deep within the dark swamps of alabama there lurks a deadly strand of bacteria....hovering silently above the dragonfly awaits its prey....far away a bee buzzes quickly through...his stripes bringing fear to human eyes....a spider lays in wait for its prey to helplessly stumble apon its web....its many eyes each burning a flame of fire....an ant crawls through acc labs hoping to someday be free of it's giant hedge maze.....it begins to bite through the hedge with it's narrow mandables....silently hovering inside the penguins lair...a gnatsee sharpens it's switchblade hands and stares blankly with its many burning eyes....flashing his striped barbs as his narrow mandables grit themselves...what you may ask is the last creature? what?!?! didn't you read the link before you clicked it!??! it's a gnatsee! dumb!!!! do i have to tell you everything?!? oh look..i did and you still asked why!!! "hmm what's an evil pillow...i dunno" this isn't the evil pillow conspiracy fatface...but soon you will know just how deadly and evil this gene spliced freak of nature truly is....
one storming night william scott sat over his labratory designing the perfect drink...mixing and matching he never realized how evil his intent truly was...he finally came up with the new breed of a deadly drink...with a slight bit of vanilla....splicing the genes of each he created the first...pepsicoke.....the drink of acc bad guys....sure it tastes bad...but that's why they're called..."bad..." guys....duh....soon he realized the potential of "gene splicing"...he began collecting insects randomly...he carried them everywhere as they stung and bit him...he laughed at their feble attempts to kill him...to protect themselves...after hours of testing and toiling..the penguin getting annoyed with his constant lab work....finally he spliced them all into one pure gene...even adding an extra coding to create switchblade arms where their front arms were....it seemed impossible...however the evil genius actually created a chip built into their genes...programming it directly into the genetic structure of their beings....to consume half of their brain....to control them....in cases that have been reported people have been severely cut in their legs and arms....some live today with scars the size of banannas....bannannas...bannannanans..whatever...other cases prove to be fatal...driving their switchblade arms directly through their body grousomly...yes...not a pretty sight to see...but here are some grousome photos of what just might be the most hideous thing anyone's ever....what? what's that?...i've just been informed a giant ant is loose among the building!! stat!
the reporters scramble outside the newsroom as the shaky cameraman follows...running full sprint past the broken glass of the acc labs main doors and into the parking garage they realize the worst...."no!!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! not my brand new car!!!!!!!!" screams william frantically running to move it...too little...too late...the giant ant lifts the car with its mandables crushing it with its giant ant teeth...jumping onto its back william pulls his pen and begins clicking it repeatedly warning the giant ant to back down..."raaagghh giant ant!!!!!!!" someone randomly yells out of nowhere from the street looking in and calmly walks along his way....suddenly william jabs the pen into the giant ant but is thrown to the ground...no weaknesses were ever found for those darn dirty....giant ants...william in a rage slams his fist against the ant's leg and hops into an acc camera van driving away....the rest of acc staring in awe as the giant ant climbs on top of the van and goes along for the ride....screeching and creating dents in the van as he went..."screw this! i'm going home!" yells william out the window as he peels out whitesmoking those bad boy acc camera van tires.....this is going to be a long day....
piling into the van with two cameramen neo, roo, and skalto peel out into the street running over a few giant ant hairs making the van jump from lack of shocks...the reporters soon catch up to william's speeding car...."it's tough to be an acc cameraman....get that ant!" skalto yells as he throws a camera man head first into the side of william's van as he falls to the ground and they drive past him..."well..that didn't work...." skalto said as the other camera man looks cautiously...william looking at the side view mirror sees a man rolling and begins to flip out thinking he hit someone....taking his eyes off the road and slamming straight into his house..."no!!!!! not my house!!!" he says as the giant ant flies into his house and shatters out the back side of his house "ahhh!!!!!" suddenly he realizes gnatsees are covering his house as they stop....hovering in mid-air and looking with a sideways glance at the new intrusion...suddenly they fly fast toward william's car as he frantically rolls the windows up...they begin to form against his window moving like fog blocking any visions he had...."take it! take it all!" roo said as he threw his spare change to the ground....they flocked toward the change....beginning to fight for a nickel giving william time to step out of the acc van...closing the door they all turn to face william and the nickel becomes nothing more than a past obsession...."uh...uh...like nickel...? uh..here!" he pulls a nickel cross out of his shirt....they all flock toward it but as they touch it they turn to ash...their genetic composition? the shape of the cross? no...it was a miracle of God...
the giant ant standing up on 2 legs screeched and began to crawl curiously toward the ash....but as soon as its foot touched the ground which the ash had fell it came to life grabbing the giant ant choking the life out of it suddenly the giant ant flipped out! "i'm not gonna do what everybody thinks i'm gonna do...." neo said laughing....soon the giant ant fell over and twitched until it began to turn to a white powder....licking his finger roo picked some up and tasted it..."hmm sour..." he said as the rest of the reporters looked at him like he was insane..."woah did you guys have a cookout or what...." said a bystander...::shrugs::
roo: this's roo from a current conspiracy do you mind answering a few questions?
dhoward9379: no go ahead
roo: do you think the evil penguin has become a devious criminal by unleashing the unruly gnatsees upon the world? and why do you think such a travesty has taken place?
dhoward9379: man Roo, thats a tuff one there but however i do beleive that he is a "devious criminal"............ I think that the reason he has done this is one to gain attention and to be noticed
roo: if he was indeed noticed by this heinous act what do you think he will plan next?
dhoward9379: a criminal like him there is no telling what will happen next its all in the minds of the evil penguin
roo: true...very...true...however with the gnatsees running loose with their switchblade hands and silent hover is anyone safe? our researcher has said they attack and enter into the brains of unsuspecting people and actually make them eat themselves....what do you think of this?
dhoward9379: No Roo i dont beleive at this time anyone is safe. I think that they are grose and inhumain and i think they should be cought and locked away for good and not feed
roo: thank you for your time and insights....yes...strong words from a strong girl...as we can see...no one is safe until the gnatsees are not fed...back to...myself....in the newsroom....cause i'm just that fast and i can run from the street to interview people back up to the newsroom like the flash....
roo: ok so i'm not that fast....where's a flashy thing when you need one...well guess we gotta get back to hq...
as they make their way back to acc hq they dial up an old friend on the cam..phone...yes...it's the acc researcher...
spagetiroo: hi this's roo with a current conspiracy
hi my names rich: well hello roo
roo: i'd like you to explain a little about freakin gnatsees with switchblades and give a little detail on how they perform when they're attacking for the people around the world do you think u can do that?
hi my names rich: switchblades can kill penguins
hi my names rich: penguins are bad
hi my names rich: therefore
hi my names rich: switchblades = good
roo: but what if the switchblades are working....for the penguin!
roo: ::surprised sound:: bu bu buuuummmm ::gasps::
hi my names rich: well, before the time of penguin-free switchblades, it was a possibility
hi my names rich: but with advances in penguin anti-terrorism safety, no penguin can hold the knife, because if it does, the APS(anti penguin switch) turns on, and that little black and white asshole gets a meeting with mr. explosion
roo: well can you tell us a little about how they do attack?
hi my names rich: they work like my favorite cereal
hi my names rich: lucky charm to all that has it
roo: so generally wreaking havok...with a glimmer in their smile and an irish accent?
hi my names rich: usually
roo: what do you think are the advantages of gnatsees compared to other insects?
hi my names rich: they are small
hi my names rich: really small
hi my names rich: they can go into your brain through your ears
hi my names rich: and mess up stuff
roo: that's an awesome ability what exactly do they do to your brain when they are inside?
hi my names rich: once they destroy the mondo-capsula tendon, then the victim begins to eat themselves
roo: here's neo with more in depth questions
::shrugs as he looks over to neo:: "ur stage..."
omg its neo: hey this is neo, with acc
hi my names rich: hello neo
omg its neo: what's up
hi my names rich: this is the white rabbit
hi my names rich: not much
hi my names rich: and you?
omg its neo: lol so i follow u huh?
omg its neo: nothin
omg its neo: so have u ever seen a gnatsee?
hi my names rich: everyday
hi my names rich: they try to invade my brain
hi my names rich: but i wear ear muffs
omg its neo: really, could u explain how?
hi my names rich: those heavy duty rifle shooting ear muffs
hi my names rich: they fly into your brain through the ears, then once they destroy the mondo-capsula tendon, then the victim begins to eat themselves
hi my names rich: it's really rather rudimentary
omg its neo: awesome, do you recommend that as the best protection against this horrible creatures
omg its neo: interesting....
hi my names rich: i do
omg its neo: how much are these anti-gnatsee protection gear as far as money wise
hi my names rich: thirty five to fifty bucks
omg its neo: well, as they say, theres no price on lives huh? thanks for the tip
hi my names rich: sure thing
as the reporters finally got back to the labs they work diligently to research what they've found with the newly informed researcher...studying gnatsees and giant ants and what exactly happened to the giant ant...soon they found their answers...what did the awesome powers of research find? what were the reporters so gracious to find? will they live through the investigation!?!?! will they face another day!!! tune in next time...same acc time same acc...oh...i see...well here we go to a spectato...oh...funding money's out for acc huh...well...uh...we'll be back after this short commercial break....to get our money back....yeah....
Pepsicoke
we're back! with the answers to your riddles....gnatsees are attracted to nickel by their uncanny genes for some reason nickel makes them go insane fighting over it....nickel crosses are the gnatsees death weapon they wipe out any gnatsee that seems to come across such nickel instances....the reason? God...that's the only explination we have for this miracle....nickel on the other hand attracts gnatsees...i forewarn you if you carry a nickel on you...you will be destroyed by gnatsees...i said i warned you!!!! fine be dead by morning yeah go to bed asking "what's an evil pillow" you'll know when it bites your head off...i told you this's the gnatsees conspiracy! not the evil pillows!..ahem....however...if you have a nickel cross this is the only way to defeat a giant ant....find the gnatsees...turn them to dust...their dust's genes are still active after death...they can still attack you if you are not careful but they utterly destroy giant ants and turn them into ant powder...a sour tasting powder named after yes the giant ant itself...ant powder....i said it's freakin ant powder got a problem!?! stop looking at me like that!!! it's not like i'm gonna turn into a giant ant cause i ate it....::looks over at william fearfully remembering the baked ant leg::...uh...and yes...they'll live through the investigation...duh..how would we die...dumb for even asking......this's roo...and neo...signing off...
roo & neo
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