Not much to say in this particular MiST, except that from this fic onwards, the entire series of Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers fics is up for grabs. I never finished the series, since I didn't feel I could do them justice after a little falling out with the author. However, to be fair, I don't want a mediocre job done on them. Therefore, should you choose to MiST these (and good luck finding them, since I no longer have the site bookmarked and danged if I'm going to search it out again), I'm free as a beta-reader. My address, as always, is at the end of the fic.

And thus, the alienation continues. Onwards.
 

********************
Beginning transmission . . .
MiSTing #9
MiSTed Fic: Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers: Blonde Minstrels of Doom
MiSTing Status: Human Abstract
********************
 

The New, Improved, Season 1.5 theme song!

For Mystery Avatar Theater, 3000! *THUNK!*
 

SoA
 

[The whole crew is in shot. Hibichi and Crow 2 look slightly annoyed.]

Kirin: Howdy folks, and welcome to the Satellite of Avatars. Well, Bodger here has been spending a wee bit too much time in English class, and seems to really be getting into these classic poets.

Alexis: So she decided hey! Why not have a day dedicated entirely to poetry? It's got to beat some of the rubbish we've read lately!

Bodger: Yep! And to start things off, I've decided to read one of my favorite poems: "Thanatopsis," by William Cullen Bryant. It's a poem that muses about death.

Crow 2: Oh GREEEAAAT . . .

Hibichi: Very nice, Bodger. Should we read a eulogy next?

Bodger: Oh be quiet, you two. *Ahem.*
 

To him who in the love of nature holds

Crow 2: A checking account.
Bodger: CROW 2! Hush! I'll have to start again.

To him who in the love of nature holds
Communion with her visible forms,

Hibichi: Remember to bring a condom.
Bodger: Now CUT THAT OUT! This is a famous piece of literature! I'll start AGAIN!

[now read rather gruffly]

To HIM who in the LOVE of NATURE HOLDs
ComMUNION with her VIsible forms, she speaks
A VArious LANguage;

Crow 2: Esperanto!
Bodger: ARRRRGH! I give up!

[Bodger throws her notebook up in disgust and storms off.]

Crow 2: Gee, what's eating her?

Hibichi: The poetry bug, apparently.

Kirin: [chuckling] You two are incorrigible, you know that? We're going to commercial sign.

Crow 2: Am I the only one who noticed that she was beginning to sound like Torgo towards the end there?
 

[Bodger is sitting next to the now mainstay ham radio, fiddling with a device.]

Bodger: Hee hee hee! This is perfect!

Joel: #Don't get too vindictive, now. This is meant to be educational.#

Bodger: [insincerely] Oh, of COURSE!

Joel: [to himself] #*sigh* I forget I'm dealing with an ex-Mad . . .#

[Kirin comes on]

Kirin: Tinkering with the powers that be again, I see.

Bodger: Lay off.

Kirin: So what is it this time?

Bodger: Consider it a little . . . lesson. After that rather disastrous attempt at a poetry recitation, I've decided that Hibichi and Crow 2 need a little more poetic appreciation. So, with the help of Joel, I've created the Poetic Assistance Device.

Kirin: The Poetic Assistance Device?

Joel: #Say you've got somebody who REALLY dislikes poetry. How do you get them to appreciate it better? By helping them discover how easy to grasp it is!#

Bodger: So this little device allows you to change a person's speaking habits to reflect the poetic style of your choice. I'll demonstrate -- get Hibichi and Crow 2 in here.

Kirin: Uh, okay . . .

[Kirin walks off to fetch them.]

Joel: #You know, this could easily backfire.#

Bodger: Pish posh. If nothing else, at least I'll get a good laugh out of it.

Joel: #*sigh*#

[Kirin walks back on with Hibichi, Crow 2 and Alexis.]

Bodger: Um, I didn't really need Alexis for this. . .

Kirin: Well, she heard you had something to show Crow 2 and Hibichi and she just HAD to watch.

Alexis: [a little too enthusiastically] Is it a language chip like the one in South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut?

[Crow 2 and Hibichi glare at Alexis.]

Bodger: Uh, no.

Crow 2: What is it, then? We haven't got all day -- the Mads will be calling any minute!

Bodger: Just step over here . . .

[Nervously, Crow 2 and Hibichi do so.]

Bodger: Ah-HA!

[She aims the device at them and presses the button. Nothing seems to happen.]

Crow 2: What a waste of time
               I can't believe I came here --
               Hey! What just happened?

Hibichi: Yeah, you seem to be
               Speaking all in haikus now --
               Yikes! Now so am I!

Bodger: Heh heh heh . . .

Joel: #Sounds like it's working.#

Kirin: [impressed] Amazing.

Alexis: [ditto] Indeed.

Bodger: And now Shakespeare mode! [aims and fires again.]

Crow 2: Forsooth! Thine wicked box
               Hath much corrupted mine words!

Hibichi: Aye, and is not Shakespeare
               Of the livelihood of dramatist,
               And not of such an art as the poem?

Bodger: Well, he is a poet to SOME degree . . .

[The message light flashes.]

Crow 2: Alas! From yonder sphere comes a message of hopelessness!

Bodger: Huh?

Kirin: Tybalt, Iago and Lady Macbeth are calling. [He presses the message light.]
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Kirin: Well well well, and how are my little hacks today?
 

SoA
 

Crow 2: Verily! Thou art in fine spirits; thereby we be ill.
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Kirin: Hmm, your robot seems to be malfunctioning.
 

SoA
 

Hibichi: Verily this is not the case; our tongues be grasped by the fiery demons of technology.

Bodger: Just my little joke, heh heh.
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Kirin: [not really interested] Fascinating. Well, I'm afraid I don't have poetry in my little bag of horrors, but I do have something else. I do believe your little thespians there would be familiar with this series?
 

SoA
 

Crow 2: Egads! Thou foul beast, will thy not spare us?

Hibichi: Forsooth! Is thine heart so cold as to deliver unto us yet more Freon?!
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Kirin: Aye! Enjoy thine torture, fools!
 

SoA
 

Hibichi: ALAS! IT IS THE SIGN OF FANFIC!!!

Bodger: Oooh! Just a sec!

[She aims the device at Crow 2 & Hibichi as they enter the theater and presses the button.]

[Door Sequence:
   Door 6: It's an ordinary vault door, complete with combination lock.
   Door 5: It's Hanson, but they're so surrounded by throngs of girls that nobody sees them.
   Door 4: The crowd of girls have shifted over to Freon. You roll your eyes and move on.
   Door 3: It's a boulder. You shout, "OPEN SESAME!" and it moves aside magically.
   Door 2: It APPEARS to be a crossdresser's society. You don't stick around to find out.
   Door 1: It's an ordinary theater entrance.]

Hibichi: Next time Bodger says she wants to see us, we run. Agreed?
Crow 2: Agreed.

>Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers in Blonde Minstrels of Doom

Crow 2: Oh great, Cameron Diaz is singing again.

>By Stephan James Cox

All: PPPPHHHHHBBBTTT!!!

>Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers

>Starring...

Hibichi: A bunch of cross-dressing otakus with nothing better to do.
Alexis: Hey!
Hibichi: I'm serious!

>Golden Boy

Kirin: The Oscar?
Alexis: Never say "Oscar" again.

>Dude!!!

Crow 2: Dude.
Hibichi: Dude!!
Crow 2: Dude?
Hibichi: Duuuude.
Alexis: Enough already!

>Pez

Kirin: Aye, captain!

>Yay.

Crow 2: [Pez] And remember, I enjoy starring in these fanfics as much as you enjoy reading them!

>and Ecchi

Crow 2/Hibichi: ECCHI?!!
Crow 2: But didn't he . . .
Hibichi: Didn't they . . .
Crow 2: Great. Now we get even MORE of his delightful sense of humor.
Hibichi: This is an injustice to your readers, Freon!
Kirin: . . . Do we even want to know?

>Ehhhhh...

Alexis: [Ecchi] What's up, doc?
Crow 2: [Ecchi] Your skirt. Flash 'em, honeybuns. *WHACK!*
Alexis: Pervert.
Crow 2: Just you wait . . .

>Tonight's Episode: Blonde Minstrels of Doom

Kirin: In the dead of winter, they were forced to eat Freon's minstrels! . . . And there was much rejoicing.
All: [dully] Yay.

>The cherry blossoms near the Parkland Transit Center off of Pacific were starting to fall, signifying a wonderful spring.

Crow 2: Or an advanced case of tree rot. Either way . . .

>Nearby at the Anime Cafe, Golden Boy, Pez, and Rik the Supreme Otaku were delighting in a game of "Macross Digital Mission VF-X"

Alexis: Ah, that ever popular game of yesteryears. [pause] Never heard of it.
Hibichi: At least they're not playing Chiller . . .

> with Golden Boy at the controls of a VF-19 Valkyrie fighting the very last boss as Ecchi read a hentai doujinshi.

Hibichi: For anybody who didn't get the picture last time, yes. Ecchi IS a pervert.

[Author's Note: And for you non-Japanese speakers out there, a hentai doujinshi is a Japanese pornographic fan comic. Thank you.]

>"Go into Battroid Mode!" Rik said as he stood nearby. Golden Boy pushed some buttons and

Kirin: Triggered the self-destruct mode. He was killed instantly.

> changed his fighter to a Battroid robot.

>"You picked da wrong homie to mess wit, foo!"

Alexis: Mr. T IS Golden Boy in "Blonde Minstrels of Doom."

> Golden Boy said in Ebonics as he zeroed in on the green fighter.

Kirin: That's not really ebonics. It's more like a middle-class white kid's interpretation of homeboy speak.

>Ecchi looked up from his hentai doujinshi and then looked back down at it.

Crow 2: Oh, he's always looking down at it.
Hibichi: He's feeling a bit inferior after reading the doujinshi . . .
[Alexis whacks them both.]

> Golden Boy kept firing at the fighter until it exploded.

Crow 2: In a rain of Skittles!
Kirin: Is this another little something we don't know?
Crow 2: I'll explain later.
Hibichi: It's Monty Freon's The Meaning of Life.

>"Sayonara, Tokyo Joe!" Golden Boy said in a John Wayne dialect that made him sound more like Phil Hartman.

Alexis: Dead or alive?
Kirin: Aw geez, Alexis, show a little respect here.
Alexis: For Freon?
Kirin:: No, for Phil Hartman. I miss that guy.

>"And there was much rejoicing." Pez said, quoting a Monty Python routine. "Yay."

Kirin: Do you get the feeling that the Great One and Freon are on the same wavelength or something?
Hibichi: [rattled] Don't even JOKE about that, Kirin!

> Right then a beautiful Mikimoto-drawn anime woman appeared on-screen to congratulate Golden Boy.

Crow 2: And, knowing Freon, that congratulations probably involved whipped cream and a pack of batteries. *WHACK!*

> Ecchi looked up.

Kirin: Just in time to see a gigantic 16-ton weight drop on him.

>"I'd like a piece a' that." Ecchi said.

Alexis: I can give you a piece of something else altogether if you'd like, pal.

>"You can't have her!" Golden Boy said. "She's mine. I'm the ace Valkyrie pilot here."

Crow 2: [Ecchi] I'm gonna tell Mom!
Hibichi: [Golden Boy] Go ahead, you big baby!
Crow 2: [Ecchi] MOOOOOOM!!! Golden Boy won't share!
Kirin: [Mom] Now now, Golden Boy, share with your brother.
Hibichi: [Golden Boy] Tattletale.

>"Can't you share with me?" Pez said. Golden Boy smacked him upside the head.

Alexis: Smackdown!
Kirin: Shouldn't that be "smackup?"

>"Dammit, boy." Golden Boy then said. Suddenly the door opened. An elderly Japanese woman wearing a yukata walked in.

Crow 2: Yukata?
Kirin: Yuuuukata!
[The two begin humming beach party movie music.]
Hibichi: All right, all right, knock it off with the Japanese jokes, guys. I'm proud of my heritage here.

>"Hello." Rik said to the woman. "How are you doing?"

Crow 2: [Woman] I'm old. How do you think I'm doing? I've got rheumatism up to wazoo!

>"I'm fine, and you?" the woman asked Rik.

Kirin: [elementary school letter] I am fine. How are you? I had a big day today. We made pretty pictures with construction paper!

>"Super, thanks for asking." Rik said like Big Gay Al.

Alexis: And acting like him too.
Hibichi: Is that his gimmick, or something?

> "What can I help you with?"

Crow 2: [Lady] Well, an exit out of this fanfic would do for starters . . .

>"My name is Mrs. Haruna from the Cherry Hill Temple." the woman said. "I am looking for the Super Troopers of legend."

Hibichi: "Of legend?"
Kirin: [Freon] Sorry, lady. We're just the Super Troopers. The Super Troopers of Legend live three doors down.

>"They're right over there." Rik said. The woman turned to find the three hunched over Ecchi's hentai doujinshi.

Crow 2: [Golden Boy] Wow, I didn't know they came that big!
Hibichi: [Pez] You wouldn't . . .
[Alexis whacks them both. Kirin does as well.]
Crow 2: Huh? Hey, Kirin!
Kirin: No avatar bashing! It's like author flaming.

>"Dude, check that out!" Golden Boy said.

Alexis: [Pez] But my library card is full enough as it is!
Kirin: Alexis, that was, uh . . .
Alexis: Yeah, I know, but I had to diffuse the sexual innuendo SOMEHOW . . .

>"Yeah." Pez concurred.

Crow 2: Pez is REALLY not very enthusiastic in this fic.
Hibichi: Can you blame him?
Kirin: He probably just didn't have his coffee in the morning.
Alexis: That'd do ANYBODY in.

>"Excuse me..." Mrs. Haruna said to the three. They turned around as Ecchi hid his doujinshi behind his back.

Crow 2: Wow, the ladies must LOVE that! *WHACK!*
Hibichi: I said, no Japanese jokes!

>"Are you the three Super Troopers of legend?"

>"Who's askin and what legend?" Golden Boy asked.

Kirin: [Chinese Guide] Very tragic legend of drowned otakus five hundred years ago.

>"The legend of the Three Divine Kabuki." Mrs. Haruna said. "The world needs the Super Troopers again and I believe they date back >hundreds of years to the Three Divine Kabuki."

Crow 2: [Woman] Which is why we need you, since I feel you are the Three Divine Kabuki.

Alexis: [Woman] We are truly in need of you, because you are the Three Divine Kabuki!

>"Tonight at Key Arena," a radio announcement played.

Kirin: Wow! I'd pay good money to see a radio announcement play at Key Arena!

>"The three talented tykes from Tulsa, Hanson!" The radio then started to play "MMMbop".

Crow 2: You gotta hand it to him, Freon picks the right people to do anti-fics about.
Hibichi: I know I'D like to mmm-bop them on the heads.
Kirin: Oh come on, I hear their second album was actually kinda good.
Alexis: I also hear it sunk their careers.
[silence.]
Crow 2: The state of American music tastes, ladies and gentlemen!

>"Dammit, I hate Hanson!" Golden Boy said as he threw a tennis ball at the stereo, shutting it off.

Alexis: . . . knocking it off the table, breaking it into a billion pieces, collecting off the insurance . . .

> "Bunch a' damn fruitiecakes."

Hibichi: *ahem* No irony here *ahem*.

>"I know you three are the Super Troopers." Mrs. Haruna said. "You each bear the mark on your forehead.

Alexis: [Woman] It's "dumb" in kanji. It sticks out like a sore thumb. *WHACK!*
Kirin: If there's one thing you really slip up with, Alexis . . .

> The three went up and into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. They each found a kanji on their head that meant

Alexis: Dumb?

>"Trooper".

Alexis: Near as dammit. *WHACK!*
Kirin: I don't see why I bother, actually. It never stops those two.
[indicates Crow 2 and Hibichi, who wave to him.]

>"Damn." Golden Boy said.

>"I thought these were just moles." Pez said.

Crow 2: [Pez] I tried to have it removed and ended up getting a frontal lobotomy instead. Derrr, I like pie . . .

>"I almost look like Tamahome." Ecchi said.

Hibichi: [Ecchi] Except without the looks, the charm or the intelligence. Well okay, maybe not THAT much like Tamahome.

>"Dear god."

Crow 2: [Ecchi] I just made a non-perverted comment! The horror!

>"Now will you listen to me?" Mrs. Haruna said.

All: No.

> The three then sat back down near the TV.

Kirin: [Golden Boy] Hey, screw you lady. South Park is on.

> "It all started centuries ago in ancient Japan." Mrs. Haruna then said.

Alexis: [Mrs. Haruna] I should know because I was there.
Hibichi: It's the three-thousand year old woman!

>"There were three kabuki dancers with incredible powers which were used to fight against evil. The evil came from the West with three >young blonde demons.

Crow 2: The Dixie Chicks!

> They had the power to enchant young women with their voices, leaving them helpless.

Hibichi: From nausea.

> The demons would go from village to village singing to crowds of young girls and kidnapping them. But then, the three kabuki came and >fought the demons in the north. It was a tremendous battle but somehow the kabuki banished the demons to the farthest undiscovered >corner of the Earth.

Kirin: Unfortunately, they were SUPPOSED to fight the demons in the WEST.

> But, the demons have come out of their banishment and we need the Three Divine Kabuki, or as they are now known as, the Super >Troopers, to stop the demons from taking away our young women."

Alexis: We offer them to you in exchange for your services.
Crow 2: Soooo lemmee get this straight -- Hanson is really a group of thousand-year old demons who go around kidnapping chicks?
Kirin: Seems like it.
Crow 2: Well, I guess that's still more plausible than the plot of Second Contact . . .
Hibichi: Now get them to explain N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys.

>"No one steals our women and lives!" Pez said like Duke Nukem.

Kirin: [Sailor Moon] Women are to be cherished and given sweet lovin'! In the name of the Moon, I will kick your ass!

>"Kick ass!" Golden Boy added.

Kirin: [thrown off] Er . . .
Crow 2/Hibichi: NOOOOO! NOT MORE ASS-KICKING!

>"But what form have the three demons assumed?" Ecchi said. Mrs. Haruna turned on the radio.

Alexis: My God, the demons are in the form of the radio! AAAAAGH!

> Hanson was still playing.

Crow 2: The audience was still suffering.
Kirin: The elf was still snoring.
Hibichi: Ecchi was still ma-- *WHACK!*

>"Mmm-bop, dippa dappa doo wop, dibbidie-dappa-doo wop, dippa dappa doo..." Taylor Hanson sang.

Crow 2: Not real lyrics, but an incredible simulation!

>"Does that answer your question?" Mrs. Haruna said.

>"Dear god, not Hanson!" Golden Boy said.

Alexis: [Mrs. Haruna] Huh? Where'd you get THAT idea? Actually, I was referring to some other guys.

>"I'm afraid the three demons are Hanson and they are going to take the young women of Seattle away if you don't do anything about it." >Mrs. Haruna said.

Kirin: Not ALL the young women . . .
Alexis: The Great One comes to mind.
Voice: And damn proud of it!

>"But how do we get to Seattle in time?" Pez asked.

Crow 2: Plot contrievance.

>"We'll take my car." Mrs. Haruna said.

Alexis: o/~ Baby you can drive my car . . . o/~

>Later that night, Mrs. Haruna had dropped off Golden Boy, Pez and Ecchi at Key Arena in Seattle and given them tickets and backstage >passes.

Kirin: [Golden Boy] OOOOOH! We get to see Hanson! Do ya think Taylor will autograph my chest for me?

> They then entered the arena which was filled with pretty girls ranging in age from 8 to 21.

Crow 2: Which, ironically, was also the range of their intelligence.

> "Whoa, check out the babes!" Golden Boy said. He then walked up to a teenage girl and asked her "Hey, babe, whatcha doin after the >concert tonight?" The girl smacked Golden Boy in response.

Alexis: Am I the only one who's noticed that Golden Boy never actually gets any with the women in his fics?
Kirin: The Great One's friend beat you to it.

> "Well I'm busy tonight too!" Golden Boy then said indignantly.

Crow 2: [sarcastically] Good comeback!

>"Let's get serious here." Pez said.

Hibichi: [Darkwing Duck] Let's get DANGEROUS!
Crow 2: Let's get BI-ZAY!
Kirin: Let's get a decent piece of literature!

>"Ladies and gentlemen," a voice said over the loudspeakers. "We are proud to present....HANSON!!!!"

Alexis: . . . with a small thermonuclear device. Now just press the button, there's a good boy band . . .

>"They're coming out." Ecchi said.

Crow 2: Well I'd just assumed that was pretty much a given. I mean, we all suspected . . .

>"It's go time!" Golden Boy said.

Kirin: GAH!
Alexis: Something wrong?
Kirin: Sorry, I thought he said "Disco time."
Others: GAH!

>"Go time!" Pez added.

Crow 2: Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

>"GOLDEN BOY CRISIS POWER MAKE-UP!!!"

>"PEZ CRISIS POWER MAKE-UP!!!"

>"ECCHI CRISIS POWER MAKE-UP!!!"

Hibichi: You know, all the girls in my school keep a constant supply of crisis make-up on them. The teachers just can't seem to get rid of it.

> A flash of light surrounded them and Golden Boy, Pez and Ecchi emerged dress as Belldandy, Skuld and Urd in their goddess dresses >respectively. "SUPER TROOPERS!" the three called out.

[Kirin and Alexis stare stunned.]
Crow 2: We TRIED to warn you . . .

>"Cross-Dressing..." Golden Boy said.

Hibichi: Not impressing . . .

>"...Anime..." Pez then said.

Alexis: Great dismay . . .

>"...Ass-Kickers!!!" Ecchi said.

Crow 2/Hibichi: ARRRGH!

> They then ran down to the front of the audience but were met up by Hanson's army of bodyguards. The Super Troopers quickly beat >down every last one of them until they climbed up on stage.

Crow 2: I see the impressive battle sequences are still in tact . . .

>"All right, Hanson, you have sang your last um-bop!" Golden Boy yelled. Hanson stopped playing. Hanson's eyes glowed red.

Kirin/Alexis: [in demonic sync] Don't worry, we won't hurt you . . .
Crow 2: Hmm . . . if this were a Jim Theis story, they'd be the color of emeralds . . .
Hibichi: If this were a Jim Theis story, we'd be completely insane by now.

>"Oh crap." Taylor Hanson said. "Not the magic queers again!"

Alexis: o/~ I'm the magic queer . . . o/~

>"Queer?" Pez said.

Kirin: [Golden Boy] Quite.
Alexis: Sigh?
Kirin: Sugh.

>"Yes, queer!" Zach Hanson said. "Hundreds of years ago we fought some guys like you and they were queer like a $3 bill."

Crow 2: $3 bills are gay?
Hibichi: They're the new international symbol, you know. Right next to Tinky Winky.

>"Oh come on," Ecchi said. "We're just cross-dressers!"

Kirin: This story brought to you by the National Cross-Dressers Association.

>"Well," Golden Boy said. "I kinda like this dress. I feel more natural in it." Both the Hansons and the other Super Troopers looked at him >quizzically. "What?" Golden Boy then said.

Alexis: Ah, and the light dawns!
Kirin: Watch it . . .

>"Can we take 'em, boys?" Ike Hanson said to his demonic younger brothers.

Kirin/Hibichi: [Brothers] We sincerely doubt it!
Crow 2: Shoplifting is a misdemeanor, ya know.

>"Yeah!" Taylor and Zach said. The Hansons then moved in on the Super Troopers and beat them up.

Kirin: . . . That's IT?
Alexis: Come on, man, DETAILS!
Crow 2: Don't bother. This is about as good as it gets.

> The Super Troopers were lying on the ground.

Hibichi: Looking at the clouds.
Crow 2: [Ecchi] I see a beautiful naked woman!
Kirin: [Golden Boy] I see Yurika smiling at me!
Alexis: [Pez] Well, I was going to say I saw a rubber ducky, but I changed my mind.

>"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Golden Boy said.

Kirin: [Pez] I think so, Golden Boy, but where are we going to find a tattoo parlor and a motorcycle in this part of town?

>"Is it about Super Taboo?" Pez asked.

Alexis: Actually, it's about Pictionary.

>"No, let's do fusion." Golden Boy then said.

Crow 2: [Pez] Now is neither the time nor the place for that, Golden Boy.
Hibichi: [Ecchi] Oh, I don't know . . .
[Alexis whacks them both.]

> They then stood up, called out "FUSION!!!", stood in a circle with their fists in the middle and started dancing.

Kirin: Here we see the ancient fusion dance of the Trooper tribe, used in times of danger to ward off evil spirits.
Alexis: [chanting] Oom shaka laka laka Oom shaka laka laka . . .

"KARAOKE IDOL DEVON!!!" the troopers then called out.

Crow 2: Ohhhhh NOOOOOOO!!!
Hibichi: Good Mr. Bill impression.
Crow 2: Who says I was making an impression?
Alexis: *snicker*
Crow 2: Oh shut up.

> A flash of light filled the arena. When it died the Super Troopers were replaced with a handsome man carrying a microphone.

Kirin: [falsetto] It's FRANKIE!

> It was Karaoke Idol Devon! "All right, Hanson." Devon said with a smooth voice. "I'll beat you at your own game--singing!"

Crow 2: I wouldn't exactly call it singing . . . more like a reasonable facsimile of it.
Alexis: See, this is good, because it means Freon stands a chance. *WHACK!* Geez, Kirin, aren't we acting a little OOC lately?
Kirin: Well, SOMEBODY'S got to keep down the avatar bashing . . .

>"You're on, queer!"

Hibichi: Oh dear . . . we know the drill, right guys?
Kirin: Yep.
[They all put earplugs in]

> Hanson said before they sang "Mmm-bop dippa-dappa-doo-wop, dibbidie-dappa-doo-wop, dippa-dappa-doo!!!" The crowd of girls >cheered.

Crow 2: . . . Because they'd stopped.

>"Well you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man, no time to talk!" Karaoke Idol Devon sang. The girls cheered even >louder.

Alexis: Well they WOULD.
Kirin: Nice show of restraint, there.

>"Where's the love, it's not enough to make the world go round and around yeah!" Hanson sang. The girls screamed even more louder.

Hibichi: [Girls] Nooo! NOOOO! Make it stop, for the love of God! We'll pay money!

> "Face it, karaoke-boy, you're nothing!" Taylor yelled.

Kirin: o/~ Without you I'm nothing . . . o/~
Crow 2: Okay, anybody who actually KNOWS who Placebo is in this country kindly raise their hands.
[A hand raises in front of the camera.]
Crow 2: And the Great One doesn't count!
[The hand goes back down.]

>"Ah, man..." Karaoke Idol Devon said. "What would the Spice Girls do in this situation?"

Kirin: Scream "girl power?"
Alexis: Shake it to the left if they're havin' a good time?
Crow 2: Get overly egotistical and break apart to have relatively unsuccessful solo careers?
[The others stare at Crow 2.]
Crow 2: What?

> Just then, a flash of light and a puff of smoke appeared on the stage.

Hibichi: It's not a Hanson concert, it's Fantasmic!

> From it came the Spice Girls to the strains of "Wannabe".

Kirin: And thank the gods for our handy-dandy earplugs.

>"Hello," Sporty Spice said. "We're the Spice Girls!" The Super Troopers then unfused.

Hibichi: Are they really THAT much of a killjoy? *WHACK!*

>"Kick ass, the Spice Girls!" Golden Boy said.

Crow 2: Enough with the ass kicking! You're obsessed with the ass kicking!
Kirin: Not to mention the kicking of other areas of the lower half of the body . . .
[The guys all cross their legs again.]

>"I know Mack has a bunch of porno pics of them." Pez said.

Alexis: Mack the Knife or Big Mack?

>"He does?" Scary Spice said. "The bloody beggar."

Kirin: Go on! Go away! And you, pee off! Bloody begger . . .
Alexis: The Monty Python shows up again.

>"Ah, if it isn't our arch-enemy the Spice Girls!" Ike said.

Crow 2: So at long last, we get the answer to the eternal question.
Hibichi: Who's hotter, Baby Spice or Ginger Spice?
Crow 2: No, who'd win in a fight: Hanson or the Spice Girls?

>"Super Troopers," Baby Spice said. "You must use your Girl Power to defeat Hanson!"

[All laugh uproariously.]
Alexis: Hoo hoo! Oh, I like this!

>"But...but we're not girls!" Ecchi said.

Kirin: [Sir Bedevere] But you are dressed as one!
Hibichi: [Ecchi] THEY dressed me up like this! And these aren't my real breasts, they're false ones!
Alexis: Okay boys, I think you've hit quota now.

>"We just dress like them." Pez said.

Crow 2: They're not real girls, but they dress like them on TV.

>"And we like it!" Golden Boy said. The Troopers and the Spice Girls looked at him quizzically. "What?" Golden Boy then said. "Damn, >c'mon, I just like to wear this dress, okay? Lay off!"

Kirin: You know, on the plus side at least Freon isn't abnormally super-powered in this one.
Crow 2: Too bad that's the only real plus side.

>"We must focus our powers on Hanson or else they will steal all the girls in Seattle!" Posh Spice said.

Alexis: Oh yes, and we simply MUST defend the girls, musn't we?
Kirin: Oh dear . . . your feminism meter is going off again, isn't it?
Alexis: What would you know?

>"All right," Golden Boy then said. "Let's do it!" The Super Troopers and the Spice Girls focused their energies on Hanson until the >Hanson Brothers became the Hanson Sisters!.

All: . . .
Kirin: What . . .
Alexis: . . . the . . .
Crow 2: . . . hell . . .
Hibichi: . . . was . . .
All: . . . THAT?!
Crow 2: So instead of having a really annoying boy band, we've got a really annoying girl group, eh?
Kirin: Which is worse?
Hibichi: I'd say we've basically got the same level of evilness here.

>"Oh no!" Taylor shrieked! "They turned us into girls!" They then ran home to mama crying.

Alexis: I'm REALLY hoping this is just the natural effect of being Hanson and not of them being transformed into girls . . .
Kirin: Alexis?
Alexis: Yeah?
Kirin: Give it a rest. This is a Freon fic. Political correctness is generally the exception rather than the norm. It's how his sense of humor works.
Alexis: Fine. I'll lay off "Amano-sempai."
Kirin: *sigh* [turns to camera] There's just no dealing with feminists.

>"That's the way, girls!" Sexy Spice triumphantly yelled!

Hibichi: "Sexy Spice?"
Crow 2: Lessee here . . . there was Sporty Spice, Ginger Spice, Scary Spice, Baby Spice and Posh Spice. Nope, no Sexy Spice here.
Alexis: She was the Spice Girl they kicked out for posing nude in Playboy. She then went on to be a semi-famous singer and actress.
Crow 2: Actually, that's Vanessa Williams.
Alexis: Oh. Well, knowing Freon, it's probably just a general term for the whole lot of them then.

> "Way to use your Girl Power, Super Troopers!"

All: *snicker*
Kirin: See? There's SOME female empowerment here.
Alexis: Well, I never liked the Spice Girls anyway.

>"I think Golden Boy had the most Girl Power!" Pez twitted.

Crow 2: "Twitted?"
Kirin: I guess they're 'birds' in every sense of the word now.

>"Dammit boy!" Golden Boy said as he tried to hit Pez but failing before falling down to the floor where he got a good view up Baby >Spice's skirt. "Whoa, nice view!" Golden Boy then said before Baby Spice stepped back.

Alexis: . . . Excuse me, I suddenly feel the need for a drink.
[She gets up and leaves.]
Kirin: VERY good show of restraint.

> Golden Boy then got up. Mack then came in between Sporty and Baby.

Crow 2: Mack was forever coming in between them. In the end, it doomed their relationship.
Hibichi: Who IS Mack, anyway?

>"Hey, girls, your place or mine?" Mack said. The Spice Girls then ran off.

Kirin: Good! They've escaped the fic!
Hibichi: Too bad Alexis wasn't here.

>"You peckerwood!" Golden Boy said. "They ran off."

Crow 2: [Mack] Heh heh heh, and what makes you think I didn't INTEND to do that? So, we're alone now . . .
Hibichi: [Ecchi] Um, I'm still here. Not that I mind . . .
Kirin: You guys are milking this for all it's worth, aren't you?

>"Sorry." Mack said. He then walked off. Just then some gangsters came into the arena and shot at the Super troopers. They shot Ecchi to >death.

Crow 2: Uh, point?
Kirin: By the Gods! It's my dark riffs come true! Thank you oh great ones!
Hibichi: Don't jump to conclusions -- they killed Ecchi in the last fic.

>"OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED ECCHI!!!" Kintaro screamed.

>"YOU BASTARDS!!!" Pez shouted.

Kirin: Oh. I think I see. Nuts.
Crow 2: Yep. Folks, we've got running gag.

>"Oh well." Golden Boy then said. "You wanna go get some McDonald's?"

Hibichi: [Golden Boy] I feel the need to amass a major monopoly on the fast food industry! I'm going to buy McDonalds!
Kirin: Please. He already did that in Anime Northwest Love Boat.

>"Just don't go near my soda." Pez said.

Crow 2: You toucha my soda, I breaka your face.
Kirin: [Golden Boy] Am I bugging your soda? I'm not touching it, am I?
Hibichi: Warning: Do not approach sodas. May bite.

>(c)1998 Stephan James Cox, Team Freon

Crow 2:> That's it? Don't we even get a mass orgy this time?
Hibichi: Well, there's no need to get repetitious.
Kirin: I'd ask, but I'm scared enough as is.

>Email: teensquad@hotmail.com

[They get up]
Kirin: Teensquad? Sounds like a comic book.
Crow 2: Well, Freon DOES tend to be very two-dimensional.
[Rimshot]

>Not to be altered or rewritten without permission from author
 

[Door sequence: 1-2-3-4-5-6]
 

SoA
 

Kirin: Well, that Was interesting -

Crow 2: pretty Much like Every Other freon Fic -

Hibichi: Um, does Something seem strange to You guys?

Kirin: huh? Hey, you're right, something DOES appear To be different -

[Alexis walks on with Bodger]

Crow 2: say Bodger, what's Up with the punctuation -

Bodger: um, Well you know that Poetry assistance Device I created With joel?

Kirin: yeah . . .

Alexis: something Went a little wonky with it . . .

Bodger: Yep. and now We appear to be Stuck in emily Dickenson mode -

Hibichi: oh dear -

Crow 2: I have yet To gain any True appreciation of Poetry from that Device -

Kirin: Great, and Now the mads are Calling. They're going To get a Kick out of this One -

[He presses the button.]
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Kirin: Problems?
 

SoA
 

Kirin: what Do you care -
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Kirin: I don't, really, but at least I get a good laugh out of them.
 

SoA
 

Bodger: oh, Shut up -
 

Castle Flipside
 

D. Kirin: I think that I shall never see
               A troop more dumb than all of thee.
               And now it's time to say farewell
               I hope you suffer in my hell
               And as the winds pass with a woosh
               I press this button, and things go:
 

---FWOOSH!---
 

Kirin: [V.O.] That poem really sucked -
D. Kirin: [V.O.] Well maybe you just need to increase your appreciation!
 

END!!!

***************************************

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and all related characters and situations are trademarks of and (c)by Best Brains Inc. All rights reserved.
Hanson is the property of themselves. Ah! Megami-Sama is the property of Kosuke Fujishima.
All MSTers in this fic belong to me, although Crow 2 is borderline.
Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers: Blonde Minstrels of Doom is the property of Kintaro "Freon" Amano. No offense is intended by the MiSTing of this fic. Seriously.
All comments, criticisms and (hopefully few) flames should be sent to: bodgerkirin@hotmail.com

Bodger's Notes:

Well, it's official: Kirin is the sole defender of all avatars everywhere. Well, I suppose we should all be thankful for that really. Methinks it's because he tends to resemble an SI more than anybody else, and this INCLUDES Bodger . . .

Also, for those curious, the "other MiSTing" of Purple Wrath can be found at Shinji's Vault of Anime MiSTings under "Random Stuff," I think. I could be wrong, though. The address is: http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam. Enjoy! And, uh, don't compare, 'cause I'd feel inadequate, and stuff.

>"All right," Golden Boy then said. "Let's do it!" The Super Troopers and the Spice Girls focused their energies on Hanson until the >Hanson Brothers became the Hanson Sisters!

Lost in the Plot? Here's the series thus far:

Episode 1: Nuku Nuku and the Werecabbit
Episode 2: Tsuki Ni Kawatte . . . SPOON, Bub!
Episode 3: Legend of the Triforce
Episode 4: Baka-Con II: The Search for Chicks
Episode 5: The Escape
Episode 6: Anime Northwest Love Boat
Episode 7: MSTie Wars
Episode 8: Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers Episode 1: Purple Wrath
Episode 9: Anime Cafe Otaku Super Troopers Episode 2: Blonde Minstrels of Doom

Join the Satellite of Avatars at http://bodger.homestead.com/files/MiSTingwebsite.com