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the story of jaeven paine
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the story of the katesha doctrine begins in a time long forgotten…on a planet called katesh…dun..du...duuun! duuun du du duuun du du…du du du dum duuuu dum du du du du dum! not really…well really but not all the duing…or something…it begins with the birth of jaeven paine…he grew up to become a scientist on the world of katesh…katesh wasn't much on science however, and their research was pitifully weak…jaeven kept searching for his scientific discovery with hope until he finally gave up on his learning and began becoming bitter about his scientific fascination…he realized there was nothing to learn in the field even so much as to daring death to overcome him if he did learn something…it is a sad world where you'd accept death just to learn a little about science…i mean for me, if i dared death to come kill me if i learned one more thing about science i'd be dead right as i walk past a snail and realize snails aren't as big as my foot and are crushable…and right then and there death would be like hey you did your part i do mine and then sickle me down like the little punk i am…or something…i'm sure jaeven would have realized the snail thing long ago…but me…learn something new every day…unless you sleep all day of course…and then you learn nothing…to better understand just what's going on…we'll go to a interview…
roo: this's roo from a current conspiracy do you mind answering a few questions?
sono lago: hang on
roo: alright
::twiddles thumbs and waits…::
roo: to what =x
hehehe i'm so witty…::suddenly breaks into tears:: i have no friends!...well…not that you know of…i have my paper rock…or is it pet rock…oh well it's just a piece of paper shaped like a rock…call it what you will…just not "mustard"…
sono lago: whats the deal with your home page
roo: it's currently at www.acurrentconspiracy.com i have to change that soon
roo: so do you mind answering a few questions?
sono lago: how did you find me
uh oh he's in the witness protection program!!!!! bu bu buuuuuuuuummm!! ::creepy violin music::
roo: member directory
sono lago: i am sorry i am carrying on another conversation trying to get rid of a friend
roo: that's ok i can wait
sono lago: should only be a few minutes
::hums a little tune…:: oh well i guess we'll move on…jaeven paine was then awoken by a dream…a dream much like that of nigil's when he was shocked into the penguin's lair…he realized how selfish and bitter he had become from learning nothing…he soon went to a forest on a mountain and the planet called him to leave and learn elsewhere…he ignored the calling and left the forest haunted by voices…when he woke up he went back to the top of the mountain again…to make a long story short…would be a waste of time and energy on my part because it would take summarizing skills which i would not have so that's why i make long long stories for your enjoyment…he went back to the mountain…but this time there was a bloody tree stump and it started oozing blood like nothing that started running after him like he was some kind of bunny saying "i'm late i'm late" and wearing some kind of weird napkin for clothes and carrying some looney tune watch that glows in the dark…those army watches are crazy these days…who knows what kind they have now…gps watches that blast beams from satellites down to earth and create huge explosions even…well to find out how our good friend me…ac…ol…e….ole….orange juice would say…what? his name's not orange juice? how do you know? what? i have no microphone in my ear? then where are all these voices coming from? what? i'm interviewing? oh…i see…
roo: this's roo with a current conspiracy do you mind answering a few questions?
m e a c o l e: oh goodie! i like questions!
don't we all? well no because most people never respond to my calamari i mean…calamity…hey what do you expect? i first said calamory i mean really...would you rather me say calamory? i thought not! so shut it! shut it now! they're getting in!! shut the doooor!! noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh ok it's just william…
roo: lol hi wiliam
william: lol hi
check out this guy! ahahahah woah where'd william go? he vanished into thin air! weird!
roo: if you were walking through a forest and found a stump which out of it started oozing blood that ran after you would you attempt to go back the next day and find such a stump?
hehe he'll never get the true answer! the answer is apples! the answer is apples!!!
m e a c o l e: yes, and i would take my gun (and some mace)
haha! he didn't say apples!! he didn't say…oh…i'm reading flash cards…nevermind…oh look…there's an apple on the back…hmm…oh i forgot i was talking out loud…
roo: woah that's amazing does mace actually effect blood of this caliber? and if so tell how it could do such a thing
m e a c o l e: maybe not mace... perhaps some baking soda or kitty litter? you know, something to soak up the blood so it stops trying to eat me or whatever
roo: so would it in effect cause the blood to chase kitties since it would find the smell of kitty litter inticing and actually go after every kitty in the town or was that not the plan you had going? and what if the baking soda only made such a blood become that much fresher!
that baking soda makes everything fresher ::holds up baking soda and laughs hysterically as if advertising something that doesn't have a brand name on it:: but the poor kitties…
m e a c o l e: continue
m e a c o l e: well.... considering the number of kitties that just roam around in the woods... i'd say the chance of the blood chasing kitties would be slim...
i wonder if "the chance of the blood chasing kitties" is hot…i mean if she's so slim…and if she's a woman…and not a phrase…hmm…i'm pitiful…
m e a c o l e: also consider my geographical location, there's no human life within 30 miles of me
roo: true but what if you found out there just happened to be a line of kitties from the blood straight to your house?
roo: and they were planted there by your long lost great uncle joe who you'd thought never existed...only in those evil tales of death and destruction?
m e a c o l e: if there just happened to be a line of kitties from the blood to my house?
m e a c o l e: i would stop smoking teh weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddddddd
::snicker snicker::
roo: well if they were planted by your great uncle joe
m e a c o l e: and i knew my great uncle joe existed, he's been in jail
m e a c o l e: i would shoot him too
m e a c o l e: "sorry, uncle joe. its for the good of the country"
m e a c o l e: *pop*
if joe was a terrorist…you'd be clapping…unless you're one of those terrorist liking guys…i mean really who likes terrorists these days? if i was a terrorist i'd become an underground black market doctor instead just to take some of the heat off cause i mean those black market doctors get paid aloootta money….
roo: so if in fact mace did take the blood out would you celebrate each year with some sort of tea party?
hahaha if mace took the blood out for dinner!! ahahhahaha…ahem…i guess since i didn't originally mean that it's not funny…but it should be…it should be very funny…unlaughable punks…
m e a c o l e: *pause* brb
m e a c o l e: modem bonding!
m e a c o l e: continue
roo: so like i was saying before if in fact mace did take the blood out would you celebrate each year with some sort of tea party?
hehe now i really did mean take out to dinner! well not really…but i could have?
m e a c o l e: hot tea or iced tea?
roo: either or...your choice i mean really it's your party...
m e a c o l e: well, it wouldnt be tea so much as jack daniels and root beer
roo: well what else could i mean by tea?
raw sewage, mustard, garlic, cats, bombs of the general kind, fire, gasoline, any kind of household appliance…i could go on and on…tea is such a general term…it's almost like pixie stix…i mean who says "pixie sticks" and actually means an actual pixie's stick…i mean i think the pixie stick is referred to more like an ugly stick if you ask me i mean it should be the opposite cause pixies are hot right? but on the other hand it's like pixie stix is some kind of a candy! candy!!!!!! who says candy can't be dandy when you're dancing and you're on fire…maybe i should stop eating so many of those darned pixie stix…
roo: i mean really!
it could be anything!!!! really!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahem...
m e a c o l e: maybe some texas tea
m e a c o l e: i probably would, yes
the drinks are on the table…at his "tea" party…well if he gets attacked by blood…you know…the usual….we'll get back with orange juice at a latter time…the blood chased jaeven paine back to his house where he slept and dreamt of the blood…and it probly wasn't good dreams…i mean if it were he would be like yeah go blood go instead of running from it…as long as he didn't have the no pants dream he's good to go in my opinion…
of course he left the planet to study elsewhere i mean what would you do…yeah right pull out your long sword and take that blood out? well of course that's what orange juice did but that's your last hope not his…you'd be dead as a doorknob in two seconds flat…too bad for you…it's like one of those choose your own adventure where it gives you a few choices like "walk straight" "go right" "turn around" and two of them lead you to the death page where it has you walking into a noose in a room full of poison gas and then has you turning around into a giant spider that if you went right you would of avoided all together…i would always read the deaths…cause the rest is just boring…
jaeven finally reached someone who would help…alexandria…it was probly a small planet…but great with research…there he learned many things and actually lived peacefully...he stayed there for a long while…i probly would too cause of that darned blood…and then set his sights for the unknown region…
he found a planet and actually unlocked a great power in the people of this planet…in the doctrine he notes that he's afraid to give out the secret of how to get such a power but he willingly was going to give out such a great power once he finished the doctrine…when he got back to katesh, he went back to the mountain…who knows why? i sure don't…he saw a war on katesh between who, he didn't know, but he referred to it as being the desovios, which is a legend in katesh's myth…this is why many think that jaeven went insane thinking about these myths which he may have studied during his scientistic journey…he claimed also that he heard the voice of katesh…which actually came from the mountain…is there significance in this mountain jaeven spoke of? either that or he was just insane…whichever you choose to believe…so here we go to orange juice again…what? his name's not orange juice? well it is today…
roo: so if you were to come back to the stump and your mace failed...and your kitty litter failed...and your gun failed....and your baking soda....failed...and the blood began to show you a view of a horrible horrible war of death what would you do?
die a horrible horrible death mr roo…oh that was my own voice…oops…i gotta stop making up these darned answers…
m e a c o l e: with lots of sugar
m e a c o l e: i would go back to the house
m e a c o l e: find a few extention cords, drag my microwave out there and a chair, pop some popcorn and watch the show
roo: well this interview has been very inciteful and actually takes a first look perspective on what you ought or ought not to do when blood comes after you...thank you for your time and check for this interview at www.acurrentconspiracy.com....
m e a c o l e: oh geez, you're recording this?
hehe he called me a geezer…
m e a c o l e: oh boy
hehe he called me a boy...oh i am a boy…
roo: of course
roo: =x
i was actually yelling "of cooouurse!" for the fact that i am a boy…but whatever works works…
of course after this vision of the war jaeven paine saw through it…he saw through the images the blood had shown him…saw through the dimness of reality…he saw through to the blood…it was too late for him though, cause that blood is a tricky fellow…i mean if you saw this darned blood coming up into you like that you would probly go insane too…if you weren't insane already by seeing the blood…if it were really blood and not imaginary...well then it'd be pretty freaky stuff…he ran back to his house to write the end of the katesha doctrine…signing it lashora miraclay which is a desovios from the legends…could this be a significant connection to prove his innocence of insanity? or just a coincidence of having read the stories of desovios…is the legend true? did desovios have an ancient war among a past race? and if so who was this past race?...shortly after the writing of the katesha doctrine jaeven paine was found dead apparently killing himself…thus it creates the double image…those who think he went insane and killed himself…and those who think lashora miraclay possessed jaeven and wrote the last of the doctrine before jaeven took over himself and killed himself before he could do something harmful to his own planet…
sono lago: i am sorry
roo: that's ok how much longer left?
time keeps slippin slippin slippin awayyy…
sono lago: you can ask me questions
now we go to sono lago with the truth about what exactly happened to jaeven paine…
roo: there was once a man who wrote a doctrine about peace and love but then was possessed by such a force that actually turned himself against his people...would you explain in your own words what you think would have happened here?
sono lago: this will have to happen at another time, can we set a time
sono lago: what are you doing
interviiiiewwwiiiinnnnngg!!!!!!
sono lago: i can answer this but i have time constraints
hmm time constraints…lawsuits…time constraints…lawsuits…same thing…
roo: well i gotta put the story up sometime tonight but i can interview you about a seperate story later if you'd like
it's 12:17am! darnit i didn't get it up in time!! aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! oh ok i always stay up this late…i forgot…
sono lago: how did you pick me
eenie meanie mynie….
roo: member directory
i thought it was mo…but member directory works too…
sono lago: oh yeah
hehe he forgot...oh crap...i forgot...i don't remember what i forgot though..because i forgot it...what a never ending cycle..
sono lago: maybe next time
roo: alright thanks for your time!
it almost rhymes…if only it weren't the same word…the final thoughts of jaeven paine begged for research to be done to find the unknown power he spoke of…researchers heeded his calls but unfortunately for jaeven paine they suck at research…even if they were fairly good they couldn't have found the answer when they didn't know what they had been looking for…it was a strange day indeed…past the doctrine, blood fully covered the page…there is little to no evidence that anything was indeed written there, but we all wonder just what could have been written there…the last words of jaeven paine? the key to unlocking the unknown power? wendy's? it could be any of these things…or it could be nothing…no one will truly know…but until we do…this's roo…signing off…
roo
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