Here it is October
and now, almost November! I
can’t believe that fall is here already...!
it just summer? But
the nip of the crisp, cool air that
greets my nostrils each morning tells me that the season has begun to
change. As I drive
through the valley to work in the
mornings I see the foals and the calves in the pastures and notice
beginning to grow their shaggy, winter-to-come coats.
and the hawks that used to sit
lazily, high in the branches waiting for their meals to come to them
lower in the trees. They
keener anticipation for their prey to come closer as if they know
it’s time to
eat hearty to lay on that extra layer of warmth for the winter to come. The trees have changed
their dresses of green
to blazing red and brilliant oranges and their leaves dance at the edge
road as I go whizzing by. The
frost glazes the meadows where spring flowers grew only seconds ago, or
have traded places with
them and now wait to be picked to become some child’s Jack
could harvest time have snuck up on me so
it’s because I’ve been keeping so busy that I
time to notice how fast time is speeding by.
Eskies have been keeping me VERY busy with back-to-back
litters and dog shows to the max!
had her 4 puppies in May and her daughter, Ruby, had her litter of 6
August 30th. She
presented me with 4
boys and 2 girls and to say the least, it’s much easier
caring for a litter of
4 than 6. The
amount of newsprint on the
floor supports that statement, LOL.
called the litter “Teamster Union Local #777” in
honor of Labor Day weekend.
puppies, I’ve been attending both UKC and AKC shows
trying to finish Spirit’s AKC title.
earned her UKC Grand Champion title on July 8th, which would have been
64th birthday. On
October 13th she
earned another major at the Longview, WA
AKC show giving her both
majors needed and 12 points total.
she only needs 3 more regular points to finish her AKC title.
She’ll be my
second AKC Champion but my first dual UKC Grand Champion/AKC Champion. Cees’ girl,
Ruby, earned her AKC Champion title
this past Spring and lacks but one win in UKC Champion class to earn
Grand Champion title. Only
since she’s had puppies, she’s lost her glorious
need the winter to put on a new one
but I hope to finish her this spring.
have no more puppies planned until the spring of 2002 at which time I
breed Spirit. Here’s
hoping that she’ll
earn her last three points this January at the AKC show in Puyallup,
WA. The titles look awesome on
pedigrees and it’s a mark of achievement for my breeding
program. It tells
me I’m doing something right I
I finished my
girl, Faith’s, UKC Champion title last month and we
attended a show on October 27th where she earned her first Champion
class win. She
needs 4 more wins under 2 separate judges
to finish her UKC Grand champion title.
needless to say, we have been and will continue to be, fairly busy. The next couple of years
with the girls and
their achievements will continue to keep me occupied.
also interested in trying for their
International titles if possible and the next step after conformation
therapy work and agility.
In July I had a
new flowerbed border created under the living room
window flowerbed and the old sod dug out of the lawn.
in 10 yards of new topsoil and
laid down new sod. I
was the envy of the
neighborhood to say the least this summer.
The new grass
was beautiful and I was really surprised that I didn’t really
have to water that much. It’ll
to see what it looks like next spring. Who knows, maybe I’ll
get bit by the
garden bug again and bring my garden back to life… It’s been a long
time since those beds have
really been happy and beautiful. I
to spend so much time tending them but in light of the past couple of
years…they’ve definitely taken a back seat to
This summer I
finally was able to get the driveway and parking
area asphalted. Took
me 24 years to do
it, but it finally got done. Sure
a difference in what the little place looks like.
No more weeds
and grasses coming up from the
gravel and I can actually walk from the house to the mailbox in my bare
I want to. I think
maybe I’ll paint some
white parking lines on it and charge for airport parking. I’ll discount it
a bit; I don’t do a shuttle
On Labor Day
weekend I thought I should probably try and clean up
the place a little. I’m
pretty proud of
myself actually. I
took the little
pickup, backed her up in the driveway, using the
mirrors…loaded up all the
empty boxes and stuff off the deck that had accumulated over the past
decided to haul it to the dump. Cees
used to tell me, “Use your mirrors when you’re
backing up…you’ll never know
when you’re not going to be able to use the window and
you’ll be glad that you
can use the side mirrors” He used to amaze me how he could
back a semi up
between two trailers with less than an inch between them. You could take a tape
measure and measure
them and they would be exactly smack dab in the middle.
it’s a good thing I listened to him,
‘cause once I got the truck loaded there was no way
I’d be seeing out that back
I did remember to
tie the load down, but I wish I had of paid more
attention to how he tried to teach me those trucker knots. I faked it and it stayed
tied down, but it
was pretty funny looking... LOL.
off I went to the dump. It’s
even a small trivial thing like this can set off the memories of past
trips. We usually
sang the “dump, to the dump, to
the dump, dump, dump” song and laughed each time at how corny
it was. But still,
every time, the song had to sung
(smile). Anyway, I got there without losing a bit of my load, weighed
drove to the dumping area. I
“Bessie” like a pro…using my mirrors
(big smile) and even remembered to put on
the parking brake! I
tailgate and starting hauling the boxes and junk out and I even
bring a broom to sweep her out afterward!
Cees used to
say “Don’t forget to sweep her out, it helps to
rust down” Well, I remembered….
myself on the back, closed the tailgate, drove to the pay counter, and
home again. I think
I sat in the truck
for close to 20 minutes just reflecting on how much things have changed
past year…staring off into the flower garden that needed
tended so badly. Thinking,
“well, at least when I finally do
get to them I know I can haul the pile to the dump by myself”!
So, here we are,
fall is upon us and Father Winter is fast
dad’s birthday is
December 22nd and I always remembered that even though after that time
started getting longer…. it usually marked the beginning of
winter. This will
be my second winter in my little
house with the girls. My
dad’s made sure
I’ve got enough firewood to stack close to the house and I
guess I’ll just
hunker in for the long haul….
Spring is my
favorite time of year with all the flowers coming up and baby birds
the nests. Everything
is all brand new
and fresh. But as
most laws of nature go
one needs to go through the winter to appreciate the spring. The past 15 months has
been like a long
winter…. helping to prepare me for a glorious spring I think.
I know that Cees
loved me; I have no doubt. I
know that I will always love him in a
special way that no one else will ever comprehend.
A big part of
me that belonged to him died
with him that day in July. The
was created from the two of us has slowly become the
“me” and trying to find that
“me” has been my goal this past year. I
think I’ve done a pretty good job of it.
there is not a time that goes by in the quiet of the night or
when I get a glimpse of a place that we’d been, that my heart
and thoughts go
back to the time that we were a “we”. Those
memories are a bit kinder now. There are ripples of a gentle smile that
the corners of my mouth and the deep regions of my heart when I think
and all that he was to me. It’s
time is the great healer, although it started out as my worst
as urgent as it can be at times, is
also gracious and allows the heart to sift through the,
“Why’s, What If’s, and
If Only’s”. Time
has allowed me to see
that I’m a survivor and I can still be that person that he so
loved. However, one
cannot walk this journey of loss
and remain truly the person they once were.
It causes one
to look at life in a completely different way.
never even considered the “until
death do us part” portion of our wedding vows. During the
happiest times of
your life those thoughts don’t even come in to play. I have found that life is
so very short not
to do the things you want to do if you have the ability to be able to
do them. “My
new philosophy is, “I’m, but a dandelion
on the wind of time, blow me where you want me to go”. I have a little over four
years to work
before I’m 55. I
can take an early
retirement from Sysco and begin to do the things I really want to do. The one thing I was not
able to ask Cees was
if he was happy with his life. I
knew if he had things left undone that he had wanted to do or if there
why it’s so important to
me for my children to know that when it’s time for me to go
home, that they’ll be
able to say with a smile on their faces, “Mom did it all,
everything she wanted
to do, she had NO regrets.”
I have no
huge ambitions, just to be able to live, love and give back what has
to me. After all,
isn’t that the whole
purpose of being here in the first place?
to share with those of you that have followed and walked
this journey with me that it seems that my path has taken another turn. Last November 8th; while I
through the music bins at Burien Fred Meyer, I happened to be talking
myself, frustrated because I couldn’t find a certain artist. As I turned around to see
who was burning a
hole in the back of my head I found this fella standing there, looking
and then he said, “Are you talking to me”?
“No, but I guess I am now”.
He was very
cordial and actually quite helpful.
“If you’re looking for Loreena she’s
over there, but if you like her music, you might want to try
I thought, “Who died and made you the
music god.” I
thanked him, looked at
Enya’s CD, we talked for a bit and then went our separate
ways. Later on I
waited to pay for my purchases and
turned around and there he was, with this big smile on his face and he
“Well hi there again, my name’s John and this is my
passion.” He handed me his
business card and as I read it realized, “Well, no wonder he
music…he manages a music store at the Market.”
specialize in rare instruments from all over the world and
cater to musicians…. I
qualified him for knowing a bit about what I was looking for in the
of course, not to be outdone,
I handed him my kennel card and said, “Well hi again
yourself, my name is Lynn
and this is MY passion.”
a web page, go check it out and sign the guest book if you
said he would and we went our separate
ways. I thought to
myself, “Well, that’s
a nice person…”
He visited my
and signed the guest book that night.
emailed back and forth from November through the end of February, both
busy, he with a retail store at the Holidays and me in the middle of my
a trip to Maui and a trip to New York.
actually got to be pretty good friends just emailing.
amazing how you can get to know someone
through words and communicating is such a high priority with me, I
enjoyed the banter. At
the end of
February, 3 days before my
suggested perhaps we could get together for dinner.
I told him
that would be a nice thing to do so
we agreed to meet at the Keg in Burien for dinner on a Sunday night the
We had a lovely
dinner and a wonderful time getting to know each
dinner, I asked him if he’d
ever been to the EMP, Paul Allen’s music museum, and he said
he hadn’t. I
asked him if he’d like to go and he said
that would be a lot of fun. I
corporate tickets through my place of business that gives us free
we made a date to go on his day off.
in retail, he works the weekends and has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off.
We had lunch
together on the day we planned to go the EMP and
before we went he took me to Golden Gardens Park and we had a great
walk on the
beach. On the way
back from our walk we
walked on the railroad tracks and talked.
John is an
avid rail fanner…. he loves trains, especially steam engine
trains. We finished
our walk and left
for the EMP, had a wonderful time there and decided to go have dinner. He took me to Alki Beach
and we had dinner at
a little Chinese place there and finished our time together by watching
ferries make their run across the sound, standing by the bulkhead on
Alki. Since that
time, we have had many walks on
the beach, waiting for sunsets to finish, hours of talking, and
getting to know each other.
I had a very
difficult time at first, spending time with John.
After 28 years
of being with one person, I
felt so guilty. It
was difficult to
remember that those vows said “Until death do us
part” Even still; it hadn’t
been all that long since Cees had been gone, but in truth, I had spent
months prior in “anticipatory” grieving.
We had ALWAYS
kept the thought and the belief that he would come through
this illness with flying colors, but a part of us both, I think,
might not be the case. When
faces a life and death illness such as this, there is always going to
be a part
of you that deals with the “what if” on a daily
basis. I know we
did that from the very beginning,
we just didn’t have the courage early on to talk about it,
nor the desire to
give power to the thought that it may not turn out the way we wanted it
So, the question
was, for me anyway, “How long does one grieve for
a loved one”? The
though you grieve for that person, it doesn’t mean that your
life must stop nor does it mean you ever stop loving them. I do know and truly
believe it now that Cees,
being the person he was, would be so unhappy if he knew that I went
rest of my life alone. He
would want for
me to be happy, loved, and cared for.
would want for me to be able to give love, and enjoy life. I’ve not come by
that realization easily. I’ve
struggled with guilt, anger, tears, and frustration
until finally realizing that relationships that end before their time,
loss such as this, is not the end of life for their families. It’s like a
story in a book and the end of a
chapter before a new chapter begins.
does not forget the story line but uses it to build on the chapter
opening up. Our
lives are like a book in a way. It
has a beginning and an end and many chapters
chapters are longer
than others; some books are larger than others.
But we all
have the same basic form in our books.
John is a very
unique person for this day and age.
passionate in his beliefs but very
opens my car doors for
me and regular doors too. He
poetry and encourages me to do the same.
He plays his
guitar for me and has brought so much beautiful music into my
life. He's been
encouraging me to learn
keyboard again, something I used to love to do.
I was one of
those kids you had to scrape off the piano bench to go to
bed. I broke my
hand years ago and had
to quit my piano. I
had one a few years
ago, but sold it later. Never
I’ll find a used one and start plunking again.
granddaughter wants to learn and I just found out my son would like
to learn. We could
have some fun!
John is almost 55;
I met him on his birthday last year, November
8th. He loves steam
engines and trains,
walking on the beach or just about anywhere, and bike riding. We have a lot in common
and yet have enough
differences to bring to the table to make it interesting. He’s a college
graduate and a great writer. I
think he’s a bit of a history buff too.
learned so much from him already, I
wonder though if there’s much I can teach him…
wasn’t the scholastic type during my school years. I think at one point I was
classified as “A
Social Butterfly” LOL…. nothing wrong with that! We grow up to become great
John loves my
girls and does pretty well with them actually.
He used to
have a sweet little spaniel mix
named Missy. She
was probably a quiet, demure
little girl and so much different from this breed of mine. But John is learning about
the energy levels
the girls have and then, of course, having four in a pack environment
to just one, makes a big difference.
girls have been the stabilizing factor in my life for the past 15
without them, I wonder if I would have made this journey as well as I
have. They too have
had a great loss and life
change and I truly believe they realize that things are different for
them too. They
enjoy John and it seems from the very
start they gave the okay for him to be part of the pack. You see, no one enters
their domain unless
they give the okay…and once okayed, you become part of the
pack…whether or not you
just visit from time to time or you live here.
really funny to watch them when I’ve been gone visiting John. I get home and I get the
“BIG SNIFF” and
Mercy especially, looks at me with a look on her face like,
“Yup, you’ve been
over there visiting that John guy again, haven’t
so very smart it’s difficult to pull
anything over on them.
thing about my relationship with John is that he has
walked this journey I’m on before.
lost someone very dear to him about 4 years ago and is very sensitive
I’ve been through these past months.
has been uppermost in my ability to be able to go forward and not just
taught me to take that grief, look at it,
and use what it has to offer. I
that sounds strange but I’ve learned that the challenges that
happen in our
lives are for a reason. Not
that comes our way is pleasant, far from it.
If you try to
look for the reason of why it’s happened you may not ever
find it. But there
are lessons that
comes from it that you can embrace, or not, but by doing so it can help
become a stronger, healthier person because of it.
still growing and trying to learn who it
is I’m supposed to become.
John is my
and it’s wonderful to have someone to share with that
understands where you’ve
been and where you’re going.
So, for now, John
and I are enjoying the time we have to spend
together…we look forward to seeing each other on a regular
enjoyed trips to the mountains, walks
on beach and are even planning a cruise next May with my family to the
passage. I know
that I smile more each
day and enjoy life more each hour when we’re together. We most definitely make
each other laugh and smile
a whole lot. His
friends and most of
mine keep telling us to wipe those grins off our faces, but I for one
with the thought that I can smile again.
I know that
Cees would be proud of me and happy for the fact that a
semblance of joy has come back into my life.
I think he
would have liked John and I know John would have liked him.
So, here we are,
the last three months of the first year in the
new century. November
1st ushers in a
full moon with a Blue Moon on the 30th.
you have a second full moon in the same month they call it a
“Blue Moon.” It’s
almost like a punctuation mark at the
end of a sentence these two moons in one month.
Like the end
of a chapter and the beginning of another in the book
called life with lessons yet to learn.
have no idea where my steps are going to take me, but I know that I
each one carefully, thoughtfully and with the memory of lessons learned
the next month, the next year and the next and the next, Lord willing.
Lynn Crawford & The Girls,
Mercy * Spirit * Faith * & Ruby
9, 2007 *NEW*
Our Guest Book Is Below ~
Genesis 9:13 I do set my bow in
the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the
friends, Cees and all the others that have gone on before us are still
on their first day. We're still working on those thousand.
II Peter 3:8 But beloved, be not
ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand
years and a thousand years as one day.