Dear Friends,
We've all heard the expression of someone having their "heart broken." Chances are, we've even said those words ourselves - whether it be from loosing a family member unexpectedly, suffering from a breakup with a lover, being betrayed by those we trusted, or even being fired from a job we gave our all to. However, I'd like to put those words in prospective.
If a baseball pitcher tears a muscle in their throwing arm - it hurts. Obviously not as emotionally painful as the loss of a loved one, but a physical pain. If that pitcher continues to pitch with that arm it will never heal. Also, even if the pitcher takes the time to let the wound heal naturally but then returns to abusing the muscle the same way when it is done healing, inevitably it will tear again.
We must be wise about the emotional injuries of the heart we suffer. First of all we must recognize that they are injuries and take the time to let them heal. People who jump from one bad relationship to the next and never go through a grieving process, never let themselves heal emotionally. The new relationship doesn't have a chance of succeeding because a positive relationship requires that two partners give fully of their hearts to make it last and to work through the hard times.
Similarly, even if one does take the time to let their heart heal after a traumatic incident, if they repeat the events that tore the muscle in the first place, they are bound to tear it again. That in no way means that if you were hurt in love that you should never love again - far from it. But if there is a pattern to how one gets injured - for instance dating people who lie or cheat or committing ourselves to employers that don't value our work - then they will continue to always get hurt. It is only after we recognize our own self-destructive patterns and get off that merry-go- round that we will stop getting hurt in the same way over and over.
I have said in previous commentary "Love like you have never been hurt before." and I stand by that advice. But, do it with wisdom. Let yourself love again, but recognize the circumstances that led to being hurt and don't follow that same path. If your previous relationships failed because you lied, then don't lie to your next partner. If you took the highest paying job offered without exploring the internal chemistry of the office and wound up getting hurt because the company didn't value you as an individual, then next time don't jump at the highest paying offer. Investigate how the company values its employees and let that information play a part in which offer you accept.
Some people believe in fate - that the "right" person or job is out there for them. And that's fine to believe. But it would be a shame to loose that person or job because you didn't let your heart heal properly from a previous injury. Or, it would be a shame to walk right by that "right" situation because you failed to learn from your previous self-destructive patterns - because the "right" person or the "right" job won't be one of the horses on the self-destructive merry-go- round.
I don't claim to have all the answers. I'm an actor, not a prophet. But I can share with you from my experiences and I like to think we can learn from everyone we encounter. If sharing my experiences can keep you from making the same mistakes, then it is a positive for both of us that I share that information with you. For, what goes around in life does come around and positive energy breeds positive energy. We reap the benefits from the community of what we put into it.
As always you are my inspiration and my family. I am your fan.
Peace, Love, Trust
rikki lee travolta
Review other RLT commentary
It's All Relative
Stand Against Racism
Writing About Life
Crazy Pants Travolta
Gregory Hines
Everwood
Book Excerpt: Bus Fare
Learning to Stand
A Time of War
Country Charm
Talking Frankly About Family (& Christmas)
My Fractured Life
Forever Love
Good and Evil
Man Behind the Wheel
The Little Engine that Could: A Memorial
Perceptions of Perfection
Personal Decisions
Responsibility in Communication
You Done Good
Duality of Man
Evolution of a Hero
Reason to Quit - Stop Smoking
Beware of Stalkers
Dare to Dream
Do The Right Thing
Dealing with Abuse
Mother's Day
Right to Choose
Support the Cause
Just Try
Virtue of One
Martin Luther King Jr
Free Form Jazz
Creating the News
Great Expectations
Story of a Life
Acting 101
Why I Cried
Personal Values vs. Monetary Value
Broken Hearts
Dignity over Jealousy
Community Responsibility
Life, Honesty, and Integrity
Drug Withdrawal
Christmas Spirit
Rikki Lee Travolta's debut album!
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