FLC Inspired Madness

This is a section dedicated to FLC madness. If you have a FLC - Mad story then mail it to the usual address. Here are some totally mental ones sent to me by Ray to get you thinkin about your psycho-FLC encounters.

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The other thing happened not long ago. Me and H happen to be Star Wars fans from way back, then we found out, to our amusement that Fast was a fellow obsessive (I hear he not only has the full stormtrooper outfit, but he wears it regularly!). So at Bridlington Spa December '99 we decided that we had to give Fast a bit of a Christmas prezzie! A while earlier my mum, (she'd forgiven me by then), bought me a revolving Star Wars toothbrush holder from Safeway. (It’s hard to describe, u suction it to your bathroom wall, remove the toothbrush then spin the little naboo starfighters round, (wind them up) and watch them spin as u brush your teeth.) I had this thing for a while, still in its packaging, wondering what to do with it. Then H suggested chucking it at Fast at the gig! So we thought, “Why not? Getting thrown out is always amusing!” So I wrapped it up in my Star Wars wrapping paper, and off we went to Brid (this time I drove and my mum was away so no danger like Hull this time, I was careful). They played all the favourites (plus a hugely rockin Coney Island girl). I had to protect the damn thing in my bag for most of the gig, cling to the railing whilst every crowd surfer in creation kicked us in the head, (I’m sure we spent a third of the time with security men’s groins in our faces as they pulled the crowdsurfers over!) I gave it to H, she picked the perfect moment between songs took aim and lobbed it (distance to be covered all of....oooooohh...... 3m at most) well the security men didn't see it at least but it had to be the worst throw ever! The present sailed through the air for an age then of course it hit the top of Fast’s monitor!!!!!! At this point we were following it with our eyes in comedy anticipation. For what seemed like ages it teetered on the top, would it fall on his side, or ours????!!!!! Well...........of course it toppled back towards us. By now we were staring at each other in comedy mock horror stylee. That’s it we thought............but as it happens..............our hero had spotted the mystery projectile and clambered over the monitor to retrieve his prize, he opened it then and there on the stage, with Huey going "What’s that? What the hell r u doing?...." He gave us a very polite thank you like the lovely bloke that he is (probably, not that I know him). By now Hannah and I were just smiling in a mildly embarrassed manner. The show rocked, the encore was cool and at the end, off walked Fast with his new Star Wars toothbrush, he said “Thank you!” again. The best part was that after that, everytime he saw some nutter crowdsurf over our heads, he blew us a kiss. Now isn't that just sweet!

So I’ve never met the boys, but that is my new claim to fame (for some reason no-one I know seems to know what I’m talking about?!)

Still H and I were curious about this, did he keep the toothbrush, does he use it? Or did he bin it? Not that we care either way just curious so we wrote to him, (well we sent him a questionnaire!) and a few photos. I reckon the guy has a sense of humour don't you. We wrote about a week ago so I’ll keep you informed if he replies!

And here’s the letter!!

*******address********
Fast (Brian!)
Major music
811 Peck Slip Station
New York

Dear Fast,
We are associates of the British Dental Association making enquiries about the availability of 'Star Wars' toothbrushes in the greater Brooklyn area. We have been led to believe you are in possession of such an item. Please could you spare a few moments of your precious time to complete this short survey (it would be greatly appreciated!)

Please choose only ONE of the options below:

I AQUIRED MY STAR WARS TOOTHBRUSH WHEN………………
O my old one wore out I simply purchased another.
O some Jedi knights delivered it to my door.
O some crazy random girls threw it at me when I was on stage.
O none of the above!
If you ticked the latter please state your reasons here;
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________

MY STAR WARS TOOTHBRUSH IS NOW………………
O still in its original packaging of course.
O suctioned to a surface in my bathroom and used religiously.
O in a bin backstage at Bridlington spa hall, UK.
O in the possession of Mackie (who used to drum for Charles +Eddie?!!!)
QUALITY OF THE PRODUCT (please ring the word you feel most applicable.)

Ease of use:
O Crap
O a bit crap
O ok
O rockin'
O Schmoove!
Entertainment Factor:
O Crap
O a bit crap
O ok
O rockin'
O Schmoove!
Ability to fight plaque and decay:
O Crap
O a bit crap
O ok
O rockin'
O Schmoove!
Life span of bristles:!
O Crap
O a bit crap
O ok
O rockin'
O Schmoove!
Comfort/Grip(!):
O Crap
O a bit crap
O ok
O rockin'
O Schmoove!
PTO

YOUR FAVOURITE ASPECT OF THE APPLIANCE

O the beautifully crafted sleek black (darth vader-stylee) plastic handle in startling contrast to the scarlet red bristles.
O the elegant yellow 'go-faster' stripes on the naboo n1 starfighters whirling majestically on the holder allowing just the right amount of time with which to reach the crevices other toothbrushes fail to reach(!)
O the ease of movement with which the bristles glide over the teeth.
O taste.
O it matches any good stormtrooper outfit.
O None of the above cos my sink is blocked with pebbles!!

We are thinking of expanding our range into Star Wars tooth paste.
Please state which of these flavours you would be most interested in buying:

O Mint.
O Minty-Mint.
O Not-so-minty-mint (in fact not minty at all mint.)
O Banana custard.
O Yoda.
O Chewbacca.
O Hemp. (well if the body shop do it……….)

We are also seriously considering expanding our business to the U.S. Would you consider becoming a representative of a 'door to door' sales team selling brands such as these?

O Yes, I would be very interested!
O No, thank you all the same! (respectfully and politely of course.)
If you answered yes to the above question please list some qualities which you possess and feel would benefit our happy team:
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________

Please send your CV and personal measurements to:
*******address*******
We have a final question;
Ok, so you, like, have the knowledge that you will be, sometime in the near future, stuck on a desert island, perhaps due to some freak storm or other weather-related problem. List 10 essential items that you would take with you and the reasons why? Would your star wars tooth brush and holder be one of them?!!
1. Item-
Reasons-

2. Item-
Reasons-

3. Item-
Reasons-

4. Item-
Reasons-

5. Item-
Reasons-

6. Item-
Reasons-

7. Item-
Reasons-

8. Item-
Reasons-

9. Item-
Reasons-

10. Item-
Reasons-

We would be very grateful if you could complete the survey and return it to us at the address given at the head of the letter. Please feel free to browse through the catalogue enclosed and take advantage of our free gift promotion!!!
If you have any questions, or surveys of your own that you need filling in, or have any merchandise of the FLC variety (photos, videos, T-shirts, tickets, autographed/not autographed etc.) that is cluttering up your desk/closet/bathroom or perhaps a spare stormtrooper outfit or two we would be only too happy to assist you.
Yours

Rae and H
Customer Relations officers (for a totally false company that has infringed copyright on numerous occasions during this letter.)