ask anyone about the egyptian mafia and your response will probably be a mere blank stare…. no not because your hair’s all messed up…although it is…the egyptian mafia is an elite suburban organization….yes…so elite that the members themselves are the only people who know about their own existence…until us.
although the organization is elite, it is very basic. every member is given a business car…these cars can range from dodge neons to ford explorers to chevy cavaliers…the one thing that seems to remain a constant is that egyptian mafia cars are always of a cheap quality. here is one example of a dodge neon found in a known egyptian mafia neighborhood.
as you can see, this neon is equipped with numerous aftermarket accessories, the most common of which are giant spoilers, which are believed to be used to avoid detection by acc radar…however we don’t have a radar…so we can’t confirm this. to avoid detection by the public, members have been trained in the art of stealth driving. one of the methods of stealth driving involves tinting the windows as darkly as possible, as you can see in this picture. another method involves tilting the driver’s seat as far back as possible, placing one hand on the steering wheel, in the twelve o’clock position, and the other hand on a nice cold can of pepsicoke! pepsicoke…the official drink of acc bad guys everywhere…now back to our report…
one thing that remains a constant in egyptian mafia cars is the sound system…the bass is intentionally distorted…yeah it sounds like crap but our research indicates that the frequency leaves people who are listening to it open to hypnotic suggestions. the members of the mafia recruit others this way…by hypnotically convincing others that they’re “cool” and that the person should be “cool” too by joining the egyptian mafia. the women, similarly, are hypnotically convinced that they only want the men who drive these cars and wear egyptian mafia clothing. (see later in this report) not only does this act further corrupt the youth of our nation, but it also secures the future for the egyptian mafia, in the form of eventual baby egyptian mafia members.
how do you spot an egyptian mafia member, you may ask? the typical dress for an egyptian mafia member consists of a baseball cap, turned backwards, and a jersey of some kind. occasionally used in place of those items, however, may be a visor, either worn normally, or turned backwards, upside down, or both, and clothing from abercrombie and fitch. women who are under the influence of the egyptian mafia have the word abercrombie, among occasional different words, branded onto them like they’re some kind of cow…as you can see in this picture, taken directly from a&f’s website:
men who are part of the egyptian mafia have the same branding, but also occasionally have itchiness on their butts, as found in another picture from a&f’s website:
the connection between abercrombie and fitch and the egyptian mafia remains unclear. the acc reporting team
is investigating.
we go live to a chat room for interviews…and what better chat room to ask a question in than one titled “abercrombie n fitch”…all in capital letters…
william: hi, i'm william with a current conspiracy, is it alright if i ask you a few questions concerning your opinion of a&f?
oxkatiebugxo: sure
william: do you believe abercrombie and fitch is involved in a conspiracy to rid the world of all free thinking individuals through hypnotically convincing the women of the world that they only want men who wear a&f?
oxkatiebugxo: no
william: why not?
oxkatiebugxo: i dont know
william: thank you for your time.
oxkatiebugxo: no prob. bye
as you could see, she was obviously under the hypnotic influence already…mindlessly defending her “beliefs” if you dare call them that…by this interview it is apparent that abercrombie and fitch is a religion to these evil egyptian mafia types…and if it truly is…this next guy has had his mind altered to the point of being a high priest…
william: hi, i'm william with a current conspiracy, is it alright if i ask you a few questions concerning your opinion of a&f?
bel cll: wut
bel cll: today
bel cll: big guy
william: are you already under the influence of the egyptian mafia?
bel cll: aight cool guty im out
william: thank you for your time.
this is the kind of corruption that the egyptian mafia, in cooperation with abercrombie and fitch, want from the youth of our nation.
how do we fight this growing enemy? where did it come from? why is it called the egyptian mafia when it obviously has nothing to do with egypt? these questions and more answered…next time…until then…this is william, signing off…
william &
skalto
