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Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?
I tend to lean toward not loving at all means not hurting. After all, you cannot miss what you never had, and you cannot be hurt if you dont take the plunge. I would love to be wrong, please convince me I am wrong.

Answer by brigit on 7.16.00 6:50 PM
the capacity to love is part of what makes us human.
the willingness to love, despite the dangers of opening your self, is what fulfills our humanity.

love is what made us, and what we are made for.

remember, losing is not always part and parcel of loving. some few love and never lose.

personally, i believe that every time my heart is broken, it grows as it heals, so that i become ever more capable of loving...

just to love, to reveal one's self, to surrender everything to the beloved, is painful. embrace that pain; it means that you are growing, evolving, becoming truly human.

be not afraid of Love: it is the stuff of which you are made....

I am a man of sorrow, acquainted with pain....
What would you say to comfort me, to ease the burdens that weigh so heavily on my mind? It doesn't matter what those specific burdens are; how would you comfort someone who seems troubled?

Answer by brigit on 7.10.00 6:58 PM
i would give you a lovely journal, bound in black velvet, and a fine pen with which to fill it...

i would bring you a copy of Yeats, a copy of Whitman, a copy of Eliot, a copy of Sarton... all fine poets with whom to weep.

i would play music for you... Debussy, perhaps... or Phantom...

and i should take you into my arms, whose reach is very long, and pull your head to my breast.
stroking your brow, murmuring into your ear, my tears would join yours...

and that salt rain would cleanse you, and nourish you, and you would know that you are not alone

pc bleeding liberal by brigit on 5.18.00 7:53 PM

let me be clear. i am a bona fide, dyed-in-the-wool, unreconstructed, unrepentant, bleeding heart liberal. o, yes indeed.

i do not know how the term "politically correct" slipped into the american lexicon, but i suspect it did so via rush limbaugh's reign a while back. in general, this term is used meanly or spitefully, to describe a person with whom one disagrees.

i do not call african americans "niggers".
i do not call latinos "spics".
i do not call jewish people "kikes".
i do not call iranians, iraqis, kuwaitis, or arabs "camel jockeys" or "towel heads".
i do not call feminists "feminazis".
i do not call people with disabilities "gimps" or "cripples".
i do not call women "bitches" or "hos".
i do not call men "pricks" or "dickheads".
i do not call catholics "mackeral snappers".
i do not call britons "limeys".
i do not call irish persons or irish americans "micks".
i do not call italians "wops".

etc., etc.

i believe that there should be equal pay for equal work.

i believe in the "americans with disabilities act".

i believe that gays and lesbians should be allowed to marry.

i believe in "mainstreaming" students with disabilities into regular classrooms.

i believe in strict, all-encompassing gun control.

i believe that we should enact equal opportunity laws protecting the rights of "overweight" americans.

i could go on, but i am confident that i have made my point.

call me a pc bleeding heart liberal if you like. i am accustomed to it.
better a heart that bleeds than one made of stone.

Self Awareness- human and animal by brigit on 10.18.99 6:39 PM

i have attempted to answer this question but my answer has been deleted, twice, now, i think...

the question starts off: certain animals are self-aware, while certain humans are not-

the asker requests logical answers only, but states that we must first accept his/her premise; that some animals are self-aware, like chimps and the great apes, while some humans are not self-aware, i.e. those in vegetative states, deep coma, AND THOSE BORN WITH PROFOUND DISABILITY AS REGARDS COGNITION...

there is further discussion, unclear to me, about "rights" which should be accorded to those animals which exhibit self-awareness, and denied to certain humans which do not...

first, i have to say that when one starts with a false premise, one ends with a faulty conclusion, and the asker is demanding we accept his/her premise and go from there. if we cannot question the premise, what sort of intelligent discourse can we have?

now, on to my primary objection...

i work every day, EVERY DAY, with those who a few years ago were considered ineducable, dismissed as idiots, even considered a waste of resources to keep alive...
and i tell you that no one, NO ONE in this world can judge what these people can understand, what they think, what they feel... no eeg is proof, no mri, no test that we have is sufficient to the task of measuring human self-awareness!!!

make no mistake, i detest the inhumane treatment of animals, i object to animal testing, and i believe that we may be inferior in many respects to other intelligent species on this planet.

but when we begin to talk about which persons "deserve" human rights and which ones do not...

have we forgotten the lessons of history so quickly? how can we begin to consider taking away human rights from those some deem unworthy?



Who is responsible for your happiness?

Answer by Lawboy on 7.10.00 5:23 PM
I am responsible for my own. No one makes me mad, glad or sad, is the expression for it. I react to situations, and my reactions are my choice, based upon my life at that time.

Answer by LonaHawk on 7.10.00 5:41 PM
I am. I think that if you aren't open to being happy, you will never be happy. If you allow yourself to be happy, you will be happy. If you wallow in your shortcomings or in whatever bad luck may have come to you, then you will be unhappy. There are many unhappy people out there who are very fortunate. Also, there are many happy people out there who, by all popular ideals, have unlucky lives. It all depends on what you want, what you value and what you give.

Answer by brigit on 7.10.00 6:03 PM
i am the sole author of my happiness, or my misery, for that matter.
in large part because every decision i have ever made, every act i have ever commited, and every choice i have ever selected has brought me to this pass...
there are junctures in my life every day... and, depending upon how i think (or fail to), and the direction i take, my life will continue to unfold.

of course, i also have the choice in any given moment to respond to any stimulus in the way i consciously choose... as so many have previously stated.
if only i could truly learn to do that...

I am not Jesus, yet here I am nailed to the cross. Why do you torment me so?

Answer by Tehuti on 6.10.00 3:00 AM
Because I see so little in myself that I can like, that I must take it out on you. Chances are you are guilty of nothing. I too was guilty of nothing...until I let my anger and frustration get away with me. The moment I decided to torment you was the moment I was no longer innocent. That was the moment I let my pettiness overtake me...and I could see no way to escape it, other than to project it onto you.

I was unfortunate to let my anger take me over. You were even more unfortunate to be there when it happened.

Answer by brigit on 6.11.00 12:57 PM
never, never would i have chosen to torment you.
but the flaws in my nature are myriad, and grieveous; as are those in yours. struggle or cease from strife, it makes little difference in the end.

isn't that what we creatures of clay do best?

Stop. Put yourself in a poetic frame of mind for a moment.
While you sit staring at the ocean, marveling at its beauty, grandeur, cruelty and vastness, does it bother you that the ocean thinks nothing?

Answer by Tehuti on 6.4.00 1:58 AM
The cool languid ocean is so like a symphony:
The violin drone of the waves against rock;
The sound of the flute through the cold cavern entrance;
The tambourine tap at the legs of the dock.

The cold angry ocean is so like a fury:
The thunder of waves as they crash on the shore;
The scream of the wind through the cold midnight caverns;
The shattering ships and the wail and the roar.

The warm peaceful ocean is so like a comfort:
Bluish-green wavelets all crested with foam;
The lilt of the wind through the cool spacious caverns;
Swift gentle currents to find my way home.

Truly, does it matter that the ocean thinks nothing? Often, the most beautiful things are those that are not burdened by thought. ;

Answer by brigit on 6.4.00 2:24 AM
i stand in the hiss and blur
of inexorably beating waves.
mother ocean sings
as she pushes at me,
cajoling, exhorting,
beckoning me to return.
i feel her mighty pulse;
i hear her mournful cry.
i feel the eternal
sweep of her thoughts.
i am made from seawater,
and she whispers to me
remember, remember...

does she think nothing? i cannot believe so. i have lived near her, and her thoughts invaded my dreams...

an answer by brigit on 5.10.00 12:07 AM

one may most definitely be in love with more than one person at a time. many responses have said that you cannot do justice to both in such a situation; i believe that this thinking comes from the way we are trained in western society, and has much more to do with cultural values than with reality.

i believe that as long as one is not attempting to deceive either (or both) parties, then there is no reason why such an arrangement cannot work.

i just do not believe that love is, by its nature, exclusive. i believe that love should flow through one, and if one attempts to "dam it up" in one place, then that flow is disrupted, and eventually ceases.

without revealing too much, i discovered long ago that i am not monoandrous (only one man, or husband), and the men in my life have had to understand this and come to terms with it, or forego the relationship...

note* to date, i have never lost a relationship i wanted to keep because of my unflinching stance.

"Swallowing" question...
Men: Why is it so important to you if a woman swallows or not?
Does it REALLY matter if she spits it out? Does it really feel better? How?

Women: Does it bug you that men always want you to do this?

Answer by darklao on 5.1.00 5:36 AM
Male, 24.
It isn't. You assume too much.
Really matter?
No. Of course not.
Feel better?
Only psychologically, if at all.
Imagine if a man was performing cunnilingus and afterward started licking the sheets to get your taste out of his mouth--or ran directly to the bathroom to wash his mouth out. It wouldn't be an action designed to make you feel good about yourself, would it?

For the record, I've never asked, coerced, or complained to get a woman to swallow. I know what it tastes like. I don't blame them. But at the same time I have no patience for any woman who isn't as understanding when it comes to her own taste. No double standards.

Answer by brigit on 5.1.00 9:52 AM
i always swallow.
it has very rarely been a problem for me; i love going down on my lover(s) and enjoy it tremendously when he reaches orgasm and offers up the essence of himself for my delectation...

for me, to have a man i love voluntarily give me so much control, to trust me enough to allow me to love him with my mouth and hands, lips and tongue, is pure joy, and when the moment of crisis is upon him, i would no sooner reject that honey, that elixer formed in the depths of his beloved body that i would reject him...

i always find myself intoxicated, elated, sated, after i have drunk from that beautiful source...

How would you describe what it feels like to make love?
While making love, do you ever feel like you are in a place with no name, no time, no worries? Like you're in a fairy tale or something? With beautiful, undescribable thoughts fleeting through your mind?

Answer by brigit on 1.20.00 12:22 AM
i have to tell you that sometimes, even with both eyes wide open, i cannot really see my lover...
it is not easy to describe; but to say that i feel that we are somewhere else, outside of time, is not off the mark.
i have even cried out in languages i do not (now) know, nor remember...
i have had, at and immediately after the moment(s) of orgasm, visions; hallucinations, if you will, and sometimes i can bring bits of what i see back with me...

i have longed to be able to share that with a lover, but so far, i really never have. i understand that a lover would have to be very special, very sensitive, to be able to enter that (place? time? kingdom?) with me...

sometimes i am beneath green waters, and sometimes wrapped in clouds of crimson foam, and sometimes i am a net that my lover dips into the air or the fire, to catch what he wishes to find there...

it is like being a living flame, a drop of dew touched by the first light of the last world...

sometimes it is what i know the butterfly feels, breaking from the long sleep of metamorphosis...

it is like a clean, endless sweep of wind across the unseen troubles of the sea...

 Answer by cyndy10 on 1.20.00 9:33 AM
The Land of Oz

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