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desovios story...
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desovios has been a feared word in katesh for years…why? because they were once an insane race of cannibalistic, homicidal maniacs…of course, i'm not talking about evil pillows, which are basically the same…and you can say their names like you're talking about a toaster or some kind of homemade appliance… "oh no, i left my evil pillow on" would be a common phrase in random homes if they could be left on…but the race of desovios has destroyed a planet long before…their evilness lasted this long on katesh…but this isn't all about desovios…well…it mostly is…but it's also about the desovios legend…
the desovios legend was born from katesh…imprisoned in a katesh prison, the mysterious prisoner wrote the desovios legend from his memory…let's figure out exactly what katesh prisons are like…we'll first go to our researcher and actually see what these katesh prisons are like…from the view of a researcher…
roo: katesh is a planet based far off from our solar system. what do you think, given your scientific background that their prisons would consist of?
hi my names rich: big spiders
hi my names rich: the size of beach balls
hi my names rich: very deadly....very poisonous.
roo: wow, so they would actually be inprisoned on beach ball sized spiders?
hi my names rich: yes
hi my names rich: you see the spiders have very hard backs
hi my names rich: a prisoner would have shackles on his or her feet that, in turn, are screwed into the spider's back
hi my names rich: the person must balance on top of the spider, and if he or she falls, the spider will kill them
hi my names rich: it is really rather rudimentary
roo: wow, that's an amazing feat...how do the people of katesh actually control these spiders?
hi my names rich: spiders love whole wheat bread.
roo: amazing, so how does that make them obey?
hi my names rich: it is their only vice, and the people of katesh know this, and use it to their advantage
hi my names rich: it is the simple "roll over" theory
hi my names rich: if the spiders do as told, they are presented with a delicious slice of whole wheat bread as compensation
roo: ah i see, that's pretty awesome stuff...if a person were inprisoned on a spider the size of a beach ball, are they allowed to sleep or do they just fall off when they do?
hi my names rich: let's just say t hat prisoners do not last very long
roo: i see, what if they have excellent balance and need no sleep for days, could they somehow take andvantage of the situation by making the spider go in certain ways?
hi my names rich: not unless they can smuggle in that warm wholesome whole wheat bread
hi my names rich: and trust me, they are strip searched for that
roo: what if someone actually did smuggle in the goodness and nutritious whole wheat bread, could they actually turn the spider against it's keepers?
hi my names rich: i suppose so, but the chances of that are slim to none
roo: why not? couldn't they use this wholesomeness to control the spider?
hi my names rich: they could, but they are searched profusely before being placed on the spiders
roo: what if they somehow smuggled it through their nose? do they check the nose?
hi my names rich: they check everywhere
hi my names rich: not only full body cavity searches, but deep full body cavity searches
roo: sounds very thorough, if you were in such an instance of being chained to this deadly spider what would you do?
hi my names rich: deficate in it's eye and see what happens
roo: what exactly would happen do you think?
hi my names rich: i am quite unsure
hi my names rich: worth a try
roo: thanks for your time! that was very inspirational...i know if i was on katesh i wouldn't want to go to prison there...
hi my names rich: sure thing
hi my names rich: anything to help teh masses
thank goodness for our researcher, he does such great work…now we went to the famous "ask jeeves" site and interviewed him about just what katesh prisons are all about…
roo: may i ask you a few questions?
jeeves:pilgrim, may i ask you a few questions about your calvinism?
roo: well, you can ask me about calvinism, but i kinda wanted to ask you questions…
jeeves:: a unique reformer item picture and quote from calvin
roo: right…well i'll just ask then..
jeeves:: it's all right…" ... we'll… we'll just spar today, ok?" she looked up at him in relief and nodded...
roo: ok, now we know you're a she..or something…why's your name jeeves if you're a girl?
jeeves:: a passion for the game - we'll teach you the rest! so if it sounds like your cup of tea and you're free on wednesday's
roo: if i'm free on wednesdays for what?
jeeves:: if you have flowers to bring or are inspired to stop to get flowers for sunday ... and celebrate the new year at s.w.i.m.! s.w.i.m., the unitatian...
roo: let's just move on to the question….
jeeves:: okay, let's just quote the web site, then... any action on the condition in question, no ... of the airplane completely, and generally move those...
roo: you're stupid jeeves
jeeves:: he just shine your existing shoes while you stand and wait? In this case, jeeves could not help out with the explanation "you're drunk - wear...
roo: i'm not drunk…it's only blue rush…
jeeves:: "what have you done?" he exclaimed. she gasped. "pretend," she wheezed, "I'm drunk. It's the only way." ... "come here," she said, the rus...
roo: so to the question…what are katesh prisons like?
jeeves:: did you mean: so to the question…what are kadesh prisons like??
roo: sure…what are "kadesh" prisons like
jeeves:: printable version police/prisons news ... i'm not sure what to make of this ... it makes you look like you bad. ... all three versions of the...
roo: what are they like! darn you jeeves!
jeeves:: give me that tea !!!
roo: tea this!!! ::kicks jeeves in the face::
jeeves:: his feet up, sipping from a cup of tea. ... one! two! dr: kickout! jeeves kicks out! sp: come on o'malley! ... (sid smacks himself in face.)
roo: i'm not even going to respond to that stupidity
jeeves:: replied with illogical stupidity ... i'm not even going to respond to the soilent green comment, because it is the most ridiculous and asinine...
roo: soilent green? you're talking insanity you fat old butler
jeeves:: how do i get information on insanity?
roo: you're asking me questions now? i thought you were the all answering type…
jeeves:: what do we do?" "you're asking us?" luna snapped. "you're the leader. you should have all the answers."
roo: that's true, ok i'm done asking questions thanks, jeeves ::whispers:: punk…
jeeves:: how can i use ask jeeves?
roo: you just type a question in the box and hit enter
jeeves:sexy. real-time. 4wk free trial we track harder. we track more.
roo: nah he's bald and ugly, not very sexy
jeeves:: where is the official site for rogaine?
roo: hmm probly www.rogaine.com
jeeves:: 4 Month minoxidil 5% US$46.09 or 2% US$34.49 rogaine 2% & 5% US$66.99
roo: ok thanks for your time
jeeves:: hey dave, thanks for your time today! ... when my e test is done and everything's ok, i'll let you see what it does when you stand on it from a...
roo: my name's not dave, but ok…
jeeves:: seem like a really great guy, dave. But i..." "dan." "what." "my name is dan." "dan…. i'm so sorry." "it's ok."
roo: i didn't say that…my name's not dan either…
jeeves:: if anyone's name was not found ... after all, didn't paul say, "there is now no condemnation for those who are in christ jesus...
roo: true dat jeeves….true dat….
so in the end, jeeves was incredibly stupid…but of course, his comment at the end was, even though out of context, true…i realized i shouldn't fight jeeves…until he started speeking another language…
jeeves::
netscape aan te prijzen, voorspelde dat de aandelenwaarde van ask jeeves (http://www.askjeeves ... u ook controller="true". Dit zorgt ervoor dat bij...
roo: did you just cuss at me in uh...jamaican!??!
jeeves:: when did you left jamaica? beenie when me left jamaica? 3 weeks ago. ... so yuh no haffi cuss an' seh "uh, me ah leave ca man ah rob!" no!
roo: what are you saying jeeves?
jeeves:: see what the media are saying about ask jeeves and our unique question-answering service that has been sweeping the net:
roo: yeah, i'd like to see your face in a grinder
jeeves:: i am part of you, part of your body… do not see me as a ... they're better now," frederic said. " and ... we'd like to test...
roo: so in turn you're saying i would actually like to see my own face in a grinder? that's kind of childish don't you think?
jeeves:: if you're going to be dumb, don't bother me
roo: you're the one being dumb
jeeves:: peter, you're being really dumb
roo: i'm not peter!
jeeves:: i'm president peter mcpherson and i'm pleased you are interested in michigan state university and the role of the president
roo: yeah right, you're not fooling anyone
jeeves::won't you explore my insanity, and stay a spell? it's not like you have anything better to do? yeah right! you're not fooling anyone
roo: no i think this interview's long enough
jeeves:: for us, but I think that it's even
roo: ok fine, bye
and everything was fine and dandy…until he threatened me….i recreated the event with pictures, but everything he said was actually really from askjeeves.com….
jeeves:: a ****(edited by roo) good thing you have insurance or you'd be dead right about now." anubis: "gee whiz ok… fine… bye."
roo: is that a threat?
jeeves:: threat availability before "deployment"
roo: alright, goodbye jeeves ::burns down jeeves' house::
jeeves:: major banks compete at best lenders mortgage refinance home equity loan
roo: nothing can save you now jeeves…
jeeves:: nothing gives me more satisfaction than to ... may be the most important publication you`ll ever read! It can save you
roo: the words of a dead man…
jeeves:: long rail, I was hearing tones of "dead man walking!"
soon jeeves was dead…it was kinda sad to see…but oh well…if he would have answered a simple question…but no…too bad…hopefully that clears up any questions about katesh prisons…we'll now focus more on the legend itself…it states that desovios was once a gentle race…a peaceful race…it's said that they weren't even named…that they had nothing painful…until the desovios rose up…they rose up and destroyed the race…so what would you feel like if desovios just said, "hey, what up earth?!" and blew you away! huh!?! how would you feel?! maybe nervous a little?! sorry…i'm in speech class…what does that say?! nothing…except she keeps talking about butterflies…which of course is insane get it course!?! college course!??! ahahahaha!!! i guess it's not that funny…but it could be if you were a leprechaun…cause i mean hey, everything's funny to a leprechaun…always laughin about their pot of gold…oh well whatcha gonna do…
when desovios dominated the once peaceful race, they left behind the blood and bodies of millions…after they rose to destroy katesh, they began building ships…lashora miraclay rose up to become the leader of this vile race…he was the first to turn, and easily became the top of the death ladder…lashora led the group and began to destroy the millions of planets in his path…of course by path i mean…i'm freakin hungry and i don't want to be in speech class…duh! what'd you think i meant?! world domination!? riiight….soon, planets were succumbing to the dire tragedies that had befallen them…it's a sad, sad world…er um…universe…
lashora miraclay wrote the doctrine of the desovios…his words rang in the ears of many, yet his twisted words and mind grew to insane proportions…soon his doctrine was widespread, causing death and destruction spreading even into the unknown region…their eyes grew bloody and they began following miraclay…when they made it back to their home planet, there was a welcoming party…too bad it was more like a funeral for miraclay, the horde was destroyed easily by the rebellion and soon peace returned to the land…the blood of the desovios seeped into katesh and lashora's dead body laid among his minions…well, i would play some funky zelda music right about now, and it's kinda funny that word actually auto-capitalized zelda, it's almost like a dream…or something…maybe that's cause i'm tired of sitting in speech class…or maybe i'm just insane…
that was the end of desovios…their reign still rests in the time of history…history became legend, legend became myth…and whatever the rest of what lord of the rings said…something about being lost…something about a ring…so i know the whole phrase, so what? gonna cry? well…i guess you'll be crying for nothing since this conspiracy's over…muahahaha! got you! of course, desovios may be back someday…but for now…this's roo….signing off…
-roo
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