Lynn's Continuing Journal

Monday May 7, 2001

Even though today was washed in beautiful sunshine and colored with blue skies there was a dark cloud that hovered over our house today...  My sweet little kitty, Silka, was very ill.  The vet found a abdominal tumor a couple of weeks ago and was hoping through medication to be able to shrink the tumor and give her one last summer of sunbeams to lay in before cold, cranky Father winter rushed in.  I think that wasn't to be...she had chosen to stop eating, she was very dehydrated and in so much pain.  All she wanted to do is sit and watch me as if to say, "Can I go now Mom, can I go to Rainbow Bridge"?  So, tonight at 5:15 I had an appointment with Dr. Jim to see what, if anything, we could do.  Even though my fighting spirit struggled to hang on to hope of a heart said, "Quiet now, it's time for her to go.”  At 5:30 this evening Silka Kitty crossed over Rainbow Bridge while I held her in my arms and whispered "I love you bitty kitty" to her.  I would like to think that Cees would be there waiting to show her around and then take a walk in the blue-green grass.  Let her drink from the crystal spring that washes over the countryside and then snuggle together and catch up on old times...  She was more his kitty than mine, even though it was me that rescued her at 5 weeks old and taught her how to eat and use her kitty box.  He fed her every morning without fail.  Kept her company during the day and she would wait for him at night, content to curl up in her basket once she knew he was home for the night.  Then she'd turn him over to Ruby because, after all, she wasn't going to lower herself to licking his face...and she knew Ruby would...  Her job was to hide behind the chair legs and swipe his feet when he went by if he neglected to bend down to pet her.  She never let him get away without doing that...  it was so funny.

And here it is...another full moon night...AND on the 7th of the month.  What's with those number 7's and full moons?  I guess it’s another punctuation mark to stop and ponder on.  Compounded with the challenges of today, I think Ms. Mercy and I will be going for a long walk tonight, a walk together to remember Silka Kitty and Cees and do our best to know and believe that they are together.  I still go for walks on the full gives me time to reflect and get in touch with my inner person.  Gives me a chance to take a deep breath and gauge my progress.  So many people don't, won't or can't take the time to stop, breath and look around them.  They're missing so much!!!!  Time is liquid, like water, it moves, sometimes fast, sometimes slow...but just as water chooses its course and must rush to the finish only to be swallowed up in a bigger body of water.

People are kind of like water, rushing on a course in such a fury, not knowing where they're going only to be swallowed up in a sea of humanity...never knowing where the time went, just that it did.  I have learned that time is so valuable, unlike water, but more like liquid gold.  It can pass from your fingers as you try to scoop it up...there isn't any way to bank it and one usually never has enough of it.  I do need to learn to use it more wisely, but I'm finding the things that used to matter really don't anymore...  I tend to put things off until the last minute sometimes if it means I can stay a little longer and visit with a friend, take a little longer walk with the girls or sleep in a little longer on Saturday and just lay there and listen to the spring nests of baby birds sing a wake-up melody outside my window.

The first few months that Cees had been gone my head would spin for all the things I had to do to get the house in order.  The remodel, the winterizing and just trying to keep busy so my head and my heart wouldn't burst...  It’s funny though, how the mind helps protect the heart and the body when one is facing these types of challenges by just running on auto pilot.  I can hardly remember the past few months and am glad now that I kept a journal.  It really does help to put those feelings down on paper and be able to go back and read them later.  Although I have trouble remembering his voice, the memories are still there and the lessons he taught me are more vivid than ever.  He was such a mentor...although there were times I thought he was just plain ornery...he really was just trying to teach me and grow me up...  (big smile)  Most times he was patient and understanding, sometimes, (and those of you who know me the best) it was most difficult when I'd try something that went against his design and then we'd have a few sparks...but for the most part it was like   working with a great teacher...I just can't imagine where he learned all the stuff he did..  And the geography and history knowledge he had.  Those were two subjects I suffered in high school with.  It just came so natural to him...  But he used to tell me how much he enjoyed reading my web page and the journals I kept for him while he was sick.  Language was not his strongest asset so I guess between the two of us we kind of balanced things out.  Sorry, don't know how I got off on this tributary...guess it's just those little memories surfacing, but that's a good thing.  Its part of the flow of things...memories like time is fluid too....  More like the tide though, how it ebbs and flows in and out of ones thoughts like water lapping at the corners of your memory as it to say, "See I'm still here, I'll always be here".  You just have to take time to slow down and reflect and remember.  I don't ever want to get to the point that I don't have the time to be still and let those warm, sweet memories wash over me.  And there were many of them in the past 28 years...for the most part each and every one of them more precious than gold.

The girls are doing great.  Ms. Mercy is due 5/19 and is getting soooooooooo big.  Puppies are beginning to kick now and the normal pose for Ms. Mercy is on her back with all four feet in the air.  It's so funny to see.  At night she sleeps beside me on the bed the same way.  I can't believe that it could be that comfortable but she seems to think it is.  I take her in to Dr. Jim this Friday the 11th for an x-ray to see exactly how many puppies we'll have.  I have 5 puppy buyers lined up already and an extra one in case we have 6.  If not, they will take a puppy from Ruby's litter I plan on trying for at the end of the month.  About the time Mercy's puppies are gone, Ruby's will just be getting here.  Looks like I'll be inundated with puppy breath for a long while.  (Among other puppy stuff that comes with them...LOL)  I'll take lots of photos of the puppies and will be posting them to a separate page on my kennel   website.  I'll post the address when I've made the page...  Nothing like a bunch of squirmy, wiggly puppies to remind you that life really does go on...

The two-footer kids, well I guess they're doing okay.  I haven't heard from Cees' kids in a while.  Donnie had a birthday last month, Shelley has one on Wednesday, and I sent them a card.  My brother shares a birthday with Shelley so I sent him a card too.  Jeff, my son, his birthday is the 14th of this month the day after Mother's day.  I guess we're all getting together for Mother's day...  I'm looking forward to seeing all the kids...  They've been so busy with their new homes, landscaping, working, you know...having a life...  So, it will be good to see them if even for a little while.  I am going to make sure to take some time in the afternoon and go visit Zola, Cees' mom.  She gets out hardly and I want to go take her some flowers and give her a hug...  She's an incredible lady that gal...I know where Cees got his tenacity.

Other than the above that's pretty much what's going on in my life.  I showed Spirit and Faith last weekend and there is a show coming up in June in Puyallup, WA.  But with puppies here it will be difficult to go to many.  You run the risk of bringing something back from a show that would not be good for the puppies.  So I will probably be staying home a whole lot more...  But I'll be having fun playing with those little white fur babies...

It's been 10 months next week since my life took such a huge curve...I'm just trying to mark the days before this first year is up...  What I'm going to do after the first year mark is beyond me.  Probably just more of what I've done the past year.  But, the hardest part is yet to come...Father's day, our anniversary date, his birthday and the day he left.  Those all come in the next two months...  I think I have a lot of walking to do before now and then....

God Bless,

Lynn Crawford & The Girls,
Mercy * Spirit * Faith * & Ruby

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Genesis 9:13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. KJV

Remember friends, Cees and all the others that have gone on before us are still on their first day. We're still working on those thousand.

II Peter 3:8 But beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day.