[They troop back into the theater.]

Kirin: Mind you, on the flip side of the coin, there's Bodger...
Alexis: Yeah, but it's hard to tell sometimes.

From: Anne Trottier
To:
Subject: Anime Northwest Love Boat Part 2
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000 5:58 PM

Hibichi: Haven't we seen this before?
Crow 2: It's E-Mail headings. What do you expect?
Kirin: This fanfic will self-destruct in five... four... three -- oh wait, it already self-destructed halfway through chapter one. Never mind.

Anime Northwest Love Boat
Part 2
By Kintaro Amano

Alexis: [rolling eyes] And we all know who's gonna get the loving...

Captain Pez stood in his clean white uniform as he talked to Chief Engineer Skippy McFadden, who had his short blonde hair under his nautical cap.

Crow 2: [Pez] For the last time, I do NOT give out candy when you push my head back. Now stop it!
Hibichi: Skippy?

"Goldarnit, Skippy!"

[Snorts from the audience]
Alexis: He's come down with Grizzled-Old-Prospector's Syndrome!

Pez said to him. "This ship barely passed it's Coast Guard inspection. Why are you running this ship as if it were some bleepin' Ford Pinto?"

Crow 2: [Skippy] You mean it's NOT? Gee, I was wondering why my car keys weren't working!

"Now you should talk." Skippy replied. "While the rest of the crew is actually RUNNING the ship,

Kirin: Raise your hands if you think the entire crew is going to consist of random hot anime women.
[All raise their hand.]
Hibichi: ... Skippy?

you're sitting there playing 'Freaky Fantasy XI' like some nerd-boy with nothing better to do!

Hibichi: Is Freaky Fantasy something like the Square version of Maniac Mansion?
Crow 2: Squaresoft doing Maniac Mansion... hmm...
Hibichi: So Cousin Ed would have a pet moogle you could microwave, and you could send the Meteor's rendition of "Eyes on Me" into 3 Guys Who'll Publish Anything. Interesting.

You have a responsibility to this ship, otherwise it may run aground like the 'Minnow' on Orcas Island!"

Alexis: Is that some Indian folk myth? I wasn't paying attention.
Kirin: No no no, that's Native American.
Alexis: It's Swahili for all I care, Kirin.

"That's 'Gilligan's Island', Skippy,

Crow 2: [Skippy] No sir, I do believe that's Bainbridge Island.
Hibichi: Skippy?
Kirin: Just let it go, kid.

and you have no right to tell me how to run my ship! I am the captain and I can have you thrown overboard!"

Kirin: [Pez] I'm the God! ME!

Skippy then took out a Pikachu Pez dispenser and flashed it at Captain Pez,

Hibichi: Now THAT'S a new feature.
Alexis: The Men in Black have changed the designs of their neuralizers!
Hibichi: Actually I was... uh yeah, that's it.

causing him to recoil in fear.

Kirin: [Pez] NOOOOO! NOT THE FRUITY CANDIES OF SATAN AGAIN!
Crow 2: I guess he should have stuck with ALTOIDS!

"Hey, relax, guy." Skippy replied with an evil smile. "Don't freak yourself out.

Alexis: [singing] o/~ Ahhhhh FREAK OUT! C'est chic, l'est freak! o/~
Hibichi: Skippy, as played by South Park's Saddam Hussein.

Now be a good boy and play 'Freaky Fantasy XI' while the pilot sends us out into the Sound."

Kirin: As opposed to the Volume?
[Crow 2 GLARES at Kirin. Kirin grins.]

"Yes, Master." Captain Pez droned.

Alexis: Pez: Captain, Igor, or candy dispenser? You decide.

"Sweetness." Skippy said before he thought 'I will drain the energy of everyone on this boat and watch it run into something.

[Kirin simulates energy bouncing off walls.]
Alexis: I suppose it DOES have kind of a hypnotic charm to it.

Ha, ha, ha, ha,stayin alive, stayin alive!'

Crow 2: You see, you KNOW he's evil, 'cause he digs Disco.
Kirin: [Disco Stu] Disco Stu don't dig that.

Another announcement came over the PA...

Alexis: [Announcement] WE'RE HAVING SOUP TODAY!

"Freon Sea Travel is pleased to announce the general boarding of the'Princess Millerna' to Victoria, BC. All passengers and cars may now board at this time."

Kirin: There is no parking in the red zone. The white zone is for loading and unloading only.
Alexis: There is no parking in the white zone. The red zone is for loading and unloading only.
Kirin: No, the WHITE zone is for loading and unloading, you cannot park in the RED zone.
Alexis: I know what this is about -- you want me to have an abortion, don't you?
Kirin: It's safe, and everybody wins!
Crow 2: The Airplane! sketch, ladies and gentlemen.

Nurse Ling Ling from "Steam Detectives" walked through the gangway onto the ship along with

Hibichi: Freon's brain medicine!
[General snickering]

Roxii, each wearing the poofy nurse's dress Ling Ling is known for in the "Animerica Extra" manga.

Kirin: And if we got that magazine, we'd know that.
Crow 2: Anime Northwest Love Boat: written by fanboys, FOR fanboys.

Nurse Ling Ling wanted to check out the socialised medical system in Canada, but Roxii had a cosplay engagement.

Alexis: Yeah, and it's probably to Freon.

"I'm so very glad I met you, Roxii." Nurse Ling Ling said with a smile as they walked into the main seating cabin. "You are a nice girl, very high-spirited.

Hibichi: [Ling Ling] Would you like to come to my room with me? *WHACK!*

Are you sure you don't want to be a nurse? Or at least an assistant to a boy detective?"

Crow 2: [Ling Ling] Or an assistant to a nurse or a boy detective?
Alexis: And Ling Ling effectively sets the feminist movement back twenty years.

"I'd much rather be a cosplay model." Roxii said. "I like wearing anime costumes."

Kirin: [Roxii] They just make me feel so... free...

"Well, that nurse's outfit suits you quite nicely." Nurse Ling Ling then said.

Alexis: Is it just me, or has he used the phrase "then said" after half the damn sentences in the fic thus far?
Kirin: Remember, no grammar flames...
Alexis: Oh bite me.

'Funny, because I was cast as a paramedic in the last fic.' Roxii thought as she giggled.

Hibichi: [Roxii] Which was good, because Freon sure as hell needed one by the end of it. [grins evilly]

"Ohmigawd!" Roxii heard a voice behind her say.

Crow 2: [Valley-Girl] I need another manicure! The sun, I swear, is bleaching out my hair!
Kirin: [ditto] Thirty-two, ninety-four...
Alexis: [ditto] I don't know the stupid score!
Hibichi: [ditto Win win, fight fight...
All: [ditto] Gee I hope I look all right!
[Laughter.]
Crow 2: Fun!

>"You are that famous cosplay model, Roxii!"

Kirin: With the Moxii?
Hibichi: I doubt it.

Roxii turned around to find Mihoshi from "Tenchi Muyo" standing behind her, wearing a pink tank-top and khaki pants.

Crow 2: And nothing else -- wait, that doesn't work. Damn.

"Hello!" Roxii said. "And you are...?"

Hibichi: [Mihoshi] I'm ...? No, I'm Mihoshi!
[Pause. Crow 2 begins sobbing.]

"Oh, don't tell me you don't recognize me!" Mihoshi then said before crying out "Oh, Kiyone!"

Alexis: [singing] You're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Kiyone!

"No way! You're Mihoshi!"
"Way-way!"

Kirin: ...way way, all the way home.

Mihoshi beamed. "So what are you going to do in Victoria?"

Crow 2: [Roxii] Get drunk off my ass. You?
Hibichi: [Mihoshi] Wow, what a coincidence!

"I have a photo shoot with the Kintaro Freon Cosplay Modeling Agency." Roxii replied.

Hibichi: Modeling as Cutey Honey, La Blue Girl and Pfil, knowing Freon.

"The agency insisted I go on this ferry there, I don't know why."

Crow 2: Well, seeing as the agency is run by Freon, who runs the ship...
Alexis: Hands up anybody who thinks Freon's just accumulating babes to take to his mansion.
[All raise hands.]

"It's because this 'Kintaro Freon' fellow also owns this ship along with your modeling agency." Nurse Ling Ling stated. "He owns a travel conglomerate, a modeling agency, an anime production group, he even owns the company that makes 'Freon Freak-Out Cooler'! He's even a big pop singer in Japan; he can't make business trips there without getting mobbed."

Kirin: He's also ruler of Pakistan, the majority owner of Microsoft, inventor of the internet...
Alexis: And master of the universe.
Kirin: No no no, that's He-Man.
Alexis: Okay, he's master of the ANIME universe.
Kirin: Better.

"Fascinating." Roxii said. "I'd like to meet him someday."

Crow 2: [Roxii] And give him a piece of my mind, the lousy little...

"Hey, Roxii!" Mihoshi happily said. "You wanna go have lunch in the dining room? I hear they have good food!"

Hibichi: Good food, good drink, good God, let's eat.

"Sure!" Roxii replied before she left with Mihoshi.

Alexis: Sadly, they had been misinformed, and spent much of the rest of the evening in the bathroom with a stomach pump each.

'This Freon chap...' Nurse Ling Ling thought. 'I really do want to meet him. I want to know what it's like to see a man who inserts himself into everything.'

Kirin: ... Oh, OH! Bad mental image!
Alexis: What do you mean by... oh my.
[Kirin is banging his head against the palm of his hand. Alexis looks slightly queasy. Hibichi gulps, and Crow 2 screams loudly.]

TO BE CONTINUED...

Crow 2: Damn you, Kirin! I'll never sleep at night again! [begins sobbing again.]
Kirin: Oh, like you didn't see it too.

Stephan James Cox
aka Kintaro "Freon" Amano
Novelist,

Hibichi: You mean like down, up, forward plus kick?
Alexis: That's movelist, ya lugan.

Anime Devotee
Reservations Sales Agent, United Airlines, Seattle

Kirin: Among other things...

animenovelis-@hotmail.com
ICQ: 2613845
AOL IM: KinFreon

"They say the eyes are a window to the soul...
I guess that's why the Japanese draw them so big!"
--The Quotable Mr. Freon

Alexis: I thought the Quotable Mr. Freon consisted mostly of lame Austin Power speak and South Park quips.
Crow 2: Full of yourself much, big guy?

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com

[They get up]
Crow 2: Ah, and we can all use PRIVATE mail, right? *snickers*
Alexis: [glaring And what does THAT imply?
Crow 2: Chill out! I was just joking about internet privacy, that's all.

Alexis: Oh.
[They exit the theater.]

[Door Sequence: 1-2-3-4-5-6]

[Bodger is dusting a counter top in the Satellite. Kirin and Alexis come up to her.]

Bodger: How's it going?

Alexis: Not too bad. Say Bodger, can we ask you something?

Bodger: Huh? I guess so...

Kirin: You're the only true self-insert here, right?

Bodger: Well, yeah...

Alexis: So why don't you use your SI powers to get us all home?

Bodger: Well, I'm not a very good SI... I don't even think I've got any powers...

Kirin: Oh come on, you must have SOMETHING. What's your worldly possessions? Any major conglomerates?

Bodger: [thinks for a minute] Well, I did have that castle, until THEY booted me up here...

Kirin: But nothing else?

Bodger: Sorry.

Alexis: What about boyfriends? You must have SEVERAL cute guys swarming around you.

Bodger: *snort* I wish.

Kirin: Oh come on, do something! ANYTHING!

Bodger: Umm... okay...

[Bodger concentrates REEEEEALLY hard. An ice cream sundae appears.]

Bodger: Cool! [Tucks in.]

Kirin: ... We'll be right back.

Alexis: ... are you SUUURE you're a self-insert?
 

End Part 2