FLC: Conspiracy Theories

We know Skills is a fan of conspiracy theories so how ‘bout these for ya:

The FLC-Kylie Theory

Now, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what is going on here, but let's take a look at the evidence.
FLC's Loco tour coincides with Kylie's Light Years tour in several venues. In fact lots of cities will be host to the Crims and Kylie simultaneously:


01/03/01 Dublin Olympia
02/03/01 Dublin Olympia
03/03/01 Dublin Olympia
05/03/01 Glasgow Barrowlands
06/03/01 Glasgow Barrowlands
07/03/01 Edinburgh Corn Exchange
08/03/01 Carlisle Sands
09/03/01 Sheffield City Hall
11/03/01 York Barbican
12/03/01 Manchester Apollo
14/03/01 Leicester De Montfort Hall
15/03/01 Wolverhampton Civic Hall
17/03/01 Cambridge Corn Exchange
18/03/01 London Ocean
19/03/01 London Ocean
20/03/01 London Ocean
23/03/01 Reading Rivermead Centre
24/03/01 Newport Centre
25/03/01 Bournemouth International
26/03/01 Plymouth Pavilions


01/03/01 Dublin RDS Main Hall
03/03/01 Glasgow Armadillo
04/03/01 Glasgow Armadillo
05/03/01 Glasgow Armadillo
08/03/01 Manchester Apollo
09/03/01 Manchester Apollo
10/03/01 Manchester Apollo
13/03/01 Brighton Centre
14/03/01 Cardiff International Arena
15/03/01 Bournemouth International Centre
17/03/01 London Hammersmith Apollo
18/03/01 London Hammersmith Apollo
19/03/01 London Hammersmith Apollo
20/03/01 London Hammersmith Apollo
25/03/01 Berlin, Germany
26/03/01 Hamburg, Germany

Out of 26 dates, there are a possible 17 where FLC and Kylie could hang out together. Too many to be coincidence I reckon. Because Kylie announced her dates first, FLC will have been able to fit their tour around hers. We all saw TFI - Huey and Kylie were looking to be getting on well together... Plus, I have it on good authority that Mackie admitted that FLC were going to hang with Kylie in Glasgow. Not sure what the angle is here, cos Kylie is allegedly attached, as is Huey, Fast is a Dannii-man and he's too tall for her, which leaves Mackie. What is that little poppet up to?
Any more evidence? Mail me

The FLC-Vampire Theory

Ok, so now you're like what the... ?!?!? Let me explain. Granted, me and my friend were a bit woohoo when we cooked up this one, but that doesn't mean that the theory is woohoo too. Yes, it is a little bit out there, but everyone needs madness in their life!
So, the theory is FLC are vampires. Think about it. Why else would Huey have that fondness for retro-clothing? Noone alive would be seen in those pimp-shoes (except maybe Kid Creole but then who says he's not one of the undead masses as well?). Why was Fast's hand so cold? Why do they like hanging out in the dark? Steve went to Peru hey? Or he got dusted!!! Talking of disappearances, Saffron #shivers# breaks up with Fast, and then is never seen again...eaten! Calamucho or whatever it was called - same colour as blood - YES! FLC live in New York, yet they're whiter than white in the tan dept! Something is up!
One problem with this theory. There is pictorial evidence of FLC in daylight. Hmm. I can only presume that they have access to the Gem of Amara which renders a vampire invincible.
UPDATE 20/01/01: It seems I have stumbled on something here. I was searching for info on Mackie and look what I found. From VampireTales.com:
September 22, 1999
Youth Engine Records, comprised of producer/engineers Chris Collins and Greg Forsberg, is creating Vampire's modern day music. This San Francisco-based duo specializes in dark, hard, electronic music, as well as all styles of dance music. They are best known in the San Francisco club scene, and are currently producing and engineering a project involving artists Chucky Doom, Mackie (Bad Brains, Fun Lovin' Criminals) and Chris Traynor (Helmet, Orange 9mm). More information about Youth Engine can be found at youthengine@cwix.com. Vampire: The Masquerade Redemption will be available this winter.
Source: Ga-source.com
Not entirely sure about all this yet; I am conducting research. Vampire is 'a popular role-play computer game'. I don't know if Mackie worked on the soundtrack or what. More when I get it.
UPDATE 04/02/01: FLC have just been on Popworld. Not in itself evidence of vampiric activity. But, consider that when the crew visited the boys to conduct the interview, during the day, the boys were asleep. And that throughout the interview, the curtains were kept closed. Avoiding sunlight? Only going out at night? Vampires, I tell you, vampires!
Any more evidence? Mail me

The FLC-5ive Theory

So we know a bit about this already. Huey wanted to organise a fight between 5ive and Westlife. Ok, nice soundbite, everybody's happy.
So then a coupla days later, 5ive are drinking in a bar in Dublin (though not Huey's), someone heckles them, saying Westlife are better and before you know it, Huey's man J is bailed to appear in court on charges of breach of the peace and assault. FLC been giving some tips huh?! (see Fast vs bloke from Underworld, Huey vs bloke from Blur, Steve O vs the police, Huey vs the police...) 5ive practising for the secret fight vs Westlife to be held at Huey's bar (I made that up!)??!?!?
Any more evidence? Mail me

The FLC - Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Theory

Thanks to Lucy for this one.

It appears that the people who write the questions for Millionaire are fellow FLC fans. I don't watch the show (because it drives me up the wall), but I have been reliably informed by Lucy that several of the recently featured questions on the UK edition of the show have borne a remarkable similarity to FLC lyrics:

Ok so it’s a bit dubious, but apparently there was a question about Miller on last week.
Any more evidence? Mail me

The FLC-Monkey Conspiracy Theory

Not THAT monkey – I mean the animals!
The monkey conspiracy theory has three main angles. We’ll kick off with the ‘Monkey Island’ connection. For those of you who don’t know, the Monkey Island Trilogy are computer games revolving around Guybrush Threepwood’s (a blond himbo pirate) attempts to woo his lady, Governor Elaine Marley and kill the evil ghost pirate LeChuck, rival for her affections. (But let’s face it, would you marry a dead pirate with halitosis and a saliva retention problem? Guybrush would win hands down apart from his complete ineptitude at anything remotely pirate-like. LeChuck doesn’t appear to realise this though.) Anyway, the monkey noises that appear right at the beginning of the Loco video, are almost exactly the same as those which appear in the SFX on Monkey Island. ‘Aah, a monkey’s a monkey!’ I hear the sceptics among you cry. But wait. That isn’t it. What about the whole pirate thing? And the new FLC Film ‘Swashbucklin’ in Brooklyn’ - about a pirate? (Granted, some inspiration for that was probably taken from ‘A Confederacy of Dunces’, see FAQ.) Also, Monkey Island is made by LucasArts, so there’s a StarWars connection in there, linking it (kinda) to Fast. Oh and Guybrush Threepwood charters a boat, sailing the seas. The Crims lounged around on a boat with half-naked Aussie girls. In Monkey Island 3, Guybrush plays a banjo, which I’m sure Fast could play.
The second angle is George of the Jungle. This is NOT Fast’s favourite film. However, the jungle aspect of Loco with the drums while the boys are in Shine, and the monkey noises…Hello!?! Very similar to the George of the Jungle theme tune, which was on Fast’s November radio show. (If you want an even more tenous link, try this: John Cleese played ‘Ape’ in GOTJ, and was also one of the Monty Python crew, who did a song called…The Brian Song! VERY tenous.).
The third degree of monkey is the Bloodhound Gang. Y’know in the video, The Bad Touch, where they dress up as monkeys? Well, Huey’s had his picture taken with Jimmy Pop of the Bloodhound Gang.


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