[Kirin and Alexis sit down in the theater]
Kirin: No more breaks! Let's finish this already!
Locke : You okay Mina?
Mina : I'll be fine... Thank you Locke.
Edgar : I know this is tough for you Mina. Just be strong.
Mina : Thank you... Thank you all of you... my friends.
Alexis: [Evil Cartman)] o/~ You guys are my best friends . . . o/~
Terra : (Smiling) See? You made friends here also. We'll support you.
Kirin: [Terra] Just don't put too much excess weight on. We can only support about five hundred pounds.
Edgar, Locke and Terra were smiling at this last remarks. Mina was smiling too.
Alexis: Egads! It's a Ryan Huber fic!
Terra approached herself of Mina, and put the black medallion over the snow one of Mina. Nothing happened. She tried putting the snow medallion over the black medallion. It didn't work either.
Kirin: It's the acid intelligence test!
Alexis: And she's failing miserably!
Both: Go fig!
[They look at each other for a moment]
Mina felt a weird energy coming from the black medallion.
Kirin: [Mina] I can feel its psychic aura maaaan . . .
Mina : Hmm Terra? Can I hold it for a minute?
Terra : Sure Mina...
Kirin: [Terra] But only a minute. I don't want your greasy handprints all over it.
Terra gave the medallion to Mina. As soon as she took it in her hand, an orange aura surrounded her. Terra took some step back from Mina. Her hair was floating all around her, and the black medallion was glowing.
Alexis: [Mina] Dammit! You never said anything about it making you go bald, Terra!
Some smoke got out of the medallion, forming a big ball.
Alexis: [Terra] Mom! The smoke got out of the medallion again!
Kirin: (Mom) Now Terra, what did I tell you about keeping track of your smoke?
Finally, the smoke cleared out, and Mina fell to her knees. A large scream filled the room, as a black bird opened his beak.
[chuckles]
Kirin: Are we in the same room here?
Edgar : It's...
[Kirin begins humming the Liberty Bell March]
Alexis: That's enough outta you.
Locke : ...a black chocobo!
The black chocobo flapped its wings slowly. It looked around, and its eyes met with the ones of Mina. It opened its beak, letting another scream out, and approached itself slowly of Mina.
Alexis: Eh?
[Lights flash temporarily]
Kirin: Thinker alert!
Terra : Look out Mina... It may be wild and attack.
Kirin: [Mina] Actually, I think it's a bird. Doesn't look anything like a tack to me . . .
Alexis: Kirin, spoken riffs just don't WORK in text.
Mina : I don't think so... Its eyes are clear.
Kirin: Must've used Visine.
Alexis: Dude.
Locke : What?
The bird was right besides Mina. She lift an hand, and the chocobo smelt it.
Kirin: CAN YA SMEEEEEEELLLLLL WHAT THE MINA IS LIFTING?!
It sat down, and was still looking at Mina. The group watched her, as she was getting on the beast.
Edgar : Mina!! What are you doing??
Alexis: [Mina] Sitting!
Kirin: [Edgar] I can see that!
She sat on the back of the creature. As soon as she was on it, she glowed in a bright white. She looked one last time at her friends, and smiled. And in a instant, she disappeared...
Kirin: Wow, it eradicated her.
Alexis: o/~ White light, white light, make your friends fade out tonight! o/~
------
/* Cherry Hill Temple *\
Serena : GO!
Lita pulled as hard as she could on the arm of Celes.
Both: ACK!
Kirin: We've done this already!
At her surprise, she didn't felt any resistance on the arm she was holding. When she opened her eyes again, she saw a pair of legs in the air. She let go of the hand, and looked at her adversary.
Alexis: Um, okay, how exactly does that work?
Kirin: Defy human anatomy with your very own fanfic!
Lita : I'm sorry Celes... I didn't mean to...
Mina : Jeez! What the hell just happened?
All : MINA!!!!!!
Both: NORM!!!!
Mina : Serena!! Amy!! Raye!! Lita!!
Kirin: Tetsuo!! Kaneda!! Miaka!! Tamahome!! Chief!! McCloud!!
They all jumped on her, and hugged her.
Mina : Can't... breathe... guys...
Kirin: *kkkrrunch*
Alexis: Most people breathe oxygen, honey.
When they heard her voice, they let her go.
Serena : (Almost crying) MINA!! We were so worried!! Where were you?
Mina : Well... I'm not really sure. It was a strange world...
Kirin: [Serena] A world where apes evolved from men?
Amy : Did you meet the King of Figaro?
Both: o/~ Figaro! o/~
Mina : Wha?? How do you know that?
Raye : While you were gone, this girl named Celes was here. She appeared here when you disappeared.
Kirin: As previously implied.
Alexis: You've done that already.
Kirin: It's a very multi-purpose riff.
Lita : Yeah. And she told us a lot of details about her world, where you were.
Mina : Wow...
Kirin: [Mina] I feel sorry for her already.
Amy : How did you manage to get back?? Did you find a black medallion?
Alexis: [Mina] NO! I FOUND NOTHING! YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANYTHING FROM ME! GAAAAH!
Mina : (More puzzled) Hey!! You know everything Amy!! Yes we did!! And there was this bird in it. A big black bird, but with a pure spirit.
Kirin: I didn't know Chocobos laid medallions.
Alexis: [Mina] Yeah, it was on the medallion. We had a hell of a time dragging it off.
And when I sat on it, PAF, I felt this pressure on my arm, and felt to the ground.
Kirin: "PAF?"
Alexis: Ponies Aerate Factories?
Kirin: Potatoes Are Funny?
Alexis: Pandora Ate Figs?
Kirin: Poorly Acclaimed Figaro?
Both: o/~ Figaro! o/~
Lita : (Tear Drop) I'm sorry Mina... But I was in the middle of an arm wrestling match. And she totally beat me in the first try.
Both: Like TOTALLY!
I wanted to put all my strength in this second match... But you appeared right in the middle of the match.
Kirin: [Lita] Which means I win by default.
Raye : I guess you don't know your own strength Lita.
Mina : You would completely obliterate monsters in this other world. My new friends and I met with a Brachiosaurus. They were so scared of it. I just hit it with a Crescent Beam, and it was dead. They say they never saw somebody do that to a Brachiosaurus.
Alexis: [Mina] What a bunch of wusses.
Amy : That's weird. Celes did the same thing here. We met with this huge monster, but she sliced it in a single sword blow.
Kirin: [Amy] It was iiiiiicckkky.
Maybe the molecular structure of your body was alternated, and you could do massive damage in the world you landed in, so that why you destroyed a powerful monster like that easily.
Alexis: Uh, yeah.
Kirin: Technobabble! Makes your fanfic smarter by rendering it incomprehensible!
Serena : (Tear Drop) Whatever... You made new friends then?
Mina : Yeah... Unfortunately, I'll never see them again. But I now retrieved my best friends here.
Alexis: Uh, Mina? Technically, they lost YOU.
Kirin: Here girl! Here Mina! Catch the friends!
Alexis: You like dog riffs, don't you?
Raye : (Smiling) And we missed you too Mina!
Lita : Yes! Welcome back.
Mina : Thanks. But there's something here bothering me...
Kirin: [Mina] And I think it's you guys.
In my pocket (Checking... Getting something out) There it is. Huh? What's that?
Alexis: [Mina] Wow. The One Ring. How'd THAT get in there?
Amy : Looks like a little sphere... There seem to be people in it.
Raye : You're right Amy!
Alexis: Awww, they gave here a snow dome.
------
/* Figaro Castle *\
Kirin: The happening place for swinging bachelors.
Mina disappeared, and another blonde girl appeared right in her place. The Chocobo felt this new presence, and got up, throwing the girl on the ground!
Alexis: [Chocobo] You guys told me that if I starred in this fic, I'd get to have Kim Catrall sit on my back! Does this look like Kim Catrall to you?!
Celes : Ouch! My butt...
Locke : CELES!!!!
Terra : Celes!! You're back!!
Sabin : (Running in) Hey what's all the noise for? Huh?? Celes?
Celes : (Getting up) Well yeah!! Who did you expect Sabin?
Edgar : Where were you? In Tapyo?
Kirin: Incidentally, if this were in Japanese, that second question would've been "Tapyo-ka?" Get it? "Tapyo-ka?"
Alexis: [wincing] I get it, Kirin.
Celes : Tokyo... I see this Mina girl must have talked to you about her world...
Kirin: [Celes] You know, out where they walk, out where they run, out where they stay all day in the sun?
Locke : How did you know that? About Mina?
Celes : We went to see an old schmok.
Alexis: [Hobbes] I love shmoks! I even love the word. Schmok schmok schmok schmok schmok . . .
Kirin: She's Jewish? I never would've guessed.
He told us something about the medallions, and other things.
Kirin: Of cabbages, and kings!
He told us this girl landed here, replacing me.
Sabin : Yeah. She was a nice girl...
Edgar : What?? You treated her like an old bag Sabin!!
Terra : But she's gone now. She'll be happy to finally retrieve her friends...
Alexis: A tip, Boyce? Just because "retrieve" is a synonym for "get back" doesn't necessarily make it the right word to use.
Kirin: Call off your dogs, Alexis.
Sabin : I didn't even say good-bye...
Locke : Hmm Sabin... You looked pretty interested in her, don't you?
Alexis: The term "age of consent" must not exist in the Final Fantasy VI world.
Sabin : What?? Absolutely not... She defeated that monster. She was strong. I... I wanted her to show me how she did that to the Brachiosaurus.
Kirin: He wants her to show him a few... "tricks."
Alexis: Kirin! Save that kind of stuff for Hibichi and Crow 2!
Celes : (Puzzled) What did she do?
Edgar : It's incredible. She killed a Brachiosaurus in a single shot.
Celes : WHAT?? But that's impossible. You rated it at about 46000 HP!! Nobody can inflict that much damage in a one blow!
Kirin: She killed 46000 in one blow!
Alexis: 46000!?!
Terra : But she did it Celes... We saw it with our own eyes...
Kirin: [Terra] Well, we didn't see the number, but . . . aw, you know!
The Black Chocobo was right behind Celes. She didn't even notice it. It flapped its wings, creating a gust of wind. It stopped, and looked directly at Celes.
Alexis: [Chocobo, whiny] Come oooooon! Somebody pay attention to me! I'm big and black here! Come ooooooon!
She turned her head, and saw it.
Celes : (Stunned) The... The Black Chocobo!!
Locke : I completely forgot about it!!
[Both crack up.]
Kirin: These guys have no short term memory whatsoever!
Alexis: Yeah, it's really hard to remember those legendary birds that appeared out of nowhere. Especially when they're standing in the middle of the throne room.
Sabin : Yeah... I was too surprise by Celes to ask about it...
Celes : Like my mother told me... So pure... I can feel it.
The Black Chocobo opened its beak, and let a scream go. It jumped in the window, opened its wings, and flied away in the sky.
Kirin: [Black Chocobo] AAAAAGHH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! SEE YA, LOSERS!
Alexis: [tutting] No sense of romanticism whatsover.
Celes went to the window, and looked at it fly gracefully.
Kirin: Then continued to watch as a larger bird swooped down and ate it. Based on a true story.
Celes : Good-Bye... Be safe!
Locke : Looks like the bird was the key to this after all...
Raye : *You're right Amy!*
Terra : (Puzzled) Who said that?
Alexis: Looks like the dubbers missed their cues again.
Mina : *Hey!! It's the people I met there!! GUYS!!!!*
Sabin : That's the voice of Mina!! Where is she?
Edgar : There! On the floor... Looks like a crystal ball!
Kirin: [Edgar] And yet it feels like a sneaker! Astounding!
Locke : (Picking it up) Mina!! Are you all right?
Mina : *Locke!! We can talk!! Yes, I'm fine. I'm back with my friends...*
Terra : Yes! Celes is back here too. You must be happy though now. You're with your friends.
Alexis: [Mina] I already said that!
Mina : *Yeah... But I wish I could visit your world again someday. It was kind of cool.*
She said it, and it happened.
Kirin: And she'd say it again, dammit!
She disappeared from the room in the Temple, and appeared in the throne room of Figaro castle.
Serena : *MINA!!! Oh no, she disappeared again!*
Kirin: [Three-headed giant] She buggered off. [different voice] So she has, she's scarpered!
Alexis: Wow, even when you don't have anybody else to continue the riff, you quote Monty Python. That's so very sad.
Kirin: Bite me.
Sabin : Hey!! Look, she's back!
Mina : What... What happened?
Amy : *Hmm... I think I know... Remember what the clerk said : "You'll be able to travel between the worlds again just by wishing it on the ball." Mina wished it, and she went back. I wonder...
Alexis: [Amy] . . . what would happen if I dressed Serena up like a circus clown and ditched her in the middle of LA?
Kirin: Wishing on the ball? Is that anything like wishing on the fly?
Amy wished to be with Mina. She disappeared too, and appeared right besides her friend.
Kirin: Thus fulfilling the prophecy made earlier in the fic, to everybody's lack of shock.
Serena : *Oh No!! Amy is gone too*
Edgar : Another one?? What's happening? Who is she?
Celes : I don't know the blonde one, but the blue-haired one is named Amy. I met her on my trip.
Amy : Guys!! Just wish to be with us.
Alexis: [Amy] And maybe it'll come true . . . *snort*
The 3 other girls wished it, and appeared in the throne room too.
Locke : Unbelieveable!! They are all here!!
Kirin: Man, if it were really that easy, I would've wished to be in Honolulu instead.
Terra : Hmm Mina? Can you do the presentations?
Mina : Oh Sorry Terra!
Kirin: [Mina] Now, we've been doing all right this quarter, but profits have been slipping by about 1% . . . we need more effort, people! Now I prepared a bit of a visual aid here . . .
With these words, she presented her friends. Terra presented herself, and her friends too. They all shook hands.
[Alexis and Kirin say a plethora of greetings both at once, and rather jumbled.]
Celes : (Shaking hands) So this is the mighty Mina who defeated a Brachiosaurus in a single blow. It's nice to finally meet you girl.
Alexis: Since when was Celes a black teenager from the Bronx?
Mina : (Shaking hands) It's a pleasure to meet you too Celes. I heard you destroyed a monster in sword swing. That's not an easy thing to do.
Celes/Mina : (Simulteanously) I have one question though... How did you do that??
Both: [Celes/Mina] Very carefully.
The two girls looked at each other, and started laughing.
Both: [Celes/Mina] Man, you're ugly!
[They look at each other again.]
Edgar : All right. This is a great day. I suggest we have a big party tonight, to celebrate this new friendship.
All : YEAH!!!!!
Kirin: [Mina] TOGA! TOGA!
***
Terra : So Lita right? Mina told us you were the greatest cook in your world. Do you mind helping us in the preparations of the food?
Lita : (Blushing) I would be glad too!!
Alexis: [Terra] Allow me to invite you for the joyous act of food preparation.
***
Amy : Hmm, you're Majesty?
Alexis: [Edgar] Why yes I am, as a matter of fact.
Can I ask a question? Celes told us something about technology letting you travel under the ground. Hmm... Would it be possible to look at it?
Edgar : (Laughing) Of course Amy. But please. Call me Edgar!!
Kirin: DUDE! She's a fourteen year old girl! Does the term "jail bait" mean ANYTHING to you?!
Alexis: Let it ride, Kirin. Let it ride.
***
Sabin : Raye... Mina told us you were great a martial arts. Is it true?
Raye : She did? Well, I'm talking lessons to get better at it.
Kirin: Teach Yourself Martial Arts Through Vocal Empowerment!
Sabin : I was teached by the best man on this planet. Maybe I could teach you tricks, and you could teach me things too. The way Mina... I mean Venus defeated that monster... I want to learn powerful attacks like that.
Alexis: [Sabin] Derr, blowing things up is cool!
Raye : (Laughing) I'll try. No guarantees though. I don't have the same powers as her.
Alexis: [Raye] Mine are better.
***
Locke : Serena! You are the Leader of this team then. Mina told us you were the most powerful person on the team.
Kirin: [Locke] Obviously, however, it was just lip service.
If she defeated a Brachiosaurus in one blow, I'm afraid to think what you would have done to it. Maybe one day we could team up together, battling monsters to find rare treasures. What do you think?
Alexis: [Serena] I think you're a dirty old man and I want to stay as far away from you as humanly possible.
Serena : (Eyes turning to diamonds) TREASURES?? All right!!! I want my part though.
Locke : (Laughing) Of course!!
Kirin: From what I've been led to understand about Sailor Moon, all Serena ever does is move in and blow the guy away once everybody else has weakened it.
Alexis: Well, maybe she overdoes it.
***
Mina : I think it's great that my friends can meet yours Celes... You have great friends.
Celes : You too Mina. I'm glad we can all be together, celebrating. (Looking at the crystal ball) And with this thing, we can see each other when ever we want!
Kirin: [Celes] But not too much. Hint hint.
The two girls smiled. And that night, they all eat together, talking about themselves. It was a very festive night in Figaro castle. They danced, laughed, talked all night long. A new friendship was born between the young heroines of Tokyo, and the heroes populating the world, known as many as the world of Final Fantasy 6!
Kirin: And known to us as a complete load of bull.
Alexis: What's this about author bashing, hmm?
Kirin: It's not author bashing, it's fanfic bashing. There's a difference.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- I wanted to make a story between my favorite game and my favorite Anime. I hope it turned well...
Alexis: Actually, it kinda stuck to the pan.
- Please tell me what you think. Feed-Back will be appreciated.
- Sorry for allllllllll the spelling mistakes I made (Specially verbs X_X)
Kirin: Well, at least you admitted it.
Alexis: Makes US feel better, at any rate.
Kirin: After you, mademoiselle.
Alexis: Why Kirin! Are we getting chivalrous?
Kirin: Well I, er . . . [blushes]
Alexis: Heh heh heh . . . [leaves]
Kirin: [looks at camera] It means nothing! NOTHING! You hear me?!
[He dashes out.]
[Door Sequence: 1-2-3-4-5-6]
SoA
[Cambot is off.]
Bodger was placing the finishing touches on Crow 2. "There, should be good as new," she said, turning him back on.
The robot sparked for a minute, then said dully, "Good morning, Dave. How can I help you, Dave?"
"Eeek! I must have done something wrong!" squealed Bodger, panicked.
"Whatever you say, Dave."
"Oh no, what do I do? What do I do?"
"I suggest you bite me, Dave," replied Crow 2 before finally breaking out in a fit of laughter. "Oh man, Bodger! You should've seen the look on your face! It was priceless! Wa ha ha ha!"
Bodger turned red. "Why you little . . . you idiotic . . ."
"Robot troubles, Bodger?" asked Kirin, exiting the theater.
"The little SOB! He scared the hell out of me!" Bodger shouted, pointing at Crow 2.
"Crow 2, did you scare Bodger?" asked Alexis somewhat disapprovingly.
"Uh, maybe . . ." Crow 2 looked contrite.
"I have only one thing to ask you -- what did she look like?"
Alexis and Crow 2 snickered. Bodger, thoroughly pissed off, stormed off the bridge.
#Hey guys! How's it going up there?# The ham radio blared to life.
"Well, I wouldn't count on Bodger leaving her room anytime soon. And I wouldn't recommend making any 2001 refs either," replied Crow 2 before snickering again.
#Are you giving her a hard time?# Joel asked.
"What can we say? It's a favorite pasttime up here," replied Kirin.
#Amazing . . . So, how was the fic?#
"Uh, wait a sec -- HEY HIBICHI!"
"Coming!" Hibichi ran onto the bridge still toweling off his hair. "Phew, that's much better."
#So... comments?#
"Well, it's hardly the worst piece we've ever read, but far from the best either. The continuity for the Final Fantasy VI world was off and seemed to be warped to fit the romantic image the author had set up for it. Plus the appearance of the monsters seemed to be a bit pointless and nothing more than a plot contrivance to get the amulets there. Finally, too damn mushy," Kirin said.
"Oh hush, you. My main complaint is that there were numerous grammatical errors in the fic -- not quite the level of Thinker, but enough to make the fic more humorous than originally intended," added Alexis.
"The characterization of the Final Fantasy characters was off, but the Sailor Senshi seemed to be surprisingly non-stereotyped," Hibichi piped in. "Or, at least we didn't get the normal cliches, which is a relief."
#Crow 2?#
"Too many opportunities!"
#For what? Oh wait, never mind, I think I know.#
"Heh heh heh . . ."
Alexis shrugged. "Still, it was nice having something other than Freon fics."
"Speak for yourself. I need a stomach pump." Kirin gagged.
Alexis rolled her eyes. "Kirin, honestly . . ."
The message light began to flash. "That'll be Jack and Jill, I think," said Kirin, pressing the light.
Castle Flipside
Nobody was in the control room.
SoA
"The hell?" Kirin looked confused.
"Hey Kirin! The message seems to be coming from another location!" said Hibichi, looking at a small console next to the message light.
"Now what do you suppose . . . Could somebody pick up on that?"
Alexis recalibrated the signal. "Try it now, Kirin."
Kirin pressed the message light.
A Winnebago near the Columbia River
"Miss me, lab rats?" It was Dark Kirin.
SoA
"AAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!!"
The Evil-mobile
"Mmm... you know just how to greet me. Well, I just called to let your friend Robinson know that things have become a bit more . . . personal now. So I've decided to have a chat with him mano a mano. Or is that 'Manos a Manos?'" Dark Kirin chuckled evilly.
SoA
#Well that's officially the worst pun I've heard in months.#
"What'd he ever do to you?!" Kirin growled angrily.
The Evil-mobile
"Let's just say our last little meeting put me in a rather unfortunate light, and being the kind of guy I am I just can't let that slip without sorting things out first. Robinson will know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I've rerouted the fanfic sender so that I still
maintain control. Of course, Dark Alexis doesn't know this . . . yet."
SoA
#Geez, you get this worked up over a little thing like that? I didn't even tell anybody about it!#
The Evil-Mobile
"Ah, but the opportunity is there! I wouldn't expect you to understand, Robinson. Perhaps I can explain it to you more in depth when we meet again. Until then, cheerio, suckers!" He cut the conn.
---FWOOOOSH!---
Crow 2: [VO] Cool! We're actually going BACKWARDS in MST3K continuity!
Kirin: [VO] Not now, Crow 2.
END!!!
********************
The Stuff You Tack On to Avoid Being Sued . . .
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c) by Best Brains Inc. All rights reserved.
Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei (and unfortunately DiC, or at least if everything I've read is true . . .). Final Fantasy VI is the property of Hironobu Sakaguchi and the folks at Square, eternal creator of RPGs.
All MSTers in this fic belong to me, although Crow 2 is borderline. That's right, MiSTers. Mads too. Anybody else is probably NOT mine.
Blonde Exchange is the property of Boyce. No offense to the author is intended by this MiSTing.
All comments, criticisms and (hopefully few) flames can be sent to bodgerkirin@hotmail.com
Bodger's Notes
Whoops, a little heavy on the stereotyped riffs there. Truthfully this one was kind of difficult, as it didn't have quite as many openings as I would've liked. It wasn't a horrible fic, really, but it wasn't the greatest either. Still, it's nice to see Serena not constantly bawling her eyes out or late for school or . . . etc. etc. Pardon me if I get a little nit-picky with the Final Fantasy VI characters, but I love that game.
Just out of curiousity, is anybody annoyed by the subplot? I'm just a sucker for storylines, personally, but I'll bet they're not to everybody's tastes. Just curious.
ADDITIONAL NOTE: This is version 2.0. Frankly, I think it's a significant improvement.
At her surprise, she didn't felt any resistance on the arm she was holding. When she opened her eyes again, she saw a pair of legs in the air. She let go of the hand, and looked at her adversary.
LOST IN THE PLOT? HERE IS THE SERIES SO FAR:
(P)*Episode 101: Nuku Nuku and the Werecabbit
(P)Episode 102: Tsuki Ni Kawatte . . . SPOON, Bub!
(P)*Episode 103: Legend of the Triforce
(P)*Episode 104: Baka-Con II: The Search for Chicks
Episode 105: The Escape
Episode 106: Anime Northwest Love Boat
(P)*Episode 107: MSTie Wars: The SagaMiste Wars
Episode 108: Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers: Purple Wrath
Episode 109: Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers: Blonde Minstrels of Doom
Fanfic Season Breaker: Crossover Sign!
(P)*Episode 201: Blonde Exchange
(P): Written in Prose
* : Major plot point