are you???"
>"Meow??"

Kirin: Translated: Oh hell, not her again...

>Ryunosuke and Nuku Nuku looked up and saw a girl calling the animal.

Alexis: (Valley-girl) So, yah, I was just callin' to ask if ya wanted to go to, like, a movie or something?

>The
>little animal then ran to the girl and jumped on the top of her head.

Kirin: (Ryo-Ohki): And this *thump* is for *thump* those stale carrots! *thump*

>"Oh hi. Are you new here?"
>"Who..Who are you?"
>"I'm Sasami. I came to find my pet cabbit."

Hibichi: (Nuku Nuku) Oh yeah, here it is. Uh, sorry, it kinda snuck up on me.
Alexis: (Sasami) RYO-OHKI!!!
Kirin: This bit of darkness is brought to you by the letter "d."

>"Your pet what?"
>"Cabbit. It's part cat, part rabbit.

Alexis: (Nuku Nuku) Duuuh, really? I thought it were part cabbage.

>But she's completely tame."
>"Well Sasami, well

Kirin: Well well well.

>we're camping out here and..."
 

>"Camping out? Why don't you come to the temple? I'm sure my friends
>would love to meet you."

Alexis: Oh, gee, they just HAPPEN to be camping near Tenchi's temple, huh?
Kirin: That's the beauty of the plot contrievance -- no matter where you are, you're at least two miles away from another anime character.
Hibichi: Six Degrees of Rally Vincent?
Alexis: Fanboy.

>"That's nice. I'll go get my father."
>"Ok. I'll wait for you."
>"Ryunosuke, are you sure you should go get Papa-san by yourself?"
>"Don't worry. I know the way to camp. I'll be safe."

Kirin: Famous last words.

>"Well, ok. But don't take too long."
>"Ok."

Alexis: And thus he wandered off and was never seen again.

>Ryunosuke quickly sprinted through the brush to the camp. Nuku Nuku
>was with Sasami and Ryo-Ohki. That was until they heard someone
>scream.

Alexis: Then they were suddenly transported to a world of make-believe with flowers and fairies and happy birdies.

>"What was that?"
>"That could be Ryunosuke!"

Kirin: Or it could not be. You never know.

>Nuku Nuku, Sasami and Ryo-Ohki ran through the trees until they found
>Arisa and Kyouko

Hibichi: In a very interesting position indeed -- *smack* OW!
Alexis: Look, I WARNED you...

>wish rocket packs holding Ryunosuke.

Kirin: I wish I may, I wish I might...
Hibichi: I wish this fanfic would end.
Alexis: I wish I could see out of my other eye.
Kirin: Yeah, well if wishes were horses, we'd all be riding.
Hibichi: How many of those old sayings do you have anyway?
Kirin: (Rodney Dangerfield) I've got a million of 'em!
Alexis & Hibichi: *groan*

>"So you've come Nuku Nuku."
>"It saves us the trouble of finding you."
>"Let me go!"
>"Don't worry. Your mother has been worried sick about you. We're going
>to take you to her."
>"No! No! Let me go! Nuku Nuku!!!"

Alexis: Isn't there a SINGLE conversation in this entire fanfic that tells you who's speaking?

>"And with this Bustumetsu Capsule, we'll be rid you once and for all!"

Hibichi: And what Gaijin-authored fanfic would be complete without its very own pseudo-Japanese?

>Ryo-Ohki jumped off of Sasami's head. She was able to make Arisa and
>Kyouko let go of Ryunosuke. Unfortunately, it also make Arisa drop the
>Bustumetsu Capsule. Ryo-Ohki, Ryunosuke and the Bustumetsu Capsule
>fell down in a pile
>of dead twigs and make a loud explosion. Ryo-Ohki left without a
>scratch but Ryunosuke was on bended knee and in pain. Everyone was in
>total shock.

Kirin: (sarcastically) What a riveting action sequence!
Alexis: I'm speechless.

>The smoke cleared and everyone saw Ryunosuke quickly transforming into
>something unusual. He quickly took on the characteristics of Ryo-Ohki
>and became a werecabbit.

Hibichi: He then transformed into a ship and flew off into the sunset.
Kirin: *Hums Blazing Saddles theme song*

>"Ryunosuke!!!!!!!!"
>"What is this???"
>"MEOW!!!!!!!!!!!"
>"Run away!!!!!"

All: (British accents; out of sync) Run away! Run away!

>Arisa and Kyouko jetted away in fear

Hibichi: For they weren't potty trained, you see.
Alexis: Ewww...

>but Ryunosuke (as a werecabbit) quickly caught up with them grabbed
>them by the ankles, destroyed their rocket packs and threw them into
>the air until
>Arisa and Kyouko fell in a lake full of leeches.

Alexis: But... but that's such an outrageous coincidence! I mean, RIGHT into a lake? And it just so happens to be full of leeches?  And... and...
Hibichi: Whoa! Don't pull a Tom Servo on us!
Kirin: Oh please. You're just looking for an excuse for a MiSTing cliche.
Alexis & Hibichi: Bite me.
Kirin: Case in point.

>"Oh no! Ryunosuke! What would Papa-san say about this?"
>"How could this be?"

Kirin: Who said that?

>Arisa and Kyouko came out of the lake and peeled all the leeches off
>their bodies.

Kirin: But the blood loss was too great and they died, the end.
Alexis: That's beginning to get old.

>"This is not what I expected."
>"If Akiko hears about this, she'll kill us!"
>"Not if these leeches kill us first!"
>"There's a leech in the middle of my back. Could you get it off?"

Hibichi: Oh, yes, baby, PEEL IT OFF! *thwack*
Alexis: One more time and I'll upgrade to a *pow*.

>"Yes."
>"Well, what are we going to do?"
>"We can't tell Lady Akiko, that's for sure."
>"Well, what can we do?"
>"We can't just do nothing!"
>"Well, we got to do something, otherwise we're dead."

Alexis: Hmmm... On second thought, do nothing -- then maybe this fanfic will end.

>Meanwhile at the battle scene,

Kirin: What little there was of one.

>Nuku Nuku and Sasami were panicking and
>yelling at each other until they found the werecabbit walking back to
>them.

Kirin: It can walk the walk, but can it talk the talk?

>"Ryunosuke?"
>"MEOW!!!"

Kirin: Guess not.

>"Ryunosuke, can you hear me? It's me Nuku Nuku!"
>"MEOW!!!"

Alexis: (Nuku Nuku) Okay, are you in trouble, Ryunosuke? Use one meow for yes, two for no.
Hibichi: (Ryunosuke) MEOW MEOW MEEEOW!
Alexis: (Nuku Nuku) What does that mean?
Kirin: (Sasami) It means "What do you think, you idiot?"
Hibichi: You know, for a girl with a cat's brain she sure can't seem to translate very well.

>"Ryunosuke, we'll help you. I promise."
>"What's going to happen now?"
>"Well we got to do something. Papa-san will have a..."

Kirin: Party?
Alexis: New car?
Hibichi: New pair of shoes?

>"...I'm all done for now. Why don't we have
>some...AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Kirin: (Kyusaku) I'm trapped in a crappy fanfic!

>"Papa-san!!!"
>"What in the world is this?"
>"MEOW???"
>"Papa-san, I don't know how to tell you this but...That is Ryunosuke."
>"WHAT???"
>"Papa-san, calm down!"
>"CALM DOWN? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?????"
>"Well, Papa-san, it happened like this..."

Hibichi: (Nuku Nuku) You see, it all started with a non-dairy creamer and a microwave...

>Nuku Nuku and Sasami sat down and told the situation to Kyusaku. They
told him about Arisa, Kyouko and the Bustumetsu Capsule.

Hibichi: And what a kinky story it -- *POW!!!* [Slumps over unconscious]
Kirin: I think you killed him!
Alexis: Oh, he'll snap out of it.

>"...and that's how it all happened."
>"I should've known."
>"What?"
>"I thought they'd never make that accursed capsule."
>"What do you mean?"
>"Nuku Nuku, Sasami, I originally designed the Bustumetsu Capsule, only
>then, I called the BM-X.

Kirin: Isn't that the name of a motorcycle?

>I was supposed to design a chemical weapon while I
>was working for Mishima Heavy Industries. It was a failure. It ended
>up as an explosive that releases toxic fumes. No one ever documented
>the effects of toxic fumes.

Alexis: (random scientist) Hmm... Well, these fumes seem harmless.  Let's not document the effects.
Kirin: (another random scientist) But people are slumping down in the streets!
Alexis: (random scientist) Oh, just attribute it to the heat.
Kirin: (random scientist #2) But it's only 68 degrees out.
Alexis: (random scientist) Oh dear, looks like I have to kill you.  [Makes gunshot noise]

>They only wanted what they wanted.

Kirin: Items used in battle are items.

>I had to hide away the
>designs of that thing so that no one could use it. The design was in
>my laptop. Somehow, someone hacked my computer and probably sold the
>design to M.H.I. and they brought it back.

Alexis: I'm all confused now. Did the hacker sell it back or give it back?
Kirin: He sold it, then they killed him and brought the money back.
Alexis: Ooh! How spy-thrilleresque! I wish you'd written this.
Kirin: Be glad I didn't. I am.
Hibichi: uggghh...
Kirin: Welcome back to the realm of the living, kid.

>I wish I never made that Pandora's Box.
>The worst thing is, I don't know if I still have the original
>blueprints. They might've been erased."

Alexis: Well, maybe if you HADN'T TINKERED AROUND WITH YOUR LAPTOP SO MUCH IN THE BEGINNING...
Hibichi: Ow.

>"Well, we got to do something."
>"I know!"
>"What is it Sasami?"
>"Let's go see Washu. She can help up."
>"Where is this Washu?"

Kirin: At the laundromat next to the dryer.
Hibichi: That's WASHU, from Tenchi Muyo.
Kirin: Ah you're no fun.
Alexis: Fanboy.
Hibichi: Stop calling me that!

>"She's at the temple. Follow me I know the way."
>
>Nuku Nuku, Kyusaku and the werecabbit followed Sasami and Ryo-Ohki to
>the temple where they were greeted by Ryoko and Ayeka fighting over
>Tenchi and Mihoshi trying to solve a Rubic's Cube.

Hibichi: Mihoshi solving a Rubic's Cube? That's like cheerleaders reading Moby Dick.

>(she was rearranging the stickers
>on the cube.)

Hibichi: See what I mean?
Kirin: Har har har. Gee, I've never seen THAT gag before...

>Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, Tenchi?!?!"

Kirin: Winkin?
Alexis: Blinkin?
Hibichi: Nod?

>"Sasami. It's late at night. We've been so worried?"

Alexis: (Sasami) How should I know? I'm not psychic you know.

>"Yeah. Where did you go?"
>"I want you to meet some friends."

Hibichi: Yes, some very spec -- OKAY! OKAY! I'LL STOP IT! SHEESH!
Alexis: [Putting hammer back into hammerspace] Good.

> Kyusaku, Nuku Nuku and the werecabbit
>stepped out of the shadows. Everyone was completely surprised on
>seeing a werecabbit with them.

Kirin: Cause, ya know, it's not something you see everyday.

>"What in the world..."
>"How did..."
>"How did this..."
>"What that..."

Kirin: Who what...
Alexis: When where...
Hibichi: The hell?

>"What the heck happened?"
>"You're not going to believe it if we tell you, but..."

Kirin: Don't bother, then.

>Kyusaku and Nuku Nuku told everyone about what happened in the forest.
>They told them about the Bustumetsu Capsule, Arisa & Kyouko and how
>Ryunosuke turned into a werecabbit. They didn't leave anything out.

Hibichi: The bit about Arisa, Kyouko and the Bustumetsu Capsule was particularly interesting. [ducks under hammer blow] HA!
Alexis: (grumbling) rassafrassinrassafrassin...

>"This is rather unfortunate of you."
>"It is. I'm sorry we have to bring you into our fight."

Kirin: Too late now. En guarde!

>"When they turned your son into a mutant, it became out fight."

Alexis: As opposed to an in-fight, of course.
Kirin: Oh, lay off.

>"I heard you have a scientist here. I believe her name is Washu?"

Kirin: Anything can come true if you just believe!

>"Yes. Washu lives with us. She lives in the basement."
>"Do you think she could cure our Ryunosuke?"
>"I don't know, but I think she can."

Hibichi: (Washu) Oh, of course I can cure him! But I'm gonna need to borrow him for a few exper -- er, tests first.

>Ayeka guided Nuku Nuku, Kyusaku and the werecabbit to the basement
>where Washu was tinkering on an invention that eventually blew up in
>her face.

Alexis:  Scarring her for life and forcing her to commit suicide, the en --?! Damn it, Kirin, it's starting to rub off on me!
Kirin:  Heh heh heh... that's my magnetic personality for you.
Alexis & Hibichi:  [look at each other, then break into laughter.]
Kirin:  What?
Hibichi:  [Wiping tears from eyes] Oh nothing, nothing at all...

>"Washu? There are some people to see you."
>"Sure Ayeka. Thanks."
>"Washu?"
>"Yes, is there anything I could...WHAT THE????!!!!!!!!"

Kirin:  Who put me in this piece of crap?
Hibichi:  You've done that already.
Kirin:  Nothing like the classics.

>"This is my son Ryunosuke. He was attacked and a weapon of theirs
>turned him into this. Is there any way you could cure him?"
>"I've never seen anything like this before!"
>"Does this mean you can't help?"
>"I've never turned down on a scientific challenge and I'm not going to
>start now."
>"Thank you Washu."
>"Oh and one more thing..."
>"What is it?"
>"Please call me 'Little Washu', okay?"
>"Sure, Little Washu."

Hibichi:  I am at your command, Little Washu. I will submit to your every -- *KAPOW*
[Hibichi flies across the room and hits the wall.]
Alexis:  Home run!
Kirin:  Don't you worry about giving him brain damage?
Alexis:  I wouldn't worry too much about that.

>"Thank you. I'll need your son to stay here for awhile. This will take
>some time. Ayeka, in the meantime, why don't you show our guests
>around the place while I work here?"

Kirin:  ... I know there's a fanboy comment here somewhere, but...
Alexis:  Look, I didn't realize we'd need him so soon.

>Ayeka went and took Kyusaku and Nuku Nuku on a small sight-seeing trip
>around their home and the nearby gardens and other places.
>"Here is where the Wisteria blossoms look their best. Isn't it
>lovely?"

Alexis:  (Nuku Nuku)  Uh, nob really. I'b allergic to dem.

>Then Nuku Nuku started to cry.

Kirin: Causing her circuits to short out, the end.

>Kyusaku and Ayeka quickly came to her side.
>"Nuku Nuku, what the matter?"

Alexis:  (Nuku Nuku)  I just realized I'm not getting paid for this gig!

>"It's my fault! It should've been me!"
>"Nuku Nuku, please don't cry."
>"It's not your fault, it's Arisa & Kyouko's fault; and Akiko."

Alexis:  Hey wait, they never told her about Akiko!
Kirin:  I think it's Kyusaku talking.
Alexis:  How can you tell?
Kirin:  ... good point.

>"Maybe, but I wish I should've done something, something to stop this
>from happening."
>"Listen. Nothing could've stopped this tragedy from happening. No one
>saw this."

Alexis & Kirin:  WE did.

>"Well..."
>"Nuku Nuku, wipe your tears away. I'm sure Washu is doing something to
>help Ryunosuke."

[Hibichi gets back up and staggers to his seat.]
Hibichi:  What'd I miss?
Kirin:  Just a whole load of rubbish.
Hibichi:  Oh, so the fic's over? Great! [Gets up]
Alexis:  Get back here, hentai boy.
Hibichi:  Ah nuts. [pause]  HENTAI boy?

>Meanwhile at Washu's laboratory, things are not going smoothly.

Alexis: Yes, things get a little bumpy when you change tenses at will.

>"Dammit! This is the hardest DNA code I've ever had to crack. There
>are so much junk in your system! Sulfur, Hydrochloride,
>Nitroglycerine, and Aspirin??? This just doesn't compute!"

Hibichi:  (Washu)  Damn Macintosh's hides!
Kirin:  Try turning the computer on, lady.
Alexis:  Uh, wouldn't logic suggest that such a combination of chemicals would dissolve Ryonosuke upon contact?
Kirin:  Just don't think about it.

>"MEOW!!!!"
>"Oh, hush up. I'll get you better, I'm sure. Here. Have a carrot."

Kirin:  (Mel Blanc)  Oh, not again. Look, are you SURE there's nothing else that sounds like a carrot?

>As Washu gave the werecabbit a carrot, it chewed it up in a split
>second. Then, its ears and it started talking normally.

Alexis:  (Werecabbit's ears)  Hey, a little washing from time to time would do wonders, ya know!

>"What's this?"
>"Meowwwww..."

Alexis:  Oh, yeah. Perfectly normal.

>"I think I found a cure...Carrots!"

Alexis:  Urrgh... that's just dumb!
Hibichi:  No, actually, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, Ryo-Ohki does have a real thing for carrots, and so logically that means that... [notices Alexis and Kirin staring at him]  What?

>Washu ran out of her
>laboratory with a carrot in her hand chanting rather loudly,

Kirin:  (Droning)  Ti a esu domine, dorni aye ist requiem. *Whack!*

>"I DID IT! I DID IT!!"
>Washu, what is it that you did?"

Alexis:  (Washu)  I found the cure for bad fanfics!
Kirin:  (Others)  Wow! You'll be rich!

>"I found the werecabbit's cure! You're not going to believe it!"
>"What is the cure?"

Kirin: What is this, elementary school grammar lessons?

>"Tenchi, it's this, what I'm holding...CARROTS!!!"

Hibichi:  (Washu)  That wasn't what I was holding a minute ago...
Alexis:  I'm not sure whether to let that one slide or not.

>"Carrots? that's weird."
>"If Ryunosuke eats enough carrots, he'll be cured for sure!"

Kirin:  Has anybody learned anything from all this?
Alexis:  I learned that carrots are the equivalent of wolfsbane.
Hibichi:  I've learned never to make smutty comments in front of Alexis.
Alexis:  No you haven't!
Hibichi:  You're right. I haven't. ^_^
Alexis:  ...

>"That's wonderful. We better find the others right away tell them the
>news."

Kirin:  News at eleven: Carrots cures cabbit-thropy.  In other news an elf, a teenage vampire hunter and an ex-superheroine went insane after reading a lousy fanfic.
Voice:  You have? WHOOPEE!
Kirin:  I was being facetious.
Voice:  Aw damn.

>Washu and Tenchi ran out of the temple to find Ayeka, Kyusaku and Nuku
>Nuku, Who are still on their tour.

Alexis:  Really?  I love that band!  Where can I get tickets?

>They finally caught up with them and
>told them of Washu's discovery.
>"It's this! Carrots! Feed him enough and he'll be back to normal!"
>"Carrots? Your crazy!"

[Alexis opens her mouth.]
Kirin:  No more grammar flames!
[Alexis shuts her mouth.]

>Washu broke out her laptop and turned Ayeka into a water sprite for
>her remark.

Hibichi:  Ayeka then departed to a distant cave, where she became the source of water spells for a spiky haired boy, a pony-tailed girl and a sprite.
Alexis:  Bad enough he knows about anime, he has to recite useless Secret of Mana trivia as well.
Hibichi:  Bite me.

>"Ribbit! Ribbit!"
>"No one calls me crazy!"

All:  You're crazy!
Washu's voice:  What was that?!
All:  Nothing ma'am.
Washu's voice:  Good.

>"Please. Turn her back. Please forgive her."

Alexis: (singing)  ~Pleeease forgive me, I know not what I do...~

>"Hmmm... I normally wouldn't do that so fast, but Kyusaku, since your
>a guest, okay I will."

Kirin:  (Ayeka as Calvin) Gee, I wish you could stay forever.
Hibichi:  (Kyusaku as Uncle Max) Hey, that's a sweet thing to say!
Kirin:  (Ayeka as Calvin) Washu's more tolerant when there are guests around.

>Washu broke out

Alexis:  --Into song!
Kirin:  (British accent)  Stop that, stop that, there's not going to be any singing when I'm around.

>her laptop and turned Ayeka back to normal.
>"I never want to go through that again!"
>"Then don't call me 'crazy'."

Kirin:  What?! That's crazy!
Washu's voice:  RIGHT!  You asked for it!
[Kirin turns into a water sprite.]
Kirin:  Ribbit ribbit.  (translated: Oh bugger.)

>"Well, Kyusaku, as I said before, feed him enough carrots and he'll be
>back to normal."
>"Little Washu, I cannot thank you enough!"

Alexis:  (Washu)  Well TRY then!

>"It was my pleasure."

Hibichi:  Now how much do I owe you?
Alexis:  Oh, it's not even worth the effort anymore.

>Meanwhile, Arisa & Kyouko were overhearing everything from a nearby
>forest.

Kirin:  Ribbit ribbit. (Translated: Good ears.)

>The heard just about everything.
>"Carrots? How unbelievable."

Hibichi:  Yeah, I try not to believe in carrots either.

>"We now have a chance where we can get Ryunosuke back to normal
>without a hitch."
>"You mean..."
>"Yes. After they cure Ryunosuke, we'll grab him and leave them in the
>dust."

Alexis:  *cough cough* Get the Pine-Sol!

>"Yeah. But I want to destroy the high school android girl."
>"We'll leave that for later."

Hibichi:  I already told you how to do that!  [mumbling] stupid Yuko Anatashi and her stupid rumors...

>Washu sensed someone near. She got a small disk from her pocket and
>threw in in a brush of trees. The trees suddenly swayed away that the
>reaction of the disk.

Alexis:  Warning!  Warning!  Sentence break-down imminent!
Kirin:  Ribbit...
Alexis:  Hee hee hee, just try and stop me frog-boy.

>The trees swayed enough to reveal Arisa & Kyouko eve's dropping
>on them.

Kirin:  Ribbit ribbit ribbit ribbit.  (Translated: Knocking them out, the end.)
Alexis:  If that was another "quick ending" riff...

>"We have more visitors."
>"Oh no! They've spotted us!"
>"Run away!!!"

Alexis:  (singing)  ~ Sometimes I feel I've got to eh eh run away...~
Hibichi:  I could stand to do that right now.
Kirin:  Ribbit ribbit.  (Translated: Aw come on, change me back?)
Washu's voice:  Fine, but no more crazy riffs, okay?  [Changes Kirin back]

>Arisa & Kyouko ran away quickly before anyone could react to their
>presence. Then they broke out Poison Two. (A red version of Poison
>One.)

Hibichi:  But you need to hook it up to the blue version to get all 150 Pokemon.
Alexis:  Do you HAVE a life outside all that fanboy crap?
Hibichi:  Well, in between that I kill vampires.
Alexis:  Er...

>Arisa shouted out from the microphone,
>"All right, give us the werecabbit, or we'll blow up your little
>temple into chopsticks!"

Kirin:  Hmm... Japanese food DOES sound good right about now...

>Then Arisa fired about 4 missiles and the went in different
>directions.

Alexis:  Blowing up several OTHER buildings into chopsticks.
Kirin:  Very valuable commodity, don't cha know.

>Nuku Nuku got ready. Her "ears" popped up

Kirin:   ...and flew off her head.

>and she jumped up to Poison Two.

Kirin:  ...To get them back.

>She missed and fell down and managed to get her feet on the ground.

Alexis:  Because, of course, that's a very difficult thing to do, you know.

>Then
>she uprooted a tree and threw it at Poison Two. It went in the
>machine's engine and it fell down. Arisa & Kyouko managed to escape
>before Poison Two hit ground and exploded.

Kirin:  Yet another thrilling action sequence courtesy of Xahji the Myrmidon.

>"You may have destroyed Poison Two, but you still have to face the
>wrath of the Bustumetsu Capsule!"
>"Oh No! Not another one?"

All:  AAAAAHHH!!!!  YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN?!

>Nuku Nuku threw a twig at Arisa, which made her drop the capsule.

Alexis: Oh that's just pathetic.  I mean, throwing a twig causes her to drop the capsule?  This from heavy artillary girl?  I mean, COME ON!
Kirin:  Nice rant. I give it a seven.
Alexis:  ONLY a seven?
Hibichi:  Your head didn't blow up.

>This
>time, it blew up

Hibichi:  Delayed reaction?
Alexis:  Not me, you idiot!
Kirin:  No, but it can't be much longer now...

>and sent Arisa & Kyouko flying in the air until they hit
>the lake and again got covered in leeches.

Alexis:  ARRRGGH!  AGAIN WITH THE DAMN LEECHS!
Hibichi:  She's gonna blow!
[A loud bang is heard.  A trail of smoke comes from Alexis.]
Alexis:  Ow.

>"Damn. I overdid it again!"
>"Nuku Nuku, you didn't overdo it enough!"
>"hehehehe..."

Hibichi:  They said it, not me!

>The next day everyone started feeding the werecabbit lots of carrots.
>The only one who got depressed was Ryo-Ohki; she couldn't eat any
>carrots.

Kirin:  Plus Ryunosuke, who was being forced to eat all those carrots.

>She
>tried to sneak one away from the pile but Ryoko scolded the greedy
>cabbit.

Alexis:  Betcha can't eat just one.

>After eating about 150 carrots, the werecabbit finally became back to
>normal.

Kirin:  You mean they COUNTED?
Hibichi:  That's a good way to get to sleep at night.
Alexis:  (The Count)  One hundred-forty nine carrots!  ONE HUNDRED-FIFTY!  ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY CARROTS!  Bwa ha ha ha...

>"That's the last time I eat 150 carrots in one day. I'm so full, I
>think I'm going to puke."

Alexis:  And he did, all over Nuku Nuku.
Hibichi:  That's not the ONLY thing he did...
Kirin & Alexis:  AHHH! BAD MENTAL IMAGE!

>Nuku Nuku and Kyusaku hugged Ryunosuke and started to cry. Washu,
>Sasami and the others were so happy for them. All except Ryo-Ohki; she
>had no carrots to eat.

Kirin:  (Ryo-Ohki)  They think they're so happy. Well I'LL show them...

>"I cannot thank you enough. You gave us our Ryunosuke back."
>"Think nothing of it."
>"I wish there was something we could do to help."
>"Don't worry."

Kirin:  Yet another hard-to-follow conversation.

>Nuku Nuku, Ryunosuke and Kyusaku waved good-bye to Sasami, Ryoko,
>Ayeka, Tenchi and Mihoshi as they left. Later that day, Arisa & Kyouko
>reported their failure to Akiko.

Hibichi:  And thus she killed them, the end.
Alexis & Kirin:  ???
Hibichi:  Hey, it was gonna be my turn sooner or later...

>"I'm very disappointed at you two of you. First you fail your mission,
>then you use an experimental weapon without authorized permission, and
>worst of all...YOU TWO HURT MY RYUNOSUKE!!!!!"

Kirin:  Weren't they ordered to do that?
Alexis:  Well, except for the last part, I'd've thought so...

>"WHAT???"
>"How did you know that?"
>"I have ways on knowing what is happening to my little boy."

Alexis:  (Akiko)  Ve have vays of spying on boys.
Hibichi:  Hee hee hee!
Alexis:  What?  [Realizes what she said]  D'oh!

>"But, but..."
>"No buts. You two are going to be severely reprimanded by my
>grandfather."

Hibichi:  (Akiko's Grandfather)  And after the spankings, the oral-- mmph!
Alexis:  I'm not letting you finish that quote.
Hibichi:  Ha! You owe me one after that last comment of yours!
Alexis:  ...

>"You're so mean!"

Kirin:  (Tsukino Usagi)  WAAAAH!  Why are you always picking on me?!

>"What about Poison Two? You told us to attack with it!"
>"That's so irrelevant."

Alexis:  Like totally!

>"Aww Mannnnn...."
>"I'll give you a special reprieve.

Kirin:  Damn.

>Keep watching Ryunosuke for me...only
>this time...DON'T HURT HIM!!!"
>'Yes ma'am."

Kirin:  That's... it?
Alexis:  What, you WANT more?
Kirin:  Of course not! I was just wondering...
Hibichi:  Don't jinx us!
Alexis:  Time to go, I think!

[They exit the theater running.]

[Reverse door sequence: 1-2-3-4-5]

SoA

"Time for the constructive part -- anything to say, Alexis?" asked Kirin.

"Hmm... Well, the story idea wasn't too bad, and as far as crossovers go it was at least partially believable, but..." Alexis trailed off.

"But?" prodded Kirin.

"But there was something really juvenile about the writing style.  In addition, there never seemed to be any clear-cut way of telling who was speaking in a conversation.  I mean, I know that Xahji was aiming for a 'spontaneous conversation,' of sorts, but you at least have to indicate who's speaking first!"

"What about the grammar flames?"

"Oh, that was just me being mean."

"Ah."  Kirin nodded.  "What about you, Hibichi?"

Hibichi thought for a moment.  "I agree with most of what Alexis said.  Sometimes, it felt like we were reading out of a young reader's book.  Xahji did get the characters down for the most part, however."

"And the hentai comments?"

"Dunno. I was bored, I guess."

Kirin was about to give his own comments when the message light flashed.  "Whoops, here's her High-and-Mighty again."  He opened communications.
 

Bodger Castle

"Hi!  Um, I'd like to apologize for earlier.  I don't know what came over me, really," said Bodger nervously.
 

SoA

Kirin shrugged.  "No prob.  It wasn't too bad, really.  Probably just 'MAD' syndrome."
 

Bodger Castle

"Oh.  Well, not bad MSTing for a start, although you three are no Crow, Tom and Mike," Bodger commented.
 

SoA

Alexis snorted.  "Well, you're hardly a Dr. Forrester or a Pearl, are you?"
 

Bodger Castle

Bodger wasn't sure how to interpret that, so she let it slide.  "Anyway, to make it up to you guys, I've inserted a 'lemon filter' for you.  That way, you guys don't have to read anything too disgusting," she informed them.
 

SoA

"Awfully nice of you," Kirin said, for once meaning it.

"You're kind of underaged for that sort of thing anyway," Alexis added.
 

Bodger Castle

"Only physically," said Bodger defensively.
 

SoA

Hibichi suddenly thought of something.  "Hey wait a sec, if you inserted a lemon filter, does that mean that we, er..."
 

Bodger Castle

Bodger grinned, almost too cheerfully.  "That's right! This is just the beginning!"
 

SoA

We zoom out of the Satellite.

You may not be able to hear in space, but a collective scream could certainly be heard from within.
 

END!!!

Legal Rubbish:

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) by Best Brains Inc. All rights reserved.
All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku and No Need for Tenchi! and all characters within Property of collective owners. (Don't know their names...)
All MSTers in this fic belong to me. Nyeah!
"Nuku Nuku and the Werecabbit" is the property of Xahji the Myrmidon.
No offense is intended by this MiSTing. No. Seriously. I mean it.
All comments, criticisms and (hopefully few) flames can be sent to bodger@homestead.com

Notes from Bodger:

First MiST! Not very good, huh? Sad that the first true application of these characters would be in something like
this... (no offending the glory that is MSTing, of course -- no, I'm not being facetious). Incidentally, anybody confused by the masculine pen name? Actually, it's a bit of an in-joke. Don't ask.

Oh, and thanks goes to Amanda Folmer, for helping me put in some good lines. Heh heh heh... I am in awe of her one-liner ability.

[Later note: I got a response from Xahji. This is apparently an old story, which may explain the writing style.]

>Washu sensed someone near. She got a small disk from her pocket and
>threw in in a brush of trees. The trees suddenly swayed away that the
>reaction of the disk.