chapter 1: transformers: the history of the camera conspiracy
when acc first began we discovered a dark secret about cameras, for those of you who've been here from the beginning, you all know what i'm talking about here... well, actually you most likely never read that conspiracy...because if you did, you wouldn't have that look like "uhm, there isn't a camera conspiracy on this site..." which obviously means you weren't here "since the beginning" since there was a whole other site before this one... so stop bragging....newb! (hehe, i said newb) if you're not a newb then you realize that cameras are the single most deadly force on the planet and are able to wipe out buildings in a single flash, yeah...a single flash...check this,
anyone can plainly see this is a building.... ok, so i got carried away and drew a transformer... it's in building form though! you're not supposed to notice! darn you!!!! darn you all!!!!! transformers are not supposed to be seen in building form! look! the mouth is a gate! you're not supposed to tell it's a mouth!.... the eyes? they're....they're....uuummm....
hmmm...
an upside down face!!!!!! wait... it's not supposed to be a face at all...that proves nothing!! i meant to say a giant eagle, shooting rays!!!!!! see?!
why couldn't you see it before?! yeah, i see how it is.... blind crazy man... yeah, you heard me...blind!!!!!! blind i tell you, blind!!!!!!!! well, you've seen what happens when birds shoot beams at you because you think they're transformer eyes, but now... what happens when you take a picture of such an event? what happens when that flash goes off and hits the building? what happens when you take a bean burrito and splice it with a dragons tail and then put it in a blender and start singing “i would swallow my pride, i would choke on the rind, but the lack thereof would leave me empty inside” well, i’m not sure about the last one….i think it would be some kind of unholy explosion and a giant dragon would emerge eating its way through random houses until the world was blown into oblivion which reminds me, does anyone have a giant nuclear missile? cause if so they should launch them directly at www.bordan.com because i hate their site…but anyways….what was i talking about? oh yes, what happens when you take a picture of a giant transformer building of death….this is what happens.....
bam!!!!! oblivion!!!!! well, ok...eraser.... everyone knows what it looks like ok, you didn't have to point it out so obviously.... but the point is, you're an idiot for even believing that a camera could wipe out a building, let alone a transformer building... i mean, you've seen the series, you know what they can do!!!!!!!! you know!!!!!!!! i'm sure millions of transformers have had their pictures taken without any effects...but those are robots....and this....is earth...and these…are cheetos….they call them cheetos for a reason….cheetah…toes….that’s right….but although we can hope and wish and pray.... there isn't a transformer that can transform into a building anyways... so on to the point, what exactly do cameras do? to go in depth we sent mandy, the cameragirl, to interview a random spectator otherwise known as….a super secret spy..…
supermandystar: hi, this is mandy from a current conspiracy
supermandystar: may i ask you a few questions?
sufferinganagirl: ummm.... what is current conspiracy?
supermandystar: www.acurrentconspiracy.com
supermandystar: i'm conducting interviews
sufferinganagirl: ok.
supermandystar: have you heard of any connection between the evil squirrel of death and kodak?
sufferinganagirl: nope. im not cool enough for that.
supermandystar: well do you believe that kodak is behind the disease cameritise?
sufferinganagirl: i have no idea what that is. im not big on kodak or diseases.
sufferinganagirl: sorry. i suck.
supermandystar: are you sure there's nothing you want to tell me?
supermandystar: i won't let them find out about it...
sufferinganagirl: nope. i fear no one so i would tell u if i knew something.....
it looks as if we’ve gotten nowhere here…so let’s move onto the next chapter, we’ll come back to mandy’s cuteness later, did i say that out loud? :: camera moves away from roo slowly trying to avoid him:: yes i did…ahem…i’m over here guys…::camera pans back cautiously:: mandy’s cute ::technical difficulties sign with cheesy music::
chapter 2: camritise: the deadly disease
when we began this expedition back in nam ::insert flashback here::...... i mean..in the old acc.... we realized that cameras actually drained the life force from your body, causing you to age in a matter of minutes... we delved into this study deeper, shortly after the release of the actual conspiracy... studying the possibility of a cure, some way of undoing the insane wrong that has been done...but soon it stopped working completely, the cameras didn't cause people to age anymore... we cheered for our victory and laughed at how those dumb camera people caved in to our conspiring minds... so much as to not include this camera idealogy in the updated acc...
alas, our worst fears came true when the cameras came back into action, causing thousands of old age deaths... so, now we come back... attempting to find out just exactly how this deadly camritise disease began, we studied dozens of camera companies but everything led to one…that one is.. here we go to some more from the princess of cameragirls, mandy! ::beep out of nowhere which was meant for princess of:: wow, our technical difficulties staff sucks…
supermandystar: this interview is fully confidential
supermandystar: you don't have to fear anybody, though, they wont' even know you're telling me
sufferinganagirl: that's nice... i know nothing.
supermandystar: do you realize that by keeping this from the public you're putting us all at risk?
sufferinganagirl: is this by any chance mandy clarke?
supermandystar: is she in on this too?
sufferinganagirl: ummm. no. she just goofs off at me like ur doing.
supermandystar: ma'm, this isn't a funny matter, it concerns everyone's safety
supermandystar: is mandy clarke your superior? should i be talking to her?
sufferinganagirl: well... i don't know anything so... the truth is bound to be out there somewhere... just not here...
well, looks like we’re at a dead end still, i’m sure mandy’ll get her to talk!!!!!! we’ll come back to her at a later time, but for now…we must move on to the next chapter…
chapter 3: the search: does your camera company have a beard?
we first began with fujifilm, our camera expert skalto helped us set this up because i mean, hey, he’s skalto…by the way…where is skalto? isn’t he supposed to be writing this, too? oh well, i’ll make him write something next time….maybe the word “and” or even a semi-colon, well i’ll give him credit for that comma right there…cause he’s just that magical….we found nothing at fujifilm (so don’t sue us) yes, absolutely nothing, nothing at all….ahem….
oh no, it’s the evil fujifilm guy again!!!!! run!!! run!!!!!!!! oh wait, i mean…we found nothing…sorry mr. death, sir…we found nothing at fujifilm…whew…that was a close one, that fujifilm guy is nuts…nevertheless, we realized that death had to wait his turn to take people, he showed us the list and everything….so we knew it couldn’t be fujifilm…pixie stix anyone?
oops did we forget about mandy?? of course not!!!!!!!!!!!!
supermandystar: well, if you don't know, who would?
supermandystar: i won't tell them who disclosed their name
sufferinganagirl: how the ::bleeeeeeepp:: should i know?
supermandystar: because you work for them!
sufferinganagirl: yea... um... move on. the only "conspiracy" is avril lavigne being the anti-christ.
supermandystar: so you're saying she's behind all this?
sufferinganagirl: you have waaay too much free time.
supermandystar: i understand that your time is valuable, but so is the information i'm asking for
supermandystar: mr. death from fujifilm led me here! you can't tell me you don't know anything, we have our sources too!
sufferinganagirl: haha... um... you're starting to get annoying. it was funny and kinda cute at first... but not anymore.
haha yeah, it was cute…oh did i say that out loud again? sorry, i get carried away…
supermandystar: do you understand that you could be reported to the iceak for keeping this information secret?
supermandystar: ok, i'm sorry, but do you nkow anything about kodak at all? ever read license agreements or ever actually used kodak film?
sufferinganagirl: no. im all about digital photography. i don't like others to see me in pictures.
supermandystar: so you've never used kodak film?
supermandystar: thanx for your time, check back at www.acurrentconspiracy.com for our next update
good job mandy, from mandy’s vital clues she obtained from the super secret spy, we realized it might not be a huge company….we decided to investigate “random discount camera america”, yeah we figured this might be our problem…since our staff is very….uh…frugal…yeah…cheap…i mean frugal! frugal! we might have bought the death ray camera instead of a nice, wholesome camera…when we realized that the company had a shotgun in their window we felt we would have a tough time if the natives got restless…(hehe i said natives got restless, did you see it? did you see it?) ahem…
when we went inside the shop we realized we had no tasers and began feeling a little…out of place…soon, we heard sirens outside and saw them being carried away by the police….well, looks like our job’s done here….as we looked over the sign we realized we had made a vital mistake.. somehow we misread completely…and it actually said “random discount dollar store”…i mean come on….who owns a random discount dollar store anyways?
needless to say, we were rather stumped…stumped like a tree…a giant tree….maybe it was a tree of life…or a tree…of eternity….well it coulda been a giant chimera for all we know, but we doubt it…well…if none of these things ring a bell, then you’re obviously not “keepin up with the kids” cause i’m speaking of…warcraft…we began investigating warcraft 3 because we ran out of camera companies and got bored….the only thing we could find remotely similar to cameras….were wisps…
we studied these tiny creatures and realized they could indeed be flashes from cameras….we found that they have a tendancy to “dentonate” which we here at acc call “a freakin huge camera flash”… it actually discharges and destroys mana, or in other words….makes you old!!!!!! as we delved deeper into our theory, we discovered many things that we wished we had known earlier…the depths we went brought us into the light to realize that if we would have known what we do now about wisps….we would not have even suspected them of being flashes from cameras….it’s not that we didn’t try to prove this…it’s just…
when their massive 90/90 army came to the outside of acc headquarters with 2 level 9 heros, we felt kind of sorry that we had ever judged these wisps because if we knew what we know now…and if most of our cameramen were alive…and some of our building was still standing…yeah..you get the point…
after we calmed the night elves, we began examining kodak, and why not? it's the mass producer of millions of cameras a day... soon, we began to see a connection between kodak and the mysterious squirrel of death..... as you can see here....
© ssw (Gregg Elovich)
see the connection!? see!?! yeah yo, you see the copyright, i'm unsueable baby, unsueable! ::does a dance:: but strangely, there was also a connection between kodak and the mysterious old aging cameras... many of the kodak cameras had this old aging capability and we were soon out for blood... we ran across many records, but soon we found the disincriminating evidence.... after taking inventory for thousands of stores, we realized that kodak only produces half of the cameras distributed...which means the stores received half more than kodak was distributing!!!!!! something just isn't right with this picture....
there was just something not right about this mysterious kodak supplier from the depths of unknown... we continue to investigate this strange development in the world of acc…we’ll keep you updated until we get our next big break in this case…there’re rumors floating around about a new faction….the new faction is….kodak…duh! you saw?! freakin loony….well, until we have more details, this’s roo ::whispers:: and…where are you skalto?….signing off…
-
roo &
skalto
