Lynn's Continuing Journal

Tuesday, July 3, 2001

So, here they are....the lot that's been taking up most of my days and night!  Meet the C.L.A.N.!  Ichiro Delaney, Colleen, Murphy and Maddy!  Born 5/16/01, bred on St. Patty's Day, the reason for the Irish call names.  C.L.A.N. stands for "Cute Little Awesome Newborns" and cute they are!  I have so many wonderful pictures of these little guys and they've been so much fun taking care of.  They go to their new homes around the 19th to the 21st of this month and even though I love them a lot, I'll be ready!!

I bred Cees' girl, Ruby last Saturday and yesterday and if the puppy gods are with us, she will be a mom for the first time around Labor Day...go figure, I never was very good at planning these things out.  Not only do I have puppies on the ground the 4th of July holiday, I'll have another litter on Labor Day...what's up with that?  Oh well, it will keep me off the roads and safe at home soaking up puppy breath (Big Smile)

The month of June just flew by....!  I've been coming home daily to let Ms. Mercy out to stretch her legs at lunch time and check on the puppies...that's been a challenge as one of the main roads home has been closed for repair.  So, from June 1st through July 29th I have to take an alternate, which hasn't been too bad.  But they reopen the road the week AFTER the puppies have all gone to their new homes...LOL.  That's pretty much how things work though; even the best laid plans have kinks in them most of the time...  But that's okay because I bought a new car, well, new for me anyway...and the added driving time home has been quite fun.... 

I've accomplished quite a bit in June I think.  I thought it was kind of silly to be sitting with two vans and no car so I traded in the 1990 Ford Conversion van and purchased a 2000 Dodge Intrepid.  I had a 1994 Intrepid that we'd bought in 1995 and had only 9 payments left on it when a driver hit us last March '00 and totaled it.  That's when we went and bought the 1997 Dodge Caravan, thinking it would be much better to have with the girls, and it was.  Problem was, every time I wanted to take people in it, I had to vacuum it...  So, since the Ford van was a 1/2 ton, V-8 and not very good on gas mileage, I thought it wise to trade it in on a car that could haul people and not dogs...  Course, the girls expect that they should be going for a ride in it real soon, but little do they know, they will NEVER see the interior of that car!  It's platinum silver with charcoal black interior and once deluged with white Eskie fur, it would never be the same....nope, they have the van, and I have the car! 

On June 18th, which would have been our 24th wedding anniversary, I sold Cees' 1 ton dually and our 29' Layton travel trailer.  Odd how things work out.  I had attempted to sell it a couple times in the newspaper with not much luck.  The time of year was off and the gas crunch didn't help either.  I was just getting ready to put some ads in the Truck and RV Trader when my daughter-in-law called to tell me her sister and brother-in-law was really interested in looking at it.  They actually came over on Father's Day, the day before the 18th and looked at them, fell totally in love with them both and said they wanted them.  Rocky, was so smitten with Cees' truck.  Especially the running lights that he had installed over the running boards...I guess it's a guy thing, but it was one of the last things Cees had done to the truck and I can still remember him saying to me, "Okay, now when it gets dark, I'm going to drive the truck around the block".  "I want you to tell me what she looks like coming down the street.”  I still laugh at that looked like a Christmas tree all lit up with amber lights, it already had them on the cab roof and with the added ones on the running board, and I could have parked it in my living room for Christmas and just added ornaments...  He was a happy camper! 

I know that they will enjoy it and since they knew Cees, each time they look at it, it will remind them of him...  I am so pleased that it's gone to a wonderful family that will use them and enjoy them as much as I know Cees and I would have if we could have...  The other amazing thing is, as much as I was dreading our anniversary date of 6/18, it was wonderful to find out that Rocky and DeAnna's anniversary was the same day!  So, we just traded anniversary memories and celebrated the fact that 6/18 was a good day!  And it was!  Life still continues to amaze me.... 

The dog show season is upon us.  I imagine I'll be a bit less involved with having puppies around.  I won't be able to show Ruby as she's hopefully expecting.  That's too bad as I've been informed by AKC that she is in "Top 20" listings for her breed and if I was able to continue to show her and keep her there, I would be receiving an invitation to show at the AKC Eukanuba Invitational Show in Orlando, FL this winter.  Cees would have been so proud of his girl, but I think he'd enjoy even more the little puppies that she's hopefully going to's difficult for me to envision her as a mom. She's always been the baby and the one set apart from the others.  She was our first one that we kept from our first litter and so devoted to Cees, and he to her.  She's had a pretty difficult year herself and at one point I was pretty worried that she might not make it over the grief hill, but she has and now   she is as attached to me as much, if not more, than Cees.  So, having puppies will probably be a good thing for her.  It will give her something to focus on for a while and me, MORE PUPPY BREATH!!!!! 

So, here I am at the beginning of July.  Memories flooding over me like a Tsunami, so much more vivid and fresh than those of years ago.  It seems just like yesterday I was here....  Last 4th of July Cees was in the hospital recovering from a dramatic time in intensive care.  He had been bleeding internally from an upper gastric problem.  They had moved him to his regular room and purposely given him a north facing room, his nurses always made sure he had one with a wonderful view.  Our grand-daughter, daughter, my mom, and I had gone in that evening to watch the fireworks over Lake Union.  It was beautiful and we had almost up-front seats.  But as I sat and watched them my thoughts still drifted to the "what if,” "where would we be a year from now?”  While you try to push those thoughts to the furthest crevice of your mind, I can tell you that there were times that even the best thought control could not banish them to the darkest recesses of the trash bin.  It was at those times I would look at him and think, "What a special person you are.”  I was so proud of him and how he dealt with this challenge, what tenacity he had and how he seemed to just tackle each problem as it came along, continuing to remain his usual good natured, positive self. 

I sit here and wonder how the next few weeks are going to be...  His birthday would have been the 8th of July, he would have been 64.  The day he died was the 14th of July.  I still don't know what my plans are for those days.  It seems as though part of me wishes not to acknowledge them because if I don't   in a way it keeps it from being real.  The downside is, it is real and it's one more issue that needs to be dealt with, so I will muster the courage to look at it full in the face and know that whatever the days bring, they can't be worse than what they were a year ago.  I would never wish that Cees were here   now; going through what he had to endure.  Knowing where he is now, I would never wish he could return leaving such perfect peace and promise.  Grief is so selfish and grasping.  It only serves those that remain and until one is able to forget how your loved one has died, you can't begin to celebrate their life.  I would hope that in the days to follow I will be able to begin to celebrate his life, share what thoughts and ideals that were so dear to him with his children and grand-children and know that a part of him continues in them.  The cycle of much more real to me now than ever before...  I still contend though, I never, ever wanted to be able to be this strong.  But, it is for a reason and a purpose that we face life's challenges...I'm not sure what the reason is for this person, but I hope that I'll be able to, whatever comes, face it with as much dignity, purpose and love that Cees did

God Bless,

Lynn Crawford & The Girls,
Mercy * Spirit * Faith * & Ruby

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July 31, 2000
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Genesis 9:13 I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. KJV

Remember friends, Cees and all the others that have gone on before us are still on their first day. We're still working on those thousand.

II Peter 3:8 But beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years and a thousand years as one day.