It's been a year
since I posted last! I
can't believe that a year has passed
already! I look at
regularly and say to myself..."I've got to do an update and let
know how things are going.”
next thing I know, a month has passed and then another month. And now we're here,
The one thing I've
noticed, that's helped to slow the days down,
is the blanket of mist that lies over the valley floor that I travel
my way to work each morning. It's
Mother Nature is pulling her blanket over her earth trying to keep the
little bit of Indian Summer heat in the ground.
The days are
getting shorter and soon we'll be "Falling Back"
with that precious hour we're allowed back this time of year. I always look forward to
that hour and ask
myself, "What will I do with it this year"? And, as usual, I don't
sleep in an extra hour, I stay up one longer...not wanting to give it
knowing that the morning comes way too quickly and I don't want to miss
what might be...
to look back on this past year...so many
deaths, new births, new commitments...life,
like a deliberately flowing river that changes only it's path but not
course. It has a
depending on what lies along its banks will help decide the path that
take on its way to completion. As
river rushes on, so it has been with my family and me.
We've still been
having puppies...Mercy had a litter here in June
called the "Lunar Litter.”
will be her last litter as I had her spayed in September. It was kind of sad, like
the end of an
era...but she will be 6 in January and deserves to retire to a life of
given me 3 beautiful litters, her and
Tucker, and now it's time for her to enjoy the rest of her life as a
companion. I think
she knows too, she's been acting just
like a puppy again. Running
house, playing with her squeaky toys and she sits in front of me with
biggest smile on her face as if to say..."Thanks Mom, I love you"!
On the show
front...we've not only finished Ruby's UKC Grand
Champion title but also Spirit's AKC title.
This makes two
finished dual UKC Grand CH/AKC CH champions under our
belt with Faith coming up fast behind.
is a finished UKC Champion with 2 champion class wins to her name. We need 3 more champion
class wins to finish
her UKC Grand CH title and then we will put our efforts towards her AKC
title. Once she is
finished I think the next step
will be agility training for Ruby and therapy work for Spirit. Faith?
hasn't fallen into a category yet; she's only 2-1/2 and will
be 3 in May. Who
knows maybe she'll go
on to be my Westminster
prospect in 2004....! We
do have some
International shows coming up and I would like to enter the girls in
those. To say the
least, my girls still
keep me busy and will for quite a while to come.
I've bred Spirit
to a gorgeous male Eskie by the name of Luke.
finished 2-1/2 year old UKC Champion.
temperament that will compliment
Spirit's wonderful sweet nature and produce puppies that will continue
loving nature a good companion animal should carry.
I breed for
conformation, but temperament is
the most important. These
with a family way past the time they can actively show and some never
show. If you can't
put your hands on the animal
then you really don't have anything.
can see all of puppy pictures on our web site at www.angelheart-eskies.com
One of the biggest
changes in this past year was a proposal of
marriage from John while we were in Maui. We set the date for
5/18/02 and had a
beautiful garden wedding. I
thought that I would ever do that again.
Being able to
love another after the loss of a spouse is something that
one thinks would never happen. But
humans are created with a hunger for love, companionship, and
supersedes even grief. I
have believed it, especially in those early months.... but one of the
that Cees gave me in the time we had together was the ability to look
and not backward. Oh,
he loved to
reminisce and remember the old days, but he was always moving forward,
for what the next day was going to bring...always up way earlier than
excited to welcome the day. He
person, me a night person....I never could figure that out then, but
now I know. He was
just so much in love with life and
couldn't wait to get on with it.
In keeping with
that thought, when John asked me to marry him, I
said yes. Not
without some trepidation
and much internal discussion with the countless personalities of which
who I am (smile). John
brought with him,
most importantly, unconditional friendship and offered love in
accepted me for who I was
and who I had become, from the journey I had been on and was still
through. He offered
support and insight
but most of all he said he just wanted to spend the rest of his days
me...and I had realized that I wanted to do the same.
never have the opportunity of
another relationship after a loss such as mine.
I can only say
that this is a blessing that I will always treasure.
there is not a day that goes by
without acknowledging that wonderful spirit of what was...there is a
door of opportunity to go forward through in love and life and what is
be...something that Cees would have been happy to have happen for me. I know that without a
doubt. He would not
have wished for any of his loved
ones, or for me, to just sit and dwell on what could have been and
the vine. That was
not him...he was all
for going forward in life and love...what a gift he gave us all.
And in the motion
of going forward our family has done that.
My son, Jeff
Ray and his lovely bride of two
years has presented us with a brand new grandson.
His name is
Jacob Benjamin Ray and he'll be
called Jake for short. Tipping
scales at 9lbs. 6 oz. and 21 inches long he made his grand entrance
world at 4:55 p.m. on October 10, 2002.
wonderful journey into life, love, and happiness for a wonderful couple
so very excited to have this little guy in their lives.
granddaughter, Jennifer, graduates next year; she'll be
17 the day after Christmas this year.
grandson, Curt, just turned 13 in August.
Brian and his lovely lady Laura are going to make me a Great Aunt;
the baby is due in February. Cees'
Don, and his wife, Andrea, has had their first baby September 22nd. A little girl that they
have named Bryn Elise
haven’t seen her but I'll bet
she's beautiful. Just
affirmation that life continues on, you just can't stop it from doing
So, here we are
last three months of the second year in the new century. November and December will
pass as quickly as
they did last year and 2003 will be here, without doubt, clanging and
way in here like prior years past.
rushes by for those that are in it... but for those that have recently
loved ones they seem to drown in the currents that it creates. My thoughts turn to
Charlene's family this
holiday season, a good friend who was diagnosed the same day as Cees
had ovarian cancer. She
stayed with us a
year and 10 months longer than Cees did and then with such grace and
left to go to that place that offers peace and rest.
As much as I
miss both of them, I have to
laugh at the vision of her and Cees having this grand discussion while
for the rest of us to get there...
only imagine what they must be talking about.
They were so
much fun to watch when they got together.
I miss her a
lot and I know her family does
too. My thoughts
will most definitely be
with her husband and children this first Christmas of their loss. My prayer is that they
have had and will
continue to have the same love and support I've been blessed with and
to be given. It's
the only lifeline that
one can be given to help pull themselves back to the shores of the
not want to let go and let the current of that river sweep one away.
I go back and read
my journals quite frequently. It
amazes me how we count in minutes, hours,
days, months and then years since our loved ones have been gone. One can't tell someone
that has lost the love
of their life that one day things will be easier...
never be able to believe it until
you've walked that path. It
for the wound to close, the heart to begin to heal and the scar to thin
fade. But just like
a scar, it may thin
out and fade but it never entirely goes away it always leaves a mark. That person will always
leave their mark. I
know that Cees did! The
love you had for that person never leaves
but the heart is so encompassing it is able to enlarge and make room
love. After all,
that's what life is all
I don't know if I
will post again on this page. I
started posting monthly, then every few
months and now once a year. This
been a place to come to reflect and share, a place to let feelings flow
healing to begin. We
all need to go and
live our lives to the fullest. I've
learned that much anyway from all of this.
so much good that has come out of so much bad...I am
grateful for the lessons but wish it didn't have to come in the fashion
did. But such is
life, as our mother's
told us when we were young, "You don't always get what you want in
but you will get what you need.”
up to you what you do with it.”
My mantra remains
"Be a D.O.T.W.O.T.” A
Dandelion On The Wind Of Time and let the
wind blow you where it wants you to go.
is much to short to worry about the small stuff and love is so very
Here is a poem
that was posted in my newsgroup, Widowed Young.
This newsgroup is a group of folks that has walked with me this past 2
plus, and has been the greatest support for me in times when there was
else to reach out to. I
enough how important it is to reach out for a good support group,
the early days and months in the loss of a loved one.
They were my
island when I was in the midst
of an ocean of grief. I
love each and
every one of them like a family member.
"Walk Within You"
a novel by
If I be the first of us to die,
Let grief not
blacken long your sky.
Be bold yet modest
in your grieving.
There is a change
but not a leaving.
For just as death
is part of life,
The dead live on
forever in the living.
And all the
gathered riches of our
shared, the mysteries
layering of intimacy stored,
The things that
made us laugh or weep or
The joy of sunlit
snow or first unfurling
of the spring,
language of look and touch,
Each giving and
These are not
flowers that fade,
Nor trees that
fall and crumble,
Nor are they
For even stone
cannot the wind and rain
mountain peaks in time reduce
What we were, we
What we had, we
A conjoined past
So when you walk
the woods where once we
And scan in vain
the dappled bank beside
you for my shadow,
Or pause where we
always did upon the
hill to gaze across the land,
something, reach by habit
for my hand,
And finding none,
feel sorrow start to
steal upon you,
Close your eyes.
Listen for my
footfall in your heart.
I am not gone but
merely walk within you.
This pretty much
says it all....
Please be kind
to yourselves and to others especially if you are going
through the loss of a loved one. You'll
need all your energy to heal yourself first and then, in time, be able
that healing on to others. That's
"Love" and that's what we've been called to do, above and beyond all
Lynn Crawford & The Girls,
Mercy * Spirit * Faith * & Ruby
9, 2007 *NEW*
Our Guest Book Is Below ~
Genesis 9:13 I do set my bow in
the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the
friends, Cees and all the others that have gone on before us are still
on their first day. We're still working on those thousand.
II Peter 3:8 But beloved, be not
ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand
years and a thousand years as one day.