Even though today
was washed in beautiful sunshine and colored
with blue skies there was a dark cloud that hovered over our house
today... My sweet
little kitty, Silka, was very ill.
The vet found
a abdominal tumor a couple of
weeks ago and was hoping through medication to be able to shrink the
give her one last summer of sunbeams to lay in before cold, cranky
winter rushed in. I
think that wasn't to
be...she had chosen to stop eating, she was very dehydrated and in so
much pain. All she
wanted to do is sit and watch me as
if to say, "Can I go now Mom, can I go to Rainbow Bridge"? So, tonight at 5:15 I had
an appointment with
Dr. Jim to see what, if anything, we could do.
Even though my
fighting spirit struggled to hang on to hope of a
miracle...my heart said, "Quiet now, it's time for her to go.” At 5:30 this evening Silka
Kitty crossed over
while I held her in my arms and
whispered "I love you bitty kitty" to her.
I would like
to think that Cees would be
there waiting to show her around and then take a walk in the blue-green
grass. Let her
drink from the crystal spring that
washes over the countryside and then snuggle together and catch up on
old times... She
was more his kitty than mine, even though
it was me that rescued her at 5 weeks old and taught her how to eat and
kitty box. He fed
her every morning
without fail. Kept
her company during
the day and she would wait for him at night, content to curl up in her
once she knew he was home for the night.
turn him over to Ruby because, after all, she wasn't going to
lower herself to licking his face...and she knew Ruby would... Her job was to hide behind
the chair legs and
swipe his feet when he went by if he neglected to bend down to pet her. She never let him get away
without doing that... it
was so funny.
here it is...another full moon night...AND on the 7th of the
month. What's with
those number 7's and
full moons? I guess
punctuation mark to stop and ponder on.
with the challenges of today, I think Ms. Mercy and I will be going for
walk tonight, a walk together to remember Silka Kitty and Cees and do
to know and believe that they are together.
I still go for
walks on the full moon...it gives me time to reflect and
get in touch with my inner person.
me a chance to take a deep breath and gauge my progress. So many people don't,
won't or can't take the
time to stop, breath and look around them.
missing so much!!!! Time
is liquid, like water, it moves, sometimes fast, sometimes slow...but
water chooses its course and must rush to the finish only to be
swallowed up in
a bigger body of water.
People are kind of
like water, rushing on a course in such a fury,
not knowing where they're going only to be swallowed up in a sea of
humanity...never knowing where the time went, just that it did. I have learned that time is
unlike water, but more like liquid gold. It can pass from your
fingers as you try to
scoop it up...there isn't any way to bank it and one usually never has
of it. I do need to
learn to use it more
wisely, but I'm finding the things that used to matter really don't
anymore... I tend
to put things off until the last
minute sometimes if it means I can stay a little longer and visit with
friend, take a little longer walk with the girls or sleep in a little
Saturday and just lay there and listen to the spring nests of baby
birds sing a
wake-up melody outside my window.
The first few
months that Cees had been gone my head would spin
for all the things I had to do to get the house in order. The remodel, the
winterizing and just trying
to keep busy so my head and my heart wouldn't burst...
funny though, how the mind helps protect
the heart and the body when one is facing these types of challenges by
on auto pilot. I
can hardly remember the
past few months and am glad now that I kept a journal.
It really does
help to put those feelings
down on paper and be able to go back and read them later. Although I have trouble
voice, the memories are still there and the lessons he taught me are
than ever. He was
mentor...although there were times I thought he was just plain
was just trying to teach me and grow me up...
(big smile) Most times he was
patient and understanding, sometimes, (and those of you who know me the
it was most difficult when I'd try something that went against his
then we'd have a few sparks...but for the most part it was like working with a
great teacher...I just can't
imagine where he learned all the stuff he did..
geography and history knowledge he had.
Those were two
subjects I suffered in high
school with. It
just came so natural to
him... But he used
to tell me how much
he enjoyed reading my web page and the journals I kept for him while he
sick. Language was
not his strongest
asset so I guess between the two of us we kind of balanced things out. Sorry, don't know how I
got off on this
tributary...guess it's just those little memories surfacing, but that's
thing. Its part of
the flow of
things...memories like time is fluid too....
More like the
tide though, how it ebbs and flows in and out of ones
thoughts like water lapping at the corners of your memory as it to say,
"See I'm still here, I'll always be here".
You just have
to take time to slow down and
reflect and remember. I
don't ever want
to get to the point that I don't have the time to be still and let
sweet memories wash over me. And
were many of them in the past 28 years...for the most part each and
of them more precious than gold.
The girls are
doing great. Ms.
Mercy is due 5/19 and is getting soooooooooo big.
beginning to kick now and the
normal pose for Ms. Mercy is on her back with all four feet in the air. It's so funny to see. At night she sleeps beside
me on the bed the
same way. I can't
believe that it could
be that comfortable but she seems to think it is.
I take her in
to Dr. Jim this Friday the 11th
for an x-ray to see exactly how many puppies we'll have. I have 5 puppy buyers
lined up already and an
extra one in case we have 6. If
they will take a puppy from Ruby's litter I plan on trying for at the
the month. About
the time Mercy's
puppies are gone, Ruby's will just be getting here.
I'll be inundated with puppy
breath for a long while. (Among
puppy stuff that comes with them...LOL)
take lots of photos of the puppies and will be posting them to a
on my kennel website. I'll post the address when
I've made the page... Nothing
like a bunch of squirmy, wiggly
puppies to remind you that life really does go on...
kids, well I guess they're doing okay.
heard from Cees' kids in a while.
Donnie had a
birthday last month, Shelley has
one on Wednesday, and I sent them a card.
shares a birthday with Shelley so I sent him a card too. Jeff, my son, his birthday
is the 14th of
this month the day after Mother's day.
guess we're all getting together for Mother's day...
forward to seeing all the kids...
so busy with their new homes,
landscaping, working, you know...having a life...
So, it will be
good to see them if even for a
little while. I am
going to make sure to
take some time in the afternoon and go visit Zola, Cees' mom. She gets out hardly and I
want to go take her
some flowers and give her a hug...
an incredible lady that gal...I know where Cees got his tenacity.
Other than the
above that's pretty much what's going on in my life.
Spirit and Faith last weekend and
there is a show coming up in June in Puyallup, WA.
puppies here it will be difficult to
go to many. You run
the risk of
bringing something back from a show that would not be good for the
puppies. So I will
probably be staying home a whole
lot more... But
I'll be having fun
playing with those little white fur babies...
It's been 10
months next week since my life took such a huge
curve...I'm just trying to mark the days before this first year is up... What I'm going to do after
the first year mark
is beyond me. Probably
just more of what
I've done the past year. But,
hardest part is yet to come...Father's day, our anniversary date, his
and the day he left. Those
all come in
the next two months... I
think I have a
lot of walking to do before now and then....