If you expect anything on this page to make sense, you're in the wrong place! Most of the stuff here will fit into the silly and just plain stupid categories. I'll add to this page over time.
I think if I had no eyelids that I would insist that everyone call me Blinky. It would be pretty funny since I wouldn't be capable of blinking. And if people picked up on the irony of it on their own, I'd wink at them. Except of course, I couldn't really.
I like buying lottery tickets using the numbers from the previous draw. Then I go back and check my numbers and I win the lottery every time. Then I get all excited and start dancing around until I remember my ticket's only good for the next draw. That really sucks.
I keep telling kids that it's not polite to laugh at people with plates in their heads. Then I stick another refrigerator magnet to my head and they can't help themselves.
I can understand being afraid of the dark. Although you're not really afraid of the lack of colour, but what might be lurking unseen in the darkness. But now with the depletion of the ozone layer, we must be wary of the light and especially rays of light we can't see that emit from the sun. Well, I have a solution to the ultraviolet ray problem. If we stick a series of prisms in our atmosphere and have the UV light refract through them to mix with the correct combination of green and red light that we can shine down and refract through separate prisms, having them merge to form a series of pink rays, no one will ever be struck by an ultraviolet ray again. And if somehow, these new pink rays turned out to be fatal, well...we'd pretty much be wusses and deserve to die, right? I mean, pink rays? Come on!
Some people joke about ebonics, but really, African American vernacular English is not a laughing matter and could lead to miscommunication between races...perhaps with fatal consequences. Don't believe me? Well, let's say Lizzy Borden had been talking to a black friend and during the course of the conversation the friend suggested that Lizzy consult her parents on a given matter. But of course, instead of, "Why don't you ask your parents?", it's expressed as, "Why don' ya ax yo' parents, ya know das right?!" And the rest, my friends, is history.
You know how nurses go around schools checking for nits and lice? They use these long sticks to comb through the kids' hair. They're kind of reminiscent of chopsticks, which the Chinese use to eat their staple food, rice. Rice grains themselves are small, not unlike lice, and the two are similar in shape. Come to think of it, the Chinese have an awful time pronouncing the letter "r" when speaking English, and it ends up being pronounced as an "l", making a word such as...ummm...let's say rice sound like lice. Just something to think about the next time you reach in the cupboard for a box of Uncle Ben's. I mean, there are other sources of carbohydrates, protein, fiber and vitamin E, you know?
You know, not once have I seen an elephant while visiting an art gallery. I'm not referring to paintings and sculptures. I mean actual elephants. This only leads me to the conclusion that elephants just aren't patrons of the arts. Either that, or the doors aren't big enough for them to get in. I bet most architects don't even take that into consideration when building galleries. In this age where it's politically correct and even mandated by law to provide accessibility for one and all, they really have no excuse.
You know, come to think of it, I don't recall ever seeing an elephant in a place of worship. Stupid atheist elephants. Screw them! Let them build their own art galleries.
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